The Guardian
by Laufeyson'sWife
Summary: While Commander Shepard was off saving the galaxy, there was a grieving wife back at home, mourning the loss of her beloved spectre. While she deals with the loss of her husband and bondmate, Natasha is assigned a body guard, to stop any attempt to harm her in the midst of chaos. Rated M for language, violence and adult situations
1. Chapter 1

Natasha Kryik walked down the long bridge way of the Citadel, looking up at the shuttles that flew by rapidly for a brief moment. She held her package in one arm, her other hand freely dangling by her side. She smiled at the nice weather of the day, waving to one of her friends as she walked by. She made her way to her apartment front, smiling at the asari in the booth as she showed her the ID.

"Nice to see you, as always Mrs. Kryik."  
"Thank you Myri." Natasha said, smiling back.  
"How has your day been?" Myri asked, handing Natasha her ID.  
"It's been alright. I went and bought my fish tank finally. I think I can handle it… I hope."  
"I think you'll do just fine with pets." Natasha smiled, laughing with the asari for a moment. "Anyways, I think you'll find that your day might just be better once you go upstairs."

Natasha gave her a questioning look, but the asari put her blue fingers to her lips and pretended to lock them shut. Natasha shook her head, walking up the stairs now, her feet moving quickly to get to her apartment. She swiped her ID on the door to her house, the door turning green and allowing her access. She opened it slowly, peeking inside. She didn't see anything out of the usual, shutting the door behind her as she walked over to the table in her dining room. She sat the box down, smiling as she looked down at it. She sighed, knowing she'd been putting off this kind of thing for a long time. She had been used to being alone, and it was hard just taking care of herself at times. Sure, she had the money. The credit's the council gave her from her husband's job was more than enough to keep her alive and give her anything she wanted. The silence, though, that filled her apartment was hard to handle. It was difficult to live alone, to live everyday not knowing when she'd see or hear from her husband again. She had talked herself up to this, though, committing to a pet that she could care for. It would take her mind off of things, even if it was a small aquatic thing that barely required maintenance.

She peeled the tape back on the box, biting down on her lip as the box opened, Natasha peeking inside to see the glass. She smiled again as she carefully pulled it out, admiring the shape of the bowl. It was just a bowl, no life inside of it yet, but it was a start. She had to keep herself occupied, keep herself busy. She put it down on the table before putting her hands on her hips, wondering where she'd put it. She had to find the perfect spot. She looked up, the large window in her dining room giving her a wonderful view of the presidium. She smiled, walking over to it to look down at the gardens. It was perfect to her. The view was gorgeous. It had taken some time to get used to the new apartment. After her husband had been moved into active missions as a spectre, the council had offered them the best apartments on the Citadel. Natasha loved it, but it was new, and it took some time to get used to, especially when she was alone.

She hung her head, sighing heavily before hearing someone behind her. She knew there was a gun in her room, under her pillow. Her husband had taught her how to protect herself, to fight hand to hand and how to handle a gun. She could protect herself. Before she could even turn, though, hands were on her shoulders gently, kisses on her neck. She smiled as she turned, wrapping her arms around her husband tightly. She tried holding back the tears, but they fell anyways. He let her hold him, taking in the scent of her hair, running his talons down her back lovingly until she loosened her grip on him. Her eyes met his, her lips pressing to his mouth as her hands ran over his mandibles.

"Nihlus." she breathed as she rested her forehead to his. "You're home."

He pulled his head from hers, keeping his arms around her waist.

"I am." he said.  
"The mission? Is it over?" she asked.  
"No… It's not over."

Something inside of her cut at her heart, though she knew his work would never really be over until he left the council's employment. She ran her fingers over his chest, looking down at them as they did so.

"How long will you be here?"  
"A week, maybe a little longer."

She nodded, trying to hold back her tears again, knowing this time they weren't tears of joy. All she could do was hug him again, telling herself everything would be alright. After a few more moments of silence, she let go, backing out of his arms now. She smiled slightly.

"I bought a fishbowl." she said.

His mandibles twitched into a smile.

"I saw that." he replied, turning to the table. He picked up the bowl gingerly.  
"You should help me pick up some fish tomorrow. We could pick them out together."

He put his arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He kissed her lovingly.

"If it'll make you happy, I'll gladly do it."

She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. She loved him, more than life itself. She remembered what it was like for them when their relationship went public. People were skeptic at first, a turian and a human wanting to promote their coupling. They had no legal ramifications though, and after seeing it around, people didn't care as much. It was new, but it wasn't bad. Others were actually inspired to come around with their own relationships, other species becoming unafraid to look into other species for their intimate lives.

Natasha looked up at him, giving him a small smile. He returned the look, grabbing her hands in his and walking her over to the couch. He sat before her, letting her have access to his mouth as she straddled his hips, her hands on his face, her tongue tasting his. It felt so right, like such a perfect fit, to kiss him, to love him. It felt like nothing would ever be better, like her world would never get as good as this. He ran his talons through her hair slowly, making her deepen the kiss. It was difficult for her to take things slow, to enjoy and savor her time with him. He forced her to take it slow, stopping her whenever she reached to take his shirt off. It grew into a teasing game quickly, and Natasha wouldn't win. She would always give in to him, to his wishes. She was his, and he was hers.

Nothing could break them apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I just wanted to clarify, I know some of the time slots are off, and this IS intentional. I'm not going strictly by the game's time frame. Just so you guys know. (:**

**Thanks for reading, please enjoy!**

* * *

Natasha's eyes fluttered open the next morning, feeling rested for the first time in months. She rolled to her back to stretch, feeling the sting on her skin. She ran her fingers over her hip, scabbed gashes marking her. There was blood on the sheets. She looked over to Nihlus, smiling as she saw the rise and fall of his chest. She didn't want to wake him, scooting herself quietly to the edge of their bed. When her feet hit the ground, he stirred.

"Where are you going?" he mumbled.  
"Do you know what time it is?" she asked, looking at the clock.

He sat up, looking over at her. He smirked, taking in the sight of her naked skin.

"If you get back in this bed, I can make it worth your while." he told her.

She shook her head, walking into the bathroom.

"I'm taking a shower. You should come with me when I leave today."  
"Where to?" he asked.  
"To get the fish, remember?" she replied. "We could go for a walk too."  
"Do you ever just enjoy a day in the house?"

She appeared at the doorway of the bathroom, leaning on it with her arms crossed. She shrugged at him.

"It's hard to stay in here all the time."

Nihlus got out of the bed, walking over to her slowly. She sighed as he put his hands on her shoulders, running his talons down her arms lightly.

"Look…" he said. "I know it's not easy. It's just as hard for me to be gone for as long as I am. After this is over, though… I promise I'll resign."

The words made her heart leap, but she shook her head.

"This is why I love you Nihlus…" she said, rubbing her hands on his plated chest. "You can't just quit. You're a spectre, you are important. Do you think the councilors can just say they're quitting and walk away that easy?"  
"This is my choice, Nat. I don't have to do anything. It's my fault you're alone all the time and I hate it. I want something safer, for you."

Natasha shook her head again, biting her lip. She pulled him into a hug.

"Don't do that." she told him. "You love this job, and I love you. I'm fine."

The steam from the shower was starting to roll out of the bathroom. Natasha glanced back for a moment, then smiled at him playfully. She grabbed his hand, leading him in before shutting the door.

* * *

Garrus Vakarian walked along the presidium, looking out for his captain. Anger flooded his body, fists bunched at his sides. Executor Pallin was speaking with another detective when Garrus reached him.

"Ah, Vakarian. Need something?"  
"I have evidence." he simply said, exchanging the data he had to Pallin's Omni tool.  
"This again?"  
"Sir, Saren has gone rogue, there's no way you can't see that."

Pallin was silent for a moment, looking at the device on his arm. Then, he closed it.

"I'm taking you off this case." he told Garrus.  
"What?!"  
"Drop it, it's over."

Garrus was hardly able to take in a breath before he was approached by him, the Anderson's most favorited comrade.

"Commander Shepard, Garrus Vakarian. I'm an officer at C-Sec. I hope you have something good against Saren."  
"You're trying to take him down too?" the commander asked.  
"Trying, but not succeeding. Good luck, commander. Maybe they'll listen to you."

Defeated, Garrus went back to C-Sec, knowing there was no way he'd be able to stay now. He couldn't just sit by while Saren was on the loose. If no one would believe him, he'd do it himself. Though, he hardly had the means to do so. When he got back to his office, he decided to get his papers finished on the case, reluctantly handing over his rights to investigate Saren further.

It wasn't easy for Garrus to lay down and take the beating, to just do what he was told. He never labeled himself as a good turian for that reason. He couldn't just take an order if it wasn't right in his mind. It made him so twitchy to sit at his desk and push papers for the day when he knew the council was in session to determine what to do about Saren, or if they needed to do anything at all. He believed that Shepard could convince them, there was no way he couldn't. Shepard was being considered for the spectres, his word had to count for something. Though, Garrus remembered when he was considered for the spectres and even though he refused the offer, they still didn't take his word. No one did.

His head in his hand as he stared down at a paper, Garrus didn't even hear the door open to his office. There was a knock and someone cleared their throat and he snapped his head up. He stood quickly at the sight of the turian councilor.

"Sir." he said, shaking his hand. "Can I do something for you?"  
"The council has granted spectre status to commander Shepard." he replied, his hand behind his back.

Garrus was not surprised, though he was happy to hear the news.

"That's great." he told him. "The first human, huh?"  
"We hope we've made the right decision for the galaxy."  
"If anyone can get a job done, sir, Anderson believes it's Shepard."  
"I'm surprised you aren't upset. I thought you'd still be interested in your own spectre training."  
"My answer is still no, sir."  
"Pushing papers suits you better, Vakarian?"  
"No, sir." he replied. "I mean…"

Garrus felt it unnecessary to justify his answer, even to the councilors. His answer was no, and that was that.

"I have a job for you."  
"Sir?"  
"Commander Shepard has been sent to Eden Prime, to see if he can find any news about the colonies that were attacked there."  
"You think there's relevant evidence left other than destroyed colonies?"  
"We think there are survivors, not to mention the squads we'd sent down. Shepard will recover anything needed there."  
"Yes sir."  
"We're sending Nihlus with him, to help train him on the job. He's the best spectre we have."

Garrus knew what the councilor was getting at, though he didn't object quite yet.

"His wife will be quite upset that he's leaving again so soon."  
"She should understand that it's for the good of the galaxy." the councilor replied. "Nihlus was reluctant to agree to the job so soon. That is where you come in, Vakarian."  
"Sir?"  
"I want you to keep an eye on his wife."  
"Why, sir?"  
"To make sure she's doing alright. It's a personal favor Nihlus asked of me, and I wouldn't tell him I would do it if I didn't think you were up to it."  
"I'm no therapist." Garrus said.  
"You don't have to talk to her. Just watch her from a distance. He doesn't want her to know she's being looked after, it'll worry her."

Garrus nodded.

"Yes sir."  
"She makes a pretty regular round on the presidium almost everyday. Pick up on her patterns and make it a habit of looking after her until Nihlus gets back."  
"I will, sir."  
"I'm counting on you Vakarian. Like I said, this was a personal request from Nihlus."  
"I understand. I won't let you down."

The councilor shook his hand again before nodding and turning to leave. Garrus sighed once his door was shut again. He hated the idea of having to watch over the woman, but anything was better than pushing papers.


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha gently sat the plate of food down on the table in her dining room, making sure it looked perfect before moving to the candles. She checked everything a few more times before deciding it looked good enough to her. She heard the door open and she rushed to her husband, kissing him before putting her hands over his eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "It smells good."  
"Walk forward." she said, guiding him into the dining room. When they were at the table, she uncovered his eyes. "Surprise!"

He smiled, turning to her with that loving look in his eyes.

"You shouldn't have done all of this." he said before bringing her up to him, kissing her tenderly.  
"I don't see any reason why not." she replied, sitting down at the table with him. She smiled as he smelled the food she'd cooked for him, obviously happy that she did it. "Your favorite."

He reached over, putting his hand on hers for a moment.

"I love you Natasha."  
"I love you too."

She could tell something was bothering him as he took the first bite of his food. It went away quickly as he enjoyed his time with her. She, however, couldn't bring herself to eat. After a few minutes of toying with the fork she had, Nihlus gave her a look.

"What's wrong?" he asked.  
"Nothing." she replied, smiling as best as she could.  
"There's something." he said, not believing her.

She felt her stomach burning, knowing she had to tell him. She didn't know what to say, although she'd practiced it in the mirror a million times. She took a deep breath, shaking her head at him when he asked her again what it was she was holding back. He sighed when she refused to tell him.

"Natasha…" he said. "I'm being sent out again."

Her head snapped up, her brow furrowed at the sound of his words. She groaned, putting her elbows on the table and rubbing her face.

"Why?" she said, her agitation showing now.  
"They want me to train Shepard."  
"Why?" she asked again.  
"I'm the best they've got, and he needs the hands-on."  
"How long will you be gone?"  
"Until the job is done." Natasha shook her head. He squeezed her hand. "I told you… After this, I'm done."

Natasha looked over at him, tears in her eyes. She shook her head again.

"You can't quit."  
"I will quit."  
"No, Nihlus. You can't… We're going to need the money." He looked at her questioningly, looking around the apartment as if he'd find something that was wrong with it. Her heart fluttered at the gesture, knowing he only wanted the best for her. It was just one more reason she loved him. She bit her lip and leaned in, kissing his mandible. She took a deep breath and smiled at him. "I'm pregnant."

Nihlus seemed to be taken aback, looking at her for a moment before saying anything. She waited anxiously for his response, unable to guess what was going through his head. He looked down at her hand, running his thumb over it gently before looking back up to her eyes.

"Are you sure?"  
"I took two at home tests and my doctor gave me a blood test, to be sure…"  
"You're…. We're having a baby?"

Natasha nodded as he stood, bringing her to her own feet to hug her. She couldn't help smiling. He looked down at her, dragging one of his talons across her cheek. He smiled.

"Now I definitely have to quit." he said, a low rumble starting in his chest. She smiled at the sound, loving what she recognized as a purr. It had been so long since she'd heard him do it. When he was home a month ago, he was there for two days. It wasn't long for him to enjoy being home and to have tender moments like this. "I'll tell the council I resign first thing tomorrow."

For a moment, Natasha was alright with that. She thought about how amazing it would be for him to be home all the time. She would need a lot of help with the baby when it came, not to mention the help she'd need just by being pregnant. She seriously considered how it would benefit her to agree to him resigning as a spectre. Then it sank into her mind just what was wrong with that. She was thinking of her benefit. Nihlus had never hesitated to put his own wishes before hers. He always made sure she was beyond happy with her life before he made himself happy. She knew being a spectre was something that made him happy, it was something he had worked hard to earn. He was one of the best and it took him a lot to get there.

She shook her head at him.

"No." she said. "Don't do that."  
"Nat, I want to. For you. For the baby."  
"Nihlus. For the past six years, you have done nothing but give me everything you had to give. All of this, the apartment. The money… You. You know how little I had when we met. It's like I've been living in some kind of… heaven. I love it. I love everything we have together, and I love you. I know what you had to do to get to this spot, and now you are going to resign just because of me?" She put her hands on his face, kissing him. "I can't let you do that."  
"You need me."  
"I need you to do something for yourself for once."  
"You are my bondmate, Natasha… I need to take care of you first."  
"You are my bondmante, Nihlus… I need to take care of you too."

She could tell Nihlus wanted to argue, but he nodded anyways.

"Fine." he told her. "I won't resign tomorrow. When I get back, though, when Shepard's training is over… I will quit, regardless of what you say. You need me Natasha… I need you… Both of you."

He put his hands on her stomach, looking down at them. He was clearly in deep thought, but Natasha made him look back up to her.

"I'm going to be alright."  
"What about… Complications? Did the doctor say anything about having special treatment?"  
"She said they'd watch me closely, so that they can catch anything if something comes up."  
"How will you give birth?"  
"They said there's no way it'll be natural."

Nihlus seemed worried, and Natasha felt it too. She knew how hard it would be, giving birth to a turian infant. Her human body wasn't built to grow something like that, but she wouldn't give up. She would do everything to keep her baby growing healthy. She didn't realize she'd grown silent. Nihlus put a talon under her chin, lifting it up to meet his gaze.

"We'll be alright." he told her.

She smiled, nodding.

"I know." she replied.

Nihlus looked back down at the table, letting her sit back down.

"We should eat." he said.  
"Now that I don't feel like I could throw up from nerves…" she laughed, picking up her fork again and poking her food with it.  
"You can always tell me anything." he said, his voice showing a level of concern.

She looked up at him.

"I know I can."  
"Did you think I'd be upset?"  
"No." she laughed. "No, I just… I didn't know how to say it or… I was nervous. It's a big step, in life. It's a big step together."  
"That's exactly why you shouldn't be afraid to tell me… We're together in this. Always."

He kissed her cheek, then went back to his food. She watched him for a moment, sighing before she went back to her own plate.

Their dinner was short-lived, quickly finishing it before they turned in for the night. Natasha laid out the sheets, having cleaned them during the day. Nihlus helped her make the bed before they laid down. Natasha let out a heavy sigh as she sank down into the soft bed. Her eyes closed, she could feel Nihlus watching her. She looked over at him, rolling her eyes after seeing the look he was giving her.

"Ya know, you really are needy since you've been back." she teased, her fingers tracing his mandible.  
"I leave tomorrow." he replied, nuzzling into her neck, his hot breath making her squirm slightly. "We should enjoy each other tonight."  
"We enjoyed each other last night."  
"Once." Natasha laughed at him, knowing he always had a way of talking her into it, even though there was never a part of her that didn't want it. His rough tongue licked at her neck, lighting a fire in her belly. She laid on her back, letting him tease her body as his talons softly traced up her curves. She tilted her head back, his tongue traveling down to her chest. He pulled at the tank top she was wearing. "You should take this off if you want it to remain in one piece."

That voice he used, how he had a way with words… It's what attracted her to him in the first place. He didn't treat her like some fragile human, but he wasn't mean. They were perfect together, a good match. The way he touched her, the way he protected her, they were just little factors as to why she loved him.

The fire in her stomach burned more and more as his mouth found it's way to one of her nipples, the other breast cupped in his hand. Her heart rate started picking up, tilting her head back in the pillows as he enjoyed her body. He worked her out of her sweatpants after a few moments, stripping her down to her panties. Natasha watched him toy with the seam of the garment, biting her lip as he kissed the top of her thigh. Her hands were getting shaky, grabbing the sheets on the bed to help her calm down a bit. It was like she was butter in his hands, melting away anytime he touched her. His teeth grazed over her thigh, making shiver slightly.

He slowly pulled the fabric off of her, looking down at her naked body after tossing them aside. She smiled at him, pulling him down to her, He kissed her briefly, then slowly worked his way down to her thighs again. She wished he'd stop toying with her, that he'd give her what she wanted. He knew how to get her worked up, how to make her beg for it. She squeezed at his shoulder as he licked her skin.

"Please." she breathed.  
"Please what?" he replied gruffly.  
"You know what… Stop teasing me, Nihlus."

He laughed softly, bringing his tongue to her wet center. Her head fell back at the tender feeling that ran through her. He was slow, agonizingly slow. He licked, then went back to kissing her thighs. She whined, reaching down to herself. He batted her hand away, not letting her get her way. He nipped at her thigh again, eliciting a moan from her throat.

"Nihlus, please…" she groaned.

He laughed again, then moved back to her center, flicking his tongue out. She bit down harder on her lip, relaxing on the pillows again. The build up in her was rapid, her desire for him growing hard to bare. It took him but a minute or two to send her over her edge, her toes curling as she gripped the sheets harder, her high coursing through her intensely. She laid still for a moment, catching her breath as Nihlus kissed his way back up to her.

She kissed him, her hands on his shoulders, before he propped himself up on his knees. He pulled her up to him, sitting in front of him. Her body shook from the aftermath of her orgasm. He kissed her shoulder lightly, his mouth lingering over her bond mark, his breath hot on her again. Her hand wandered up to his fringe, running her fingers along it softly. He looked at her, clearly not in the mood for an intimate time; his smirk told her he wanted more than that.

"You like what you see?" she asked as he looked at her body.  
"You know I do."  
"I'm sure I'd like what I saw if you took these off." she replied, tugging at his pants now.

He smirked again, pulling them off and returning to his position on the bed. He got close to her face, making her heart race at the anticipation of what he wanted her to do.

"You know what I like." he told her, his talons resting on her hip. "You know how I like it."

She smiled, getting herself out of her sitting position now, slowly turning to set herself up on her hands and knees. She looked back over her shoulder at him.

"I know what you like." she said in a sultry tone, swaying her hips at him slightly.

She could her the low growl starting in his chest, knowing his primal instincts were starting to come out. He got up behind her, his hands on her hips, bending over her slightly to kiss her back. It sent a shiver through her body as his plating shifted, his hard member coming out of his body. She waited as he pushed himself against her, sliding into her wetness with ease. He groaned, the growl growing deeper as he moved in and out of her. She could tell he was trying to refrain from being too dominant with her, keeping his hands busy as they rubbed her back lightly. She bit her lip, feeling her own fun side coming out. She looked back at him moving her hips against him as he pushed into her.

"Come on Nihlus…" she breathed, teasing him, provoking him to dominate her. "You're the best spectre out there and this is how you get it done?"  
"You don't wanna get me started." he replied. "I need to be careful with you now."  
"Just shut up and do it Nihlus… You know you want to lose control." He growled again, his hands shaking as he stopped himself from gripping her hips with his talons. Natasha moved her hips again, leaning her torso down so that she was propped up on her elbows. She heard him groan loudly. "Do it."

She knew she'd been asking for it but it still surprised her when his growl lead him to sink his talons into her hips. She moaned, Nihlus picking up his pace as he drove into her. She could feel the blood running down her legs, his talons sinking deeper into her. Her body trembled under him, her walls growing tighter every time he moved. He moved one of his hands to the back of her neck, holding her in place as if she'd try escaping. The pace he had set was maddening to Natasha, who trembled underneath him, feeling the pleasure pulse through her body.

She closed her eyes tightly, digging her nails into the pillow, burrying her face in it as she moaned. He grabbed her hair lightly, pulling her face back up into the air.

"I want to hear you." he grunted. "Don't hide."

She bit her lip, feeling herself getting close to her end. She felt his talons digging at the back of her neck slightly. She laughed lightly, loving the way he handled her. It made him drive into her harder. Her head lulled on the pillow as she called out for him, begging him to take her over her edge.

He watched her struggle under him, knowing he was driving her mad. His body began to quake as he let go of her neck and reach down around her waist, taking possession of her sensitive bundle of nerves. She moaned in surprise, her walls clenching suddenly as he was pushed over his own edge, releasing his warmth inside of her. He lazily pushed against her for a moment longer before he let go of her hip, slowly retreating from her before he laid down. Natasha let her own body fall onto the bed in exhaustion.

He pulled her close to him, Natasha laying her head down on his plated chest. She smiled, kissing him lightly.

"I love you." she whispered.  
"I love you, Nat." he replied, running his talons through her hair. "Are you hurt?"

She laughed lightly, looking up at him.

"I'm not hurt… You know I can take it."

She crawled on top of him, straddling his hips as she kissed him passionately. His hands slid up and down her arms.

"I'm glad you can." She laughed, biting her lip at him. "Already?"  
"Well." she replied, her hands wandering down his body. "I know you can recover quickly. Gotta love that turian stamina."

He smirked, kissing her as his plates shifted, allowing her to have him again.


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha stood with her arms crossed, watching Nihlus shake hands with commander Shepard, nodding to him before he walked over to her. Shepard followed.

"Commander Shepard, this is my wife and bondmate, Natasha Kryik." Nihlus said.

Shepard shook her hand, giving her a smile.

"It's nice to meet you." Natasha said. "I hope my husband isn't too hard on you in your spectre training."

Shepard laughed slightly.

"Whatever it takes to get the job done, m'am."  
"You have the right attitude at least." she replied, laughing with him.  
"Commander, I would like a few minutes to say goodbye. I will meet you on the ship."  
"Yes sir." he replied, turning away to board the Normandy.

Nihlus looked down at Natasha, who wiped her tears away as quickly as they had fallen down her face. He hugged her, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"I'll be back before you know it." he assured her.

She nodded, letting go of him.

"I know you will." she said, her voice sounding as positive as possible.  
"Remember that you're never alone here… Ever. If you ever need anything, ask."  
"I promise." she told him.  
"Take care of our fish." he smiled.  
"The fish aren't what I'm worried about anymore," she said, looking down at herself. He put a hand on her belly. "but I'll make sure they survive."

His other hand touched her face as he brought her into a kiss. He kept it short and sweet, knowing they were in public as they said their goodbyes.

"Let me know how the appointment goes. I want to know everything they have to say." he said, backing away from her slightly.  
"I will." she replied.  
"I love you."  
"I love you Nihlus."

He kissed her forehead, then turned away from her. He looked back once, waving a hand at her before entering the Normandy's airlock. She couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes now, waiting for the ship to leave the dock. Even after it left, she stood there staring at the port, taking a deep breath before she turned to leave. Her thoughts of Nihlus were interrupted quickly as she ran into a man. She looked up at the turian, smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry." she said genuinely. "I wasn't paying attention."

She realized she'd stepped on his foot in their collision, running her fingers through her hair in frustration.

"It's alright, I'm fine." he said, with a smile. "Really, it's alright."  
"Excuse me." she said, walking around him now.  
"Mrs. Kryik." he said, making her turn back to him.

She knitted her eyebrows.

"You know me?" she said.  
"With all due respect, a lot of people know you."  
"You have business with me?"  
"Mrs. Kryik, I'm Garrus Vakarian, I'm an officer at C-Sec."  
"Can I help you, officer?"  
"I was sent here on the council's behalf." he said. "They would like to ensure you are taken care of while your husband is away. They send their apologies for his short leave."  
"Tell them it's water under the bridge, it's part of his job." she replied, her brow tight in it's place as she tried getting down to the real reason he was here. "What do you need from me, Mr. Vakarian?"  
"I am simply here to ensure you are aware you have full use of the council, and of C-Sec. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask, please."

Nihlus' words of asking for help if she needed it rang in her head. She looked out at the flying shuttles before sinking into one of her hips and looking back to the turian.

"My husband sent you?" she said, making it more of a statement than a question. The man looked as if he was trying to phrase his answer carefully, but she stopped him before he could say anything. "Thank you, Mr. Vakarian, I appreciate you letting me know that I'm looked after. I would appreciate C-Sec letting me come to them if I need it, though, I am fine on my own."  
"Of course, m'am. I understand."  
"It was nice meeting you… Sorry again, about your foot."

The turian laughed slightly.

"No problem, m'am. Don't worry about it."

As she turned away, Garrus couldn't help but watch her. He had heard the rumors, even seen the woman before, but it was still difficult for him to wrap his brain around. A turian, and a human… It was not natural. He had watched as they said their goodbyes, watched her put her arms around Nihlus as if it was the most normal thing in the galaxy. He also saw how much emotion they had in their sad goodbyes, though, and he knew what they had was real.

He shook his head, trying to get the thought of it from his mind as he walked away from the docking bay.

* * *

Natasha sat at her table, her chin resting in her hand as she watched the fish in the bowl, swimming lazily. She ran her free hand slowly beside the fish, scaring them periodically at the sight of her. A knock sounded on her apartment door and Natasha stood slowly.

"Who is it?" she asked, walking over to the door.  
"Mrs. Kryik? It's councilor Sparatus." came a gruff voice.

Natasha's heart began to race, struggling to convince herself it was a good idea to let him in. She decided to play nice though, unlocking her door to see his face.

"Councilor… Please, come in." she said, letting him walk past her. He seemed to take in the sight of apartment, with it's neat decorations and spotless floors. He looked back to her, his hands behind his back. "What can I do for you?"  
"No, that's not necessary, Mrs. Kryik-"  
"Please, call me Natasha, sir."  
"Natasha… I came by to see how you were doing."  
"Sir?"  
"I'm not sure you know how apologetic the council is for taking Nihlus off leave so soon."  
"Two days is better than none sir. I understand."  
"Still, it can't be easy for you. He has a scattered military life."  
"I'm proud of him." she smiled.

The turian seemed to smile back, even if it was forced. He cleared his throat. The tension between them was prominent.

"Are you alright?" he asked.  
"I'm good, councilor. Your C-Sec agent already informed me of the concern the council has for me."  
"I apologize. I told Vakarian to keep an eye out from a distance, I didn't intend for him to bother you."  
"He was nice, I wasn't bothered. I appreciate the gesture, councilor, thank you."  
"Please, don't hesitate to ask for anything."  
"I promise, if I need something I'll ask."

He seemed satisfied with her answer, nodding at her before walking back over to the door. He looked back at her.

"Mrs. …. Natasha… Do you have means of protection in this house?" he asked casually.  
"Yes, sir."  
"He left you a gun, I assume."  
"He taught me how to use it too."  
"Is that all?"  
"I know some stuff about protecting myself in hand-to-hand." she replied. "Why are you asking me this?"  
"He seemed worried about you when he left, when he asked us to look after you."

Natasha hesitated to speak, taking a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant." she said.

She expected him to become angry or even repulsed by the idea. The turian turned to her, his attention clearly grabbed by this.

"I see." he replied. "Natasha, I'd feel a lot better about you being here alone if you let someone stay here for your protection."  
"No." she said, shaking her head. "I'm fine by myself, I have been every time he's been gone. Please, I don't know why he's making such a fuss over me this time, but I'm fine. Really."

The turian nodded after a few moments of silence between them, reaching out for the door.

"Of course, Natasha. I should be going now, though, I have other matters to see to. I hope you have a pleasant day."  
"Thank you councilor, have a nice day." she replied, locking the door behind him after he left.

For some odd reason, the close friends Nihlus had here on the Citadel were going beyond normal lengths to make sure she was safe, and that was strange to her. Nihlus had taught her how to fight, how to manage by herself. Why was he acting like she was a child that needed a body guard? She shook it off, going to her room to lay down for a while, feeling her body getting nauseous from the day's events, mixed with her pregnancy. Sleep came to her slowly, but she managed to get some rest for the night.

* * *

Natasha rinsed out her mouth once more before looking at her reflection. There were dark circles under her eyes, her sleep from the previous night barely sufficient. She washed her face, cooling off before she got herself dressed in proper clothes. She went out to her dining room, seeing her comm blinking with a new message. She sat down and opened it, a smile across her face as she saw it was from Nihlus.

_Nat,_

_The Normandy has successfully left the Serpent Nebula. We're on course quicker than I had thought we would be. Maybe I'll be home quicker than predicted. That is, if the mission goes smoothly._

_Shepard seems to be eager to learn, but slow to trust me. He doesn't understand why a turian referred him to the spectres, but I think he'll come around. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders; Anderson has done well with him._

_I trust you're alright, I haven't heard otherwise. I couldn't sleep last night. While the Normandy may be the best ship in the whole Alliance fleet, it lacks in having decent beds. I miss the one waiting for me back at home…I miss my home. I miss you._

_When all of this is over, we will have a normal life again. Without the military stuff. As much as I love my job, I cannot wait to settle down and raise our child together._

_I don't have a lot of time and want to make sure you get at least this much. I love you. Stay safe, Natasha. I'll be home soon._

_-Nihlus_

Natasha smiled at the screen, then buried her face in her hands, her tears falling. She knew it would be a while before he came back. The mission was going to be a tough one, not to mention the training Shepard needed to accomplish before coming back. For a moment, she broke down. She let herself crumble, crying at the desk before she took a deep breath, composing herself quickly and wiping her face. She swallowed the lump in her throat, her shaking hands opening up the new page to type a reply back to him, anxious to send him something so he could send her another one.

The rest of the day went by somewhat easily for Natasha, who spent her time down in the Presidium, sitting in the garden, enjoying the breeze as she held out her arm, her Omni tool lit up for her to read. She loved to read, and she wasn't picky about what she could get a hold of. It brought her mind away from her own life, to think about something else for a while. She could hear laughter behind her, making her turn her head to see a human man with an asari woman, both holding a hand of their small child. They would swing their arms forward and lift her off the ground, making her shriek with amusement. Natasha smiled, looking down at her belly as she rested a hand on it. She took a deep breath after the thought of raising a baby alone crossed her mind. She shook her head, knowing it was not something she should think about.

She closed her Omni tool after failing to get her mind back into her book, standing as she felt her stomach gurgle in hunger. When she turned towards the café, she caught a glimpse of a familiar turian, his arms folded across his chest, watching her from a distance. She recognized Garrus, remembering his eye visor from when she met him on the dock. She walked in the opposite direction, hoping he wouldn't follow her into the café to watch her while she ate.

To her delight, she ran into a friend in the café.

"Calpurnia?" she said, a smile creeping across her face as the turian turned around.  
"Natasha!" Calpurnia said, smiling back and bringing the woman into a hug. "I haven't seen you in so long, how have you been?"  
"I'm good, actually. How are you?"  
"I'm good… It's been a little rough with Saren gone, but… I'm ok."

Natasha gave her a small smile, knowing just what Calpurnia was going through. Saren and Nihlus were friends, since Saren was his mentor back when he was training for the spectres. Calpurnia, being Saren's bondmate, became close with Natasha quickly.

"Do you wanna talk?" Natasha asked. "If you're not busy, we could eat, I'm starving."  
"Sounds great!" Calpurnia smiled, nodding her head.

They ordered their food and drinks, sitting down at a small table in the café afterwards. Natasha sipped on her coffee, Calpurnia sipping on her own drink.

"What's new with you?" Natasha asked, watching Calpurnia twiddle her thumbs.  
"I got a job." Calpurnia said, her face lighting up.  
"Really?" Natasha said, smiling.  
"Yeah, they gave me a job over at the souvenir shop. It's not big and fancy, but it's something to keep me busy while Saren is gone."  
"Have you been hearing from him?" Natasha asked.  
"Not much… When I do hear from him, it's… Different. He's been through so much as a spectre… I think it's starting to weigh on his mind a bit."  
"Saren is good at what he does." Natasha assured her. "I mean, he trained Nihlus, he's good. I think that when he gets some leave, it'll be better for you. For the both of you."  
"What about you? How are you and Nihlus?"

Natasha sighed, a smile taking over her face at the thought of their baby news.

"We're great." she told her. "He was here yesterday, he had leave for two days. The council cut it short, so he's gone again, but… He says he's resigning once this mission is over. He's training Shepard, the human spectre."  
"He's resigning?!" Calpurnia said, bewildered by the news. "He's such a good spectre, why?!"  
"Well… He wants to be around to help out when our baby comes."

Calpurnia was confused for a moment, as if she didn't hear Natasha correctly.

"What?"  
"Yeah. I can't raise it alone."  
"You're… You're pregnant?"  
"Yeah."

Calpurnia hugged her as best as she could from across the small table, smiling brightly for the woman.

"Congratulations!" she said. "Oh, that's so good for you guys, it really is. Too bad he's resigning, the council will be upset, but I agree with him. He needs to be safe now, for you and the baby."  
"That's what he told me. I just feel wrong… He's never wanted anything less than the best for me… Now he's quitting his job, his very prestigious job, for me?"  
"Natasha, he's a father now. You guys have to think about the baby. It's not about what's best for you, he's considering what is best for everyone involved."

Natasha smiled slightly, nodding.

"I just hope he doesn't end up hating me or regretting it."  
"Nihlus? Hate you? Psh. Ok."

Natasha laughed, looking up at Calpurnia again.

"He wasn't fond of me when we first met." she reminded her.  
"Yes, well, you were a little tunnel rat then. He at least gave you a chance, which is better than what a typical turian would do. Nihlus is a good man."

Natasha nodded.

"Yes he is." she agreed. "Saren isn't half bad either though."  
"I couldn't stand him when we first met."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, he was… Cocky. Arrogant. Typical turian, but I wanted a bit of fun in my life and he fit the bill. It was a while before we actually started feeling like friends, rather than bed buddies."

Natasha shook her head.

"Wow."  
"I know."  
"At least you guys did end up falling for each other."  
"How has Nihlus' Mom been with you?" Calpurnia said to change the subject. "Any change?"  
"She hasn't spoken to me since the wedding."  
"That was six years ago!" Calpurnia said, her voice hinting anger.  
"Yeah… She still tries contacting Nihlus, when he's able to talk. So at least he didn't give up his family."

Calpurnia shook her head now.

"Does she talk about you or ask how you are?"  
"No. Nihlus doesn't let her know how I am. He hates how she treats me."  
"I bet… He's always been respectable when it came to unfair treatment." Calpurnia told her. "I remember C-Sec was trying to arrest this Volus merchant and Nihlus saw right through the guy. He kept telling him he was innocent and Nihlus fought for him to be set free… And he was."

Natasha's heart fluttered, smiling at the story.

"God I love him." she said, tears forming in her eyes.  
"We can talk about something else." Calpurnia said, putting her hand on Natasha's.  
"No, we can talk about him, it's alright… It's just hard sometimes. He's gone all the time… Not to mention the dangerous stuff he has to do. I just worry a lot."  
"Don't worry about him, Tasha." Calpurnia assured her. "He's going to be alright… He's one of the best… After Saren, of course."

Natasha laughed, wiping her tears. Her time with her friend was just what she needed. They drank their coffee and exchanged stories, eventually not even talking about their bondmates anymore. They just sat and laughed, talking about the littlest things that have happened over the past few months that they hadn't spent time together. When it started getting dark out, Calpurnia sat up in her chair, drinking down the rest of her cup of coffee.

"Well." she sighed. "I should go, dear. I start work tomorrow."  
"I have to go buy some fish bowl decoratives tomorrow, I can come by the souvenir shop instead of the other place I went to." Natasha said as they stood now.  
"That sounds great, I'll see you tomorrow then."  
"Awesome." Natasha pulled the turian into a hug. "It was great seeing you, Cal."

The turian looked at her sincerely.

"I think we should do this more often."

Natasha nodded.

"We should. It's good for us."

Calpurnia nodded, saying her goodbye and then leaving the café. Natasha sighed, leaving a tip for the poor waitress that had been pouring their coffee for hours. She walked out of the café, making her way to her apartment building. The normal greeting from the asari was replaced by Avina, the VI that was placed all over the Citadel. Natasha didn't realize how late it was until she looked at the clock on the desk. She flashed the VI her ID, waiting patiently for it to confirm her access to the apartments.

"Welcome back, Mrs. Kryik. We hope you are enjoying your stay here. Have a pleasant night."

Natasha took her ID back, walking past the desk and up the stairs. Once she was to her apartment, she reached for her ID, but couldn't find it in her pocket.

"Damn it." she said, turning around to see a figure at the end of the hallway. She did her best to walk back towards the figure without scaring herself too much. She reminded herself that this apartment building was the best someone could be offered, only family members of spectres or other high ranking military officials lived here. She bit her lip, scanning the dark floor with her eyes as best as she could. She glanced up, noticing the blue glow of an eye visor on the figure. She suddenly felt angry, crossing her arms as she neared him. "Why are you following me in the dead of night? I told you I'd come to you if I needed anything."  
"Mrs. Kryik, I was told to guard your door throughout the night." Garrus replied.  
"By who?"  
"Councilor Sparatus."

Natasha shook her head.

"Go home, Mr. Vakarian. I don't need you guarding me all night. I can take care of myself." He held up her ID card, making her huff at him as she took it back. "Thank you."  
"I know you're not happy about this, but this is my job, and I have to do what I was told."  
"No. You don't, I'm excusing you. If you don't leave, I'll call C-Sec and complain."

The turian faltered for a moment, backing away from her slightly.

"I understand, m'am."

"Thank you." she said. "Goodnight, Mr. Vakarian."  
"Goodnight, Mrs. Kryik."

She turned on her heel, walking back to her apartment and unlocking it quickly. She locked it just as fast once she was in the room, sighing heavily. She went to her bedroom, skipping the kitchen altogether. She stared at the empty made-up bed, shaking her head at how quiet the apartment was. She didn't even want to attempt sleeping, grabbing some clothes and walking into her bathroom. She turned the water on, making she it was turian level hot, almost burning to her touch. She undressed herself slowly, her body aching. She looked at her reflection in the mirror for a moment, turning sideways to see if her belly was growing yet. It was flat and she was unable to tell that she was growing a child inside of her. She let her hands drop from her stomach as she took in the sight of the healing gashes on her hips.

She bit her lip, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again. She stepped in the shower, not wanting to see the tears. The water stung at her skin, but she didn't turn the heat down. She liked it this way, because Nihlus liked it that way. She couldn't feel the warm tears going down her cheeks, the water was hotter and masked them, but she knew they were there. She knew she wasn't alright, but she prayed that Nihlus was. God, did she pray hard.


	5. Chapter 5

When Natasha woke up the next morning, her head was pounding. It took seconds for her to realize it was nausea that had woken her up, her feet quickly hitting the floor as she ran to the bathroom. The vile burned her throat as it came up, Natasha barely getting her long hair back before she was vomiting. Tears streaked her face when it was over. She rested against the toilet for a moment, then wiped her mouth. She stood with great difficulty, getting to the sink and washing out her mouth. The dark circles under her eyes stood out even more today, her sleepiness still heavy as she got herself dressed. She moved slowly, her body screaming for sleep as she wandered out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. She got out some bread, thankful there was still some on the counter. It helped settle her stomach at the littlest rate, but it helped nonetheless. She started her coffee pot, looking up at her blinking comm as she waited. Her heart sped up.

She rushed over to the comm, opening it up, smiling at Nihlus' message.

_Nat,_

_The mission is getting ready to launch, we're about a half hour out from Eden Prime. It should be an easy mission, considering it deals with Prothean beacons._

_The crew on the Normandy don't like my presence much, they think I'm hiding something. I think they've caught onto what I know. I never was good at hiding things like this._

_I slept better last night than I did the first night, but nothing beats home. I am looking forward to seeing you again. It seems odd that my to-be-last mission is so simple. You'd think I was defeating death or battling some large enemy before resigning. I won't argue, though, I'll gladly take a safe mission. It guarantees that I come back home soon._

_I trust you are keeping yourself healthy and well. How's the pregnancy? I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes today, tell me everything they have to say._

_I have to go, I need to debrief Shepard before we land. Wish me luck. I love you. Forever._

_-Nihlus_

Natasha sighed, running her hands through her hair and shaking it loose. Tears didn't come to her eyes this time. Instead, her heart fluttered as she bit her lip, becoming overwhelmed with love for that man. She closed the comm, deciding to send her reply after her appointment. She looked at the clock, reminding herself that she needed to be getting around for it. She made up her portable cup of coffee, got herself ready to go and locked up her apartment. When she stepped outside, Garrus was standing there, his arms behind his back. She scowled at him.

"You stayed last night." she stated, seeing the tiredness in his eyes.  
"Mrs. Kryik, I-"  
"Don't even." she said through her teeth. She walked past him, tucking her ID in her pocket firmly.

She heard him running to catch up with her, making her walk faster. He grabbed her arm, turning her to him gently.

"Please, let me just explain." he pleaded.  
"What, Vakarian?" she said, trying to calm herself down.  
"I had orders…" he told her, letting go of her arms quickly when he realized he was holding her in place. "Please try to understand… It's my job."

Natasha looked down at her feet, nodding. She knew she couldn't be the one to cause him to lose his job, it wasn't his fault. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." she said, shaking her head. "I'm just irritated… I don't like being followed… I'm sorry. You do your job, alright? I'll deal with it."  
"I can inform the councilor that you wish you to be left alone."  
"No. He'll just send someone else."

She looked up into his eyes, trying to be as sincere as she could.

"I'm sorry."  
"Please, Mrs. Kryik, I understand. It can't be easy."

She smiled slightly, nodding in agreement to his statement. She looked around, taking a deep breath.

"You know, Mr. Vakarian, I have a doctor's appointment. It's on the way to C-Sec, we could walk together if you wanted… I would appreciate the company."  
"Is that a request, m'am?"  
"No, it's a question from me to you. Job aside."  
"I will walk you if you want me to." he agreed.

She smiled, walking with him down the stairs of the apartment building. Natasha was pleased to see Myri there. The asari smiled warmly at her.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kryik." she said.  
"Morning, Myri."  
"How are you?"  
"I'm good. Myri, this is Garrus Vakarian. He's an officer at C-Sec."  
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Vakarian." she smiled.  
"Nice meeting you." he replied.  
"I'm going to the doctor, Myri." Natasha said. "I'll be home later."  
"Of course, Mrs. Kryik. Have a pleasant day."

Natasha smiled as she and Garrus continued walking. He hesitated when she turned down a walkway, knowing the other way was faster.

"It's only a few minutes longer to go this way." she told him. "I take this way… Will you come with me?"  
"Of course." he replied, following her down the bridge way, shuttles passing over their heads. She stopped halfway across, taking a deep breath as she looked out over the gardens. Garrus glanced at her, knowing this spot meant something to her; he didn't envy the type of life she lived. "It's beautiful."  
"This is where Nihlus asked me to marry him…" she told him.  
"How did he do it?"  
"He had researched how humans ask… I was surprised when he got down on one knee… He even had a ring for me." she said, laughing slightly. Although he felt it was not his place to know her personal life, he let her confide in him anyways, knowing she needed it. She looked down at the silver band on her finger. It was plain, but it was the gesture Nihlus had showed that made her happy. "I told him I would marry him like a human if he married me like a turian."

Garrus was surprised at this, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"You two are bondmates then?" he asked. She looked over at him, nodding. "Forgive the questions, I just find it brave of you."

She smiled.

"He was gentle with the marking…" she said, her face flushing as she revealed part of an intimate moment she'd shared with Nihlus. "Anyways…"

She kept walking, leaving the spot behind as she took in a deep breath, Garrus walking with her the rest of the way across the bridge. The walk to C-Sec was quiet, but Garrus could tell she enjoyed the company. When they reached the building, she turned to him, a warm smile on her face.

"Thank you, Garrus." she said.

It surprised him that she didn't call him by his last name, but he nodded at her nonetheless.

"No problem, Mrs. Kryik."  
"I suppose I'll be seeing you around?" she asked.  
"Of course."  
"Have a good day."  
"You too."

She walked away from him, leaving him to watch her as she left, wondering if he'd been any help to the lonely woman.

* * *

"No problems?"  
"None at all."  
"It's completely alright?"  
"Perfectly healthy." the doctor smiled, taking her gloves off now. "You can go ahead and pull your shirt down now."

Natasha did so, watching the doctor write some notes down silently.

"Will there be any problems?" she asked.

The doctor turned to her, a concerned look taking over her face.

"Mrs. Kryik… It's unheard of that a human can conceive a child from another species, especially one with a dextro-amino base. You and your husband are lucky it even worked."  
"We weren't trying." Natasha replied.  
"Which makes it even more surprising that it happened on accident. Do you have intercourse often?"

Natasha felt her face growing hot, making her look down at her thumbs as she twiddled them.

"Um… When he's home, we… Every time that he's home… It's not often, though, he'll come home for a few weeks and leave for a few months."  
"I am going to ask you a question that I mean no offense with…"  
"Go ahead."  
"Have you had intercourse with anyone else?"

Natasha felt defensive very fast, her face burning now, her cheeks flaring red.

"No, I've never. I wouldn't." she said calmly. "Why, can't you tell if the baby is turian?"  
"That's why I'm concerned… Your uterus isn't designed for what that baby needs to grow. It is fine and well now, but I fear that when you get further along, you'll start experiencing some new symptoms."  
"New symptoms?"  
"The way a fetus grows inside a whom is very complex. The fetus grows off of the mother's nourishment, it takes from your energy. If you were pregnant with a human fetus, even then, mothers can have problems. With a turian infant in your human uterus, I can… I can assume there will be problems later on."  
"Like what?"  
"There will be pain. Any bleeding would be a bad thing. Discomfort in your abdomen, more so than what you would expect with a human fetus."  
"Why would there be bleeding?"  
"Turians are a predatory species. Their talons are sharp and grow rapidly without care. A baby turian is quiet a handful, they tear things up to get used to using their predatory senses. They bite, they scratch and they screech loudly at night. Inside the whom is no exception. They become aware of their senses and use their talons. A female turian is built to withstand this, their uterus forms a shell to protect the child from clawing itself out of the whom. If it did so successfully, it would die. You are a human, and your uterus is not built the same."  
"I don't know what you're trying to tell me."

The doctor sighed.

"The odds of your child surviving long enough to give birth are…. Slim."

For a moment, Natasha wanted to cry. She was scared when she found out she was pregnant, but she was a mom now, and nothing would stop her from loving her baby. The life she had created was hers to protect, and in that moment, she shook her head at the doctor.

"I'm going to fight for this baby." she said sternly.  
"I know you are. We are going to do everything that we can to make sure you and your baby come out of this in the best health possible."  
"When will I start having problems?"  
"You're eight weeks pregnant, that's two months. I can't give you an exact time, but I suspect in your second trimester you'll start having the pain."  
"That gives me two months."  
"Roughly, if you start having problems at all. You may not, it might be a miracle. What I am telling you is medical facts."  
"I know."  
"On the note of the infant needed critical nourishment, you are in your first trimester and it would be smart to convert over to dextro amino foods. I can give you an allergic suppression medicine to ensure it's safe for you to do."  
"I have to eat dextro amino for every meal?"  
"One of three can be regular food. Would you like a serum or a pill?"  
"Serum."

The doctor went to her cabinet, taking out a box of viles and syringes. She put them all in one box and handed it to Natasha.

"I am going to set in stone that weekly appointments are necessary."

Natasha nodded.

"Doc… I want it written somewhere that if it comes down to it, if when the time comes to deliver the baby… If you have to choose between saving me and saving the baby, you save my baby."  
"Mrs. Kryik-"  
"No, listen to me." Natasha said, her tears falling down her face now. She didn't back down though, her stern face set hard on the doctor. "If my baby needs medical attention and it takes losing me to give it what it needs…. You save my baby."

The doctor seemed moved by this, nodding her head as she wrote it down with her notes. She handed the paper over to Natasha.

"Can you sign this?" she asked. Natasha didn't hesitate, her swirly signature running along the line quickly. The doctor filed the paper, putting it away and then entering information into her Omni tool. "Please let us know right away when you are feeling pain, or bleeding. No matter the time or day, we will see you immediately."  
"Thank you doctor."

* * *

Natasha laughed as she leaned on the counter of the souvenir shop, Calpurnia holding her stomach as she laughed with her.

"So I walk past her and I swiped my finger across the spoon and said 'haha, got it'. I put it in my mouth and she saw me crinkle up my face and she says 'joke is on you, bitch, that was semi-sweet!'"

Natasha covered her mouth, a smile etched across her face as her stomach ached from the laughter. Calpurnia wiped her tears away, laughing still at the memory she was sharing. Natasha toyed with the corner of her box of medicine, enjoying the time with her friend. Calpurnia grabbed the box, examining it now.

"What is this?" she asked.  
"Medicine. I have to start eating dextro amino foods, for the baby. The medicine will prevent an allergic reaction."  
"I would hate eating human food." Natasha smiled, looking over her shoulder at the asari who entered the store. Calpurnia went to help her, leaving Natasha alone for a moment. She could feel a headache working it's way into her mind, making her cover her face as she laid her head down on the counter. She felt her eyes getting heavy, knowing she should rest for a while. Calpurnia was next to her again faster than she thought she would be. "Tasha, are you alright?"  
"I'm fine." she mumbled, feeling slightly dizzy.  
"You should get home, dear, you should rest."

Natasha willed herself to move, picking up her head without opening her eyes. She didn't think she could stand without falling, she was so dizzy.

"I've got it." a familiar voice said.

Natasha opened her eyes just enough to see a glowing blue visor before she closed her eyes, losing consciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha opened her eyes just to shut them tightly again before focusing her sight on anything. She was home, laying on her couch. She rolled to her back, holding her head as she heard footsteps coming towards her. She jumped as Garrus approached her, handing her two small pills and a glass of water.

"Thanks." she said, sitting up and letting her feet dangle over the side of the couch.  
"I didn't want to leave you alone, you seemed sick. I didn't touch anything, that's why you're on the couch. I felt it was a little inappropriate to go in your room."

He seemed nervous, standing there waiting for her to say something in return. She swallowed the pills down, then stood slowly.

"It's alright, Garrus."  
"I brought your box home for you too." he said, pointing to the medicine she'd been given.  
"Thank you." she said. "I appreciate it."  
"How are you feeling?"  
"My head feels like it's about to pop, but otherwise I'm ok."  
"Are you sick? Is there a condition you have?"

She shook her head.

"No. I just haven't been sleeping well, I guess. I'm probably just exhausted."  
"Have you been eating?" he asked.

She thought about the last time she ate, remembering the muffin she'd had in the café.

"That is probably the problem." she sighed, walking out to the kitchen. "Do you want anything? Food, drink?"  
"No, m'am. I can't eat your foods, remember?"  
"I'm married to a turian, remember?"

Garrus laughed lightly.

"Right." he said.  
"Anything?"  
"No, I'm alright." he told her. "I should get going, if you're ok by yourself."  
"I'm ok."  
"I will be back later, to guard your door."  
"Goodnight."  
"Goodnight, m'am."

After he left, she poured herself a glass of water before pulling out leftovers from her dinner with Nihlus. Instead of eating hers, she took his out and put it in the microwave. She injected the allergy medicine into her arm and took the food and water with her as she walked over to the comm. She sighed, staring at the comm for a moment before she began typing her message to Nihlus.

She turned in early after she was finished, knowing she needed rest. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, her eyes heavy as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Natasha woke up late the next morning, the clock reading 1200 as she stretched out. She felt so much better after a good night's sleep. She grabbed her clothes and went into her bathroom, finding it strange that she wasn't feeling sick. She didn't mind, though, enjoying the break from the pregnancy symptoms.

She enjoyed her shower, the heat relaxing her muscles. When she was done, she took her time getting dressed before leaving to go eat something. It was hard for her to remember to eat three meals a day. She typically only ate when she was hungry. She had a baby to take care of now, and with the frightening words the doctor had said about the baby being in danger later on, Natasha was adamant on doing everything she could to keep it healthy. She made up some dextro amino food, forcing herself to eat the strange stuff. It wasn't the taste, or even the smell. It was the texture that made her cringe when she chewed on it. Some of it crumbled, and some of it stretched before she could chew it down enough to swallow it. She was happy to be done when it was gone, but even happier considering it was best for her baby.

There was a knock on her door as she was rinsing the plate. She sat it down and dried her hands, another knock sounding through the apartment.

"Who is it?" she called out.  
"Mrs. Kryik, it's councilor Sparatas."

She rolled her eyes before opening the door. She forced a pleasant smile before it faded quickly. She took in the sight of him, dressed up in his councilor armor, standing next to the man she recognized as Executor Pallin, head of C-Sec. Pallin held a small box in his hands. She looked over to Sparatus.

"Can I help you?" she asked, her heart rate picking up at the sight.  
"Mrs. Kryik, the Citadel council and Citadel Security regret to inform you that your husband has been declared killed in action…"

She stood there, stunned, unable to hear the rest of what he had said. She shook her head, furrowing her brow.

"What?" she breathed.  
"M'am… Nihlus is dead."  
"No, I just spoke with him yesterday. He was…"

She was frantic, tears falling down her cheeks as she shook her head continuously at them. Her knees buckled under her, the two turians catching her as she started to fall from the shock. Natasha gripped Sparatus, still shaking her head.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. Kryik."

They stood there, silence enveloping them for long periods of time, Natasha silent and still, though she was crumbling inside. She finally hung her head, weeping as the turian held onto her. It took a few moments before she was able to pick her head back up, looking up at the councilor.

"What happened?" she cried.  
"We are unable to determine that at this time. Commander Shepard is returning to file his report with myself and the other councilors."  
"I want to know what happened to my husband!" she shouted.  
"You will, as soon as I know enough to tell you. From what I gather, m'am, the mission on Eden Prime went horribly wrong. He died honorably."

Natasha looked over at the other turian, who was still holding onto the box he'd brought with him.

"M'am, your husband was recognized as a hero, and a well accomplished soldier. On behalf of the Alliance, Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett, I present you this purple heart, in honor of your fallen soldier."

Natasha took the box from him, but refused to open it.

"Thank you." she said to him.  
"Mrs. Kryik, I will stay with you until the Normandy arrives-"  
"Councilor, I appreciate your company very much, but I want… I need to be alone right now." she told him.  
"Very well, m'am." he replied, nodding at her. "Please let me know if there is anything I, or the council, can do for you."

She watched them leave quietly, locking the door behind them. She turned around, walking over to the table and setting the box down for fear that she would drop it. She sat down, thinking about what had just happened, then put her hands over her face, and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

Natasha sat in the same spot she had been for hours now. Her tears were gone, as if her body couldn't produce them anymore, she had cried so many. She sat staring at the floor, turned sideways in her chair, her elbows leaning on her knees. She heard a noise at the door, but didn't care enough to answer it. She didn't care to give anyone the time of day at the moment. She didn't look over when the door opened, she didn't mind that someone came in. When Calpurnia kneeled down in front of her, though, she was shaken out of her daze.

"Tasha…" she said, her voice shaking as she put her hands on Natasha's shoulders. Natasha looked into her eyes; she'd been crying too. "Tasha, I… I'm so sorry…."

Natasha opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. She knew that whatever she said would be cut short by more crying. She shook her head and hugged Calpurnia tightly, the turian crying in her arms.

"Cal…" she said, her voice more hoarse than she had anticipated.  
"Tasha, I just heard, I would have been here sooner."  
"It's fine."

Calpurnia took a seat at the table, giving her a concerned look before glancing at the box.

"What is this?" she asked, pointing at it; she didn't dare touch it.

Natasha knitted her brow, clearing her throat and taking a deep breath before she tried speaking again.

"It's a purple heart." she managed to say, her voice quivering.  
"For… Him?"

Natasha nodded, pushing the box further away from herself, not wanting to open it.

"When you're in the human military and you are injured or… killed… In enemy territory or by enemy forces… You receive a purple heart."  
"What happened?" Calpurnia asked hesitantly.  
"They don't know yet… Eden Prime… It went badly, I guess. Shepard is on his way back to meet with the council."  
"I'll go with you." she said sternly.

Natasha nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I don't want to go alone." she admitted.  
"Anything you need, Tasha, I'm here. I promise."  
"Thank you Cal… I…" She couldn't finish her sentence before a new wave of tears came to hear eyes, dripping down her cheeks. She covered her face with one hand, Calpurnia holding the other.

She could hear the turian crying still, making it that much more real. The councilor hadn't been lying, there wasn't a sick joke being played… Nihlus was dead. Saying it in her head made her cringe; she didn't like how it sounded. Nihlus is dead… Nihlus is gone. Whichever way she said it, her stomach lurched, making her nauseous. She groaned, Calpurnia rubbing her back now, standing next to her.

"I can't stay here." Natasha cried.  
"What?"  
"I have to leave this house, I can't stay here. Everything I see reminds me of.… I have to go." Natasha stood, wavering slightly, Calpurnia giving her support as she adjusted on her feet. Natasha regained her composure once again, looking around at her home. She swallowed hard. "I should get some things first."  
"Are you alright by yourself?"  
"Yeah, I just need some clothes."

Natasha grabbed the box from the table, walking to her room. She slowly opened the door and took a deep breath and she closed it behind her, looking at her large, made-up bed. She shook her head, putting the box on the bed and sitting down on her knees. She hesitantly opened it, looking inside at the purple ribbon. It had a medal on it, in the shape of a heart with the engraved phrase, 'For Military Merit'. She shook her head again, laying her head on the bed for a moment, feeling herself breaking. She held it back, wiping her tears quickly and closing the box. She stood up, opening the closet and looking at the rack. Everything in her house was something Nihlus had touched. Everything was partially his, and now it was here, belonging to no one. She reached out for a shirt of his, pulling it off the hanger and bringing it to her nose. She reveled in the scent, making sure none of her tears stained the fabric. She gathered some of her own clothing and packed them into her suitcase, neatly folding his shirt and putting it on top of her things. She picked up the box, walking out of her bedroom swiftly, not looking back as she closed the door.

Calpurnia was in the kitchen when Natasha returned. She came back out to the dining room with the box of medicines in her arms. Natasha smiled.

"Thank you, Cal."  
"Are your ready?"  
"Yes." she sighed, looking around again.  
"What about your fish?" Calpurnia asked, looking down at the fish bowl that was on the table. Natasha stared at them, swimming in their clear water as if the world around them was nothing but the bowl. She wished for a moment that she was able to join them. Her pain would go away, she would be oblivious to the world around her. Her thoughts were interrupted when Calpurnia picked the bowl up. "We'll take it with us."

Natasha nodded, walking with the turian to the door of her apartment.

"Do you want that?" she asked, pointing to the desk where Natasha's comm was.

Natasha looked over, seeing the picture she'd asked about. She walked over to it, picking it up gingerly, the memories of the day the picture was taken crashing through her head. She unzipped her suitcase and tucked it inside, refusing to believe it would help her to have it. She wiped a stray tear off her face and followed Calpurnia out of the apartment.

That night, Natasha laid in Calpurnia's bed, the covers up to her face as she counted the seconds it took for the turian to let out a breath, and how many it took for her to take one in. She felt guilty about sharing the bed with her, knowing Calpurnia was letting Natasha use something of Saren's, while Natasha was sharing a space of Nihlus' with Calpurnia. She felt dirty all the way around, regardless of the fact that it was completely innocent. She sat up, her mind unable to stop thinking for more than five minutes at a time. Sleep wasn't an option tonight. She got out of bed, silently walking over to the bathroom. She turned on the water and stripped herself of her clothing. Natasha was used to taking hot showers, she had taken them that hot since she started living with Nihlus. Turians needed a hotter level of water, and Natasha could handle it, but it was just one more thing that reminded her how much her life was going to change. There were no more surprise visits home from him, no more messages blinking on her comm. She didn't need to cook the dextro amino foods anymore, not for him. She didn't need the large bed in her room, or the extra pillows he used.

So many things ran through her head when she thought about how different her life would be now that she was widowed. So much would change, and she hated the thought. Nihlus had been a normal part of her everyday life, even when he wasn't home, for six years. Now, he was gone, and he was never coming back. She was alone. She was never going to hear his voice again, never going to hold him or kiss him. She was never going to see him again.

The thoughts weighed heavily on her, making her sink to the floor of the shower. She sat, her knees at her chin, burying her face as the hot water poured down on her. She sat, praying this was all a bad dream, that today had never happened. Nihlus was coming home soon, he was alright. As much as she tried picking out the possibilities that he was still alive, she knew the truth. She wasn't stupid. She closed her eyes, the tears endless as she thought of her husband, her lifelong bondmate. He was really gone, and she was really alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Natasha woke up the next morning back in bed, wondering how she got there. The last thing she remembered was being in the shower. She rolled over. Calpurnia was gone. She sighed, the tears coming to her eyes almost immediately. They weren't even controllable now, they just came. She didn't even have to think about yesterday's events for her to start breaking down. She sat up, wiping her tears away as she got dressed. Her clothes were cut slightly, Natasha smiling a little at the sight. She changed into day clothes, leaving her cut up pajamas on top of her suitcase. She opened the door, seeing Caplurnia at the table, with another turian. Garrus stood at the sight of her, Natasha giving the best smile she could. She knew the tears were still wet on her face, but she didn't care to wipe them. She didn't care to hide them.

She walked over to the table, Calpurnia reaching out and grabbing her hand gently.

"Want some coffee?" she asked.  
"Sure." Natasha said, sitting down. Calpurnia got up, walking out to the kitchen as Garrus sat back down. He was silent, but Natasha could feel the concerned look he was giving her. "You weren't outside my apartment this morning."  
"What?" he said, caught off-guard.  
"You weren't outside when I left yesterday. Ya know, to guard my door. I'm supposed to excuse you before you leave. You were gone when I left."  
"Oh. Yeah… The council asked me to take the day off, to give you some space. They said it's important for your… grieving."

Natasha sniffled, nodding as a lump formed in her throat.

"Thank you." she managed to say before more tears fell.

Calpurnia came back, setting the cup of coffee down in front of Natasha, who was now covering her face.

"Hey." Calpurnia said, her voice soft, rubbing her back. "I'm here."

Natasha was grateful for the type of friendship she had with Calpurnia. Being married to Nihlus, she'd become quiet popular, and she had plenty of people that considered her a friend, but Calpurnia was the one friend she had that no matter how long they went without talking, when they saw each other again, they could pick up where they left off. Their friendship was strong, and it was appreciated while Natasha was breaking down. She took a deep breath now, wiping her face and taking the warm coffee cup into her hands.

"Thanks." Natasha said.  
"I promise, Tasha… Everything is going to be alright."  
"Cal, please…"  
"I mean it. I know you… I can't imagine what you are feeling inside, and it just… It breaks my heart to even try to put myself in your shoes." Calpurnia's voice shook as she spoke, a tear falling down her cheek. "I can't fathom how this kind of thing happens to people like you… But this will be better. It won't always be this bad."  
"Cal… Yesterday was…. If they came to your door and told you Saren was dead, that you'd never be able to see him or touch him or…. If you had to look at every single thing in your apartment and know you… It will never be easy… You have no idea what that man has done for me… Now he's… He's gone. He is gone, and I am here, alone, with his baby… Tell me, how is that ever going to be easy?"

Natasha's cheeks turned red, her face getting hot at the realization that she'd been speaking freely in front of the C-Sec agent. She cleared her throat and wiped her tears away. She winced at the rawness that was growing under her eyes from wiping them so much. She sniffled.

"Anyways…" she said, trying to break the silence she'd created.  
"Natasha…" Calpurnia said, getting as close to her as she could from her seat. She had a stern look printed on her face. "You are not alone. Yes, he is gone. Nihlus was a wonderful man, and I know you loved him… But don't you dare tell me you're alone. I'll be here by your side for as long as you need me. If you need a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on. If you need a punching bag, I'm right here."

Natasha smiled, the image of her trying to take Calpurnia down flashing in her brain. She shook her head.

"I know you're here, Cal, but there's only so much you can do."  
"Natasha, if I have to raise that baby with you I'll do it."

Natasha put a hand on her stomach, smiling at the thought of her baby.

"I can't do this alone." she admitted.  
"I believe you could." Calpurnia replied. "But I wouldn't want to try it either. It's not like he left you and you got a divorce, he was taken from you… I wouldn't let you sink if you couldn't do it."  
"I know I can't."  
"I know you can."

Natasha glanced at Garrus, who looked like he was attempting to not listen, but she knew he was.

"Garrus." she said, making him turn his head to her now.  
"Yes?"  
"I know you have a job, and it's not to cart me around, but… Would you mind going with us? To the council meeting?" she asked.  
"I will do whatever you need me to do, m'am."  
"I need you to stop calling me m'am." she said, smiling slightly. "My name is Natasha."

Garrus seemed uncomfortable with the invitation to call her by her first name, but nodded at her request.

"I will go with you." he agreed.  
"Alright, you have yourself two turian body guards. How about we get you lunch now?"  
"Lunch?" Natasha said, looking around for a clock.  
"It's eleven hundred."

Natasha sighed, not enjoying the fact that she was starting to get into a habit of sleeping in so late. She shook her head.

"I'm not hungry."  
"Tasha." Calpurnia said. "You need to eat. What did you eat yesterday?"  
"I didn't."  
"Natasha, I know you're going through a lot, but you have to think of the bigger picture. I know it's so hard to think about what life will be like tomorrow or the next day, but you have to take care of that baby. Nihlus would want you to keep going…."  
"I know he would." Natasha said, rubbing her hand across her belly. "I know he would… Everything is just… I'm just taking it a minute at a time…"  
"That baby needs you."

Natasha felt something in her chest light up. She knew she had to do everything she could to keep the odds in favor of the baby surviving. If she didn't, she'd never forgive herself. She nodded at Calpurnia, grabbing her hand.

"I know." she said, thinking about what the doctor had told her. It was difficult for Natasha to ask for help, it always had been. She grew up on the streets, she'd never needed to ask for help, she could take care of herself. Even when Nihlus came along, she put on a tough face and made herself seem stronger than she was. He always got through to her. Now that he was gone, she really did need to ask for help. It made her irritable. "Can I ask you a favor?"  
"Anything." Calpurnia said.

Natasha made sure to keep Garrus in the loop, glancing between the two of them while she spoke.

"The doctor told me the other day that there was a good chance the baby wouldn't live past my second trimester." Natasha saw the look of worry on Calpurnia's face. "She told me that a female turian's uterus hardens and mine won't, because I'm not built for that. She said that it will most likely claw it's way out of the uterus and it would die."

Calpurnia retracted her hands from Natasha, sitting back in her chair, obviously disturbed. Natasha took in a deep breath.

"She said that they can run very advanced treatments on me, to try hardening the lining of my uterus but there is no way for them to guarantee that it will live."  
"Just when you think there would be some light in this darkness." Calpurnia said.  
"How far long are you?" Garrus asked.  
"Two months." Natasha knew it was news to Garrus that she was pregnant, but she didn't want to make a big deal out of it; all eyes were already on her from the news of Nihlus' death. "She told me the baby is very healthy right now, that it's very strong."

Calpurnia was unconvinced, crossing her arms as her brow plates nestled down close to her eyes.

"Talk to me." Natasha told her.

She shook her head, an angry smirk on her face.

"What are the odds that you get pregnant, you, a human. Nihlus, a turian. It's a miracle that you even were able to make life where it's impossible to make. Now they're telling you that the baby might not even make it? I just…" Natasha could hear a low growl starting in her chest. "I can't even…"

Calpurnia rubbed her face, shaking her head again.

"Well, we beat the odds already…" Natasha said.  
"What about you, did they say anything about you being in danger?" Garrus asked.

Natasha shook her head.

"The only thing she said is that I could start experiencing pain."

The growl deepened in Calpurnia's chest, reminding Natasha of how Nihlus would purr when he was with her. She smiled sadly. There was a knock on the door. Garrus got up before Calpurnia could. He opened it, straightening up at the sight of the turian councilor.

Natasha and Calpurnia both gave their attention to him, standing to listen to what he had to say. He walked over to Natasha, a saddened look on his face.

"I'm sorry." he said.  
"There was nothing you could have done to change what happened." Natasha said, forcing herself to be nice to the turian.  
"I trust you are in good hands." he replied, looking from Garrus to Calpurnia.  
"I am, sir." He nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer. She tilted her head slightly. "Are you just checking in?"  
"No, I came to inform you that the Normandy has docked this morning. Commander Shepard will be meeting with the council at 1300."

Something inside Natasha dampened, though she nodded her head.

"Thank you." she said.  
"Mrs. Kryik, you don't have to attend, if you aren't feeling up to it. I can inform you of the-"  
"No." she replied quickly. "No, I need to be there. I want to. I need to hear it for myself."  
"Of course." he said.  
"I'm going too." Calpurnia told him, not taking no for an answer.  
"She can bring a support system if she wishes, but I would limit the number."  
"Just these two." Natasha told him.  
"Very well." he replied. "I should go, I have to prepare to document the… Claims… I will see you at the meeting, m'am."  
"Thank you, sir."

He turned, leaving the room in silence. Calpurnia turned to Natasha.

"We should eat." she said, walking into the kitchen without waiting for confirmation.

Natasha sat down, rubbing her face as she sighed heavily. When she opened her eyes again, Garrus was sitting next to her. She shook her head at him tiredly.

"Why me?" she said.  
"Maybe it's a test." he replied. She wasn't expecting an answer, but she waited for him to elaborate anyways. "Maybe this will make you stronger."  
"Nihlus made me strong." she replied. "I don't need to be stronger."  
"I don't know what you two had, I didn't know him well and I didn't know you either, but… I find it a weakness when you depend on someone's else's strength to hold you up."

Natasha tilted her head, furrowing her brow slightly as she thought about what he'd said. She didn't disagree, but she didn't know if she agreed either. Before she could respond, Calpurnia returned with three plates balanced in her hands.

"I'm no chef." she told them as she sat down. "Eat up."

Natasha stood, leaving the room to retrieve her medicine before she attempted to eat her food. It was difficult to will herself to eat the food. She had been so used to just eating when she needed to. She kept thinking about her baby, choking down the textured food as best as she could. Calpurnia chuckled at the sight of her crinkled face as she ate the food.

"Someday we'll eat human food. I want to know what it's like."

Natasha laughed as she took a gulp of her water, then shook her head.

"If it's this kind of experience for you, please refrain."

They laughed together briefly, finishing their meal in silence.

* * *

Natasha felt herself shaking, felt the nerves settling in her stomach as she approached the council, stopping at commander Shepard's side. She didn't look at him though she knew he was watching her. She looked up at the council as Calpurnia stood by her now, looking up at the hologram of Saren.

"I apologize that I am not here in person, Calpurnia." he said. "I wish that I was able."

Natasha was surprised he wasn't more pleasant with her, though she understood that they were in public. Calpurnia did not answer him, merely nodding at him.

"Commander Shepard, thank you for seeing us today. We need your reports from Eden Prime. Did you recover the beacon?" the asari councilor asked.  
"No, m'am." Shepard replied.  
"What about Shepard's vision?" Ambassador Udina said. "He saw the Reaper threat."  
"Are we to believe that visions are counted as evidence now?" Saren asked.  
"He is right, Udina. A vision cannot prove Saren is behind the geth attack."  
"We need to discuss the matter of Nihlus' death." Saparatus said, looking down at Shepard. "What are you putting in your mission file?"  
"Sir, a witness saw Saren shoot Nihlus in the back. I looked at his body, and it seems accurate."

Natasha's heart was pounding, looking over at Shepard with a look of disbelief. She had a hard time wrapping her mind around the statement that Saren would kill Nihlus. She shook her head as Calpurnia protested.

"How dare you!" she said, pointing a finger at him. "You know nothing about what those two have been through together! Saren trained Nihlus as a spectre, they were friends."  
"I am hurt at these false accusations. I too am grieving the loss of my friend." Saren told them.  
"You're a lying bastard!" Shepard replied.  
"Commander Shepard, that is quite enough." the asari told him. "We find no tangible evidence against Saren. We cannot see reason to convict him of Nihlus Kryik's death."  
"You're blind. I know what I saw." Shepard said.  
"The council clears the charges against Saren Arterius." the asari said, ignoring Shepard's words.  
"Thank you, councilors. Please, excuse me. I must return to my duties." Saren said, looking at Calpurnia before he shut his hologram off.  
"The council is dismissed." the asari said, and the council stepped down from their places above the viewers.

Udina turned on Shepard.

"You are causing me more trouble than you are worth, Shepard! I'm grounding you until this investigation is over and Saren is brought to justice." he said in a harsh tone.  
"You believe him?!" Natasha said before Calpurnia could say anything.

Udina turned to her.

"I do." he said. "Saren is rogue, he's lost his mind."  
"You disgust me, human!" Calpurnia said before spitting on Udina's shoes.

She walked away before he could respond, standing out of earshot from them now. Udina shook his head.

"Meet me in my office later, Shepard." he said, walking away now.

The commander looked at Natasha with a remorseful look.

"How dare you put his memory to shame by accusing him of being friends with a rogue spectre. Saren would never turn on Nihlus." she said, holding her tears of anger back from his view.

He was silent for a moment, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry for your loss." he said.

An anxious tingle flew threw her body as she swung her hand across his face. He didn't look at her as she stared him down for a moment. She felt a hand on her forearm, pulling her away from the man. She turned around, walking with Garrus away from the commander.

"I could kill him." she said through her teeth.  
"It's not worth it." Garrus replied.  
"No, but it'd feel good."

Calpurnia linked arms with Natasha when she got close enough, glaring back at the commander before they walked further away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! It was brought to my attention that there was some confusion about the relationship between Natasha and Calpurnia. I think in chapter 7, it was, Natasha woke up in Cal's house and her clothes were ripped a little. To clarify, turians have talons and Cal dressed Natasha after she fell asleep in the shower, and put her back in the bed. There was no fooling around or anything, they are just friends. (: Thanks guys!**

* * *

"Did you see his eyes?"

Natasha looked over at Calpurnia, who was sitting on her couch, looking out of her window. Tears streaked her plated face. Natasha walked over to her, sitting on the couch and curling her legs up to her face.

"What?" she said, giving her friend full attention.  
"Saren's eyes… They were… Glowing."  
"It's a hologram, Cal-'  
"No, they were glowing." Calpurnia said, looking over at Natasha.

Natasha knew Shepard's words were causing her to doubt her husband. It made Natasha upset.

"Listen." she said. "Shepard isn't God, he doesn't know everything… Saren is a good man, Cal… He would never hurt Nihlus, let alone kill anyone."

Calpurnia shook her head.

"Tasha… We don't even talk anymore…"  
"I know it's hard-"  
"No, he doesn't talk to me anymore." Natasha wasn't sure what Calpurnia was getting at. "We used to talk all the time, even when he was gone… Now, he just… Doesn't. He doesn't even send me one word. Nihlus sent you something even when he was busy… You got two messages with his last mission alone."  
"When was the last time he was on leave?"  
"Seven months ago."

Natasha winced, shaking her head. Nihlus was only ever gone for three months at a time.

"That's…. A long time."  
"I just… It makes me wonder… About Shepard."  
"Shepard doesn't know anything about Saren, or Nihlus. He has no right to point his finger at anyone."  
"Tasha, he was there." Calpurnia replied.  
"You heard him, he didn't see what happened. He said there was a witness. Those colonists were probably scared and frantic by the time the Normandy got there. They probably…. They must have shot him in fear."  
"If I was scared, I wouldn't wait for him to turn around to shoot him."  
"I would if he was armed."  
"Saren was there, why didn't he do something for him?!"  
"Cal, Saren isn't a doctor, Nihlus was…. A bullet in the head is pretty fatal."

Calpurnia shook her head. Natasha wondered why she was so convinced that Shepard was telling the truth.

"Nihlus believed the Reapers were real." Calpurnia said. "Nihlus believed that the Prothean beacon could help them prepare for when the Reapers came back. Saren hasn't had a mission assignment from the council in months. He's been out handling his own things, that's what they've been saying. He just coincidentally turns up on Eden Prime, where there is an active Prothean beacon, and Nihlus happens to die? Come on, Natasha…. You're smarter than that."

Natasha shook her head.

"So you think Saren is working with the geth? You think he wants the Reapers to come back?"  
"I think Saren is crazy."

Natasha could hear the pain in her voice when she said it, but Natasha knew this was only a confirmation to feelings she'd already had. She'd be less composed if this was all new to her. Natasha reached forward, putting a hand on Calpurnia's.

"Listen… I don't know if Saren is crazy… I hate to believe that, but… Anything is possible… He is your bondmate, Calpurnia. You have to have faith in him."  
"I have faith that Shepard is telling the truth."

Natasha knew she wouldn't win with the turian, so she sat back, sighing. There was silence for a long time, the two of them sitting there with their thoughts before either one of them got up. Calpurnia was the first.

"I'm going to lay down… It's been a long day." she said.

Natasha nodded, bidding her goodnight as she left the room. She knew it was only 1900, but she didn't argue with the turian. She knew she needed some time to think, and Natasha needed it too. She went over to where her suitcase was sitting, hesitantly opening it. The picture was the first thing she saw. She smiled, picking it up gently. She traced her thumb down the glass, closing her eyes as she remembered the day it was taken.

Her hair was up, curls falling down all around her updo. She didn't have a normal veil. Instead, she wore a crown that made it look like she had a turian fringe. She remembered wearing her dress, with Nihlus' clan markings on the bodice. It wasn't a traditional human wedding for the two of them. They incorporated both turian and human customs into the ceremony. She remembered the night they spent together, Nihlus marking her as his bondmate. She reached up to her shoulder, her fingers running along the spot she knew his teeth markings scarred her. She laughed when she thought of how hard it was to break his skin with her dull teeth. She opened her eyes, looking down at the picture of their faces. She remembered how happy she'd been. How happy he was. She traced his face on the glass, smiling down at it.

She grabbed his shirt out of the suitcase, taking it and the picture with her as she laid down on the couch. She wrapped herself up in the large fabric, taking in his scent as she looked at the picture. She could feel her eyes getting heavy as she brought the picture to her chest, and held it there with one hand, the other wandering down to her belly. She fell asleep quickly.

The area around her was strange, an aura of uncertainty in the air. She walked as fast as she could, seeing a figure in the distance. When she got to it, her heart was racing, recognizing Nihlus as she turned him to face her. He smiled down at her, letting him hug her tightly. She felt like she was crying, but not tears were falling. He told her he loved her, and that it wasn't safe there. He told her to leave before she got hurt. When she asked why he wouldn't come with her, he stepped away. She yelled out at him when she saw blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. He fell to his knees, Natasha seeing Saren standing behind him now. She shook her head in disbelief as a geth ship flew overhead, dropping soldiers down. A large landed, a red laser destroying things in the distance. The beacon stood behind Saren. He stepped forward, grabbing her collar firmly before he told her the end was coming. The red laser moved faster, traveling over to where they stood.

Natasha jumped, her eyes popping open as she looked around the room. She was sweating, she realized as she rubbed her face. She wiped it away as best as she could, noticing her picture was gone. She scrambled quickly, looking down to the floor. It laid there, face down. Natasha snatched it up quickly, making sure it wasn't cracked. After she was satisfied with the condition it was in, she sat it on the coffee table in front of her. She laid her head back down, re-playing the dream in her head. She wanted so badly for Nihlus to be ok, for him to hold her so she would get some decent sleep for the night. She hugged his shirt, getting comfortable once again and letting herself drift into sleep.

* * *

Natasha walked down the long pathway to the C-Sec office, stopping at the desk with a determined look on her face.

"Mrs. Kryik?" the turian said, giving her his attention. "What can I do for you?"  
"I would like to see Garrus Vakarian, please."  
"Mr. Vakarian is in his office, fourth floor. Second door on your left."  
"Thank you." she replied, walking past the desk.

The elevator was painfully slow, the anxiety pooling in her stomach as she waited. She ran the scenario through her head a million times on the way here, preparing herself for anything that could happen when she saw him. The elevator came to a stop, the doors opening slowly. She kept her head down instinctively, hating the inside of the building. She knocked on Garrus' door quickly, watching it open seconds after. Garrus seemed surprised to see her, inviting her in without question. He pulled out a chair for her before sitting back down at his desk.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

Natasha took a deep breath, looking at him anxiously.

"I need a favor."  
"Name it."  
"I… I need you to look into Saren's files… I want to know if there is any evidence that he has gone rogue, or may be headed that way."

Garrus looked down at his hands, which were folded on the desk. He was silent for a moment, then opened his desk. She was surprised to see a file come out, instead of him using his Omni tool.

"I have been looking into it for some time now…" he started. "Saren has been off on his own missions for months, the council hasn't been assigning him anything."  
"That's what Calpurnia said."  
"She wouldn't be wrong. The way he acted, using the council to defend himself… He wasn't upset, it wasn't a surprise when he heard Shepard's accusations. It was like he was prepared to ask the council for help."  
"Garrus… I have a feeling… I had a dream last night… The scenario of it all played in my head, and… I can't shake the feeling… Calpurnia doesn't believe Saren is telling the truth either… I don't know…"

Garrus leaned forward, looking in her eyes warmly.

"I want you to know that what you're going through… The trauma… It's normal to want to find someone to blame, to want justice…"  
"It's not blame, Garrus. I just know something isn't right."

Garrus nodded, pulling out a few papers from the file.

"I have some suspicious activity here." he said, looking at the papers now. "He has been hacking systems, that in turn are given geth viruses. Obvious proof that they're on his side. Shepard described what the ship looked like that he was on. Dead ringer for a Reaper, if you ask me."  
"Is there any way that he is innocent?"  
"I've been looking up theories about indoctrination… I think that his mind is not his own, that the Reaper ship he is on has taken over his mind. If I'm correct, then technically, Saren isn't able to determine things on his own. He's being controlled."  
"Garrus…" she said, leaning forward. "Do you believe he killed Nihlus?"

He could see the tears in her eyes as she waited for his answer, shifting in his chair slightly before nodding.

"I do." he said.

Her tears fell as she closed her eyes, nodding slowly as she embraced the idea that Saren was no longer himself. She looked up to him.

"How do I tell Calpurnia?" she asked.  
"It sounds like she's already convinced that he's different. I think it would do her some good to know that it's not his fault, while at the same time it might be worse for her to know that his fate is in the hands of a Reaper."  
"She has a right to know. If I found out she hid it from me, I'd be so upset."  
"It's your call… You have each other, I think that she'll be ok with your support." She nodded, and he could tell there was more she wanted to say. "That's not the only thing you came here for, is it?"

She smiled at him lightly, shaking her head. He waited, listening to what she wanted.

"Do you know about my legal background?" she asked.  
"Yes." he replied.  
"Do you know everything?"  
"I know that you were incarcerated before Nihlus made a deal with you to let you out."  
"You know why I was arrested?"  
"No."  
"Do you know anything else?"  
"No." She nodded, standing now. "What are you trying to get rid of?"  
"I just wanted to know what C-Sec had on me."  
"They have it on file, but I don't know every single case they've ever had."  
"Do you have access to it? Can you get rid of it?"  
"Yes."  
"I'll pay you credits. Anything you want, if you make it go away."  
"Why?"  
"I want it gone."  
"Everyone has skeletons, and they know not to ever bring it up-"  
"I don't want my child to know what I was." she admitted.

He gave her a soft look, then nodded.

"Fine… I'll erase it."

She walked over to the door.

"Thank you, Garrus." she said, and she left as quickly as she could.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys. These next few chapters are about Natasha's past. I had these in my head from the beginning and wanted to get some background out there. I hope you enjoy them. (:**

**Thanks guys!**

* * *

Natasha walked down the long dark alley behind the markets in the Wards. She could hear that damned Volus going on and on about how good his merchandise was, but she knew the truth. She knew what was behind his counter, what he was guarding so intently. His store was always the last to close at night. Even when he closed the store, it took him forever to actually leave. It wasn't very hard to guess what he had. It was acquiring it for herself that Natasha needed to figure out.

She put her back against the wall of the alley, the back door of the storefront to her left. She could hear the Volus' suit working as he breathed. He mumbled to himself, but Natasha couldn't make out what he was saying. She didn't care to find out. She was here for one thing and hearing his mouth wasn't it. She needed his merchandise.

She banged on the door, hearing something fall to the floor on the other side. She waited for the door to open, looking around to make sure no one was in the alley. The Volos looked up at her, a hand still on the door as he looked her up and down, his body still half inside the doorway.

"What do you want, Earth-clan?" He asked.

She bit her lip as her mind raced for the right words.

"I... I need some..."  
"Some? My store is closed, whatever you need to buy-"  
"You know what I'm talking about." She said, raising her voice slightly before taking a deep breath to relax. "Look, I have credits, I can pay. I just need some."  
"I have lots of things, earth-clan. What do you need?"  
"The drugs. I know you have Hallex here... I need it."

The Volos let her in the door, closing it tightly before leading her over to a crate. He opened it, letting her look inside. He picked up a small baggie and let her examine it. She fondled the bag in her fingers as she brought it to her eyes, looking closely at the pills.

"How much?" She asked, looking back to the Volus.  
"How much do you want?"  
"Two bags."  
"Twenty."

She glared at him, letting the baggie fall from her eye level.

"Twenty thousand?!"  
"Do you know how hard it is to ship these? C-Sec is all over it."

She flicked on her omni tool and transferred the credits to him in irritation.

"Fine." She huffed, grabbing another small baggie from the crate. "This never happened?"  
"Never." He told her.

She put the bags in her pocket and walked to the door, glancing back at him before reefing the door open and rushing out to the alley. She walked down the darkness, but only a few strides. She needed to fix herself; her mind was thinking too much. She felt guilty about hacking her way into the market's banks, but she was good at it, and she needed the credits. She pressed her back to the wall, pulling one of the bags out of her pocket. Her shaky hands opened the seal and poured the pills into her other palm. She wanted two. It was a high dosage and it would do the job. She shook her head and took three, dry swallowing the little pills desperately. She waited for a moment, feeling the pills trying to slide down her dry throat. She closed her eyes as she felt them hard at work already, narrowing her senses and making her mind draw a blank. She could only think about the moment, what was happening at that second, as she slid herself down to the ground slowly. She smiled slightly, feeling her body going to sleep as she sat there, her body unaware of it's surroundings.

She woke up a few hours later, looking around the alley as her eyes focused. She sighed and looked down at her hand. Her eyebrows knitted together at the sight of her pills in disarray. She picked up the baggie and gathered them in her hands. She was dizzy after standing, feeling the aftermath of the pills in her system. She tried walking straight. Her feet were heavy, her pace almost dead as she noticed daylight was arriving. She winced at the sky, putting a hand on her brow to shield her eyes as she tilted her head back down.

It took her a while to get back to her home. She scoffed at the thought, knowing she could hardly call it that. It'd been hers for years, since she was a kid, really. It didn't make her feel any better about it though.

She stopped and looked around, shaking her head at the people who walked around idly, as if nothing was wrong with the world. She didn't care if they saw today, she didn't have the awareness to be discrete. The pills were still clearing her senses, but weighing on her conscious mind. All that mattered was the present, and at the present time, she felt like shit. Her mind was groggy and she could hardly walk. She knew her bed was close. She'd sleep off the high.

She kneeled down and lifted the vent off the wall she leaned on, crawling inside and shutting it tightly. She clicked her makeshift lock to ensure no one got in; C-Sec would arrest her if they knew she was living in the tunnels of the Citadel.

She crawled through the small space. The walls expanded as she ventured further, a small area presenting itself. She smiled at her pillow and blanket, flopping herself down on them as her eyes slumped shut. She felt her mind shutting down again, sleep taking over her weak body.

* * *

Natasha opened her eyes, immediately feeling the absence of her high. Her body quivered as she cried, covering her face as she shook her head at herself. She needed to change. She needed help. If she didn't get rid of her addiction to the Hallex, she'd end up getting herself killed. Was she to blame though? It suppressed her memories. It made her senses heighten, and it brought on a heavy euphoria. It made her less aware of her surroundings and let her live without her past over her head. It let her feel happy.

She shook her head as she sat up. She knew the fake happiness could only mask her pathetic life for so long. Her mind was growing used to the dosage. She'd have to up the amount she took to get her high or she'd die of an overdose. Natasha didn't want to die, not really. She had always wished she could make a better life for herself. She knew it wouldn't happen though, she was a nobody. She'd been living in the tunnels since she was a child, she was used to life being a ball of depression. There were others like her but she didn't socialize. She didn't care to.

She wiped her face, shoving her hand into her pocket to take out the baggie. She shook a few pills from the bag, letting them land in her palm. Closing her eyes, she sighed. She told herself to stop, that she needed to quit doing this to herself. She stared down at the white pills, her mind screaming for her to get rid of them. For a moment, she had convinced herself to throw them out, but she rushed her hand to her mouth and swallowed the pills.

She told herself that was it. Only this last time and then she'd stop. She shook her head at the baggie, taking the other one out of her pocket too. She crawled to the tunnel, feeling her body weakening. She smiled, her heart fluttering at the happiness she was feeling. She opened a small vent inside the tunnel and looked inside it. It was a pit, as far as she could tell. She dumped the pills down the dark vent, doing the same with the other baggie.

She smiled again, hearing voices from outside the tunnel. Her senses were sharp but her mind was clouding. She backed herself up until she was in her small space again, curling her knees up to her face as she sat against the tunnel walls. She smiled, listening to the soft murmur of voices outside.

Natasha flicked open the lock on her vent door and peeked out subtly. There weren't many people around, and if she went quickly, she could get out without much of a commotion. She took a deep breath and pushed open the little door, squeezing her body out and shutting it tightly before straightening up and looking around.

"Tunnel rat." a woman said harshly before she slammed her shoulder into Natasha's as she passed by.

Natasha was grateful, preferring the comment over punishment for living in the vents. She didn't know where she was going today, but she was determined to fix what she'd done to herself. She hardly had the money to go to a facility, making the painful detox inevitable. She could always hack the banks again, but she'd get caught with such surveillance you'd receive at a clinic. She dreaded what her body would go through; she'd never been good at being sick.

She shook the thoughts from her head as she walked down the bridge of the Presidium. She hated how nice everything was. Gardens, flowers, people laughing like their worlds were nothing but wonderful. She wondered if her hatred of the place came from envy, but again, she shook her thoughts away quickly after they entered her mind.

Natasha stopped in front of a cafe, knitting her eyebrows slightly. She could smell the food, the hot beverages they were brewing. She stepped inside and looked around, taking in the smell as it grew stronger now. An asari approached her with a warm smile.

"Can I help you?"  
"Um... No... I'm alright."  
"Have a nice day, m'am."

Natasha turned away from the woman and walked back out to the presidium. She leaned on the railing of the bridge, taking a deep breath as she fought herself. She didn't have credits, not after buying the pills the previous night. She'd need to sell more of her things. She scoffed. As if she had anything to sell. She put her face in her hands, rubbing her skin lightly.

Natasha had never resorted to selling herself. Not once. Maybe that was a sign her addiction wasn't that bad. Maybe she could kick the habit easier than she thought. If she was going to let people use her, at least now she'd use the credits to buy food. Right? Wouldn't she use the credits for food?

She was afraid to have credits, because it made it easy for her to relapse. She scoffed at herself again, shaking her head. She couldn't relapse if she wasn't sober, and she was not sober. How long did she have to stop popping pills to say she was clean? She sighed, getting an idea for just how hard this would be. Her stomach growled in protest to her walking away from the smell of the cafe now, walking back down the long bridge. She had to DO something. Standing there thinking about things wouldn't change anything. She had to start doing things.

Why, then, was she walking down to the Wards? Why was she making her way past the markets, down the stairs, to the little club? Why was she going to the bar? She groaned at herself, as if she was unable to control her feet as they carried her. The music was quite annoying to her, but she couldn't tell if it was the beat or the volume that was annoying her more. She pushed the irritation of her surroundings out of her mind as she approached the woman behind the bar.

"What can I get ya?" She asked.  
"You know who I can talk to about a job?" Natasha asked.

The woman looked her up and down before she crossed her arms and sank into a hip.

"We don't hire dancers unless they're asari."  
"What about you?" Natasha scoffed. "You're human."  
"I'm not a dancer."  
"I don't need a dancing job, I just need a job."  
"Listen lady, we don't hire off the streets. It's a long process-" The woman stopped her sentence to put her hand to her ear. She was silent for a moment, then let her hand fall to her side again. "Guess it's your lucky day. Fist wants to see you."  
"Fist?"  
"He runs the place. Go through those doors, you'll find him in there." She said, pointing to a set of doors on the far side of the room.

Natasha hesitantly walked over to them, the krogan guards nodding and letting her in. She walked into the quiet, enjoying it for a moment before she walked through another set of doors. When she rounded the corner, she saw a man standing there. A lump had formed in her throat, which she swallowed as she tried hiding her nervousness.

The man looked at her for a long moment, stepping towards her slowly.

"What's your name?" He asked.  
"Natasha."  
"Why are you asking for a job here? Asari are what people love. Humans aren't very appealing to other species."  
"Says the human who runs the asari club."

The man seemed surprised that she'd say something like that, but smiled all the same.

"What do you want?" He asked.  
"A job."  
"Why?"  
"I need credits."  
"You look like it." Natasha shifted her weight slightly, knowing her clothing was nowhere near nice to look at. "Listen, I can't hire someone who can't shower themselves."  
"I would take care of myself if I had the money." She knew it was a lie, she'd never taken care of herself.  
"I don't think I'll find any benefit from you." He said, turning away now.  
"What do I have to do to prove I can do the job?"  
"Are you begging now?" He laughed, sitting behind his desk.  
"Yes." She said. "I am. I need a job and this is the best I'll get."  
"You're not getting it."

Natasha took a step forward, putting her hands on his desk.

"What do I have to do to prove I can do it?" She asked again.

He seemed to examine her again, smirking slightly at her desperation.

"Turn around." He told her. She was confused for a moment, turning as she was told. She felt his eyes on her. "Take off your shirt."

Natasha turned back to him now.

"What?"  
"If you dance, you're naked anyways. Take it off."

Natasha's heart sped up as she grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it over her head. He stared at her body, leaning back in his chair. She bit her lip as she subconsciously covered her stomach. He stood slowly, reaching out for her hand. She took it gingerly, not enjoying the gesture.

He pulled her into him, his hands running up her back. She did her best to keep her breathing steady, but her anxiety was getting the best of her. She felt him tug her hair before he turned her around and pushed her down over the desk. He lingered behind her, his hands squeezing her hips as he sighed. She held still, not sure if she should protest or if it would get her the job.

She closed her eyes just before he stopped touching her. He pulled her back up, off of his desk so she was standing straight. Her back pressed against his chest, he put his lips to her ear.

"I would never hire someone like you." He said in a gruff voice. "My dancers aren't whores. Get out or I'll call for the guards."

Natasha snatched her shirt up quickly, fumbling to put it back on before she rushed out of the room. Her mind was in a blurr when she was finally outside of the club again. She sighed and put her face in her hands. She shouldn't have been so desperate. Fist played her, violated her, just to tell her no. As pissed as she was, she knew she was powerless to do something.

She walked quickly down the Citadel's walkways, making her way up to the markets. When she was there, she spotted the Volos' shop. She took a minute to stand and stare from a distance, watching people walking in and out with seemingly harmless merchandise. She knew what was in those crates he had behind him. She knew it. After a few moments of fighting herself, she sat down on one of the benches in the market. She watched the store as the hour went by, her mind slowly slipping into a state of constant nagging as she thought of the pills she was trying to get rid of. She waited until he closed his shop, being as patient as she could. When he left after closing, though, she started to panic. She stood and watched him leave through the backdoor of the store. After a few minutes of consideration, Natasha walked around the markets, and as calmly as she could, went to the alley behind the stores.

She could feel her hands shaking as she tugged on the doorknob. She looked around frantically, as if someone would help her open the door, but she knew it wasn't possible. She panted for a moment, her hands resting on the door before an idea found it's way into her mind. She looked at the door, as if she wanted it to weigh in on her thought. She raised her foot an kicked at the knob, hoping it would break off. After a few hard kicks, it still wasn't budging. She sighed, looking around the alley again.

Opening her omni tool, she linked it to the door. She could see the code that kept it secure and found her way around it. With little effort, she managed to hack it open. She sighed in relief as she opened the door, but was surprised at the sound of an alarm. Her heart sank but she kept going. She ripped open one of the crates and stated down at the baggies of pills. She grabbed one, opening the plastic quickly and swallowing three of the white drugs. She waited for them to work their way down her throat, and then sat for a moment. The world around her was going quiet, the alarm dimming down as her euphoria kicked in. She smiled brightly at herself, her hand squeezing the bag as hard as she could, as if to not lose them as she lost consciousness.

When Natasha woke up, she was in a small white room, a bright light above her. She blinked a few times, letting herself wake up before she tried sitting up. Her heart started to race as her wrists struggled against restraints. She picked her head up and looked around. There was a door, with a single window on it. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back down. She remembered the alarm going off when she broke into the store, and she remembered taking the pills.

"Shit." She said to herself. She'd been caught.


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter and the next one are still about Natasha's past. I hope you are enjoying it so far. Please rate and review!**

**Thanks guys!**

* * *

Natasha had been laying in her restraints for a few hours before she heard footsteps outside her door. She raised her head as it opened and watched three turians step into the room, followed by a Salarian. The Salarian brought a small light to her eyes and she squinted. Once he was satisfied, he put his finger on her restrained wrist. She glanced at the turians as the Salarian check her. He looked up to the turians and nodded, leaving the room without a single word.

One of the turians stepped forward, his arms behind his back as he tilted his head at her.

"Are you going to do anything stupid?" He asked. She shook her head and he nodded at the other turians. They unlocked the padded restraints on her wrists, then her ankles. She sat up slowly on the bed, turning to let her feet dangle over the side. The turian watched her. "What is your name?"

She blinked at him, considering lying to him for a moment.

"Natasha."  
"What's your full name?"  
"I'm just Natasha. I don't have a last name."  
"Why is that?"

She scowled at him.

"I don't make a habit out of telling strangers my business."

The turian stepped closer to her, clearing his throat.

"Natasha, I'm detective Nihlus Kryik. I work with C-Sec. Do you know where you are?"  
"I assume I'm at C-Sec?"  
"Do you remember last night?" Natasha nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat. "Why did you break into the shop?"

Natasha looked back up at him, her eyebrows knitting together.

"If you found my unconscious body, I'm sure you found the crate of drugs too. You seem like a bright cop, put two and two together."  
"Natasha, you have quite the list of chargers racked up against you at the moment." Nihlus said, opening his omni tool. "Breaking and entering, possession of illegal drugs, theft, and that's just last night. You're being charged for repeatedly going into the vents on the presidium, and they are attempting to slap a vandalism charge on there too, since you made a lock on the vent door."

Natasha crossed her arms, scoffing at the cop. She shook her head at him.

"I find it funny that C-Sec wants to slap a fine on me for surviving."  
"You... Live there?"  
"Yep."

He seemed to examine her for a moment, then typed something on his omni tool.

"I will be sure to let them know of this and see if they will drop that charge. Even if it's dropped, you're looking at alot of time in jail. Do you understand this?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you want a lawyer?"  
"No."  
"You understand it's in your best interest to get one?"  
"I don't care if they put me away. Let them. It's better than what I have now."

The turian closed out his omni tool.

"Natasha, I can give you resources to get the help you need for your drug addiction-"  
"I don't want help."  
"You want to keep using?"  
"I don't care what happens. Just tell me where to go."  
"You're giving up?"  
"What are you, a shrink? Do your job, cop, put me away."

The turian looked to his partners, nodding at them. One of them put handcuffs around her wrists and asked her to stand.

"Natasha, you are under arrest. You have opted out of having a lawyer appointed to you and therefore any charges the council finds against you will be final and permanent. You will be confined to C-Sec's jail until your trial is over."

Natasha felt the turian's hand on her upper arm, gently guiding her from the room. Nihlus led the way as they walked down the corridor. Natasha wasn't afraid. She wasn't worried. If anything, she was grateful she would have a bed and food in her belly. It would be a nice change.

The rest of the day was slow. Natasha had been given a white jumpsuit for attire. It was nice to have a change of clothes. She was able to sleep off the headache that had grown from coming off her high, not having to do anything. It wasn't until she had been there for two days that she started feeling restless. There was a constant headache present and she was throwing up frequently. She was sweaty, and irritable. She felt a severe case of dysphoria, opposite of what the Hallex would give her. Everytime the guards would come to give her food, she refused it. Everytime she moved, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. Her muscles were sore, her sight and hearing becoming painful. The detox was hard, but it only got worse.

She positioned herself against the wall, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. If she didn't move, and didn't take too deep of breaths, it didn't hurt so much. She kept her head laid down in the crook of her arm, shielding her eyes from the light, her other hand on her ear. It was not a comfortable position, but the detox didn't give her much comfort otherwise. She heard the door to her cell opening, footsteps coming in before it closed again.

"Natasha?"  
"Shh." she said, raising her face slightly from where she had it buried in her arm. "Please, be quiet."

She let her eyes open slightly, seeing the turian that had arrested her. He kneeled down in front of her.

"What's wrong?" he said, lowering his voice.  
"Everything hurts." she managed to say, crinkling her face in pain as her head pounded.  
"Has a doctor come to look at you?"  
"Haven't asked them to."  
"I'll send someone here, I'll tell them you're going through detox. They'll get you some medicine-"  
"Help my addiction by giving me other meds… Sounds effective."

The turian stood again, leaving the cell silently. She squinted as she looked over at the door, trying to see him in the bright light.

"When you're ready to cooperate, let someone know." he said before walking down the hall and out of her sight.

She buried her face back into her arm, sighing heavily as another wave of pain shot through her stomach.

A week went by before Natasha started feeling the withdrawal subside. She had done minimal activities since she'd been there, though she knew her trial was coming up soon. She figured she should find something to get used to if they were going to keep her here for a few more years.

She sat up on her bed, stretching out at the sound of the guards opening the door across the hall from her. She watched, taking in the appearance of the asari. Natasha wondered what she was in for. The guard walked over to her cell after the asari was locked in her own.

"You ready to eat yet, or should I tell the cooks to keep the food today too?" he asked.

Natasha cleared her throat, lifting her legs so they'd hang off the side of the bed. She rubbed her face.

"I'm ready." she told him.  
"Good. I'll tell Nihlus you're talking again."  
"Great." she scoffed.  
"Not a fan of Nihlus, huh?" he laughed, leaning against the clear door casually.

Natasha thought about it for a moment, shaking her head before she spoke.

"I don't think I have an opinion of him… He's just a cop…" she shrugged, thinking of the turian. "I don't remember a lot, I was in so much pain when he came to talk to me… I imagine I wasn't pleasant."  
"You were pretty quiet all week, until someone started talking to you. Then you got pretty agitated."  
"I remember him leaving."

The guard made eye contact with her, smiling slightly.

"You've got yourself in some trouble… You should let Nihlus help you. He's good at his job."  
"If he wasn't, C-Sec wouldn't have him."  
"Well, you've got a point." he sighed, standing up straight now. "But Nihlus is good."  
"Lucky me." she said, looking around her room.

The guard walked away, and she shook her head, putting it in her hands. She knew she needed to let him help her, it could get her a lesser sentence if he succeeded. What would that matter though? She didn't have anything in freedom, why not stay in jail? She was unable to relapse while locked up, and she was already through the detox. Why not stay? Food, bed, talking to guards. Better than what she had. Right? Was this not better?

Her thoughts were interrupted when her door opened, revealing a salarian and a turian. The salarian stopped in front of her.

"Natasha, I am a doctor. I understand you are a drug addict, and have spent the last week experiencing withdrawal. Your guard tells me you are feeling better today."  
"Yeah…" Natasha said, nodding. "I was puking, and had pain all over my stomach. My head was pretty bad. Everything was loud, and it was hard to look at things. I don't feel it today… I just feel tired."  
"According to your file, you were taking Hallex. The symptoms are typical. The sensitive hearing and eyesight is due to the Hallex's ability to heighten your senses. The pills make it seem like everything is larger, and when you break the addiction, your senses adjust back to normal. Painful, but good. This means you won't lose them."  
"I'd hate to be blind. Then I wouldn't be able to look at these four walls for the next tens years."  
"Are you in pain? I can give you medicine."  
"No. I'm fine." she sighed.  
"Detective Kryik will be here shortly. Advise your guard if you need further medical help."

Natasha nodded, thanking the salarian before he and the turian left. She took a few deep breaths, trying to keep her negative attitude at bay. She had a habit of talking back, her tongue uncontrollable at times. She needed help, and he was the person to ask. She saw him outside her door, nodding at the guard. The doors opened and she did her best to smile at him. He crossed his arms.

"I hear you're feeling better."  
"Much." she said. "Thank you."  
"The guard says you're ready to talk." Natasha nodded, watching him sit at the small desk that was in the cell. "Your trial is in a week. You'll have to go in front of the council and plead your case, if you're even going to do that. The council will decide your sentence."  
"You said you'd tell them I was living in the vents." she said, remembering their first conversation together.  
"I can." he replied, leaning back in his chair. "I won't put my neck on the line if you're not going to cooperate. Quite frankly, I wouldn't do it if you're going to be back here in a few months on drugs again."

Natasha took a deep breath as she looked at the cop, nodding in understanding.

"I know." she said. "What do you need me to do?"  
"If you talk to the help we have here, they can get you somewhere to help you. If you go with them, you can use that to your advantage in your trial. The council will see you're getting help."  
"How long do I have to stay?" she asked.  
"Until treatment for you is over."

Natasha felt annoyance at the thought of going to therapy.

"Do I have to?"  
"No, but if you don't, you're staying here for a while. May as well be locked up somewhere nicer."  
"Fine. I'll do it. I'll go."

Nihlus nodded, smiling at her.

"Good." he said.

* * *

Natasha sat in a decorated room, hearing the shuttles outside the large window as she waited. She felt her eyes getting heavy, but they were yanked open when she heard the door move behind her. A blonde woman walked in, smiling before she sat down across from her.

"Hi, Natasha. My name is Alex Burke, I'm your doctor." Natasha shook her hand, smiling back at the woman as best as she could. "Now, as I understand it, you were referred by Dectective Kryik, yes?"  
"Yes."  
"I understand you have a drug addiction to the pill Hallex."  
"Yes."  
"Good. The first thing you need to do when you are working on fixing an issue is admitting you have one to fix."

Alex looked at her, as if waiting for her to say something. Natasha cleared her throat.

"I am a drug addict." Natasha said finally.  
"Good start." Alex said, a soft smile on her face. "There's no last name in your file, can you tell me your name?"  
"I don't have a last name. I never have." Again, Alex waited. Natasha sighed. "I grew up in the vents on the presidium."  
"Alright… Why don't we talk about that." Natasha told Alex how she'd never remembered having parents, and how she'd spent her life alone. She explained what it was like to live that way, though when Alex asked how she felt about it, Natasha was unable to give an answer. They talked for a few minutes before Natasha started shutting her mind off. She hated talking about her life. "I can't help but notice you haven't mentioned having money. How do you eat?"  
"I don't, really." Natasha replied, rubbing the back of her neck.  
"By choice, or by force?"  
"Sometimes… Both… I don't have food when I feel like eating and when I finally get it, I don't want it. It's complicated."  
"Natasha, I'm going to make a note of this for the cafeteria to monitor what you eat. This could be normal, but this treatment center isn't just about drugs. We want to help any problem you might have."  
"I'm not starving myself."

Alex nodded.

"Ok." she said, letting it go. "Natasha, why don't you tell me about how you started taking the drugs."

Natasha tried to find the words to explain how it happened, but she just shook her head.

"I don't want to."  
"Ok… So let's talk about how you'd get money. To pay for the pills."  
"I don't want to." Natasha replied.  
"Do you have something you want to talk about?" Alex asked.  
"No… I don't really wanna talk anymore."

Alex nodded, standing now.

"Alright." she said.

* * *

Natasha panted as she kept up her pace, feeling beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She looked down at her treadmill, reading twenty minutes on the timer. She kept her head focused, knowing she needed to get healthy. She tried focusing on the tune that played throughout the gym. She enjoyed having access to it. Her therapist recommended it to her as a replacement for drugs. When she felt an urge to use, she'd walk herself down to the gym. A week in the facility, and she had been in the gym everyday.

She was too lost in thought to hear the footsteps next to her. She looked over as the figure stepped into her peripheral vision. She looked back up to keep focused and waited for him to speak.

"Running from something?" he asked, crossing his arms behind his back.  
"No."  
"Dr. Burke told me you've been in here a lot."  
"Yeah, well… I get urges to use a lot."  
"She tells me you're not talking to her when you come in. Five minutes and you're done…"  
"I'm trying, Kryik." Natasha replied, glancing down at her timer again. "I am."

Nihlus walked over to the bench and sat, crossing his arms across his chest now. She reached forward and turned the speed down, waiting for it to slowly stop before she stepped off the treadmill. She panted for a moment, catching her breath and she stretched.

"The council is ready to meet today. Are you?" he asked.

She sat down next to him leaning forward so that her elbows were on her knees as her heart raced in her chest.

"Are you?" she replied.

He laughed slightly.

"I'm pretty sure I can get them to drop the charges against you for the vents, but they aren't going to pardon your other offenses. They're going to want credits, at least. Fines are what you're looking at. They can't pin jail time on you while you're in treatment, you've agreed to therapy. They can give you fines."  
"I don't have credits for fines. I don't have credits for treatment."  
"Your treatment is paid for by C-Sec. Your fines will come out of your own pocket."  
"I don't have credits for fines." she repeated, feeling a slight irritation settle in her stomach.  
"That's why I'm here. I have an offer for you."

Natasha took a deep breath, unable to guess what the turian would suggest.

"What?" she finally said.  
"I can tell them you'll do community service, you'll work to pay off your fines. C-Sec can find you a job and you can use the credits you earn to pay the fines."  
"What's the catch?" she asked, finding the offer simple.  
"You'd have to stay in treatment until the doctor tells you you've completed therapy."

Natasha nodded.

"That… That seems fair." she admitted.  
"Will you do that then?"

She looked over at him, nodding again.

"Yeah. I'll do it."  
"Good." he said.

There was silence between them for a moment. Natasha didn't know what to say to the man, other than the obvious thank you. He deserved more than that. She looked at him, causing him to look at her.

"Thank you." she said. "I know you're doing your job, but… It means a lot to me that you'd stick your neck out… You're… You're giving me a chance to clean myself up. Just, thank you, ya know?"

He laughed for a moment, nodding as he looked around the gym.

"You're not good at talking, are you?" he said.  
"My social skills are lacking, I admit." she replied, looking around too.  
"You're welcome."

She smiled slightly as he stood.

"We should get moving for the trial."

* * *

The trial was quick, at least, Natasha thought it would last longer than it had. The council seemed judgmental, though that was their job. Natasha got a terrible vibe from them, but they trusted Nihlus and took his word when he made his case for Natasha. They allowed her to do community service to pay her fines, and dropped the charges against her for being inside the presidium's vents. He didn't even have to ask twice. They expressed their concern at first, then granted him the ability to do what he saw fit. Natasha was impressed that the council trusted him so much.

When the trial was over, Nihlus assigned Natasha to a job in a small flower shop, telling her she was really lucky to have a job there. She remembered asking Fist for a job in Chora's Den, and how unlucky she'd been. She thanked him happily and told him she would do her best in the shop. Now, what she needed, was to get into a rhythm of her new life. Her treatments, her job, her exercise, her eating habits. She needed to get into a habit of an ordinary day, to keep her mind off of using for a while. She had been wanting this chance for a long time, but was unable to kick the pills long enough to get through withdrawal. Now, detox was over, and she just needed to stay clean. She never realized how hard it would be in the beginning.

After two months of therapy, and working, she started getting restless. She had a hard time sleeping, and a hard time keeping up as the days went by. Although she was making progress with her therapist, she still was unable to get through the hard conversations. About her drugs, about what made her start using. About how alone she'd been, and how alone she still was. Everytime Alex would ask her about these things, Natasha would shut down. She wished she could see Alex as a friend, as someone to lean on, but she couldn't. Alex was doing her job.

So they sat in silence now, Alex waiting for Natasha to say something. There were only a handful of things Alex could say every time that got Natasha talking before she shut down. Natasha bit her lip now, taking a deep breath and thinking twice before opening her mouth.

"The first time I took Hallex, I was seventeen. I bought it with some credits I got from selling a ring I had." Natasha said, not looking at Alex. "When I took it, it was strange. I felt my hearing and eyesight get really… Intense. I couldn't hold down a thought at all. All I could think about was the present time. After I woke up, I realized I actually like it… A lot."  
"This small detail tells me a lot, Natasha." Alex replied.

Natasha tried biting her tongue, but she kept talking anyways.

"Like what?" she asked, wishing she could suck the words back in.  
"I think there is a memory you're trying to get rid of, and that's why you like the Hallex. It forces you to live in the moment, it doesn't let you look back."  
"Not really a moment in life, just… Life." Natasha said.  
"I feel like there are some self esteem issues here."  
"I guess." Natasha replied, shrugging.  
"Do you find yourself beautiful, Natasha?"

Natasha smirked.

"Look at me." she said, opening her arms slightly. "I'm skin and bones. I'm a junkie and I don't have a home. Who would ever like me?"

Alex smiled sadly, leaning forward.

"I didn't ask if people liked you. I asked if you thought you were beautiful."  
"No." Natasha said.  
"Natasha… There's abandonment issues buried inside yourself. When I ask you if you're beautiful, your brain turns that into what others think of you." Natasha was silent for a moment, thinking about what she was saying and silently admitting to herself that the woman was right. Silence hung in the air for a long while, then Alex leaned forward a little more. "Why did you start using, Natasha?"

Natasha felt herself shut down in a matter of seconds. She shook her head, standing now and turning for the door. She wasn't ready. She just wasn't. When she got back to her room, she found a folder on her nightstand. She opened it and silently read the data on the disk. It was asking her questions, things she was supposed to work through. She sighed. Maybe if she couldn't say things out loud, she could write them down. She let her mind relax and read the first question:

Who are you?

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't know what to say in response. She didn't know who she was anymore. As much as she wanted to be better, she never expected to have to soul search while she was here. She didn't want to know herself, if she did, she wouldn't have used. Then, it clicked.

She looked back down at the data disk, pressing her finger to the line under the first question.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! I know my profile currently says I'm on hiatus from both of my current stories, but I had typed this up and wanted to post. I hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks guys!**

* * *

Natasha spent the next two weeks of her therapy denying conversations with Alex. She didn't even go to the doctor's office. She refused to leave her room, telling the nurses she needed time to think. She kept herself hidden away, and the doctors were getting concerned, but she wasn't the slightest bit worried. Natasha was finally starting to put the pieces of her life together. With her healthy, clean mind, she could actually sit and think about the things in her life that made her who she was when she got caught.

She had been working on the data disk's questions longer than she thought they wanted her to, but it was hard at times for her. The questions, though seemingly simple enough, were challenging for her to think through.

She had just put her finger to the data disk when she heard a knock on her door. She stood as the door opened, her nurse smiling at her.

"Natasha, you have a visitor."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, bringing her data disk with her as she followed the nurse out to the lobby. She smiled when she saw Nihlus sitting on one of the couches, waiting for her. She sat next to him after the nurse dismissed herself.

"Hi." Natasha said.  
"How are you?" he asked, not looking pleased with her.  
"I'm… Ok."  
"I hear you're refusing treatment."

Natasha sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm not refusing it, I'm trying to figure myself out…" she said, holding the data disk to her chest. "I've been working on it."  
"Dr. Burke says otherwise."  
"I haven't been talking to her because we didn't talk when I was in there anyways. I just… I've been working on this."  
"What is it?"  
"It's asking me questions. It's hard… But I'm going to show Alex this week."

Nihlus seemed to be trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she knew what it looked like to everyone else that saw her hiding in her room for two weeks.

"I haven't reported your progress to the council, I wanted to see for myself." he said.  
"Thank you."  
"I am going to sit in on the therapy session. Trying or not, I need to do my job, Natasha."

She nodded, clearing her throat.

"I know you do." she replied. "I… This disk wants me to come up with a paragraph about myself… I haven't gotten far, but I've got something. It's hard for me to talk to Alex. She doesn't really get me, I think… Maybe you could listen to it?"

He seemed to smile, and nodded. She smiled in return, looking down at the disk. It took her a minute to find her voice again, but she did, and she read what she had so far to him. When she was finished, she looked up at him and waited for him to speak. He watched her, as if deep in thought about the words she had read. After a few moments of silence, he cleared his throat.

"I think… It's a good start."  
"Really?"  
"I do, but can you read this to Alex?"

Natasha shrugged, feeling herself shut down at the thought of the doctor.

"I don't know." she said.  
"You seemed fine reading it to me."  
"Alex doesn't care about me, she's doing her job." Natasha replied, not looking at him now. "It's her job to sit and listen, she doesn't really give a shit… If I knew she cared, I'd probably want to talk to her."  
"Natasha, how am I any different?"

She looked up to him.

"What?"  
"I'm doing my job by being here. How am I any different?"

Natasha found his comment irritating, and did her best to work out her words.

"You… You could call my doctor and ask about me." she replied. "You could have let me go to jail. You come here to talk to me instead, and you let me get help. That's the difference."

Nihlus smirked, his mandibles twitching.

"While I'm glad you can confide in me, Natasha, I am not your doctor." he said, leaning forward. "I am your detective, and I cannot give you the tools to get healthy."  
"You're not a doctor but you're someone I can talk to."  
"Feel free to utilize that at anytime you feel the need, but I can't graduate you from treatment. Alex is the one to do that."

Natasha nodded.

"I'm trying."  
"I can see that."

Their conversation didn't last much longer. Natasha told him that she'd practice speaking and she'd do her best to be ready for the next day. Nihlus told her he was confident she could do it if she really wanted to. Natasha wasn't sure what it was about the man that made her want to be better. She figured it was because he'd given her a second chance, and she didn't want to let him down.

So she practiced talking to herself in the mirror. The first time she looked at herself and verbally said the things she felt, it was eye-opening. Alone in her room, she realized one of the reasons she was unable to hold down a conversation with her doctor. She would make herself start over whenever she felt herself shutting down. After reading her answers over and over, she worked on finishing her paragraph, and read it out loud. She made herself do it until she could say it without looking at the data disk. When she was satisfied with herself, she finally let herself lay down for the night.

* * *

Natasha sat alone in the quiet room, the data disk sitting on her lap as she waited. She wished this would just be over now, wondering how long she'd been waiting for the doctor. When she started considering leaving, the door whooshed open. She looked over to see Alex smiling. Nihlus was with her, like he said he would be.

"Nice to see you, Natasha." Alex said.

She and Nihlus sat down across from Natasha, who cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry I haven't been coming to our… talks."  
"I spoke with Detective Kryik before coming here today, he tells me you've been working on some things internally."  
"I have."  
"I see you brought the data disk."  
"Yeah." Natasha said, smiling slightly. She almost felt proud of herself for completing it.  
"I'm going to let you start today. I'm looking forward to hearing what you've been up to."

Natasha took a deep breath and cleared her throat again, looking down at the data disk.

"I answered the questions, and wrote the paragraph." she said.  
"Do you want to talk about them?"  
"I don't want to talk about the questions. I don't think I did well with them."  
"There are no right or wrong answers to the questions."

Natasha shrugged, not looking up at them.

"I…" she said before letting out a sigh. "I want to read the paragraph to you."  
"I'm listening." Alex said. "Take your time with it, ok?"

Natasha nodded in understanding, clearing her throat again. She wondered if that was her tell for being nervous. She bit her lip and she dragged her finger down the data disk, sliding the page up to see the words she'd written down.

"I practiced this in the mirror all night." she admitted. "To make sure I could say it to myself."  
"How did you do?" Alex asked.  
"It was hard the first time, but I made myself do it…."  
"I believe you can do it."

Natasha swallowed the lump in her throat, not looking up from the disk even though she knew the paragraph by heart.

"My name is Natasha, and I am a drug addict. I have been using for three years. I never knew my parents. I have been living alone in the tunnels of the Citadel's presidium for as long as I can remember. I currently own a pillow, a blanket, an old shirt and a pair of pants. I don't like myself, and I cannot remember a time that I ever have. I have never had a friend, and I am horrible at socializing." Natasha stopped to take a deep breath as she felt herself wanting to leave the room. She was silent for a moment as she willed herself to stay put. "I am afraid of being alone, although I have been that way forever. I started using drugs because… I started using drugs because I hated thinking about all the things I missed out on. I started using drugs because I hated feeling like I wasn't good enough to have parents. I started using drugs because Hallex would make me pass out and I didn't like being awake. I started using drugs because I was better off dead to the world than I was alive. Now that I am in treatment, I am finding that I enjoy being clean, but I am afraid of what I will do or where I will be when I am done here. I am terrified of failure and I am terrified of relapsing... My name is Natasha, and I am a recovering drug addict."

Silence fell over the room after she stopped reading her paragraph. She kept her eyes on the data disk, not wanting to look up until someone said something. She chewed on her lip as her heart raced. She could hear Alex moving, and when she finally looked up, Alex was on the edge of the couch, reaching out to put her hand on Natasha's knee. Natasha locked eyes with her.

"That is progress." Alex said slowly. Natasha let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. Alex patted her knee. "That is good."

Natasha glanced up at Nihlus, who was watching her in turn. She took a deep breath.

"I don't know what to work on now. I guess my speaking skills could improve." Natasha told Alex.  
"Have you ever read the bible, Natasha?"

She knitted her eyebrows.

"Some of it." she said.  
"Do you know the story of Moses?"  
"Sort of."  
"Moses was chosen by God to free the Hebrews from Egypt. Moses had great difficulty speaking, so it was his brother Aaron, who spoke for him."  
"Oh." Natasha said, not sure why she was being told this.  
"Just an example that you don't have to have the greatest social skills to be a good person."  
"I'm sure it helps."

Alex smiled at her, leaning back on the couch again.

"You've made a lot of progress." she said. "There are still things to work on though. What do you want to start with?"

Natasha shrugged.

"I don't know."  
"If I suggest something, would you be willing to do it?" Natasha glanced at Nihlus, knowing she had to prove she was trying. She nodded. "I think working on your past issues will help you dissolve some of your self hate. A lot of that is up to you though."

Natasha nodded.

"Self confidence." Natasha said to herself. "That's my goal?"  
"That's your goal." Alex said, nodding. "That means taking care of yourself. Eating, showering, being able to look in a mirror for more than two minutes. I know it's hard to get used to having the freedom to do those things when you've lived the way you have, but trust me, you will feel so much better."  
"I've been working out."  
"Have you been working out because of urges to use or because you want to gain the weight back?"  
"The urges."  
"If you start eating right and you exercise like you have been, you'll put on some weight. It sounds scary, but it's a good thing. You currently weigh…" Alex pulled up her Omni tool. "One hundred and ten pounds. I'd like to see you at an average weight for your age and height. One thirty is ideal."

Natasha nodded, looking down at the data disk.

"I'm going to leave you with detective Kryik for a moment, I believe he needs to speak with you about some things."

Alex stood and left the room, silence left between the turian and the human. Natasha waited for him to speak but he wouldn't. She looked up at him.

"So?" she said. He sighed. "What is it?"  
"I can tell the council what happened here today. I don't think it'll give them much to go on, since you can act like you're getting help when you really aren't."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows.

"What?!" she said, standing now. "Are you kidding me? Anyone can act like they're serious about anything! What do I need to do?!"

The turian smirked as he stood now, face to face with her.

"That'll do." he said simply, walking towards the door.  
"What?" she said.  
"They'll believe whatever I tell them." he told her. "I wanted to see your reaction."

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't appreciate you playing with my feelings." she scoffed.  
"My apologies." he laughed, walking out the door now.

She shook her head at herself, wondering how she let the turian get inside her head so fast.

* * *

Natasha looked at herself in her mirror, smiling slightly as her hands ran down the sides of her hips. She chewed on her lip as her eyes closely examined herself. Six months in treatment had done a lot for her health. She had put on the weight she'd been asked to, her bones no longer jutting out of her skin. Her hair had gotten much longer, the dark strands falling around her face beautifully. She didn't admire much about her physical appearance, she merely enjoyed that she was able to do it, even though she greatly appreciated her new curves.

She looked over at her bed, sighing at the weird feeling she had. She wouldn't be able to sleep in her little room anymore. She was going to miss the space she'd called home for the last few months, but she was looking forward to seeing what was in store for her now. She walked over to the door and put her hand on the green pad. It whooshed open and she took a step out into the hallway after taking a deep breath. She didn't look back at the room, making her way downstairs to the lobby. She smiled at the sight of her doctor waiting for her. She gave her hug when she reached the spot she was standing in.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Alex asked with a bright smile.  
"Kinda weird. Nervous. Happy."  
"It's normal."  
"I know."  
"Detective Kryik should be here anytime now. He was going to escort you back to C-Sec."

Natasha nodded, looking at the front doors of the facility, then back to her doctor.

"Thank you. For everything."  
"I'm glad I could help you, Natasha. I know you're going to do great things with your life."

Natasha smiled, her mind weighing on that thought. She wondered where she would go next, or what she would do in life. There was silence between them until Nihlus arrived. He smiled at the two of them, sticking his hand out to shake the doctor's.

"I believe congratulations are due." he said, looking at Natasha.  
"Thanks." she said, smiling slightly.  
"Dr. Burke, it's been a pleasure. C-Sec will be in touch."  
"As always, Mr. Kryik." she smiled, looking to Natasha and touching her shoulder. "Good luck out there. Remember where to go if you ever need help."

Natasha nodded, looking back to the turian and taking a deep breath.

"I'm ready."  
"Let us go then." The shuttle ride to Natasha's new home was silent, though she welcomed it. She didn't want to answer questions. She wanted to enjoy the view from the shuttle. She never noticed how beautiful the Citadel was. When the shuttle stopped, they both got out and Nihlus led her over to the hallway. Doors lined the wall. He turned to her. "It's not much, but it's the best I could get you on the Citadel's dime."

Natasha smiled.

"Thank you." she said, turning on her new Omni tool and looking down at it. The orange technology glowed on her arm. She smiled at the new upgrade she'd been given. It was something she'd never before experienced.

Nihlus downloaded the encryption to her Omni tool so she could unlock her apartment on her own. She looked up at him after closing out the orange device.

"The apartment is furnished and should have everything you need inside. Food is obviously your responsibility."

Natasha nodded, smiling as she looked at the door.

"Thank you." she repeated. She glanced at him, doing her best to keep the smile present on her face. She took the few steps required to reach the door, then turned back to him. He had started walking to the shuttle. "Nihlus."  
"Yes?" he said, turning back to her.  
"Do… Can you come with me?" she asked.  
"Pardon?" he said, smiling. She could tell he'd been caught off guard.  
"Will you walk me inside?"

He stopped in front of her, glancing at the door behind her.

"Why do you want me to do that?"

She shrugged, trying to find the words she needed.

"I don't want to go alone… Who better to go with me? Plus, I don't think a stranger would do it." she replied, laughing lightly as she glanced around at the people who walked in the hallway.  
"Very well." he replied, his mandibles clicking.

Natasha didn't know the significance of his body's reaction, but she disregarded it, turning to the door and unlocking it with her Omni tool. The doors whooshed open and she stepped inside, Nihlus close behind her. She looked around, nodding in approval at her new home. She looked over at the turian, who seemed to be more interested in her own comments on the place, rather than his own. She walked over to the table, touching it lightly with her fingertips. She closed her eyes for a moment, realizing this place was her home. It was all for her. She was safe and healthy. When she opened her eyes, she saw Nihlus watching her. The realization that the turian was to thank for her progress set in with the other things that sank into her mind. She felt something urge her to thank him, but she knew it was something she'd said before.

She stepped forward, stopping in front of him and wrapping her arms around him lightly. He seemed hesitant, but he returned the hug. With all of her heart, in that moment, she wanted him to know how much his work had helped her. Whether it was his job or not, it got her to this point, and she was happy. He let her hug him for a moment, seeming to understand the gesture. When she let go, she did so slowly, looking up at him with a warm smile. Even her progress in therapy couldn't help her find words now. She shook her head, deciding to just talk and hope the words made sense.

"Thank you for everything… I owe you my life… I owe you all of this." she said, gesturing at the apartment they stood in. "You told me once you were just doing your job, but to me it was so much more than that. You gave me a chance and now I'm… Ok. If it means anything to you, I want you to know that if you ever need me, I've got your back."

The turian laughed lightly, nodding at her.

"I'll hold you to that." he replied, rubbing the back of his neck as he took a step back. "You're very welcome Natasha. It was risky at first, but I'm glad to see you're ready to live differently."  
"I won't let you down." she said with a smile.  
"Good." he replied, walking towards the door. "I trust I'll see you shortly."  
"Drive safe." she said, watching the door whoosh open and shut after he stepped out.

Silence filled the apartment as she stared at the closed door, thinking about the turian more than she originally thought she would. She shook him away from her thoughts quickly, knowing there was a line between being thankful and getting involved. She was nowhere near ready for a relationship. She knitted her eyebrows. Relationship? He's a turian. A very fine detective as far as C-Sec is concerned. She was… Well, she was who she was.

She distracted herself by looking through the apartment, opening cupboards and looking in drawers. Her mind was unstoppable, though, always wandering back to the turian. She kept shaking the thoughts away.


	13. Chapter 13

**A.N: Hey guys. I have decided to take on a slightly different writing style with my chapters, as suggested by a reader. When writing about Natasha's present situations, I also want to write about memories that relate to them. differences between memories and present are separated by page breaks, and page breaks are only used for that purpose. It'll keep it from being confusing.**

**Some people really enjoy the thought of Nihlus' relationship with Natasha, and want some light shed on that, so that's how I'm going to do it, while building up her relationship with Garrus. Hopefully it's still enjoyable.**

**Please rate and review, or PM me if you wish. I hope you like this chapter! Thanks guys!**

* * *

Natasha sat on her bathroom floor, her elbow propped up on the toilet seat, her head resting on the rim. She took in short breaths, trying to will her body to work through the nausea. Her head was pounding. She groaned as she felt the bile coming up her throat, lifting her head in readiness to throw up.

She didn't hear anyone come in, though she didn't care at the time. She wiped her mouth, her hands shaking violently.

"Hey, you ok?"

Natasha looked around to see Calpurnia at the door. She groaned again, wishing her friend hadn't seen her like that.

"I'm ok."  
"Do you need anything?"

Natasha shook her head, holding her hand out. Calpurnia took it, helping her to her feet.

"I'm ok." She repeated. "It's just the morning sickness."  
"Humans." Calpurnia scoffed, shaking her head.

Natasha smiled, grabbing the cup on her sink and filling it with water. The turian watched her intently as she washed out her mouth.

"How did you sleep?"

Natasha shrugged.

"I... I had a dream."

Calpurnia put her hand on Natasha's shoulder, turning her so they were face to face.

"A dream?"  
"Yeah..." Natasha scratched idly at her forehead, looking down at her feet. She cleared her throat. "About him... How he died..."  
"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Natasha shrugged again.

"It was just him, and he was shot..." She looked up at Calpurnia. "Saren was in the dream."

Calpurnia nodded slowly, taking her hand from Natasha's shoulder. She turned away from the human, walking out to the living room. Natasha followed closely, catching up to the turian and turning her around. Calpurnia's plated face was wet with tears, though she tried hiding it. She tried pushing Natasha away from her, but Natasha held her ground.

"Please, I don't need this-"  
"Bullshit." Natasha replied. "You need me as much as I need you."

Calpurnia shook her head before she hugged her friend, letting herself break down in the human's arms. Natasha was unsure of what to say. The woman had not lost her husband, he was still very much alive, but he wasn't himself either. He had lost his mind and was being controlled. That is, if he really was indoctrinated. Natasha took a moment to weigh the option of him not being indoctrinated. What if he just didn't love her anymore? What if he wanted to stay away from his bondmate?

Natasha knew it wasn't true. Turians bonded for life, with very few exceptions for finding someone new. Bonding was serious and wasn't done unless the pair was absolutely sure. Natasha didn't know which would be worse: the fact that he was being controlled by a Reaper or the possibility that he didn't love Calpurnia. Natasha shook the thoughts away. The broken turian in her arms sobbed, her plated face buried in Natasha's shoulder. It was ironic to the human, knowing turians typically had high morale and were accustomed to losing troops in battle. This wasn't a soldier though, and this wasn't about morale. This was a hurt wife, mourning the loss of her husband. Just like Natasha was.

Natasha squeezed her tightly, wanting her to know that she had a friend. Calpurnia let go afterwards, looking down at the woman and smiling. Natasha hadn't realized she'd started crying too.

"Look at us." Calpurnia said with a small laugh. "Crumbling to pieces without our men."

Natasha laughed, wiping her own tears.

"They were... They are good men."  
"My mother would be so pissed if she could see me."

Natasha felt something ignite in her chest. She shook her head quickly.

"Don't you do that." She said. "I don't care what species you are, if you need to mourn, do it. Your mother is... Stubborn… It's healthy to talk, Cal. We both need to do it."

Calpurnia nodded. She sat on the couch, Natasha following suit. Calpurnia sighed heavily.

"I miss him..."  
"I know." Natasha replied, her heart aching as she thought of Nihlus.  
"I miss how he'd talk to me. Ya know he always put on this tough guy face at work. Even when we went out in public together, he'd act so... Superior. But not here. He was so sweet at home..."

Calpurnia's voice shook slightly. Natasha nodded in agreement.

"I know." She repeated.  
"Nihlus always seemed so professional." Calpurnia said, smiling.  
"He worked hard." Natasha said.  
"Was he like that at home?"  
"No... He was very sweet. When we went out in public he never treated me like he was at work. I never understood how you could stand it when Saren did that."

Calpurnia laughed, her mandibles clicking.

"I didn't mind. I liked seeing him at work."

Natasha recognized the clicks Calpurnia made and she laughed.

"Oh really?" She said.  
"I'm just being honest." The turian said, putting her hands up as if in defense. They laughed.  
"My goodness..." Natasha sighed, shaking her head slightly.  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
"Oh boy..."  
"I've always been curious... How does it work for you two? I mean... With being different species?"

Natasha and Calpurnia had never had a topic that was off-limits, but they had never spoken about their intimate lives together. Natasha was a very private person, she always had been. Her face burned as she cleared her throat.

"Well... You just get used to it."  
"Care to elaborate?"  
"I don't know... It's not much different, at least I wouldn't think so."  
"Yeah but turians are... Rough."

Natasha laughed, though she was unsure if it was embarrassment or if it was because she knew it was true.

"Humans can be rough." She replied.  
"Yeah but humans don't have a primal instinct to keep their mates held in place." Calpurnia said, her mandibles twitching into a smirk.

Natasha thought of how Nihlus would dig his talons into her hips or her back. A shiver ran through her body at the memory.

"Yeah." She said, feeling the heat in her cheeks.  
"Don't just say yeah, let's talk about it." Natasha laughed nervously, shaking her head. "Was he nice to you at least?"  
"He'd never hurt me."  
"Not on purpose..."

Natasha sighed, knowing the turian wouldn't give up. She crossed her arms.

"I liked it... I liked him and that was a part of him, it was his instinct."  
"He let himself do that?"  
"Yeah..."  
"I always imagined he'd have alot of control."  
"He never got too crazy without me telling him it was ok."

Calpurnia nodded, crossing her own arms.

"Why so shy?" she laughed.  
"I don't know… I don't hear you willingly talking about Saren's performances in the bedroom."

Calpurnia took in a sharp breath, a smile printed on her face as she nodded, as if thinking about it for a moment. She laughed, looking at Natasha again.

"What do you want to know?" she asked.  
"How much control did he have?" Natasha laughed.  
"Not much."

They laughed loudly, and for a moment, they were able to forget that their husbands were lost to them. Reminiscing over the past was enjoyable, though they both knew that the present and the future were going to be difficult to get through. As Natasha laughed, looking over at her best friend, she felt like she was alright. She was smiling, really smiling, and for the first time in almost a week, she felt happy.

* * *

Seven months, one week and two days. Natasha had been counting the time since she'd left the hospital. She didn't know if it was healthy or not, to be reminded of how much time would be thrown away should she relapse, but she did it anyways. Her job had given her a promotion from a typical employee to an hourly manager. The raise was nice, but Natasha enjoyed the trust her boss put in her the most. She had done it on her own, earning the place with her hard work in the shop. She loved her job. Selling flowers was nice, almost peaceful. Her social skills still left something to be desired. She didn't make many friends at work. There was one asari she spoke to every few days, but Natasha kept her distance. It was almost out of her control. She would avoid her sometimes, feeling the need to keep to herself. There was one friend, however, she found easy to keep around.

Nihlus had made it very clear he wanted to keep an eye on her. He stopped in at her apartment a few times, even stopping by at her place of employment. Half the time they spoke, he didn't even ask about her financial status or her current stance with drugs. He didn't speak to her like a case he was working on, he spoke to her like a friend. She appreciated him. She would find herself thinking about him, at work or when she wasn't doing something to keep her mind busy. She never understood why, it was just something her mind did. Her thoughts always went back to him.

That was why she was idly stroking the petals of a flower as she stared off, not listening to the other employee that was speaking to her. She nudged Natasha, who blinked and looked over at her.

"What?" she said.  
"Are you ok?" the asari laughed, looking at the flower in Natasha's hands.

Natasha looked down at it too. The poor flower's petals were sagging from the abuse she had inflicted. She put it down gently.

"Yeah, I'm ok. I was just thinking… What do you need?"  
"Nihlus is here to see you. Says he needs to ask you something."

Natasha walked past the woman, stepping through the door that lead out to the storefront. She smiled at the turian, who leaned on the counter in front of her.

"Hi." she said.  
"How's work today?" he asked, looking around.  
"It's been a little slow." she replied. "I hear you have something to ask me?"

Nihlus stood up straight, nodding at her as he put his arms behind his back.

"I have a… favor to ask of you."

Natasha smirked, nodding.

"Ok." she said, waiting for more information.  
"I have a dinner to go to tonight, it's a get together C-Sec holds for the high ranking detectives. They bring their wives. I don't have one, so I was hoping you'd go."

Natasha was taken by surprise, but smiled at the idea.

"You want me to go hang out with a bunch of cops?" she asked. "Will they be alright with that?"

Nihlus laughed, and she smiled at him.

"They don't care, your charges are clear." he said.  
"If you're sure…"  
"You'll go?"  
"Yeah, I'll go."

Nihlus nodded appreciatively.

"Thank you."  
"Why me though?" she asked before he could turn away.

He gave her a look that she couldn't read; she'd never seen him look at her like that before.

"Figured you'd like to go out for dinner… Plus, you owe me."

Natasha tilted her head with a smile.

"Oh I see. You're finally playing that card."

They laughed for a moment. Natasha enjoyed the fact that she was the one the turian had thought of to invite to the dinner.

"I'll pick you up." he said, then turned away.

She stared after him, processing the fact that she'd be spending her evening with a bunch of cops. The fact that their wives would be there made it even more frightening. They were probably all beautiful and tough. Natasha wasn't Nihlus' wife, but she knew she'd be picked apart by the women. They had money and would probably be dressed in their best. A wave of panic washed through her as she thought of what to wear. She turned sharply, running into the asari behind her.

"Sorry!" she said, putting her hands on the asari's shoulders. "I'm sorry."  
"I'm fine." the asari laughed. "Are you ok?"  
"I um… Can I leave early?" she asked.

The asari looked at her questioningly.

"Are you ok?" she repeated.  
"Yeah, I just have to get some things figured out… Stuff to get ready for."

The asari nodded hesitantly.

"Alright." she said. "You can go, as long as you're ok."  
"I am." Natasha said with a smile. "Thank you very much."

Natasha rushed from the building before the boss could say anything else. She knew she had to get herself ready. What time was it? She shook her head, taking a shuttle to the presidium. She knew she shouldn't do it, but she had nothing to wear. She needed something. The desperation rose in her stomach as she tried taking a deep breath. That damn turian. It was dinner. She shook her head and pushed the worry from her mind as best as she could as the shuttle took her to her destination.

After the shuttle landed, Natasha walked into the markets on the presidium nervously, knowing she shouldn't be here. She couldn't help but notice all the vents that the presidium had. She tried walking into the store with her head held high, but after stepping in the doorway, she immediately felt out of place. A tall human woman approached her with a smile on her face and a data disk in her arms.

"How can I help you m'am?" she asked.  
"I'm looking for a dress to wear to dinner." Natasha said, glancing around at the racks they had set up.  
"What's the occasion?"  
"It's formal."  
"Right this way." the woman led her over to a rack and ran her hand over the dresses that hung there. The woman turned back to her. "These are our shorter dresses, these are the longer. Do you have a preference?"

Natasha hated the idea of a short dress, but she felt long was too formal. She pointed at the short, nodding slightly.

"With your hair color, I think red or black would look nice, but it's up to you. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha stared at the rack for a moment after the woman walked away, deciding to go with black. She sighed as she slowly looked through the rack. She shook her head at every dress she saw. She'd never had to shop for a dress before. She chewed on her lip as she pulled one of the dresses off the rack. She hated the idea of trying it on, so she just went to the counter, telling the woman she was finished.

"Five hundred credits, please." the woman said with a smile.

Natasha reluctantly opened her Omni tool, hoping the purchase would be worth it in the end. After she was finished, she returned to the shuttle, ready to be home in her comfort zone once again.

* * *

Calpurnia and Natasha sat quietly, eating their dinner. Natasha kept thinking about the time Nihlus had invited her to the dinner with his work friends. She looked up at the turian next to her.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" she asked.

Calpurnia smiled, swallowing her food before responding.

"I do." she said. "It was at the C-Sec dinner."  
"You hated me then."  
"I did not hate you." Calpurnia said, putting up a finger in protest. "I was just skeptical, and wrongfully so. I apologize, for the millionth time."

Natasha smiled, looking down at her food.

"I had been so nervous."  
"I would be if I had your history at the time."  
"It wasn't because of my history."  
"What?"  
"I wanted to impress him… He asked me for a favor, I wanted to really come through."

Calpurnia smiled and took a sip of her drink.

"You did." she said after a few moments.

Natasha absentmindedly looked down at the ring on her finger, nodding in agreement. It was six years ago, but she remembered it so well. She smiled as she poked around at her food, shaking her head at the memory. After she took another bite, Natasha felt her stomach turn. She groaned, putting her forehead in her hand as she closed her eyes, trying to shake off the nausea. She took a few deep breaths, letting her body relax for a moment. It ended up passing and Natasha could feel Calpurnia watching her.

"I'm alright." Natasha said, lifting her head slowly.  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah."

There was silence between them until Natasha picked up her fork again. Calpurnia shook her head.

"That was so long ago." she said.  
"Yeah…"  
"Fat chance of us ever dating again…"

Natasha smiled, but knew deep down the comment was a reality. She was in no way, shape, or form ready to try dating again, and she knew Calpurnia wasn't either.

"We could just live together and raise the baby when it comes."

Calpurnia shrugged with a smile.

"Ya know, it doesn't sound half bad." she replied.

They laughed, silence enveloping the room once again.

* * *

Natasha looked at herself in her mirror, turning to the side, then back to the front, then back to the side again. She kept messing with her hair, hoping it looked good the way it was. She sighed heavily before hearing the knock on her door. Her heart leapt to her throat, and she quickly tried calming herself down. She cleared her throat, taking a deep breath before touching the green pad on the door. She was taken by surprise when she saw Nihlus standing at the door with a single rose. She stepped to the side to let him in, but he didn't move, holding the flower out to her.

"Thank you." she said, accepting it.

He walked passed her, putting his arms behind his back like he always did.

"You look nice." he told her, turning back in her direction.  
"Thanks." she said, feeling the heat rise in her face. She cleared her throat again, confused at what the flower had meant. "Is this a… date?"

The turian's mandibles clicked, though she didn't know what it meant.

"Are you asking me to call it that?" he said.

Natasha shook her head quickly.

"No, I just… When guys get girls flowers, it usually means something more than the girl owing the guy a favor."

The turian laughed shortly.

"I didn't get you flowers." he replied. "I got you A flower."  
"Oh I see." she laughed, walking to her kitchen to find something to put it in. "One means you're acknowledging that I'm off the hook?"  
"One means I acknowledge you're working towards being off the hook."

Natasha shook her head as she filled a vase with water. She put the flower to her nose and smiled before putting the stem in the glass. She put it in the center of her small table, then looked over at him.

"Well, it's beautiful nonetheless."

The turian titled his chin up, appearing quite proud of himself.

"Are you ready to leave?"  
"I am." she said, walking over to the door.

They left, grabbing a shuttle to transport them to the dinner. Natasha looked at Nihlus.

"Where is the dinner?" she asked.  
"A restaurant on the presidium."  
"Oh."  
"Don't be nervous."  
"I'm not."  
"I can hear your heart beating." Natasha looked away from him, reminding herself of the turian's heightened senses. She took a deep breath. "They don't know who you are. You were my case, not theirs."  
"If they ask how you met me, what do I say?"  
"Anything you want. I don't ask that you hide the truth, but I want you to be comfortable."

Natasha nodded, appreciating his honesty. The shuttle landed after a few moments, letting them out at the restaurant. Natasha had never even seen the place before. Nihlus offered her his arm, smirking slightly. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Walking in with our arms linked will turn some heads." she said.  
"Is this another one of those dating gestures you were talking about?" he asked.  
"Sort of."  
"Then be my date." he replied simply. Natasha laughed, looking at his offered arm, taking it calmly. She took a deep breath. "I can still hear your heart beating."  
"You owe me." she told him.  
"No, you still owe me."

He opened the door for her, letting her in before walking in himself. He linked his arm in hers once more. The inside of the restaurant was beautiful, the table cloths a clean white, candles burning on the tables. The dark red-colored walls had paintings and other artwork lining them. Natasha was shaken from her thoughts as Nihlus pulled her along, greeting another turian. They shook hands, Nihlus not letting go of Natasha's arm with his other.

"Good to see you, Kryik." the turian said, his voice deep.  
"As always, executor." Nihlus replied, before looking at Natasha. "This is executor Pallin, he is the head of C-Sec. Executor, this is Natasha."  
"A pleasure, miss." the turian said, nodding at her.  
"Nice to meet you."  
"I didn't expect you to bring a human."

Natasha glanced up at Nihlus, who seemed unaffected by the comment.

"You know me." he replied.  
"Come on, the others are waiting."

Natasha wished Nihlus would let go of her, but he insisted as he led her over to the table. He released her arm once they were there, pulling her chair out for her. He sat next to her, enjoying the look she gave him.

"Is that a gesture?" he asked quietly.  
"Yes." she hissed.

He seemed to enjoy her level of concern, looking across the table to the turians that sat there.

"Glad you could make it, Saren." he said. "I thought for sure you'd be busy with some… training."  
"My… training, has nothing to do with dinner." Saren replied, leaning his elbows on the table as he looked back to Nihlus intently.  
"Even spectres have to eat." Nihlus said, nodding in agreement.

Saren shook his head.

"Enough." Pallin said over the two of them. "Saren's spectre training is still a need to know topic."  
"He's my best friend, who better to know?" Nihlus said, sitting back in his chair and opening his arms slightly.  
"I'd know before you." the turian beside Saren chirped.

Natasha looked at the turian female. Her plated face was beautiful in the lighting, her dress showing her neck off clearly. Natasha noticed the bite mark on her plates before she took her eyes away from the turian. Nihlus looked over at her.

"Natasha, this is Saren, my partner. Well, he was my partner until he left C-Sec…" Pallin cleared his throat, but Nihlus kept talking anyways. "This is Calpurnia, his bondmate."

The turian eyed Natasha, as if she was looking at a bug.

"Nice to see Nihlus finally got a girl to stand his mouth long enough to go to dinner with him." Saren said, crossing his arms across his chest.

Natasha smiled, glancing at Nihlus.

"I didn't have to say much to get her to come. She owed it to me."

Natasha wanted to smack him as soon as the words left his mouth. She knew it had sounded bad, while making her look like a cheap date. Nihlus looked at her with a smirk. Saren and the other male turians at the table snickered briefly.

"I'm impressed." Saren said finally, regaining his composure.  
"How so?" Calpurnia asked, her brow plates shifting together quickly. "Not like much pleasure would come from anything she has to give. Humans can't take it."

Natasha felt her cheeks turning red, but she failed to bite her tongue as she looked at the turian.

"Sorry?" she said.  
"Humans couldn't take it." Calpurnia repeated.

Natasha didn't know why the turian had went to the level she had, and Natasha didn't know the first thing about the turian mating process. Natasha was unsure as to why she felt so angry about the comment. She leaned her elbows on the table.

"I can take it." she replied.

Her eyes locked with the turian's, who glared back.

"I highly doubt it." she said.  
"I can take it." Natasha repeated, not taking her eyes from the woman.

There was silence as the others watched the two have a seemingly polite disagreement. Saren nudged Calpurnia.

"Enough." he said. "This is not a discussion to have here."  
"Yes dear." Calpurnia replied, taking her eyes off the human.

Natasha looked over at Nihlus, who seemed taken aback by her, though he said nothing.

"How did you meet her, Nihlus?" another turian asked. "She seems open to turian standards of dating."  
"Natasha, this is Sparn. He's one of the detectives that never quite matched up to Saren and I. And, of course, his bondmate, Neera." Nihlus indicated towards the turian who sat close to Pallin. "This is Evalyn, Pallin's bondmate."

The turian laughed at the comment that Natasha had thought rather arrogant, though she didn't attempt to stick up for Nihlus as she exchanged pleasant smiles with the other females at the table.

"How is it you've matched up to Saren, you're no spectre." Sparn shot back. Nihlus nodded, allowing the turian to have the satisfaction. "How did you meet her?"  
"She was the typical damsel in distress, and being the good cop I am, I saved her life." Nihlus replied.

Saren chuckled, shaking his head.

"You are incapable of saving a woman's life."  
"What?" Nihlus said, acting offended.  
"Like I said before, I'm surprised she came, I'd have to kill you if I listened to your mouth for longer than five minutes."  
"Tell them." Nihlus laughed, nudging Natasha.

Natasha took a deep breath, looking over at Saren.

"I met him in jail." she said. Nihlus had unexpected her to admit to how they'd really met, but let her keep talking to the surprised turians anyways. "He arrested me."

Pallin leaned forward, his mandibles clicking.

"You're Natasha?" he asked. "The one he had to go to the council to defend?"  
"Yep." Natasha said, feeling unashamed to tell them this; She was a free woman.  
"A lot of guts coming here then." Saren said with a smile.  
"Well, like I said before…" she looked at Calpurnia. "I can take it."  
"I like her Nihlus. Honest. Sure has nerve." Sparn said.

Nihlus put his hand on hers under the table, making her look at him. She didn't know why he did it, but she stopped glaring at the turian across the table.

Their food came shortly afterwards, which everyone had been thankful for. Natasha stared down at her food, knowing she couldn't eat it without having an allergic reaction. She glanced at Nihlus, who didn't seem to realize the issue.

"Looks like you can't take it."

The turian's words made Natasha's blood boil. She knew turians were stubborn and arrogant, but the woman clearly had a problem. Natasha glared back at her as she chewed on her food. Nihlus looked over at her.

"I'll go-"  
"No, it's fine, I can eat it." Natasha said, waving her hand at him and picking up her fork.  
"Natasha-"

Before Nihlus could finish his protest, Natasha poked her food with her fork and put it in her mouth. She couldn't help but crinkle her nose as the texture, the food crumbling in her mouth. The taste was the next thing she thought she'd gag on. She swallowed the food quickly, thankful for it to be out of her mouth. She felt the turians watching her as they ate, waiting for her to start choking. She took another bite casually, not feeling any difference in her body. As she chewed, however, her throat began to tighten. She knew it had been a dumb idea, but she swallowed the second bite anyways. She pretended to poke around at her food while she was struggling for breath. Nihlus nudged his knee to hers, making her look at him. He nodded over towards the bathrooms. She knew he'd noticed her reaction to the food. She stood, excusing herself before walking calmly to the bathrooms. Once she was inside, she put her hand to her throat, coughing for breath.

Not thirty seconds went by before the bathroom door opened, the female turian joining her. Natasha put her hand out, trying to tell the woman to leave, but the turian grabbed her, making her sit on the ground. She took out what Natasha thought looked like a pen and jabbed it into Natasha's thigh. Natasha coughed a few more times before she felt the swelling going down in her throat. She took a few deep breaths, not looking the turian in the eyes. Calpurnia watched her for a moment, then got to her feet. She offered her hand to Natasha, who took it hesitantly.

"I'm impressed you'd go so far to challenge me, but I feel your stubbornness will kill you someday." she said. "You do have guts…"  
"Yeah." Natasha said, walking over to the sink, wishing the turian would leave.  
"If you hurt him I'll be sure to make you regret it."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, looking back at her.

"What?"  
"Nihlus. If you hurt him, you'll be sorry."  
"I'm not his date." she confessed. "I came because he had no one to invite."

The turian smirked, crossing her arms.

"He had plenty of people to invite… If you hurt him… Just refrain from doing so. It's better that way."

Calpurnia walked to the bathroom door, leaving with a rather proud smile on her face. When Natasha walked back out to the table, there was human food waiting for her. She thanked Nihlus. The remainder of the night wasn't bad. Natasha actually enjoyed being among the turians. When everyone had finished up for the night and started saying goodbye, Calpurnia shook Natasha's hand, giving her a look that made Natasha weary of what she'd said in the bathroom.

Natasha had wished with all of her heart that the ride home would be a quiet one, but Nihlus had other plans. He cleared his throat and her heart jumped. She didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"Well, they think you have guts."

Natasha sighed, rubbing her face roughly.

"Yeah." she said.  
"Why did you do that? You didn't have to prove anything to anyone."  
"I didn't do it for them."  
"Nat-"  
"I did it so you know I'd stick my neck out for you."

Nihlus looked at her for a moment, then shook his head slightly.

"Stubborn human." he mumbled.

She laughed.

Once the shuttle landed at her apartment, Nihlus walked her to the door. She opened it and he stepped in for a moment.

"Well, I went to your dinner." she sighed, taking off her heels. "Happy?"  
"Now that I know you aren't afraid of cops and can…" he cleared his throat. "Take it like a turian…"

Natasha laughed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are we even now?"

He laughed at her.

"No." he replied.  
"Great."  
"In all seriousness, I am glad you came, Natasha."  
"I'm glad I came too. I had a nice time getting to know your friends." He smiled at her happily. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "What else do I have to do to become 'even'?"

The turian smirked, tilting his head at her slightly.

"Come to dinner with me." he said. "Alone this time."

Natasha stared at him, her eyebrows knitted slightly, sinking into her hip as she thought about his request.

"Why?"  
"It'd be fun."

Natasha knew it would be fun if they went as friends, but she was unsure if that's the only level he wanted it to be on. She shook her head at him.

"Nihlus, I'm not ready for something like that… I'm just not ready for a relationship."

The turian seemed to be unconvinced.

"Just let me take you out. As a friend."  
"Nihlus…"  
"As a friend." he repeated.

Natasha sighed, stepping forward.

"If you take me to the café."  
"On the presidium?"  
"Yes. For my lunch break tomorrow."  
"I'll be there."

He turned towards the door, walking out with that pride he always carried. She smirked, sitting down at her table. She had a blister on her heel, which she rubbed soothingly. She was unsure if going to lunch with Nihlus was a good idea, but she couldn't help the small part of her that was excited to do so. That damn turian. Under her skin, once again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! So I'm back from my hiatus! I had a great weekend, for those of you that are curious as to how my wedding was. I am very happy, and thank you for the support. (:**

**So, without further ado, here is my very long returning chapter. Please rate, review, or even PM me. Thanks guys!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Natasha's heart hammered in her chest as she stared at the large section of chairs in the presidium's hall. She felt Calpurnia's hand on her shoulder and she stiffened.

"Come on Tasha… We should find a seat." she said. Natasha shook her head, trying to back away. "Hey-"  
"I can't do this." Natasha said, tears falling down her face.

Calpurnia grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her forward again.

"Natasha, if you don't do this, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

Natasha stared at her friend, shaking her head again. Calpurnia nodded in return, pulling her forward slightly. Natasha took a deep breath, then nodded with her, walking in the hall slowly. Calpurnia linked her arm with Natasha's. As they walked, Natasha could feel the eyes on her. She held her head high, though her tears didn't cease. She saw Garrus approaching them. It made her want to run; she didn't want to talk to anyone, she just wanted to sit and get this over with. The turian stopped in front of her, nodding slightly.

"Your seats are over here, ladies." Garrus said, gesturing to the chairs in the front row.  
"Thank you." Calpurnia said.  
"I can sit away from you, if you prefer." he offered.

Natasha wiped her tears, shaking her head.

"No, you can sit with us. It's ok."

Garrus let them walk past him, following after they found their seats. Calpurnia made sure Natasha was in the middle of them, her protective instincts coming out as people started coming in. The ceremony wasn't private. Nihlus was a spectre and was given a very large, and very public ceremony to honor his work for the Citadel. Natasha didn't think it would have made a difference for the ceremony to be private; it would have been hard either way.

The council entered the room after a few moments, walking to their spots at the front of the room. They stopped where Natasha was seated. Calpurnia held her hand.

"Mrs. Kryik, we extend our condolences." the asari said, with a concerned tone.  
"Is there anything you'd like to say up there?" the salarian asked.

Natasha shook her head, not looking up at them. They bid Calpurnia and Garrus well, then walked up to their podiums. The turian stayed behind.

"I trust you are being taken care of?" he asked.  
"I am." Natasha replied, nodding. "Thank you."  
"I hope our ceremony honors your husband properly."

Natasha just nodded, knowing if she said anything, it wouldn't be pleasant. The turian said goodbye to the others and joined the other councilors at the podiums. Natasha glanced at Garrus, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"How will this work?" she whispered.

He didn't turn his head to her, but he sighed, as if weighing his words.

"They will talk about his successful work, and tell how he was killed. They won't go into detail, but they'll have to give some kind of explanation. Nihlus was a big deal in the council's eyes and everyone knew it."

Natasha nodded, looking down at her hands as she toyed with her thumbs.

"Then what?" she said.  
"They'll have their silence, and then they'll let the people say their goodbyes."  
"Is that it?" she asked.

Garrus shifted in his chair, looking at her now.

"They'll present the purple heart to you again, a fake one this time. For the public to see."  
"That's not right."  
"I agree, but they'll do it anyways."

Natasha shook her head, glancing at Calpurnia, then looking back to Garrus.

"Will they say anything about Saren?"  
"Doubtful."

Natasha felt Calpurnia's hand on her own, and she looked over to her friend.

"I am letting go too." she said simply.  
"You don't have to do that."

Calpurnia looked at her, smiling sadly.

"Yeah… I kinda do." Natasha couldn't help but think about how much their lives had been changed over a week's time. She squeezed the turian's hand, looking back up at the front of the hall. The coffin that sat up there, the flags of Palaven, everything just made it so real. Natasha knew this had to be quick, she couldn't stay here for long. She shifted in her seat, but it didn't go unnoticed. "You have to do this."  
"I know… I just…" Natasha sighed heavily.  
"You have to be able to face your problems."

Natasha remembered her treatment, but it only made her heart ache that much more. She nodded to herself, knowing she could always go back if she needed it. The council stood now, over-looking the crowd that had gathered in the hall.

"Ctitzens of the Citadel, we thank you for attending this service." the asari started. "We are brought together today in remembrance of a soldier, a loving husband, and a faithful protector of the Citadel. Nihlus Kryik was a good man, and one of our top ranking spectres. Though he was born and raised on Palaven with his family, he joined C-Sec when he was eighteen, ready and willing to serve the Citadel. He did so until the day he died."  
"Along the way, he had done many things. He was promoted from C-Sec to join the spectre's ranks. He was married to a loyal wife. His life was lost far too early, and it will not be forgotten." the salarian said.  
"Nihlus Kryik's mission on Eden Prime was not what we would call a complete success. He was training the first human spectre, a milestone to both the Citadel and the human race. In his sacrifice, Admiral Hackett and Admiral David Anderson have both awarded Nihlus with a purple heart. This is an honor in Earth's military, and would be received by his wife." The turian councilor said before stepping down from his podium. He carried a box that looked similar to the one Natasha had sitting at home. She stood when he reached her chair. "Mrs. Kryik, I present this purple heart to you, in honor of your fallen soldier. The council and the Alliance Navy extend this gift to you. Will you accept it?"

Natasha cleared her throat, nodding.

"I will." she said, taking the box from him.

The turian went back to his podium. Natasha couldn't sit back down quick enough, the tears returning in her eyes.

"We will now take this time to let those who wish to say their goodbyes. Please, limit the number of people who come up at a single time. Thank you." the asari councilor said.

Natasha waited, watching a section of C-Sec officers as they stood to say their goodbyes. She let them, feeling the anxiety building in her stomach at the thought of what she would say when it was her turn. So she waited, letting the people say what they had to until there weren't many people left. She admired the fact that so many had been effected by his death, but at the same time, it broke her heart to see how many people had cared for him. All of them hurt in some way or another at the loss, and in that thought, she didn't feel so alone.

Calpurnia nudged her, leaning in slightly.

"Do you want to go up there?" she asked.

Natasha looked at her.

"You go first." she said.

Calpurnia nodded, letting go of Natasha's hand as she stood. Natasha noticed the deep breath the turian took in before she stepped up to the coffin. Natasha watched her walk up there, but she was distracted by Garrus' sudden movement. He stood, looking off in the distance for a moment. Natasha looked up at him.

"Where are you going?" she asked.  
"I'll be back, I'm just going to take care of something."

He walked away before she could ask questions, but after he rounded the corner of the hall, there was no guessing what he was doing. She focused on Calpurnia again, trying to figure out what she would say once she got up there. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before she stood. Calpurnia turned to her after a moment, walking back over to their seats. Her plated face was wet with tears. Natasha hugged her, feeling her own tears welling up once again. When she let go, Garrus had returned to her side.

"Where did you go?" she said, keeping the tears from falling by distracting herself.  
"I took care of the reporters that were waiting for you to approach the coffin." he said, not looking at her.

Natasha smiled, reaching out and touching the turian's shoulder.

"Thank you." she said gratefully.  
"No problem." he replied.

Natasha sighed, looking up towards the coffin. Calpurnia rubbed her back gently.

"What do I say?" she asked.

There was silence between them for a moment, and Natasha knew they were just as clueless as she was. What does a widow say to let go of her husband? No advice in the world could make it happen.

"Anything that you need to." Calpurnia finally said.

Natasha nodded, taking a step forward. She thought her feet were rather heavy as she walked further. When she reached the coffin, which was closed, she shook her head.

"I shouldn't be doing this." she said to herself. "I shouldn't be saying goodbye to you like this… Not now…" She placed her hand on the coffin gently, shaking her head again. "I should have listened to you that morning. I should have let you resign like you wanted to… I should have listened…" Her tears were falling now, and she knew she couldn't hold them back. "I love you… I always will… But I am going to let go. For you. I know you'd want me to be happy…" Her heart broke at the sound of her own words, knowing she didn't want to hear them, no matter how much truth they held. Her free hand went to her stomach as she hung her head slightly. "I'm gonna have this baby… Our baby… I'm going to do it for you… I love you." she picked her head up, letting her hand slide from the coffin. She was silent for a moment, then she turned. She couldn't move her feet though… She had to make herself say it. She bit her tongue, but turned her head back towards the coffin. She felt herself breaking into pieces as she gathered the words. "Goodbye Nihlus."

When she returned to Calpurnia and Garrus, they said nothing to her. They knew better. Even Garrus, who knew nothing about her, knew better than to ask if she was ok. She linked her arm with Calpurnia's, and they walked back to the doors that they'd come in. Natasha thought of the apartment she was sharing with Calpurnia currently. She wished with all her heart that she could hide for a while, to stop answering to everyone. She hated the publicity Nihlus had, even though she had no doubt he'd deserved it. Being his wife brought the attention to her as much as it did himself, and she hated it.

Just when she thought she was free from people asking questions, she heard someone say her name when she left the hall. She turned, the turians at her side stopping with her. Natasha's heart dropped at the sight of her mother-in-law. She took a deep breath, tightening her grip on Calpurnia's arm. As much as it was none of the turian's business to listen to what the woman had to say, Natasha didn't want to be left alone; she couldn't take it. The woman stepped forward, looking at the ground for a moment before clearing her throat and looking into Natasha's eyes.

"I'm sorry." she said.

Natasha wished her body could stop producing tears, growing irritated as they fell down her face again.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" Natasha asked. "To talk?"

The turian seemed to be unprepared for Natasha's offer, but she nodded anyways.

"Where would you like to go?" she asked.  
"We can go to the apartment."  
"I'm going too." Calpurnia said.

Natasha shook her head, looking at her friend.

"You should go home, Cal. We need to talk in private."  
"I am obligated to go." Garrus told her. "I have to."

Natasha grew frustrated with him, but didn't object. He had a job to do, and she knew it.

"I'll be home later." Natasha told Calpurnia.  
"Better be." she replied, letting go of Natasha's arm.

Calpurnia walked away reluctantly, and Natasha walked in the other direction. It'd been a week since she'd been home, and she wasn't sure if she could withstand going back, but she had to. It was her home.

* * *

Natasha took a deep breath, breathing in through her nose, then out through her mouth. She felt her nerves getting the better of her as she twiddled her thumbs together. She looked up at the clock, then nodded at it. It was time. She grabbed her over coat and covered her bare shoulders with it, stepping out of her apartment and approaching the waiting shuttle. The man asked her where she was going when she got inside.

"The presidium."

The shuttle ride was slower than she had wanted it to be. The only thing that kept her from telling the shuttle driver to go back was the fact that she was doing this for Nihlus. It had been three months since their lunch date at the café. Although she'd told him that she wasn't ready for a relationship, Nihlus kept asking Natasha out to dinner anyways. It was hard for her to accept at first, unsure of why the turian was interested in her. Of all the people that new her history, he should be the one to stay away. But he didn't. She did turn him down a few times, but she ended up letting him take her out when he asked. She knew he wouldn't give up if it was something he really wanted. Damn turian.

That's why she was arriving at the presidium, at one of the fanciest restaurants the Citadel had to offer. She was nervous, but not afraid. She walked in, looking around to find Nihlus. He waved her over as she spotted him. She took a deep breath as she walked over. He stood and pulled her chair out for her. She smiled at the turian he had been sitting with. The woman stared at her.

"This is Natasha." he said, sitting next to her. "Natasha, this is my mother, Kireya."  
"It's nice to meet you." Natasha said with a smile.  
"It's nice to meet you aswell." the turian replied, glancing at her son with an unsure smile. "I wasn't expecting her to be human. You never said anything."  
"Why is there a need to?" Nihlus asked. "She is what she is."

Natasha felt something in her chest well up. It made her smile, though she tried keeping herself under control. Nihlus seemed to catch the smile that flashed across her face before she hid it.

"So Nihlus tells me you work at a flower shop." Kireya said after clearing her throat.  
"Yes, I do." Natasha replied, nodding.  
"Do you enjoy it?"  
"Yeah, it's nice."  
"The Citadel has very nice gardens on the presidium, does your store supply those?"  
"No. We mainly do weddings and special events. You can come in and buy them for anything though."  
"Natasha is an hourly manager there." Nihlus said, leaning back in his chair.

Kireya eyed the human, smiling pleasantly.

"How did you meet each other?" she asked.

Nihlus exchanged glances with Natasha, who remained silent. Nihlus cleared his throat after a moment of silence.

"She was brought into C-Sec, wrongfully accused of shop lifting. Ended up being a quarian." he said.  
"That's never good. I imagine you figured it out quickly." The woman seemed to think highly of her son. It made Natasha smile; she knew he deserved it. Kireya turned her gaze to Natasha once again. "Nihlus tells me you don't live on the presidium. How much does your shop make?"  
"That's not appropriate to ask, mother." Nihlus said, shaking his head.  
"I'm curious." she said, shrugging.  
"It's ok." Natasha said. "I make two hundred credits a week."

The turian seemed unimpressed as she raised a brow plate.

"Again, not appropriate, it's none of our concern." Nihlus said before his mother could speak.  
"Well it is your concern, isn't it?" Kireya asked. "I don't see you claiming her as a mate, but if you did it's something to consider."

Nihlus rubbed his face. Natasha could tell he was getting irritated.

"Is your father coming to dinner?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

She saw the female turian stiffen, and Nihlus looked over to Natasha, shaking his head.

"My father is dead."

Natasha stared at him, wishing she could disappear at that moment. She bit her lip, slouching slightly as if it would help her hide.

"I'm sorry." she said.  
"It's alright." Nihlus said, waving a hand at her. "He died quite a few years ago."  
"Oh."  
"It's alright Natasha." he repeated, grabbing her hand gently.

She smiled slightly, nodding as the topic slid away. Kireya shifted in her seat, clearing her throat.

"I hear your work in C-Sec is getting noticed by the council. Word has it they're considering spectre status. I'd hope you turn them down should they ask." she said.  
"Why?" Natasha asked, knitting her eyebrows.

The turian snorted, shaking her head at the woman.

"Spectres are terrible. They think they're above the law, and they are not." she looked over to her son again. "Your father would hate it if he was still here."  
"I know." Nihlus said, nodding. Natasha could tell he was uncomfortable. "I haven't heard anything about it. Don't worry."

Natasha made a mental note to ask him about the situation later. The dinner was decent afterwards, Natasha staying quiet as much as she could to avoid anymore uncomfortable topics. Once it was over, Nihlus told Natasha he'd take his mother back to her hotel, then meet her back at her apartment later. She was grateful that she could have time to beat herself up for opening her mouth. The shuttle ride home was excruciating. She just wanted to be home. Alone.

Once there, she rushed inside, shutting the door swiftly behind her. She put her hands on her face, shaking her head in irritation. She groaned as she kicked off her shoes, wishing she could relive the night. She'd do better. That was the problem though. She could wish and say what she would do if she could go back, but it was wasted time. She'd have to make do with what she had done. Nothing would change the bad first impression to Nihlus' mother. She ran her hand through her hair, tugging on it slightly as she sank into her hip.

"Stupid." she said to herself.

She walked to her room, stripping off the dress she'd been wearing and exchanging it for some comfortable pants and a thin tank top. She walked into her bathroom, considering taking a shower before she heard the door. She drug her feet as she walked over to answer it, knowing Nihlus would be there. She opened the door, letting him in silently. After the door was closed, she turned to him, her hands in a praying position against her chest.

"I am so sorry." she said. "I didn't…. Oh my god… I didn't know about your dad, and I just had to open my mouth and ask questions about the spectre thing. Your mother probably thinks I'm nuts. I'm sorry."

Normally, Nihlus would stop her from ranting if she blamed herself for something. This time, he waited until she was done to speak, his mandibles flaring as he smiled. She knitted her eyebrows in confusion.

"Why are you so worried?" he asked, putting his hands behind his back.  
"What?"  
"Why are you so worried?"  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
"I thought our dates were casual."

She didn't know what he wanted her to say. In the past three months, Natasha had considered their lunches and dinners together as dates, and not between two friends. She knew he did too, but she also knew he liked to push her to tell him what she felt. Even after being out of therapy for ten months, she still had to work on her social skills when the occasion called for talking. She cleared her throat, shrugging her shoulders at him.

"You know they aren't."  
"Oh?" he said, stepping towards her. "You've denied having a relationship with me from the start."  
"I didn't deny anything, I just told you I didn't think I was ready."  
"Yet here we are."

Her heart was racing. She knew she would end up saying something stupid if she kept playing his game. He was a cop, and trained to get answers from people. She was no match for his tricks.

"We're here because you decided to come here."  
"You know what I meant."

Natasha shook her head, groaning at him.

"Look, Nihlus I don't…" she scratched her head absentmindedly. "I just can't do this."  
"Do what?" he said, crossing his arms across his chest.  
"This. You trying to get me to be something I'm not. I can't keep going to dinner and lunch and… Meeting your mother. I can't just do this as a fling. I can't be your arm candy, and I don't want to be. You may think I owe you something, but I don't. You did your job and I did my part to get better. Let it go. I can't do this."

Nihlus unfolded his arms, stepping towards her again. She could hear a low growl emitting from his chest as he brought his face closer to hers.

"If you ever say that again… You really will owe me."  
"Now you're threatening me?"  
"Absolutely not."  
"Just go."

Nihlus shook his head, standing his ground in front of her. She felt a burning in her chest, though she didn't know if it was anger or nerves. The turian that stood in front of her, growling in anger, was quite intimidating, without reminding herself that he was trained in combat. She shook her head at him now. She wouldn't be pushed around, bullied into doing what he wanted her to. She'd worked hard to get to where she was. Without thinking about it too much, she put her hands on his chest and shoved him back.

"Stop." she said.

He didn't approach her again, but the growl remained and he didn't leave.

"I care about you." he told her.  
"No, you think I owe you."  
"Just listen for a minute, you stubborn human." he replied, stepping towards her again. "I care about you. I care about your well-being, your happiness. I don't know why. I don't have a fetish for humans, I never have. You… You are interesting to me… I care about you. Whether you care about me or want to do so is irrelevant. I can care from afar too."  
"Why can't you just accept that I can't do that?" she asked, feeling the fire in her chest burn out.  
"It's not how I work."

She shook her head, sighing heavily as he approached her again, the growl going away.

"I'm nothing good for someone like you Nihlus. It's… It's just more work for you, and you've done enough. I could spend the rest of my life trying to repay you but it would never be enough. You saved my life. I am thankful everyday. But I can't do this for you. I cannot do this for you."

For the first time since she'd known him, she saw the pride and arrogance leave him, his face showing a soft expression as he reached out, putting his hand on her cheek gently. She felt her heart racing, her body shaking slightly from the unknown of what would happen next. He grabbed her hand with his free one, not taking his eyes from hers.

"You say you can't do this for me… But will you try? For me?"

She blinked at him, searching for words that her tongue forgot how to pronounce. She'd never experienced someone being this way with her, and she never expected it to be Nihlus asking her to give him a chance. She never asked for a chance when he gave her one ten months ago. Why should he even have to ask? She should be ready and willing to do anything he asked her to do. Even in that mind frame though, it's not what made her smile. The fact that he was interested, that he saw something worth sticking around for inside her, made her want to cry. It felt so nice to have someone care for her.

She reached up, putting her hand on his plated face, her fingers tracing his mandible slowly. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

"I… I'll try, if it's what you want."  
"I want you to be comfortable."

She closed her eyes, feeling herself becoming overwhelmed with his level of concern for her. She was grateful, but it was a lot to take in. Before she could say anything else, or even open her eyes, she felt him close the space between them, his lips pressing to hers gently. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and she did her best to kiss him back. It wasn't long, it wasn't lust-filled. It was sweet, and slow, and short lived. The kind that tested the waters. When they came apart, they locked eyes. He seemed just as dazed as she was. She didn't leave his arms, even in her frantic thoughts.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly.

She shook her head, putting her other hand on the other side of his face and pressing her lips to his. The second kiss was a little longer, but felt the same as the first. Her heart hammered in her chest now, and she knew he could hear it by the way he held her. Tight to his chest, his one arm around her waist and his other running through her hair slowly. She pulled away gently, keeping her eyes closed as she savored the moment. It wasn't as bad as she had always imagined. It wasn't a big deal, to kiss someone, but still, her first one would never be forgotten. The moment was perfection to her. She looked up at him with a small, warm smile.

"I'm not."

* * *

Natasha quickly unlocked her door, leaving it open for Kireya and Garrus to follow her in. The nausea was rising quickly in Natasha's throat and she rushed frantically through her apartment, ignoring everything she saw on the way to the bathroom. She barely had time to get to her knees in front of the toilet before she hurled, holding her hair back tightly. The bile burned at her throat as her body calmed slightly. She leaned against the wall, wiping her mouth as she panted. She groaned, getting to her feet quickly. After flushing the toilet and rinsing out her mouth, she slowly walked out to her bedroom. She had never hated the layout of her apartment more than she did in that moment. The only bathroom she had was through the bedroom. The sight of it made her heart sink. The pictures, the dressers that she knew held hers and Nihlus' clothes. The bed was made up, waiting for it's habitants to return. She shook her head as she walked through the room slowly, running her fingertips across she blankets of the bed. She sighed, knowing she'd have to come to terms with living in this space sooner or later. There was no way she could live with Calpurnia forever.

She walked back out to the living room, looking around before addressing the turians. More pictures, more memories. Even looking at the couch made her cringe, remembering the night Nihlus had come home just two weeks ago. She smiled to herself, then shook it away quickly. She looked up at Kireya, gesturing for her to sit down at the table. The turian did so, Garrus staying near the door to avoid listening in on the conversation.

"Do you want some coffee? Food, or anything?" Natasha offered.  
"Are you alright?" Kireya asked. The question was strange, coming from the turian. Natasha knew full well that she never cared about her. To what situation was she referring to? The death of her husband, or the fact that she had just thrown up? Natasha decided to nod, to avoid asking what she really meant. "Are you sick?"

Natasha shook her head.

"Nerves, I guess."  
"I can imagine this isn't easy."  
"Imagine?" Natasha said, knowing the turian had lost her own husband in her lifetime.  
"Well. Figure of speech I guess."  
"Do you need something?" Natasha asked, feeling herself retreating like she used to. She tried to remain calm, but her mind was shutting down fast. She knew the turian didn't care. "Can I do something for you?"  
"You may be mourning your husband, but I am mourning my son." she replied, a defensive look on her face. "A mother has far more right to this place than a wife does."

Natasha scoffed, nodding. She knew the turian would say something like that. It was never outright, it was always subtle. It always pissed Natasha off though. She knew how to talk, she wasn't who she was six years ago. She knew how to defend herself.

"Is that why you were there for him for the past six years?" she spat. The woman seemed taken aback, her brow plates shifting to a bewildered look. "Is that why you were by his side through C-Sec, through spectre training? At his wedding, or even his bonding ceremony? Anything?"  
"How dare you!"  
"No. How dare you!" Natasha replied. "How dare you come here and tell me you deserve this place more than me. I am his wife!"  
"I am his mother!"  
"I am his legal beneficiary and you are not."

Natasha did her best to keep her voice civil, to not yell, but the turian was proving it harder than she thought it would be.

"My son deserved more."  
"More than what? Than me? He was a grown man, he could make that choice for himself. Or do you mean C-Sec? The Citadel, the spectres? To which amazing detail in his life are you referring to?"

The turian leaned forward, a growl sounding from her chest.

"I deserve to have something of my son's!"  
"Maybe if you'd been a part of his life when he was alive he would have left you something after he died!"

The turian stood in anger, and for a split second, Natasha thought she'd get hit. Garrus was quick to step in between them, Natasha standing now.

"This isn't the time for you two to fight." he said. "Nihlus wouldn't want this."  
"Who are you?!" Kireya said, turning on him now. "You didn't know anything about my son!"  
"Stop!" Natasha yelled, silence falling over the room afterwards. The turians stared at her as she cried. She bit her lip, deciding whether or not the woman deserved to know she was carrying Nihlus' child. For a moment, she was content with keeping it to herself, but when she thought of how to keep the woman away, she couldn't help but confess. "I'm pregnant."

The turian snarled, giving her a look of disbelief.

"Impossible." she spat.  
"Very." Natasha agreed. "But I'm pregnant, and it's Nihlus' baby. I understand you're confused and you want something of his. Feel free, take a shirt, take a photo, I don't give two shits. You can take something, and then you will go home, go back to Palaven where all the other self-righteous turians live. Go back, and stay the hell away from my child."  
"I have a right to see my grandchild-"  
"No, you don't!" Natasha yelled, stepping closer. Garrus put his arm out, stopping her from making physical contact with the woman. "Ya know, I may not live to see the baby. It's risky, but you can damn well bet that I'll fight. And when I survive, the first thing I am going to do is make sure you will never see it, because you're right. Nihlus did deserve better."

The turian stared at her, her mouth open slightly as Natasha held her ground in front of her. Kireya shook her head.

"I will see that baby." she said.  
"Take what you need to take and go." Natasha replied.  
"I will see-"  
"Take what you need to take and go!" Natasha repeated, raising her voice again.

The turian took a step back, her eyes scanning the room. Natasha hated that she was allowing the woman to take something, but she didn't have to heart to deny her the right. The woman walked across the room picking up a picture gingerly. She looked back to Natasha.

"I loved him, Natasha." she said, her voice shaky. "I loved Nihlus so much…"  
"I guess that's one thing we could agree on for the time we had the unfortunate opportunity of knowing each other." Natasha replied coldly.

The turian nodded, turning her back to the human and leaving silently. Garrus walked over to the door, locking it before looking at Natasha. She waited for him to judge her, to say something in response to what had happened. He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Natasha shook her head, rubbing her face.

"She has treated me like nothing but dirt since we met… And I'm done. The only reason I ever took it was for Nihlus' sake."  
"You shouldn't have done it even for him."

Natasha shrugged.

"What do ya do?" she replied, walking towards him.  
"Are you ready to go back to Calpurnia's?" he asked.

She shook her head, looking around the apartment.

"I think I should stay longer…"  
"Do you want me to step outside?"

She looked up at him, his eyes locked onto hers. She knew he was doing his job, but she was grateful he was determined to do it well. She shook her head.

"No. You can stay. I'll make some coffee."

As she walked out to the kitchen, Natasha finally felt like everything she'd had bottled up was gone. The sorrow, the guilt, the anger, it was all gone. She felt better. She wasn't sure if it was because she got to yell at someone, or if it was because she finally said her goodbye, but she didn't care to figure it out. She was empty, and she needed to be sure to keep herself healthy. She knew the mourning process would be extensive, but she had to focus on herself. On the baby. Her life was on the line, and so was her child's. She chewed on her lip as the coffee machine brewed the drinks, and she laughed to herself lightly. She would focus on what was important from now on. She made a silent promise to herself then, telling herself to shape up for her unborn child.

And shape up, she would do.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! I wanted to give a shout out to the lovely MayriahLee who drew the fanart for this story. It's currently the cover for the fic, so go look at it, I think it's awesome. (: If you'd like to do any fanart for the fic, please PM me. I'd love to see more creations!**

**Thanks for the support, and please, rate and review, or even PM me!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"This is going to hurt." Natasha relaxed her stomach muscles as the doctor cleaned her skin, preparing to give Natasha the injections she needed. She chewed on her lip as she waited. "Deep breath."

Natasha took a breath in, and when she exhaled, the doctor poked the needle through her skin. Natasha closed her eyes at the pain. The doctor took her time, the long needle finally reaching it's ending before the doctor pushed the syringe down. The medicine was painful to Natasha. It burned, then cooled under her skin. After the needle was out, Natasha sat up slightly, looking down at her waist. She glanced over at Garrus, who sat next to her. He had kept himself from looking at her skin when it was exposed.

"Ow." she breathed.  
"It shouldn't be so painful as you get more of the injections." the doctor told her as she threw away the needle.  
"How many do I need?"  
"It's hard to say. It's new technology, it's never needed to be used before. Not many species successfully reproduce with one that isn't their own." Natasha nodded, pulling her shirt back down over her bare skin. "Are you still feeling nauseous?"  
"From time to time, yeah. Otherwise I feel fine."  
"No bleeding, no discomfort?"

Natasha shrugged her shoulders.

"I think it's in my head. The discomfort. I'm always worrying that I'll hurt it if I'm sitting wrong or laying down the wrong way."

The doctor gave her a warm smile.

"I'm not worried about the baby's safety until you're farther along. Right now I'm concerned about you."  
"Right." Natasha replied as she was brought back to the risky situation of birth.  
"Let's just take it one step at a time. We're going to do everything we can to help you."

Natasha nodded, pushing the negativity away from her mind.

"I know. Everything is going to work out."

The doctor seemed concerned, taking a seat next to Natasha.

"Let's talk about the elephant in the room." she said, folding her hands together. "I'm very sorry for your loss. I need to know who this man is, and if I can speak about your medical situation in front of him."

Natasha glanced at Garrus.

"His name is Garrus Vakarian. He works for C-Sec, he was asked to watch over me for a while."  
"I imagine the council is very concerned for your well-being."  
"They are." Natasha said, nodding.  
"May I speak freely in front of him?"  
"Yes."  
"With your medical situation, we are putting every single medical effort we can find toward making sure you are safe." the doctor started. Natasha knew she was going to say something bad. "The problem is that it will cost a lot of credits…"  
"I have money."

The doctor cleared her throat.

"I know you have benefits coming from the Council, and I know you have a life insurance policy set in place now that your husband is gone. This insurance policy doesn't cover medical expenses like this though. It will cover some, but it's not enough to cover it all."

Natasha felt her chest tighten, though she didn't let it show that she was bothered. She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding as her eyebrows knitted together.

"What do I do?" she asked.  
"There will need to be more credits forwarded to our clinic. I can try buying you some time, because I feel for you. The situation is not a very pleasant one, and I know you've got enough going on already. Your elevated stress levels aren't good for the baby, and I don't want to add on to that. I can pull some strings-"  
"No." Natasha said quickly, shaking her head and waving her hand at the dotor. "Please, don't. I can figure it out."  
"I would go to the council, if I were you, Mrs. Kryik. They can help you."  
"Thank you."  
"I'll see you back here in a week then." the doctor said, standing as Natasha did. "Take care of yourself."

She left the room, nodding at Garrus before doing so. Natasha groaned, rubbing her face.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

Natasha looked up at him, then shrugged.

"I'll figure it out."  
"The council can help. I'll go with you if you want me to."  
"No. It's ok. I'll figure it out."

She was grateful that the turian didn't bother her anymore about it. She put on a tough face as they walked out of the clinic, but inside, her heart was racing. Panic was rising within her. She walked quickly, the turian matching her pace. She could feel his eyes on her, which only made her more irritated; He could hear her heart beating. The walk to the shuttle was silent, as was the ride back to Calpurnia's apartment.

Once they were there, they stepped in the door just to be greeted by a growling Calpurnia.

"Is it true?!" she said, walking over to Natasha. "Did that bitch really demand that you give her that apartment?!"  
"More or less."  
"What nerve. Ya know, she's lucky I wasn't there! I don't care if she's my elder, I would have knocked her on her ass."  
"I think Natasha handled it well." Garrus told her, sitting down on the couch. His mandibles flared into a smile. "She didn't let her go without a few words of her own."

Calpurnia looked at him, then back to Natasha.

"You said something?"  
"Yeah."  
"There was a fight and I wasn't there?!"  
"No, there wasn't a fight. I thought she'd hit me… Garrus played referee."  
"What did you say?"

Natasha told Calpurnia about the conversation she'd had with Nihlus' mother. Calpurnia was thoroughly entertained.

"I kinda felt bad when she left, but I knew she deserved it…"  
"I can't imagine having a mother that hated me. Saren's parents loved me."  
"That's because you were the same species as him. Kireya never liked me."  
"She didn't like anyone he talked to." Calpurnia scoffed.  
"It doesn't matter. I won't be able to pay for the apartment much longer anyways."  
"What?! Why?"  
"I was informed today that the benefits I am receiving from the life insurance isn't enough to cover the tests they're running on me."

Calpurnia's growl deepened.

"What?" she said through her clenched jaw.  
"Yeah… I have to get a job."  
"Go to the council."

Natasha sighed.

"I can't, they've already done enough."  
"You have to!"  
"No, Cal."  
"Sparatus owes it to you."

Natasha felt her face growing hot as she glanced at Garrus. She gave Calpurnia a look, shaking her head.

"No. He doesn't. He gave me Garrus, that's enough."  
"Glad to know I was a significant gift." Garrus said, humor in his voice.

Natasha smiled, shaking her head.

"Look. I'm not going to them. I can take care of myself."  
"If Sparatus owes you something, I'd take it." Garrus told her. "The man deserves to have payback looming over his head."  
"No. I don't want to ask him for anything. Both of you just need to let me handle it." Silence fell between the three of them for a moment. Natasha sighed heavily. "I'm gonna take a shower."

She walked away swiftly, feeling the turians watching her as she left the room. Garrus looked to Calpurnia.

"Why does he owe her?" he asked.

He could tell the woman was trying to stay quiet, but Calpurnia had never been one to keep things to herself. As much as she loved Natasha's friendship, she cared too much to let it go. She sat next to him on the couch, the growl in her chest going away as she tried finding nice words to explain.

* * *

Natasha walked through the C-Sec building, doing her best to keep herself calm. She didn't do anything wrong, she was here by choice, but it still made her antsy. She held her head high, walking through the hall of offices, making her way to the elevator and pressing her finger to the console. She heard a voice come over the speakers in the small space as it rose, though she ignored it. She never really cared for the galactic updates. She started tapping her foot lightly. Was it just her, or was the elevator exceptionally slow?

When the doors opened at her desired floor, she stepped out slowly, admiring how different it looked up here. She'd never been up to this floor, but she didn't mind. She looked around at the doors, reading the labels until she spotted the one that said N. Kryik. She smiled slightly, walking over to it and knocking. She heard voices on the other side of the door briefly before it opened. Nihlus seemed irritated before he laid his eyes on her. His face softened, letting her in silently. She looked at the other turian in the room, wondering what was going on.

"Should I wait outside?" she asked.  
"No." Nihlus replied. "It's alright."

She sat the bags she'd been carrying down on his desk. She hated the silence that fell in the room. She felt bad for intruding.

"You should inform your boss you need more paperwork to satisfy yourself, since you don't feel the need to represent Palaven the way you've been asked to." the turian said.

Natasha looked at Nihlus, feeling that familiar fire ignite in her chest. She waited for him to speak, knowing she shouldn't. He put his arms behind his back.

"Yes sir." He looked at her. "I'll be back. Don't leave."

She nodded, watching him leave. She looked over at the turian, who stepped closer to her.

"Is he in trouble for something?"

The turian scoffed, walking over to the door and shutting it.

"So you're Natasha." he said, turning to her.  
"Yes."  
"Why are you here?"

She shifted her weight, feeling nervous in front of the man.

"I'm at a bit of a disadvantage." she replied. "You know my name."  
"I know your name because I know your history, tunnel rat."

It'd been a long time since she'd been called that. It stung, but it made her smile.

"I don't live in the tunnels."  
"You have no right to be here."  
"Nihlus invited me."  
"Nihlus needs to get his head clear, he needs to keep away from you. I have no doubt it's your human influence that is making him refuse the rank we're offering."  
"Spectre." she said, without having to ask. "When was it offered?"

Before she knew it, the turian brought the back of his hand to her face, making her recoil. She was surprised at his strength. She regained her balance and held her cheek, not looking at him.

"Don't insult my intelligence by asking me that!" he spat. "Nihlus is the best C-Sec has to offer. Humanity's influence shouldn't get to him. You have no right to tell him to refuse."

Natasha couldn't bring herself to respond. She was afraid. She could feel herself shaking, her heart racing. He stood in between the door and herself. If she was quick, she could open the door and call for help. She wondered how far away Nihlus had gone.

All she could do was back away from the man, letting her hand fall back to her side as she cautiously looked back up to him.

"I never told him to refuse, I didn't know anything about it."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, his grip firm. She could hear a growl starting in his chest.

"You stay away from him, or you will regret it. I will dig up everything in your file and put you back in jail, do you understand?"

She nodded before he shoved her back slightly. After she hit the floor, she heard a second thud. She looked over to see the turian on the ground. Nihlus walked over to her, offering his hand. She took it, standing as she looked down at the other turian. Nihlus let go of her, grabbing hold of the turian and yanking him to his feet.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded. "Are you crazy?!"  
"That human is influencing you, don't you see that?!"  
"Sparatus, you're out of line!" Nihlus said, pushing him towards the door. "If you ever touch her again, I will report it to the other councilors. Get out of here!"

The turian hesitated, but turned to the door.

"I'll be briefing her on how to press charges." Nihlus added before the turian was out of sight.

The door closed and Nihlus turned to Natasha, putting his hand on her chafed face. She tried pulling his hand away, acting like it was nothing but he gave her a look and she let him proceed. He brought her over to the couch in his office, letting her sit.

"Are you hurt?"  
"Who was that?"  
"Councilor Sparatus."  
"He offered you a position as a spectre?"  
"I turned him down."  
"I got that."

Nihlus ran his fingers through her hair gently, a look of concern on his face. He shook his head.

"I should have known better than to leave you alone with him."  
"I didn't know turians were so hostile."  
"Not turians. Just… He believes my denying the position is a shame to Palaven."  
"You should take the position."

He smiled at her faintly, then shook his head.

"I'm not concerned about it. I want to know that you're ok."  
"I'm ok." she replied.  
"I'm sorry I left you alone."  
"Nihlus, I'm ok."

He moved closer to her, putting his forehead to hers tenderly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the touch. It had been a month since the night they'd first kissed. After that time, they'd fallen into a pattern of a relationship, rather than a friendship. The dinners and lunches continued, but they spent more time figuring each other out. Learning about each other, enjoying their time together. It wasn't as bad as Natasha had thought it'd be. She enjoyed being around Nihlus, and she could tell he enjoyed being around her just as much. The publicity of their relationship was the only thing that Natasha wished would change. Not many people were very fond of the idea.

"He's lucky he did this here. I would have broken his hands if it wouldn't get me fired."

Natasha opened her eyes, smiling at him.

"Thank you."  
"Don't thank me, it's my job to protect you."

He ran his fingers through her hair again, his talons gently grazing her scalp. It sent shivers down her spine. She leaned in, bringing her lips to his gently. She wasn't sure if it was his determination to be good for her or if it was the way his talons ran across her skin that made her heart pick up it's pace. A tingle ran through her body. She'd never felt this way while kissing him. It was new, but welcome. His free hand touched her shoulder, and as if it was a cue she'd been waiting for, she laid herself down on the couch. He didn't object, his lips not leaving hers as he laid over top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her tongue greeting his slowly. He let his hand slide from her shoulder, down her body to rest on her outter thigh. His grip on her wasn't painful, but she knew she wouldn't get out of it easily. It excited her. He pulled his lips from hers, traveling down to her neck. She tilted her head back, giving him full access to her skin. She wasn't sure why, but it caused him to growl slightly. She ran her hands up his neck, gripping his fringe gently. He groaned, sending more shivers through her body.

Without the strength to tell herself to remain under control, she wrapped the leg Nihlus had in his grip around his waist. In that small moment, she wondered if wearing a dress was the right idea. She rocked her hips slowly, pushing them against his own. She couldn't tell if he had a reaction. She was too busy worrying about herself. Everytime she moved her hips against his waist, waves of ecstasy ran through her. It was something she'd never experienced, but she didn't want it to stop. She felt his teeth graze her neck gently, making her gasp. She tried getting herself under control, to make her hips stop moving so they could regain their composure. Once she was able, though, Nihlus used his grip on her leg to urge her on, pulling it up towards him in a motion that asked her to continue. His invitation was all she needed. Her hips started rocking again, the tinges of pleasure pulsing through her every time she ground against him. The growl deepened in his chest and she could feel it vibrating against her own. She wondered if he was angry or if a growl meant something different than what she had originally interpreted.

After a moment of her pushing herself against him, his grip on her leg was used to make her stop. She was confused as to why he was holding her in place. She looked up at him, seeing the struggle in his face before he raised himself from her. She took a deep breath and sat up, pulling her dress back down over her thighs. She watched him, hearing the growl lessen and eventually go away as she waited for him to speak. A part of her was grateful he stopped her, but her body was begging for him to lay her back down.

"Not here." he said, looking at her finally, his breathing under control.

He touched her cheek gently. She nodded in understanding.

"Right." she replied, glancing around his office.  
"Nat… If this is something you want, if it's something you're sure about… We can do this. I would just rather it's not here."

She smiled slightly, nodding. Her smile faded quickly, her mind urging her to talk to him. She struggling with the words, looking at him shyly before opening her mouth again.

"I've never done this before." she said quietly.  
"I imagine." he replied.  
"No, I'm not talking about turians. I'm talking about anyone… I've never done this before."

The look he gave her was hard to read. She shifted, taking her eyes away from him as she chewed on her lip. After a moment, he put his hand on hers gently, and she looked back to him.

"If you're sure it's what you want."

Natasha swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

"I've never… I trust you Nihlus. I want that."

He kissed her tenderly.

"Then I'll do some… research. I know close to nothing about the human anatomy." he gave her a look. "I don't want to hurt you."

There it was again. That flutter in her chest. She smiled, enjoying the familiar feeling, idly wondering what it meant.

"I trust you." she repeated.  
"I'm glad." he said. "I'm still doing research."

She smiled. He looked over at his desk.

"What did you bring me?"  
"Probably cold now." she laughed, standing up and walking over to the bag. "I didn't know what to get, so I went to the café. Got you the sandwich you liked the last time."

He walked over to her, stopping behind her rather than beside her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck playfully.

"That'll do." he told her.

The tingles ran through her body again before she broke away from him.

"Not here." she told him.

He laughed, his mandibles flaring as he opened the bag.

"Right." he replied.

After having lunch with Nihlus, Natasha said goodbye and left for her shuttle. Once she got home, a message came in on her Omni tool. She knitted her eyebrows, wondering who would be messaging her other than Nihlus. She turned it on and smiled in surprise.

_Natasha,_

_You should come to Flux after work today. Drinks are on me. Try to leave the lover behind. Girls only._

_-Calpurnia_

Natasha thought about it for a moment, enjoying the invitation. She and Calpurnia had gotten to know each other since their meeting, and Natasha ended up really liking the turian's company. Natasha didn't drink that often and she wondered if it was a good idea to do so. The worry was short lived, a smirk growing on her face as she walked to her bedroom to get herself ready for the bar. She was going to have fun. She needed a drink.

She took her dress off and exchanged it for pants and a shirt, feeling slightly uncomfortable going to the bar so exposed. She left her apartment shortly after getting herself dressed, getting back in the shuttle and taking off for Flux. Natasha had never been to the bar. It had gambling machines on the top floor, and drinking on the lower. Two more things she had to keep herself away from, for fear she'd grow a dependency on either one. There were times she wished being paranoid about relapsing would go away, but then she would remind herself it was for the best. She was determined to stay clean, and she couldn't replace it with another addiction. She'd watch her drinking tonight.

The shuttle landed and she stepped out, hearing the music inside. She took a deep breath and walked in, scanning the place for Calpurnia. She spotted her sitting up near the bar. Natasha walked over to her, touching her shoulder. Calpurnia turned and smiled, bringing her into a hug.

"I'm glad you made it. And impressed you made it without Nihlus attached to your hip."

Natasha laughed, sitting next to her.

"How've you been?" she asked.  
"As good as I can be." Calpurnia replied before taking a drink from her glass. "You're good, I take it?"  
"I guess." Natasha replied. "Thanks for inviting me."

Calpurnia smiled.

"I guess you're the only woman I found myself wanting to hang out with."  
"I don't drink much." Natasha warned.  
"You do tonight."

The turian got the bartender's attention and ordered a drink for her. The asari poured the drink and sat it down in front of Natasha, who picked up the glass and raised it to her nose.

"What is it?" she asked.  
"A good time, drink it."

Natasha laughed, then took a sip of the drink. The bite at the end made it less appealing, but she figured it'd go away after a while.

"So. How's Nihlus these days?"

Natasha tried swallowing down the taste before she answered, crinkling her nose slightly.

"He's good. I guess they offered him a spectre position. He turned it down though."  
"You shouldn't announce that in public." Calpurnia warned. "But I'm not surprised."  
"That they offered or that he refused?"  
"Either. Nihlus is one of the best at what he does and he doesn't believe he should take that kind of job."  
"Why?"  
"His dad." Natasha took another drink of the orange liquid. "His mother has it printed in his mind that his dad would hate it. Of all the things Nihlus does, disregarding what his father would want isn't one of them."  
"How did he die?"  
"He was an officer at C-Sec. One of his cases went bad. He was shot."  
"I can't imagine…" Natasha said, shaking her head before drinking again.  
"His mother left the Citadel, went back to Palaven afterwards. Nihlus left the military and joined C-Sec."  
"Was he close to his dad?"  
"What turian doesn't want to live up to his father?" Calpurnia replied, drinking from her own glass. "It's in our blood to live up to our clan names."  
"I get the feeling his mother is a… spiteful person."

Calpurnia let out a loud laugh, patting Natasha on the back.

"To put it lightly." she replied, nodding.  
"Is she mean to you?" Natasha asked, laughing lightly before taking another drink.  
"Yes. She hates life, don't take it personally."  
"Right…. Saren is a spectre." Calpurnia gave her a look and Natasha mentally kicked herself for opening her mouth again. "Sorry."

Calpurnia shook her head as she smiled. Natasha felt her eyes on her, and she looked over. The turian gave her a warm, but questioning look.

"Nihlus seems pretty… serious, about you." Natasha's heart sped up, her mind going back to the events of the day. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She shrugged her shoulders at the turian, taking a drink to avoid responding. "The way he talks about you… I don't think you realize what you're in for."  
"What do you mean?"  
"He's never been this way with anyone. Trust me, I've been around long enough to see plenty come and go…"  
"Why does that mean I'm in for anything?"

The turian laughed, shaking her head again.

"Do you know anything about turian relationships?" she asked.

Natasha shrugged again.

"I know they bond. I've seen your mark."  
"Turians have two different kinds of courting. Casual and bonding. Trust me, turians are very casual, but if they have a bondmate, it's for life."

Natasha wasn't sure what the woman was trying to say, so she shrugged again.

"So what, Nihlus wants to bond?"  
"Not necessarily, it's not that simple. Bonding is extensive." Calpurnia waved a hand at her as she took another drink. "Look, that's not the point. The point is that if you're looking for a casual thing, I think you should just stop it now. I just don't get the feeling that's what he wants from this. Humans have sex just as casually, and I don't know your full intentions, but if there was ever a back out point, this would be it."

Natasha felt strange, knowing the accusations were false. She never wanted to use Nihlus or hurt him. She was unsure of how long their relationship would last, or if it would at all, but she never wanted him for sex. She shook her head at the turian.

"I don't want him for some casual… Sex. Or whatever."  
"Is that so?"  
"Yes." Natasha said, as honestly as she could. The turian waved down the bartender for more drinks, to which she complied. They were silent, drinking for a moment before Natasha worked up the courage to ask her questions. "Do you have a history with him?"

Calpurnia looked over at her, laughing again.

"No. I've been with Saren longer than I've known Nihlus… My sister dated him though."  
"Oh."  
"I watched her treat him like crap. She wanted something casual. It was alright for them for a while, but he grew tired of it. He's more of a settle down type and she wasn't. So you know if you ever treat him like that, you'll have me to deal with."

Natasha smiled, admiring the turian's protectiveness. She nodded.

"Fair enough." she replied.  
"You make him happy." Calpurnia said. "I can see it when he talks about you… So whatever you're doing… Keep it up."

Natasha smiled at the comment, but her mind searched for the words to her questions she needed to ask. She took a deep breath after taking another drink then looked over at the turian.

"If I told you we have had something casual, like sex… What would you say?" she asked.

Calpurnia laughed.

"I'd say I didn't think you had it in ya… Though you did tell me first off that you could take it."

Natasha laughed, but it was out of confusion, not humor.

"What?" she said.  
"I'd be impressed."  
"Why?"

Calpurnia gave her a look.

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" she said.  
"Yes."

Calpurnia sighed.

"The biting, the scratching, the general hostility… I'd be impressed that you could take it."

Natasha no longer thought the conversation was one she wanted to have.

"Biting and scratching?" she questioned.  
"I know you haven't done anything with him, otherwise you'd know what I'm talking about."  
"Right… So what are you talking about?"  
"Turians are…. Rough… Primal instincts and all."  
"They can't be gentle?"  
"Well they can, but in general, they like to just… Get it done." Natasha began re-thinking whether or not doing the deed with Nihlus was a good idea. She drank down her drink, feeling Calpurnia's eyes on her. "Did he ask you to sleep with him or something?"  
"No, why?" Natasha said, trying to sound casual.

Calpurnia sighed, as if explaining it was so normal it was annoying.

"I can hear your heartbeat and smell the sweat on your forehead." she sighed.

Natasha idly wiped her skin, trying to dry her forehead.

"I'm… I'm a virgin." she said, looking over at the turian.

She seemed surprised for a moment, then she seemed humored.

"Does he know?" she asked.  
"Yeah."  
"And he still says you guys should do it?"  
"Yeah…"  
"When?"  
"I don't know, he said we should wait… So he can do some research."

Calpurnia shrugged.

"Nihlus wouldn't hurt you. He probably wants to prepare himself… Humans are so fragile."

Natasha hated how she said it, but agreed all the same.

"Is it a good idea?" she asked.  
"Do you love him?"

The question provoked a fear inside of Natasha, and she shrugged her shoulders.

"How am I supposed to know?"  
"Humans are so sentimental. If it means something to you to wait, don't do it. If you don't care about being a virgin or not, and you trust him, go for it. Just don't be surprised if he gets… Violent."  
"You're scaring me." Natasha confessed, biting her lip.

Calpurnia turned to face the human, laughing lightly.

"Look, it's not bad. He'll be careful." Natasha nodded, watching the turian's brow plates shift into a confused look. She touched Natasha's face. "Who hit you?"

Natasha smiled.

"I made some new friends at C-Sec."  
"Who?"  
"Councilor Sparatus."

Calpurnia's eyes widened, her mandibles clicking in agitation.

"Did Nihlus kill him?!"  
"He's pressing charges… Shoved him to the ground… That's about it."  
"He's being safe." Calpurnia replied, seeming to agree with his course of action. "He'll use it against him for as long as he can. Sparatus will let him, to keep his place on the council."  
"Seems harsh."  
"He hit you!"  
"So?"

Calpurnia shook her head, grabbing her glass and taking a swig.

"You've got a lot to learn about turians."

Natasha smiled.

* * *

Garrus felt his blood boiling. He tried keeping the growl in his chest low, but it didn't do much good. He was in a rage, his hands balled into fists at his side as he walked through the turian embassy on the presidium. It was as if he couldn't get to that office fast enough. He swore he could kill anyone that dared speak to him at that moment. Once he reached the door, he slammed his fist on the console, the door whooshing open at his touch. The councilor looked surprised to see him, but stood nonetheless.

"Vakarian-"  
"What the hell are you people doing?!" Garrus demanded, doing his best to keep his feet planted on the ground, rather than getting closer to the turian. He had to keep himself under control.

"Excuse me?" Sparatus replied.  
"Natasha. She's pregnant."  
"I'm aware."  
"Then you're aware of the medical treatments she _has_ to have to survive." Garrus replied, feeling his fists shaking at his sides.  
"Yes."  
"Then why the hell is the council not helping her pay for it?! Her husband just died, she's on her own! She shouldn't have to get rid of her apartment, or get a job! It's your responsibility to take care of her!"  
"The council can't pay for her expenses-"  
"Bullshit!" Garrus yelled, walking over to the turian, his face inches from Saparatus. A growl started in his chest now. "I know what you did to her. I know you hit her, threatened her. That's why you owed Nihlus. That's why you're going to help her. If you don't, I'll expose you to the other councilors."  
"You can't prove something that happened six years ago. She never pressed charges."

Garrus pointed a taloned finger in his face.

"Try me. I'll dig up whatever I can on you. That woman's well-being is on your conscious. Her life will be if she dies because she can't afford the treatments."  
"Remember she's a married woman, Vakarian."

Garrus took a step back, shaking his head.

"My interest in her safety has nothing to do with intimacy!" he shouted. "I am doing my job!"  
"If you don't leave this office, I will report you to Pallin and you will be stripped of your badge."

Garrus would have been grateful for the threat, but he knew it meant his job as Natasha's bodyguard would come to an end. That wouldn't do. He had a job and he was going to see it through. He took a deep breath, stepping away. He urged himself to leave the room, walking away swiftly. He had always been a firm believer that the council enjoyed playing the part as rulers over the Citadel. Somehow their places in politics made them righteous. Garrus knew what they were, and if they weren't going to help Natasha, he'd find a way to do it himself. It was his job to protect citizens, it was his job to take care of her. Nihlus had come to Sparatus and asked for another agent from C-Sec to watch over her, and he wouldn't give up.

He was going to fix this.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys!**

**Alright, I have been going crazy over this chapter all day, so hopefully it is worth the read, and hopefully I did a good job for you all to be satisfied. (: It's my birthday, so I was awarded all day to write. Isn't my husband just a peach? Lol.**

**My birthday gift to you all. (:**

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* * *

Natasha poked around at the dextro-amino based food in front of her, wishing that she had an appetite. She hated the stuff. She sighed, eventually pushing her plate away, making the other two turians look at her questioningly. She shook her head, absentmindedly looking down at her arm. Her Omni tool blinked in a message and she brought it up to look.

Mrs. Kryik,

This is an automated message, please do not respond.

Confirmation that Muerta Memorial Hospital has received your payment for your previous visit. Another payment is currently pending for your next visit. We look forward to seeing you soon.

Thank you, and have a pleasant day.

Natasha wasn't sure if the council had done something or if her insurance ended up covering it. Her heart sank when she thought about the possibility of her doctor doing something for her. She had told her not to… Then again, Natasha would do the same thing for someone in her shoes. She shook her head, forgetting her friends were with her. Calpurnia leaned over, trying to look at the Omni tool before Natasha shut it off.

"What was that?" she asked.  
"Um…" Natasha said, her furrowing her eyebrows. "It was a confirmation message to let me know that the hospital received my payments."  
"Oh. Good."  
"No… I never made a payment."

Calpurnia's brow plates shifted together.

"Weird."  
"You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you Cal?"

Natasha knew her friend had money. Saren's benefits still carried over to her, even with him having gone off on his own path. Calpurnia shook her head, taking another bite of her food.

"I don't." she replied.

Natasha had a hard time believing her, but let it go anyways. She glanced over at Garrus, who looked away from her.

"It was C-Sec, wasn't it?" she said.

He was silent for a moment, then he nodded.

"They thought you could use the help."  
"It's not their problem."

He gave her a look.

"Why can't you let people help you?" he asked.  
"I don't like owing people favors."

Calpurnia stood rather abruptly, grabbing the plates that were now disregarded. Natasha knew she didn't want to be in the middle of them, though she didn't know why she thought there would be a fight. Garrus sighed after she left the room.

"It's not a favor you owe to anyone… People want to help you."  
"Do you know anything about Pallin's relationship with me?" she asked with a small smile. "Do you know how much he dislikes me for marrying Nihlus? The first time we ever spoke, do you know what he said?"

Garrus shook his head.

"I'm guessing he wasn't nice."  
"He asked Nihlus why he brought a human to dinner. And he didn't even have the decency to say it to me, he had to ask Nihlus. As if I can't speak for myself. So don't tell me Pallin wants to help."  
"Maybe it wasn't Pallin who authorized it."  
"He's the only one who can."

Natasha knew plenty enough about C-Sec and how they worked. She didn't know why Garrus was trying to make excuses.

"I just think… What's that human phrase? Looking a gift horse in the mouth? I just think you shouldn't."

Natasha stood, shaking her head. She walked over to the couch, sitting down as she groaned in frustration. She hated feeling like she owed someone something. Nihlus was the first and only person she ever owed something to. It was going to stay that way. She wouldn't be someone's puppet just because people had seen it happen between the two of them. She could handle herself. She would provide for her own child.

She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She felt her head begin to throb and she shut her eyes tightly. She groaned in pain. She was growing quite sick of pregnancy.

"You ok?" She opened her eyes slightly to see Calpurnia crouching in front of her. Natasha nodded. "What's wrong?"  
"My head."  
"Are you going to be sick?"  
"No… I just need…. Ugh…"  
"I'll get you some medicine."

The turian got up to her feet and left the room swiftly. Natasha wished the world around her would stop, just for a moment so her head could lighten up. She heard footsteps and peeked her eyes open again. Garrus crouched in front of her now.

"I need to lie down." she breathed.  
"Come on." he replied, holding his hand out to her.

He helped her to stand, letting her walk as slowly as she needed until they reached the door to the room she and Calpurnia were sharing. She felt herself losing consciousness, her mind going dark and coming back again. She sighed. Her body tingled, numbness running through her fingertips. Garrus helped her lay down. She laid still for a moment, trying to keep her mind in the present. She heard Calpurnia rushing into the room, but Natasha raised her hand, trying to tell her she was fine. She fell asleep quickly, grateful that her mind would rest; It was much needed.

* * *

Natasha slowly stepped out of her shuttle, staring at the door of the apartment she'd went to. There was a part of her that was yelling for her to get back in the shuttle and go home, that this wasn't a good idea. She fidgeted with the end of her jacket, chewing on her lip as her mind raced. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted to do this. She _wanted_ to do this. She took another deep breath and walked to the door. She knocked on it quickly. It whooshed open. Nihlus was there, smiling slightly as he let her in. She'd never been in his apartment before. They'd always went to hers if they wanted to see each other.

"Make yourself at home." he said, gesturing to the couch.

His voice made her heart race. She sat down nervously. He crossed his arms, watching her intently. She already knew what he could hear and see, she didn't need to hear him point out the obvious. So she waved a shaky hand at him, looking down at her feet.

"I'm alright."

He sighed, sitting down next to her. He put his hand on hers. He was warm. It made her smile.

"Is there anything you want me to do? To help you relax? I noticed drinking is common for humans to… unwind, in situations like this."

Natasha let out a laugh that was louder than she intended. She ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath and then looking over at him.

"I want to do this." she told him. "I'm not scared. I'm just… You understand this right?"  
"That was also common for humans."

She smiled. She lowered her head to rest on his shoulder. She could feel the knot in her stomach relaxing, the nerves lowering slightly. She felt him sigh.

"Natasha…" She looked up at him. "I…I told you I was going to do research, to see how to make this work. And I did. I don't imagine you looked, but I want you to be comfortable. Whatever you think or know about turians, just disregard it. This isn't about our species. It's about us."

Natasha nodded.

"I talked to Calpurnia." she replied.  
"Great." he said, his voice sounding grim.  
"She had some interesting views on sex."

He laughed, nodding.

"She has some interesting views on life."  
"I think she tried to scare me away."

He looked over at her, his smile fading slightly.

"Did it work?"

She could hear the small hint of worry he had in his voice. She shook her head, putting her hand on his face.

"No."  
"I'm surprised." he replied, the worry quickly pushed out of his voice, the confident tone returning like it always did. "I imagine she wasn't nice."  
"She was nice… She just told me some stuff about turian mating rituals that I didn't know."

He put his forehead to hers gently, making her close her eyes. She loved his touch.

"I don't want you to worry."  
"I'm not."

She could feel herself trying to shut down, trying to change the subject. Different things ran through her head to bring up, but she stopped herself just before finding one. She couldn't let herself do that. It wouldn't be fair, to either of them. There was no reason she should make herself run from him. He cared, and she cared for him in return. All the more reason to stay right where she was.

She pressed her lips to his quickly, her worries instantly melting at the sensation. She idly wished she could hear his heartbeat at that moment. How was he managing on the inside? He ran his fingers through her hair slowly. She inhaled a sharp breath through her nose, her hand tracing his mandible idly. He pulled his lips from hers. She looked at him questioningly.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He sighed lightly, running a talon down her face gently.

"I want you to know I care about you." he told her. The worry had returned to his voice.  
"I know you care. I care too."

He looked into her eyes, taking a moment to relax himself. She wasn't the only one with nerves tonight. He pressed his lips to hers now, stroking her hair again. They spent a few moments like that. Kissing, enjoying each other's touch. Her heart started racing again, but it wasn't worry this time, or nerves. She was happy, and excited to be there in his embrace. Nihlus felt something burn in his chest at the sound of her quickening pulse. He pulled away from her again, standing up. He took her hands in his own and she followed suit. He kissed her gently, pulling her against his chest. She felt the tingles running through her, like they had at his office. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her hand resting just below his fringe. His hands ran down her body. Down the curves of her waist, resting on her bottom for a moment. She arched at his touch. He bent slightly, breaking their kiss to put one of his arms at the back of her knees. The other wrapped around her back to lift her up. Her stomach turned and she couldn't help but giggle at the fear of being dropped. It made him smile.

He kissed her again, carrying her to his bedroom. She bit her lip as she looked around it, admiring where she'd be staying for the night. She smiled as he sat her down on the bed slowly. He watched her for a second as she watched him, both of them taking in the moment they were sharing. She smiled. It seemed to give him the push to bring his lips back to hers briefly. She laid down on the pillows, though he remained standing. She waited for him, watching as he walked over to the dresser. He pulled something from the drawer, closing it quietly before turning to her. The bottle looked unfamiliar to her. He sat next to her, holding it out until she took it.

"I don't know how much you'd be effected, but you're allergic to me. Dextro-amino bases and all. This will help."  
"Do I drink it?" she asked, looking at the blue liquid.  
"No." he said, laughing lightly. She looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow before letting out a small laugh of her own. "It'll also help things to… Move easy."

She smiled, sitting up to kissing him.

"You make me laugh." she said.  
"I wasn't joking."  
"I know. What about you? You're allergic to me…"  
"I have my own."  
"Do we use them now?" she asked.

He stood again, walking over to the bathroom door. He looked back over his shoulder.

"I'll be out in a minute."

He closed the door behind him. Natasha looked down at the bottle in her hands, gripping it tightly before standing up. She sat it down on the bed and shrugged her jacket off of her shoulders. She took her time undressing, and even more time putting the liquid on herself. She stood alone, waiting for him for a moment. She crossed her arms over her chest, then lowered them down to her stomach. She then lowered her hands down to her waist. She sighed, letting her arms finally fall to her sides. She was getting nervous again. She looked down at herself, wondering how she would look to the turian. It only made her wonder what he would look like. She smiled at the thought.

The door opened and she looked up. Nihlus had taken his clothing off. They stood there for a moment, looking at each other's naked form. Nihlus' body plating shined slightly in the light. Natasha smiled. It was beautiful to her. She idly ran her hands on her sides, trying not to cover herself. He stepped towards her, reaching out and pulling her closer. She realized she'd been holding her breath. She let it out quickly.

"You're beautiful." he said, brushing his hand across her cheek.

She put her hands on his plated chest, smiling.

"You're the one that is beautiful."

He tilted her chin up to him. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment before he kissed her. Her heart was pounding. He slowly backed her up to the bed, breaking their kiss so she could lay down. She sat, her eyes locked on his. She found her way up to the pillows, Nihlus crawling up onto the bed with her. He laid down next to her, looking at her body as his talons ran down her curves. She sighed, a shiver running through her. She laughed nervously.

"Breathe." he said, a smile on his face.  
"I'm ok."

She leaned over to kiss him, pulling him on top of her quickly. Their tongues danced together for a moment before she felt his hand on her hip. She pulled away from him slightly, but forced herself to keep her thoughts away. He kissed her neck, his tongue licking at her lightly. Her mouth lulled open, her body arching to his touch. His hand gripped her thigh, like he'd done in the office. Nihlus could feel his plates shifting. He internally scolded himself. He wanted to wait for her to ask, to be sure she was ready. His body had other plans. He wanted her. He kept his growl under control, to ensure he wouldn't scare her. She was having a hard enough time already. He'd keep himself in check tonight.

She looked up at him, biting her lip, but giving him a look. He knew she was ready. He ran his hand through her hair, letting his plates shift fully before lifting her thigh to his waist again. Natasha felt her stomach turn as he positioned himself on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling him push into her gently. She closed her eyes, burrying her face in his shoulder. She didn't want him to see the face she was making. The pain was prominent. He held still, waiting for her to say something. She looked up at him after a moment, panting slightly.

"Are you ok?" he asked gruffly.  
"Go." she replied before kissing him.

He moved, being sure to take his time with her. She clung to him still and he felt her nails digging at his back. She grunted underneath him. He closed his eyes. He had to keep reminding himself of all the things he had to do. Don't growl. Be gentle. Is she handling it ok? Don't growl. Is it too much? Don't growl. His primal instincts were hard to fight as he felt the human underneath him. The scent of her hair was intoxicating.

Natasha felt her body growing used to the feeling. It didn't hurt so much, the ridges and grooves on him beginning to give her pleasure she'd never felt before. She gripped him, but stopped the digging she'd been doing to his back. She bit her lip, trying to keep herself under control. She started rocking her hips with his, the pleasure beginning to build. He groaned at her. She tilted her head up to him, kissing him passionately as he started speeding up. It sent a shot of pain through her, then it subsided, the pleasure returning. She let her head fall back onto the pillows.

"Oh…" she breathed, letting go of his shoulders with one hand, propping herself up on her elbow as they moved together. "Mm."

Her noises gave him all the confirmation he needed to keep going. It made his head spin to hear her. She moved against him, her hips' rotating to add to his own pleasure. She felt his tongue on her neck, her arm gripping his shoulders tighter. She balled the sheets in her other hand idly. The small waves of pleasure were building up. She was starting to feel desperate for it to reach it's peak. She was quite looking forward to feeling it for the first time. He moved faster, groaning at her again. She loved his pace.

"Nihlus." she breathed.

He couldn't help it. Hearing her call for him like that, hearing his name spoken in such a tone, such a lustful sound from her mouth, it made him lose the control he'd been so determined to keep. He gripped her thigh with his talons, making her moan in pain. He regretted it as soon as it happened, but didn't let go. She, in turn, bit at the plating on his neck. He felt her body growing tighter around himself, something he'd never felt before with a turian woman.

He ground his hips against her, pushing harder into her. Natasha's body was spent, a blaze of ecstasy crashing over her. She felt the spasms going through her body, bucking her hips up at him with every one. Her body shook afterwards, her mind in a blur. Nihlus was sent over his own edge at the feeling of her body's quakes. He throbbed inside of her, his warmth spilling out as he slowly rode her still. Before he retreated, he looked down at her, releasing the grip he had on her thigh. She gave him a look he couldn't read, but he kissed her anyways. A slow, intimate kiss. He laid next to her soon after.

Natasha closed her eyes, her breathing returning to normal as they laid there in silence, taking in the moment. She felt him move, and she looked over to see him offering a place in his arms. She smiled, moving over as he covered her in the blanket. She rested her head on his chest, her hand running along his plating idly. He sighed.

"Well…" he said.

She laughed, looking up and kissing him. She nuzzled her nose against his slowly.

"Thank you."  
"Don't thank me." he said, running his hand down to her thigh.  
"I didn't mind." she told him. He seemed unconvinced. She moved closer to his face, a stern look planted on her own. "I loved this. Every bit."

He smiled, his mandibles flaring. She smiled at the sight. They were silent, resting in each other's arms. When Natasha was on the brink of sleep, she heard a rumble start in his chest. It was soft, a sound of contentment. She smiled, looking up at him again.

"You're purring." she said, feeling the rumble on the hand that rested on his chest.

He laughed.

"What?"  
"You are purring."  
"I don't know what that means."  
"It's what cats do."  
"Cats?"  
"Don't worry. It's ok."  
"Whatever you say." he replied, smiling although his eyes were closed.

She was unable to wipe the smile from her face as she laid her back down on his chest. She bit her lip as she felt that flutter in her chest. She fell asleep trying to figure out what the hell it was.

* * *

Natasha typed on the console as fast as she could, seeing firewalls coming up as she hacked her way into C-Sec's databases. She remembered her old tricks easily. She wasn't stupid and C-Sec wasn't smart. She smiled after cracking the code. She immediately went to Executor Pallin's file, looking at his recent charges. None were marked for Huerta Memorial Hospital. She knitted her eyebrows, biting her lip as she thought through the names of anyone who knew Nihlus. She shook her head. No one knew she was pregnant. A very select few knew. Her heart dropped at the thought of who did know. Calpurnia already said no, and so did the council. Pallin didn't pay and there was no way the doctor paid. She would have kept it confidential. She looked over at the two turians who sat in the living room. She was sat neatly in bed, her Omni tool open. She exited out of Pallin's file and hacked her way into Garrus'. She saw him pulling up his Omni tool in the living room. He was being alerted to a hacker. She watched him get up and walk towards her, but she typed things in anyways. He stopped at the doorway, not stepping a foot in the room.

"Natasha, you don't want to do that." he said.

She looked up at him.

"Why?"  
"There's things in there you don't need to see."  
"Like what?"  
"Private files."

She got out of bed, closing her Omni tool and walking over to him.

"Did you pay for my doctor's visit?" she asked.

Garrus stiffened, staring at her as if searching for words.

"Listen-"  
"Answer the question."

He sighed heavily before nodding.

"Yes."

To his surprise, she didn't yell. She just looked at him with sad eyes, her eyebrows upturned to an apologetic look.

"Why?" she asked, trying to hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes.  
"I… I had money. You needed it. I couldn't just sit back and watch you… Whatever the baby does to you, you need the doctors."

She shook her head slowly, closing the space in between them quickly. He was unsure of what to do when she wrapped her arms around his torso. He could feel her crying. He gently place his hands on her back, holding her in silence as she got out what she needed to. After a few moments, uninterrupted by the other turian in the house, Natasha let go of Garrus slowly, looking up at him. She wiped away her tears and gave him a small smile.

"Thank you." she said.

He nodded, unable to speak in that moment. She walked past him, making her way out to the living room. He let out a breath he realized he'd been holding in. He looked over to where she had walked, feeling the pride well up in his chest. He swallowed it down, walking out to the women slowly. At least he knew it'd been worth it. Calpurnia looked from Natasha, to Garrus.

"What the hell are you two hugging for?" she said with a smile.  
"I-" Garrus started.  
"He's just a good friend." Natasha replied. She looked over at him. "A really good friend."

He felt the message she was giving him. He'd keep it quiet, if that's what she really wanted, but he was glad she knew. Whatever took the stress off of her was worth it.

The two women sat chattering away while Garrus was lost in his thoughts, wondering why in the hell he cared so much. What was he doing? This was a hole he couldn't dig himself out of easily, and he knew it. Still, he cared, and he would continue to until she was safe. He cursed his instincts, knowing they were to blame. He cursed himself internally. Damn turian.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys!**

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**Thanks and please enjoy!**

* * *

"Do you remember our trip to Palaven?"

Natasha looked over at her friend with a smile. Calpurnia had a look in her eyes, a smile on her face although she looked sad.

"I do." Natasha replied.  
"Remember meeting my parents?" Calpurnia laughed.  
"Yes." Natasha smiled, thinking about the old turians that had been so kind to her.  
"Do you remember going out dancing with Saren and Nihlus?"  
"Dear God." Natasha said, putting a hand over her face.

Calpurnia let out a laugh.

"Remember having the guys having to drag us back to the rooms we rented because we were so drunk?"

Natasha laughed now, nodding.

"We were celebrating." she defended.  
"We should find reasons to celebrate more often." Calpurnia replied.  
"I remember them being hysterical about it. First time seeing me drunk, and all."

Calpurnia laughed again, shaking her head.

"Those two… Terrible together."

Natasha couldn't help but think of how true the statement was for the men, even up until Nihlus' death. She glanced at Calpurnia and she knew she was thinking about it too.

"They were funny though." she said finally.  
"I'll agree with that." Natasha said.  
"I wish…" Calpurnia stopped herself and sighed, her smile fading. "I just wish I could talk to him… There's so much left unsaid."

Natasha nodded, feeling sympathy for the turian.

"I know." she replied. Calpurnia looked over at her, a look on her face that Natasha knew was anxiety. Calpurnia folded her hands over each other. "What?"

Natasha knew the turian had something to say. It was written all over her face.

"I… Tasha, you and I, we're good friends. We have been for six years. We can tell each other anything. Right?"

Natasha nodded, leaning forward as she gave her friend a stern look.

"Anything." she agreed.  
"I've been alone… I got used to it for a while, but… He's… Saren, he's been gone for almost a year… When he saw me, I knew. Things are never going back to the way they were…"  
"What are you trying to tell me, Cal?"

Calpurnia looked apologetic.

"I tried to keep my chin up about it… It's harder than you think… Saren was gone for so long and… There was this guy at work…"

Natasha watched the tears run down her friend's face as she listened to her. At first, she was angry. She would never be unfaithful to Nihlus. She couldn't. She loved him too much. Then, she felt pity, then sadness. She filtered her words carefully before speaking.

"So you… Just got with this guy? While he was gone?"

Calpurnia looked insulted for a moment, then shook her head.

"Spirits, no!" she said, a hand on her chest. "It wasn't until after Shepard accused him in front of the council."  
"That was two weeks ago." Natasha replied.  
"I know."  
"How do you move on so quickly?"  
"Tasha, I was getting over Saren way before that…"  
"The man you were with, he took no shame in touching another turian's bondmate?" Natasha wondered.  
"He asked questions…"

Natasha shook her head.

"I wish it was that easy for me."

Calpurnia put a hand on Natasha's shoulder and leaned closer to her.

"You can't focus on what's lost." she said. "You have to focus on rebuilding and making yourself happy again… I know it's hard for you to open up to people, and you don't have to. Nihlus would be a hard man to live up to, any other man you ever look at in the future should be damn intimidated."

They laughed, Natasha laying her head on Calpurnia's shoulder.

"I just hope it doesn't scare them away from me."  
"Why would it?"

Natasha smiled slightly.

"Well. Nihlus was one of the best spectres the council had, he was a C-Sec detective for what? Five years? Was easily one of the best. Became a spectre, trained Shepard, for as long as he could anyways. Died a hero. A lot to live up to."  
"So if you ever found someone else, they'd have to be better?"

Natasha thought about it for a moment.

"Not better. They'd have to love me. They'd have to accept everything in my past. It doesn't matter now though. That's not even an option at this point." she shrugged.  
"Why?"  
"Well, they wouldn't have to live up to how great Nihlus was, but they'd sure as hell have to accept this." she replied, putting her hands on her stomach.  
"Absolutely." Calpurnia agreed. "We'll put together a checklist."

Natasha laughed, shaking her head as she sat up straight again. She sighed.

"I feel better today." she announced.  
"Good. It's about time you took a break from puking up half of your internal organs."  
"Ew."  
"What? You literally throw up everyday. Weak humans."

Natasha laughed.

"Oh please. You wait. I'll show you how tough I am, I'm giving birth to a turian!"

Calpurnia nodded, shrugging at her in agreement.

"I suppose you got me there."  
"Cuz I could take it."

Calpurnia gave her a look before laughing loudly.

"What?!"  
"You heard me."  
"Yeah I head you, I just didn't expect you to say that. Here we are talking about babies and you start talking about how you take it."

They laughed loudly together, enjoying their girl talk before it was interrupted by Calpurnia's apartment door whooshing open. Normally, they would be alarmed by the intruder's disregard of the obligation to knock before just coming in. They had grown used to Garrus though, always close by in case they needed anything. Natasha gave Calpurnia a look.

"He isn't the guy from work, is he?" she said.

Natasha thought Calpurnia would die from laughing, which only made Natasha smile bigger and bigger. Calpurnia held up a hand, shaking her head and she tried catching her breath.

"No." she said simply.

Natasha looked up at Garrus.

"I'm clearly missing something."  
"Girl talk. What's up?" she asked, noticing he wasn't sitting down.  
"Are you busy?"  
"No. We're just chatting."  
"Do you want to come with me somewhere?"

Natasha's eyebrows knitted together quickly, then relaxed just as fast, her curiosity growing.

"Where?" she asked, standing.  
"I'll show you."

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest. Calpurnia giggled on the couch still.

"He could be your guy from work."

Natasha closed her eyes, smiling as she tried keeping her laugh under control. She nodded at Garrus, looking up at him.

"Let's go." she said.

He lead her out to the shuttle he'd arrived in, helping her in before he got in himself. He looked over at her before driving off.

"Did I interrupt something back there?" he asked.  
"No. Just girls having fun I guess."  
"Man from work?"

Natasha bit down her smile, looking over at him.

"Promise to keep quiet?" she asked.  
"Promise."  
"She's seeing someone. From work."  
"You thought it was me?" he laughed.  
"I guess I figured you two made a good match. She's tough, she's turian. You're… tough."  
"Thanks for the encouragement, but I won't be seeing her."  
"Good, I won't be the third wheel."

The rest of the shuttle ride was quiet, Natasha enjoying the view of the Citadel as they drove around. It was nice to get out of the apartment. It was so beautiful today. The shuttle landed after a while and Natasha noticed she was at the C-Sec building. They got out of the vehicle and he looked over at her.

"Are you bringing me in for something?" she said with a smile.  
"Hardly." he replied with a laugh. "Come on."

She walked with him through the first floor, getting into the elevator once they reached it. To her disappointment, Garrus commanded the elevator to descend after scanning his ID on the console. She gave him a look.

"Are you going to kill me?" she asked, folding her arms over her chest.  
"Oh yes. Our secret basement is used for storing bodies."

She narrowed her eyes at him playfully, feeling the elevator come to a stop.

"It's quicker when it's going down." she commented. He laughed, leading her down the hallway. She could hear loud bangs behind the closed doors they passed. "Seriously, are you going to kill me?"  
"Come on." he urged, opening a door and letting her inside.

She was surprised to see how long the room was, targets set up everywhere. There was a table with guns on it, ear covers hanging up on the wall. She turned to him.

"A shooting range?"  
"Target practice. Figured I'd get some in. I thought you'd like to come. Gives you some time out of that apartment and an opportunity to shoot some stuff. Get some anger out."  
"I'm not angry." she replied.  
"I'm not stupid."

She walked over to the table and shook her head.

"I don't know how to use these."  
"I'll show you. Pick one."

She saw him pick up a long gun with a scope on top. Nihlus had taught her how to use a simple hand gun for protection, but this was way out of her league. She frowned at him.

"What's that one?"  
"A sniper rifle."  
"Teach me." she said, picking up an identical one from the table.  
"Are you sure? They're long range, can be a bit tricky."  
"Teach me." she repeated, not liking how the turian talked down to her.

He seemed to pick up on her irritation, smiling slightly as he turned and reached under the table. He brought up some round barrels, which Natasha guessed was ammo. He loaded it into her gun, then into his own.

"These are one shot rifles, so you don't have to worry about popping your heat sink."

She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Excuse me?"

He shook his head.

"Humans." he muttered. "You don't have to worry about it overheating."  
"Got it." she replied with a mischievous smile.  
"Alright. These have some kickback. Just hold it into your shoulder, and it'll be fine."  
"Is this safe? I am pregnant."  
"You're fine."

She walked over to the half wall that separated them from the targets and looked through her scope.

"Woah." she said. "So, what now?"  
"Don't put it directly to your eye like that, you'll give yourself a bruise." He put his hand on the gun, pulling it slightly from her face. She could feel him close behind her. His teaching reminded her of the time Nihlus had brought her to the building to teach her how to drive a shuttle. It had ended in Natasha running into another shuttle and a fine on Nihlus' part. She hoped this learning experience went a lot better than that had, seeing as there were guns involved here. "Just breathe, and when you let your breath out, squeeze the trigger."

She looked through her scope again, making sure to keep it off of her eye. She took in a deep breath and aimed for the target in front of her. She felt her stomach turn and she smiled.

"This is suspenseful." she laughed.  
"I'm glad you feel a rush from aiming at a target."

She laughed again and focused on her target. She nervously pulled the trigger, the gun kicking back at her shoulder as it hit the target. She lowered it, looking at the dummy and cheering.

"I hit it!" she said, looking over at him.  
"Nice." he replied, raising his gun to his eye and aiming at the target. He was quick to aim and shoot, making her frown in disappointment. He laughed as he noticed her hurt confidence. "I've been doing this a long time."  
"What? Shooting or missing?" she asked. He looked back at the target, seeing it was unscathed. His brow plates shifted together. She laughed louder. "I think I can take it from here."

She raised her rifle again, aiming at the target and shooting. It barely hit.

"I'll show you how to get things done." he said, raising his gun and shooting again.

It went on like that for nearly an hour, competing for how many times they could hit it. It was close, but in the end, Garrus had won the challenge. When he took his final shot, he looked at her, offering his hand.

"Nice try though. Long-range, I wrote the book."

She batted his hand away lightly, wrapping her arms around him.

"Thank you."  
"Don't thank me. As long as you had more fun than you've been having locked up in that house."

She smiled, putting her rifle back on the table.

"I did."

* * *

Natasha's heart hammered as she walked through C-Sec's top floor. She had her eyes locked on the door that had the N. Kryik name plate next to it. Her feet couldn't travel quick enough to get to that console. She touched it, the doors whooshing open. Nihlus was sitting at his desk, looking up at her before setting his data pad down.

"Hi." he said, a hint of surprise in his voice.

She closed the door, locking it down before looking back to him.

"Hi." she replied.  
"Are you alright?" he asked.  
"Are you busy?"

He stood, walking over to her with his arms behind his back.

"They told you."  
"They did."  
"Listen…"  
"You think I'm upset don't you?" she said.  
"You seem angry."  
"I just wanted to get here to see if it was true. I thought you would have turned them down again."  
"They told me Saren could mentor me, it's the only reason I was swayed."  
"Don't lie." she replied, walking past him and over to his desk nonchalantly. "You've been working for this. You hate how they treat you here."  
"They may not like me much but I get my job done." he defended.  
"Either way, I think being a spectre will be a lot better for you."  
"What about you?"

She shrugged.

"It'll be hard." She could feel her stomach turning at the thought. "You won't be here as much. Hardly at all."  
"I'll be home every chance I get and every minute will be spent with you." he said, walking over to her.

She leaned against his desk, looking up at him with blatant concern written all over her face. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"Listen. I'm going to take care of you."  
"It's not about that Nihlus… I just want you safe."  
"I'll be safe."  
"Spectres don't do safe things."

His mandibles flared into a smile before he kissed her. She felt the anxiety flushing from her system at his touch. He made everything better. That thought was quickly changed as he ran his talons down her arms lightly. He wasn't making it better. He was creating a situation he'd need to resolve and she knew he couldn't do it here. She pulled away from him, looking up into his eyes with a scornful look.

"Don't." she said.  
"What?" he replied, smirking at her.  
"You know what. You're touching me like that and you know I can't stand it."  
"Like what?" he asked as she raked his talons up her back.

She bit her lip, the scornful look replaced with a lustful one. She shook her head.

"Nihlus Kryik, knock it off." she said, hitting his chest.  
"You're my wife now… I can do whatever I want to you."

She raised her eyebrows with a smile.

"Is that so?" she said.  
"It is."

He kissed her neck playfully, making her put her hands on his shoulders for support. He made her knees weak. His rough tongue traced up her neck and she groaned.

"You're gonna have to finish this later." she told him, trying to break free of him.

He ran his hands down her body, grabbing her thighs and lifting her up to sit her on his desk.

"Why don't I finish it now?" he asked, unbuttoning her shirt slowly.

Her heart was pounding as she saw the look in his eyes. She tilted her chin up, leaning back slightly so he could unbutton her shirt completely. He pulled the shirt apart slowly, his hands running down her bare skin. He reached an arm around her and lifted her to him, his tongue traveling across her chest slowly. She bit her lip, trying to keep herself in check. She didn't want to be heard, but she knew her husband wouldn't care. He was leaving this office anyways. Why not? They belonged to each other and it wasn't a secret anymore.

Nihlus worked his way back up to her mouth, taking possession of it quickly. She felt his hands working up her skirt.

"I like that you wear convenient clothing when you come here." he said, looking into her eyes.  
"You say that like we've done this before."  
"I've wanted to. You come in here with a dress on or a skirt… I find myself wanting to lift it up, to take control of you."

His words sent a chill down her spine.

"You should have said something."  
"I am now." he said before kissing her again.

Her hands fumbled at the clasps on his armor, undoing them as fast as she could. He nipped at her neck, making her moan in anticipation. He kissed her shoulder where her newly scarred bond mark showed in the light. She smiled. Once he was free from his armor, he pressed himself to her, his plates shifting. She groaned as he slid into her. She wrapped her legs around his hips, gripping his shoulders tightly. He wasn't gentle, and he wasn't letting up. He drove into her, one of his hands firmly on her arm, his talons digging into her. She tilted her head back, letting him have his way with her as the waves of pleasure rushed through her. She bit down the groaned that was rising in her throat as she heard the growl in his chest. She wanted more.

She pulled at him, trying to get him to kiss her neck, or chest, or anything he could reach. He straightened up though, stopping his movements and retreating from her. She gave him a look before he brought her back to her feet. It was hard for her to stand on her own. Luckily she wasn't on her feet for long before he turned her around and made her bend over. She smiled, lustfully, moaning as he pushed himself back inside of her. She gripped the outside edges of his desk as he pounded into her, his pace hard, and relentless. She closed her eyes, the pleasure taking over her faster than she had anticipated.

Nihlus watched her underneath him, gripping his desk, arching her back, the whimpers she made. He tried keeping quiet, but it wasn't easy. He ran his hand down her side, digging his talons into her hip. She whimpered again. He loved it. She started tightening around him, and he was sent over his edge at the sensation. He rode out every spasm her body had, his member throbbing as his warmth filled her. He retreated from her after a moment, taking a deep breath before putting his armor back on. She dressed herself too, leaning against the desk the whole time as if she'd fall over. He smirked in pride at what he'd done to his wife. She shook her head at him in return.

"You think you're so clever." she breathed.  
"I think I know how to get you to do what I want." he replied, reaching out and putting his hand on her cheek.

She smiled warmly, hugging him. He could feel her shaking.

"I love you." she said.  
"I love you too. More than you know."

She sighed, kissing him passionately before leaving the office. He looked around after she'd gone, the silence a bit irritating after what had just happened. He looked down at his desk, shaking his head with a smile. He'd never forget it.

* * *

Natasha walked out to the living room of Calpurnia's apartment, listening to the two turians in the room babble as she stared down at the data pad in her hands. She sat next to Calpurnia idly, biting her lip in thought. The turian leaned over.

"What's that?" she asked.  
"A checklist." she replied, looking up at her.  
"Are you serious?" the turian said with a giggle.  
"Yeah… I wrote one."

Calpurnia held out her hand expectedly, and Natasha gladly showed it to her. Calpurnia nodded as she read down the rather long list. She frowned after she was finished though, handing it back.

"Are you looking for another turian?" she asked.

Natasha sighed.

"I don't know."  
"I can't see you with anyone else."

Natasha smiled.

"Yeah…"  
"I think it's a good start."  
"What's the checklist for?" Garrus asked from the other side of the couch.  
"What she wants in a man." Calpurnia replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

Garrus seemed to disapprove of the idea, frowning at them from the distance.

"Shouldn't she be focusing on the baby?"  
"I am. This is just for… Healing purposes I guess." Natasha explained. "I have no intention of trying to find a man before this whole baby thing is over. I don't even know if I'll live."  
"You'll live." Calpurnia said sternly.

Natasha nodded, looking back down at the data pad. Garrus' words had irritated her. She was a grown woman and would focus on whatever she damn well wanted to. She tapped on the small screen, typing in another entry:

Has to let me have the freedom to do what I want.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry for the delay in chapters. I have been so super busy lately. I have a whole day off tomorrow. Pause for celebration...**

**I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to rate, review and PM me if you have something to say. (:**

**Thanks guys!**

* * *

"Go ahead and lift up your shirt for me, please."

Natasha lifted the shirt she wore up over her belly, looking down at it with a small smile. Four weeks had done a lot for her growth, her stomach getting bigger and bigger everyday she looked at it. It amazed her, seeing herself pregnant like that. She'd never pictured herself like that in all of her life, and now here she was, a swollen stomach prominently showing off for everyone.

The doctor squeezed the cold gel onto her shirt and gently ran the transducer over her skin. Natasha laid her head back, looking over at her turian friends and sighing. She heard the machine register the sound of her baby's heart. She smiled with Calpurnia, who had her hands at her mouth in excitement. Natasha had heard it before, but Calpurnia had never been to an appointment with her until now. Her friend let out a small giggle, making Natasha laugh slightly.

"Natasha." the doctor said, making her turn her head to the monitor. Natasha's eyebrows furrowed together as the doctor pointed. "You can see it."

Before Natasha could even begin to attempt to make out the outline on the screen, Calpurnia was on her feet and leaning over to the screen with her. She gripped Natasha's shoulder gently.

"Where?!" she said, looking closely.  
"This is the fringe, you can clearly tell. Hands here, and feet are here." Calpurnia released Natasha's shoulder to cover her mouth again. She stepped back, letting Garrus look at the monitor now. Natasha wasn't paying attention to either of them. She simply stared at the screen, watching the small thing move slowly, the heartbeat fluttering across the screen quickly. The doctor looked over at her. "She's very healthy."

Natasha finally peeled her eyes from the screen, tears welling up in her eyes as she choked on her words. She had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could speak again.

"'She'?"  
"It's a girl." the doctor smiled, seeing the tears in Natasha's eyes. "She is very strong."

Natasha blinked, her tears falling as a wide smile spread across her face. The pain she had been feeling lately, the headaches, the sharp sensation in her stomach, it had had her worried. She covered her face for a moment, feeling herself letting go of control. She released the tears of worry as she was filled with relief. The room was silent as they waited for her to say something. She wiped her tears and looked at the doctor again, her smile returning.

"Thank you." she said breathlessly.  
"I'm glad things are working right." the doctor replied, looking back to the screen.

Natasha felt the transducer leave her stomach and she looked back, grabbing the doctor's wrist quickly.

"Wait." she said. "Please, just another minute…."

The doctor nodded and Natasha let her go. The screen lit back up for Natasha to look at again. The baby wiggled slightly in the picture, disliking the constant pestering. For a moment, Natasha hated that Nihlus wasn't there. She felt her heart sink as she thought of how happy he'd be to hear he had a daughter. In the instant it passed through her mind though, it was shoved away just as quick. She looked over at her friends as they smiled and chattered, watching the screen with her. They were happy for her, and they were there for anything she needed. It made her smile. Calpurnia noticed, reaching her hand down to grab Natasha's.

"You ok?" she asked.

Natasha looked back at the screen, nodding.

"That's my baby." she said, tears sliding down her cheeks again. "She's ok."  
"You're doing great, Tasha."  
"I'm glad you guys are here." Natasha said, looking back to her friends. "Thank you."  
"Anytime." Calpurnia smiled.  
"You can turn it off now." Natasha said to the doctor.

She took the transducer off of Natasha's stomach and handed her a cloth to clean the gel off with. The doctor typed things into the computer before standing. She opened her drawer and reached in to bring out a long needle. Natasha groaned, setting the cloth down after she was clean.

"Now for the terrible part."  
"Well the good news is that you won't have to do it for long."  
"Yeah…" Natasha said, watching the doctor swab her stomach with the gauze before pushing the needle through her skin. Natasha cringed.  
"The fact that you haven't experienced bleeding is strange. It's great news, because it means the treatments are working, but it's strange. Hopefully it also means you'll have a well-behaved child."

Calpurnia laughed.

"Natasha's kid? Please."  
"Natasha?" Garrus said. "It's Nihlus' kid too. She's doomed."  
"Talk about terrible two's."  
"If she lives through the toddler years, she should receive a medal."

Natasha smiled, shaking her head at her friends.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence guys." she laughed.  
"Natasha, I need to ask you some questions about your mental state, just to check up on you." the doctor said with a small smile.  
"Go ahead, they can hear it, they've been hearing it for months." Natasha replied, waving her hand as she stretched her shirt back over her belly.  
"How is your stress level?" the doctor asked, opening her Omni tool.  
"It's under control. They help a lot." she replied, nodding to the turians.  
"How is your diet?"  
"I cannot wait to eat a cheeseburger after all of this, but I'm eating."

The doctor laughed, nodding.

"Have you had any negative thoughts such as suicide, self-destructive activities, or drug abuse since we talked last week?"  
"No."  
"How are you handling keeping clean?"  
"Very well, I'm clean still."  
"Good to hear. Have you participated in sexual activities since our last visit?"  
"No."  
"Drinking?"  
"No."  
"Smoking?"  
"No." The doctor nodded again, closing out her Omni tool. "You can put those answers in for next week too."  
"I know, they become quite annoying, but keep in mind most patients of mine aren't here every week. Plus, it's important to ask." Natasha nodded swinging her legs to the side of the table she was sitting on and getting to her feet. The doctor stood, shaking Calpurnia's hand. "It was nice meeting you. Good to see you Vakarian. I'll see you next week, Natasha."

The doctor left the room as Natasha put her arms through the sleeves in her jacket.

"Why is it she calls you Natasha, but she calls me Vakarian?"  
"She probably likes me better." Natasha smiled.

Garrrus shook his head with a smile, following the women out of the room.

* * *

Natasha chewed on her lip as Nihlus fastened the clasps on the back of her armor. She found it strange, and very heavy. She looked over at him as he walked around her, looking at her to ensure she was safe. He picked up a helmet and handed it to her. She frowned.

"Do I have to wear that?"  
"Just till we're inside."  
"I hate this, it's hot and heavy."

He smirked at her, looking up and down at her.

"So, you don't like it that way then?" She rolled her eyes, taking the helmet from him. He laughed at her. "If you prefer, we can go back home."

Natasha gave him a smile, shaking her head after a moment.

"No. I'm excited. It's worth it."

His mandibles flared.

"Come on. We're five minutes out from Palaven."

Natasha followed him up out to the main deck of the ship, glancing nervously at the crew that Nihlus had. She hated being on the ship. She wasn't cut out for military life. She followed him to the airlock, waiting for the ship to dock before slipping on her helmet and stepping out. She looked around at her new surroundings, smiling at the sight of the turian homeworld. She couldn't wait to see everything Palaven had to offer. She looked at him, knowing he was glad she enjoyed the sights. He lead her down the dock. A turian approached them, shaking his hand firmly.

"Kryik, it's good to see you. It's been too long."  
"Good to see you, Artus."  
"Welcome home."  
"Good to be back, sir."

The turian clapped Nihlus on the back before looking at Natasha with a smile. She smiled in return, her nerves dying down slightly. He reached his hand out for hers. She took it, only to have him raise it to his mouth to kiss her armored hand. She felt her cheeks getting hot.

"You must be Natasha." he said, letting go of her gently.  
"I am." she replied, unable to hold back her embarrassed smile.  
"Nihlus has told me good things. I'm looking forward to seeing the ceremony."  
"I'm glad to be welcomed here." she replied.  
"Keep in mind, you aren't welcome by all. Humans have freedom in space, but not everyone sees your relationship as acceptable."

She nodded.

"I don't care, sir." she said. "It wouldn't change my mind."

He laughed, looking back to Nihlus, who had his arms crossed now, a smirk on his face.

"I like her."  
"I see that."  
"Come now. I'll show you to where you are staying for the next two days."

Natasha glanced at Nihlus, smiling as she realized he had felt jealousy of the other turian. He gave her a questioning look as they followed Artus, but she shook her head and looked away, her smile printed firmly on her face.

They had been instructed to sleep in separate rooms, which Natasha hated, but she did it anyways. It was their tradition. She knew Nihlus was just across the hallway from her, but she still hated being alone in a new space. She stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the events that would take place the next day. She smiled at the thought even though her stomach turned with nerves. Or was it excitement? Either way, she was ready to get it over with.

The next morning, Natasha was woken up by two female turians. She felt like she could kill them for waking her up. Sleep had been hard to get, the night dragging on longer than she had wanted to. Damn her nerves, or excitement, or whichever she had felt at the time. She was unsure. She groaned as she walked into her bathroom now, putting on a dress that they had given her. She heard a voice telling the others to get out as she got dressed. When she opened the door, she saw Calpurnia waiting for her. Natasha smiled excitedly, hugging her friend tightly before stepping back again, showing off her dress.

"It actually doesn't look bad for being a turian dress." she said, looking at Natasha. "I like it."  
"Thank you."

Natasha reached for her jewelry, grabbing her necklace. Calpurnia took it from her gently.

"No jewelry." she told her.  
"Why?"  
"Well, definitely not necklaces, you have to show off your neck. Just your skin."  
"Why, we're not biting until later."  
"Turian thing. Trust me."

Natasha shrugged, putting her earrings away.

"Is Saren here?"  
"He's with Nihlus now."  
"I'm gonna throw up."

Calpurnia laughed.

"No you're not. Breathe. It's just nerves."  
"I can hear my heart beating. That's new. Not used to that little factor."  
"Stop it, you're working yourself up. It's going to be great."  
"Yeah I know."  
"Hey." Calpurnia said, grabbing Natasha by the shoulders. "Nihlus loves you. You love him. It's what people do. Bonding is completely natural. Just like marriage. It's ok."

Natasha nodded, taking a deep breath.

"You're right." she said.  
"I know I am." Calpurnia replied, letting her hands fall from Natasha's shoulders. "Now come on. We have to get going to the ceremony."

Natasha nodded, following her friend reluctantly. Natasha hadn't had a second thought about Nihlus or committing herself to a life of marriage with him. She knew she loved him, it was natural to do this. She always wondered why people were nervous if they were so sure, but here she was, her stomach turning as she approached the large ceremony room that was filled with turians.

"Is his mom here?" she asked.

Calpurnia gave her a glance, then shook her head. Natasha caught sight of Nihlus standing with Saren and Artus, waiting for her and Calpurnia. She smiled, loving the sight of him in his fancy clothes. Calpurnia linked her arm in Natasha's and they walked over to them. Artus turned on his Omni tool, his voice booming over the crowd to start the ceremony.

"I present Natasha to be bonded with this man." Calpurnia said.  
"I accept." Nihlus replied.

Calpurnia gave Natasha's arm a small squeeze before letting go of her. Natasha smiled and linked her arm with Nihlus'. His mandibles flared into a smile.

"These people have gathered here today to be witness to the bonding ceremony, and to witness the promise of the lifelong bond you will forever share." Artus said to them before turning to Saren. "Please state your name."  
"Saren Arterius."  
"Do you acknowledge representing Nihlus in this ceremony?"  
"I do."

Artus turned to Calpurnia.

"Please state your name."  
"Calpurnia Arterius."  
"Do you acknowledge representing Natasha in this ceremony?"  
"I do."  
"Thank you." Artus turned to Nihlus and Natasha again. "In this ceremony, you will exchange your vows to this hall of witnesses. Nihlus, please begin."

Nihlus let go of Natasha's arm, turning to her. She couldn't help but smile.

"I claim you, Natasha, to be my bondmate. I accept you for everything you are, good or bad. I will stand by you in your decisions for your life. I vow to put your life, your health and your happiness before mine for the rest of my life, as your bondmate."

Artus looked to Natasha.

"Please, Natasha."

She suddenly realized how dry her throat was as she tried remembering the words Nihlus had said. Her mind was almost blank. She hated how nervous she could get. She cleared her throat.

"I claim you, Nihlus, to be my bondmate. I accept you for everything you are, good or bad. I will stand by you in your decisions for your life. I vow to put your life, your health and your happiness before mine for the rest of my life, as your bondmate."

She stumbled through the last few words, but she was glad to have gotten them out. They looked back to Artus, who nodded at Nihlus. He turned to the table near Saren, which Natasha was surprised to see. She hadn't even realized it was there on her way into the room. He turned back to her, a bowl of white paint in his hands.

"Nihlus, you will now paint the clan markings of Cipritine onto your new bondmate." Artus said before looking back to Natasha. "These markings are a representation of where Nihlus comes from. You bear them proudly as his bondmate, and you will be an example of him, an extension of what he does for his homeworld of Palaven. Nihlus, please proceed."

Natasha hadn't been prepared for her face to be painted, but she didn't stop him. Calpurnia stepped closer to her.

"It's not going to stay forever. It's just for show. Turian tradition." she whispered.

Natasha wouldn't have minded wearing his markings, but she accepted that it was going to be temporary. Nihlus picked up the brush and dipped it into the white paint. He was gentle, stroking the brush across her face slowly. She enjoyed the moment, ignoring how cold the paint was as it touched unmarked spots. She appreciated how fast it was drying. When he was finished, he stepped back, smiling at her proudly before putting the bowl down.

"As an Executor of Cipritine, I declare you Nihlus, and you Natasha, lifelong bondmates. Nihlus, you may embrace your wife."

She smiled as Nihlus brought her close to him, wrapping his arms around her waist before pressing his lips to hers. The crowd clapped for them, acknowledging that they were now bondmates in the eyes of the turians. She smiled when they came apart. They were so happy.

When they had gotten back to the rooms, Nihlus allowed Natasha to stay in his that night, as to complete the bonding ritual. After getting herself dressed into more comfortable clothes, Nihlus walked over to her, a single rose in his hand. She smiled, remembering the night he'd given her one for the C-Sec dinner. She smelled it, putting it by her bags before returning to him.

"It's beautiful." she said.  
"Not as beautiful as you are."

He kissed her tenderly before bringing her over to the bed. They sat down in the middle of the bed, sharing a moment of silence as they took in the sight of each other. Natasha was ready for what would happen next.

"We're going to exchange marks now." he said.  
"Ok." she replied.

He scooted closer to her, putting his hand on one of her shoulders as she tilted her head to the side slightly, letting him have access to her other one.

"Relax your body. Relax your shoulders, your neck, your jaw, everything. Just relax."

Natasha took a deep breath and let her body relax. Nihlus kissed her neck, leaving a trail to her shoulder. She closed her eyes, feeling his teeth on her gently. She hissed when he pierced her skin, trying to remind herself to stay still. He sank his teeth deeper and held her there for a moment, then took his mouth off of her. Her shoulder throbbed, but when she looked down at the holes, shining with small drops of blood, she smiled. She was his bondmate.

She looked up at him, putting her hand on his shoulder now. She wondered how she was going to get her teeth to break his skin.

"You can do it." he told her. "I'll be fine."

She took a deep breath, kissing his cheek before putting her lips to his shoulder. She kissed him lightly before putting her teeth on him. His plates were hard. Her teeth ached as she tried biting through them. She felt her jaw cramping after a moment and she bit harder. She was finally able to break through, sinking her dull teeth down as much as she could. After a moment of holding him in place, she withdrew her teeth from him, looking down at his mark. He was hers.

She looked up at him, smiling as he put his forehead to hers.

"Make love to me." she whispered.

He didn't ask questions. He kissed her gently, his hands on her face. She couldn't help the waves of emotions running through her. It was overwhelming. Tears escaped her eyes as he laid her down, running his hand down to her thigh. She would never forget this night. It was perfect.

* * *

"Have you picked out names yet?"

Natasha shook off her train of thought, looking over to Garrus.

"What?" she said.

He chuckled before repeating his question.

"Have you picked out a name?"  
"Oh… No, I haven't really thought about it I guess."  
"Yes!" Calpurnia said, leaning forward and looking at her. "Let's do it. It's a girl, you know the right choice."

Natasha laughed, looking back over to Garrus.

"How are turian babies named?"  
"Nothing too specific, they have the last name of the parent of the same sex, if the pair isn't bonded."  
"Nothing else?"  
"No."  
"Do you have siblings?"

The question obviously had caught him off guard. He looked at her for a moment.

"I have a sister."  
"What's her name?"  
"Solana."  
"What about your Mom?"  
"Sophira."  
"Any others?"  
"Just those two. I would advise not naming your daughter after my family members. Might piss off some turians."  
"I find Calpurnia to be a great name." Calpurnia said, leaning back on the couch again, throwing her hands up in the air.

Natasha shook her head.

"I want her to have a turian name. Not a human name."  
"Hey, I'm turian." Calpurnia replied.

Natasha laughed as her friends began suggesting names for the child. Natasha would have a lot of thinking to do. She didn't have much time before her baby would be here. It made her smile to think about it. Her daughter would have the perfect name.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys!**

**There is no flashback in this chapter, I apologize for any disappointment. I hope you enjoy it anyways, even though it's short. I'll be writing more soon. (:**

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**Thanks everyone, please enjoy!**

* * *

"Garrus? Can you help me?"

Garrus looked over to Natasha. She had her hand reached out to him, her other hand behind her, trying to get herself pushed up to a sitting position. He didn't hesitate to take her hand and gently pull her to her feet. He didn't let her go as she got her balance.

"Thanks." she said.  
"You feeling alright today?" he asked.

She nodded, holding her stomach as she walked out to the kitchen. He followed her closely.

"I'm ready to be done though."  
"I bet." he replied, leaning against the counter as she got a glass of water. "You look as if you're ready to pop."

Natasha looked down at herself. It was true. She was huge. At seven months pregnant, she was beyond ready for pregnancy to be over. It'd been a long few months, but she'd had plenty of help from her friends. She was grateful for their support. She didn't understand why she welcomed Garrus so easily, or why she leaned on him more than she did Calpurnia, but she did. It was strange to her. She didn't know why she felt the way she did, but she couldn't help it. At times it would make her feel guilty. Nihlus had been dead for just months and she was feeling that flutter, that insane feeling in her chest when she was with Garrus. She wondered sometimes if it was because he was the first man she befriended after Nihlus' death. Was it natural to be attached? Or was it something more? She never let herself wonder for long.

She shook her head with a faint smile before tipping the glass up to her lips.

"It shouldn't be too long now…" she said, putting the glass down on the counter as she leaned against it too.  
"Are you moving back to your apartment before it's time?"

Natasha looked over at him, chewing on her lip. She shrugged.

"I don't really have much to use there. For the baby, I mean. It's smarter to stay here with Cal, she can help with the baby. She's never had kids either, but she knows more about turian infants than I do."  
"I could help too."

She smiled.

"I know. I figured you would."  
"If you really want to move back, I can go with you… To help."

She saw the sheepish look on his face, even when he stopped looking at her. She smiled at the thought.

"I think I should stay here until I get the hang of it on my own. Then I'll move back."  
"Right."  
"You're welcome to help me when I do go back." He looked back to her, nodding in approval. "Thank you Garrus… You've done so much for me. For Cal too. You're a good guy."

He laughed.

"I'd be a horrible guy to not have helped." She smiled, turning to him and bringing him into as much of a hug as her large belly would allow. He laughed at her attempt, though he put his arms around her anyways. He looked down at her, a hand resting on her stomach. She smiled at him. "You're going to be a great mother, Natasha."

She idly reached up to his face, giving him a smile he'd never seen her wear before. It made his heart race although his mind was yelling for him to get away from her.

"How do you figure that?" she asked, letting her hand drop from his mandible as he let go of her.  
"I, uh… You're just going to be. You've worked hard at making sure the pregnancy goes well."  
"I couldn't have done it without you, Garrus."

He stepped away, walking out of the room. Natasha followed him.

"I don't think that's true, Nat." Whatever feeling she had had fluttering around in her chest vanished at the sound of the shortened name. She stared at him, her throat getting dry. He gave her a questioningly look. "What?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat before she was able to speak again. She held a hand up to him.

"Please don't call me that."

Garrus wasn't sure why she hadn't liked the name, but he figured it probably had something to do with Nihlus. He sighed. Her reaction to the name was just another reminder that he needed to keep his emotions in check.

"I'm sorry." he said.

She shook her head.

"It's ok… I guess I wasn't expecting that to have an impact on me…"

He stepped towards her, wishing to comfort her. His mind fought against him again.

"I won't do it again. I'm sorry…"  
"It's really ok." she replied, stepping towards him now.

He didn't know if he should leave or let her do whatever it was she wanted. She was a bonded woman, but her bondmate was gone. How appropriate would it be for him to step in? He shook his head at himself, making her stop to give him a look. It wasn't his place to step in. She had a child on the way.

In his thoughts, he hadn't realized she'd stopped in front of him, searching his face for some sign of the internal battle he was fighting. He looked down at her. She had sympathy written on her face.

"I'm ok." she said.

He knew he worried about her often, and she did too. He would ask her everyday if she was alright, or if she needed anything. He figured that was what she thought he was thinking about. He decided to go with it, rather than revealing what his true thoughts had been.

"I just don't want to bring up bad memories for you."  
"Garrus, thinking about him is still hard sometimes, but… I'm not grieving anymore… Now I'm just trying to move on in life. I have to think about my baby. I can't dwell in the past, and as much as it hurts to admit… Nihlus is in the past."  
"How can you say that when you are having _his_ baby?" Garrus scoffed, backing away from her slightly.  
"I can say that because as much as this baby is his, it's mine too. He's not here to raise it, that means I have to do what I have to do to be ready for it when it comes. That includes moving on. I can't be wallowing in grief when this baby depends on me."

Garrus shook his head at her. He didn't understand how she could move on like that. Nihlus was her bondmate. It didn't get anymore serious than that.

"I just think you should stay true to your husband."  
"I don't deserve to find happiness if it comes along, then?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.  
"You deserve to be happy, but you should be faithful."

She looked offended now, knitting her eyebrows at him.

"To what? My husband is dead, Garrus, he'd want me to move on."  
"He'd want you to be faithful, like you vowed to be when he took you as his bondmate."

She couldn't help herself from putting her hands on his chest. She pushed him as best as she could. He stepped back after regaining his balance. She made a grunt that reminded him of a turian growl before pointing a finger in his face.

"Don't you dare tell me what Nihlus would want!" she said firmly. "You may have worked in the same building and heard stories of his good work, but you didn't know shit about him. So don't tell me what he'd want me to do! He wasn't some typical turian, he cared about me! He would want me to move on if it meant I'd be happy."

Garrus nodded at her, knowing he'd over-stepped a line. He put his hands up in defense, making her lower her finger.

"I'm sorry." he said. "I won't mention it again."

She huffed now, putting her hands on her head in frustration.

"I want you to voice your opinion, Garrus, that's not what I meant! It's just… Your opinion on what Nihlus would want, or say, or do, or like, or hate, or anything, is irrelevant. I knew my husband, you don't have to try telling me what he'd want. I know what he'd want. You'd think I'd know it enough to not have to have you telling me what he'd want me to do."  
"I'm sorry." he repeated.

She put her hands on her hips, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes. He was confused as to why she was so angry. Anything he said was wrong to her.

"Look. Garrus, I want to hear your opinion. Just leave Nihlus out of it."  
"Fine. In my opinion, whether it makes you happier or not, you're not ready for a relationship. If it effects you so much to talk about Nihlus or to listen to people talking about him, you're not ready."

She glared up at him.

"The last time I checked, I didn't have parents, so stop trying to baby me!" she yelled.  
"I'm looking out for you!"  
"You're not looking out for me, you just want to control me."  
"Why would I want that?!"  
"Because I owe you."

Garrus tried to suppress his growl as he stared at her, his eyes locked on hers in anger.

"You don't owe me anything, Natasha, don't start with that."  
"Everyone wants something."

He scoffed, stepping towards her now. She didn't back away.

"I'm telling you right now, I don't want anything from you. I want you to live."  
"Why?"  
"What?"  
"Why do you want me to live? What do you care, I'm just another assignment at work."  
"In case you haven't noticed, I have gone beyond my job's requirements to keep you alive."  
"Because you want something."

He raised his hands for a moment, wanting to grab her shoulders to bring her closer, but he stopped himself, letting them fall to his sides. She raised an eyebrow.

"All I want is for you to be alright."  
"Why?"  
"You deserve to be alright. You'd been through enough."  
"It's not your job to care."  
"Someone needed to care, and I do. Why can't you just be grateful for that?"  
"I am grateful for it! God, I am so grateful that I have an increased chance of seeing my daughter! You have no idea how grateful I am Garrus!"  
"Then why do you question it? It's as if you ask these questions in case I want to give up." She shrugged after a moment, and he knew she didn't know what to say. He figured it was in her instinct to push people away, or to ask questions. She was a survivor, it's how she'd stayed alive in the vents for so long. It was like it was in her DNA to be afraid, or to expect to give something in return. He wondered if Nihlus ever forced her to do something for him. He figured it was a bad idea to ask. "I care. It should be enough for you."

She stepped forward, her angry demeanor fading as she got to her tiptoes and reached up for his face. Before he could stop her, she pressed her lips to his. He stood still for a minute, then closed his eyes. He hesitated before putting his hands on her waist. The kiss was short-lived. Natasha took her lips from his slowly, looking up at him afterwards. He stared at her, waiting for an explanation for what she'd done. She chewed on her lip, backing away from him before shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, I…"

She seemed to be having her own internal battle now as she avoided his eyes. He reached a hand out to her, trying to seem nonchalant about it.

"It's alright." he told her.  
"No, it's… I shouldn't have done that, I'm… So stupid. I'm sorry, just forget this, please."

He watched her walk to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. He stood, the room silent now, wondering what had pressed her to kiss him. He thought about the action. It was alien to him, her full lips pressing to his flat ones. Her hands on his face passionately. He wondered if it was her way of getting out what she'd been unable to do since Nihlus had been gone. Maybe she genuinely liked him though. He shook his head. He was being ridiculous. He needed to give her some space. They both needed some time away from each other. He walked to the door, stopping himself before leaving. Calpurnia was at work, and he refused to leave Natasha alone. He sighed before walking back over to the couch. He'd wait until Calpurnia got back.

Natasha stood against the closed door behind her as she thought of the kiss. Garrus had been so stiff, so unwilling to kiss back. She was stupid for trying. How naïve of her to think that any turian would accept her. Nihlus had even surprised her when he started showing interest. She couldn't expect every turian she met to be open to a xenophilic relationship. Most turian men wanted a turian woman. Not a human. Garrus was most likely the same. Natasha groaned before walking over to the bed. She prayed with all of her might that what she had done wouldn't ruin their friendship. She closed her eyes after getting comfortable.

She smiled, feeling that movement inside of her, knowing her baby would keep her from sleep. It figured. It was like that anytime Natasha laid down for the night. She knew she'd be in for a lot when it was born. Just as she started drifting off, the door to the room whooshed open. She groaned before looking up. Calpurnia stood with her hands on her hips.

"What?" Natasha said, scooting herself up off the bed.  
"Are you crazy?"  
"What?"  
"You kissed Garrus?!"

Natasha rubbed her face before nodding.

"What does it matter?"

Calpurnia walked over to her.

"The poor guy is so confused."  
"Great."  
"Tasha, it's not bad, it's just… He feels like there are boundaries and he's over-stepping them."  
"What? What boundaries?"  
"You have a bondmate, Tasha."  
"Why can't he get it through that damn skull of his that Nihlus is dead?! He would want me to move on!"

Calpurnia raised her hands in defense.

"I'm not saying I disagree with you, but I think you should talk to him about it."  
"Where is he?"  
"He went home. I told him he should go take some time."  
"I'll go to his house-"  
"Tasha, no."

Natasha looked up at her friend, feeling the anxiety building.

"Does he hate me now?"  
"Spirits, no." Calpurnia replied. "He just wants what is best for you."

Natasha sat back down on the bed. For a moment she felt dizzy.

"I know." she breathed, trying to ignore her body's annoyances.

Her dizziness soon turned into pain. She crinkled her face for a moment, trying to get through it. Calpurnia touched her shoulder.

"You ok?" she asked.  
"I'm fine." Natasha said, straightening up again. She sat for a moment, feeling the pain subside before it returned, making her double over again. She held her stomach where it hurt. "God…"  
"Tasha, talk to me."  
"It hurts."  
"I'll call the hospital."

Calpurnia opened up her Omni tool as Natasha tried to stand. She looked down at the spot she'd been sitting in, her heart sinking quickly. Blood spotted the blanket.

"Cal…" she breathed.  
"My friend is pregnant, she's in critical condition, we need emergency transport to the hospital." Calpurnia said into her Omni tool. A voice replied, confirming that someone was on the way. Natasha felt tears in her eyes as she looked at the blood. Calpurnia helped her to the door. "Everything is going to be alright, they're coming."  
"The doctor said if I was bleeding, it was bad."  
"It's ok."  
"She said it'd try breaking through, my body isn't built to protect it."

Calpurnia gave her a stern look.

"Natasha, you have to focus right now. We're going to get help."

Natasha nodded, her mind racing as Calpurnia helped her out the front door of the apartment. It took less than five minutes for the emergency transport to reach them. Natasha was shaking from the pain. It made her stomach lurch every time she felt the movement inside of her. She clutched her stomach, as if to try keeping it still. It was useless, but she tried anyways.

The transport was fast, but Natasha didn't think it was fast enough. The doctors surrounded the transit as soon as it landed, rushing to get Natasha on a gurney. She noticed her own doctor by her head. She reached out, grabbing her wrist.

"Save my baby." she told her.  
"It's alright Natasha. Everything's under control." They got her into an empty hospital room as quickly as they could, Calpurnia not leaving when they told her to. Natasha could hear the female turian growling loudly at the humans who tried backing her away from the room. Natasha's stomach leapt in her throat as she felt herself losing consciousness. "We have to perform the surgery now. You're going to be out for a little while. Just relax, ok? You're in good hands."

Natasha fought to keep her eyes open.

"Garrus…" she whispered. The doctor leaned towards her, trying to hear what she was saying. "I need Garrus…"  
"It's alright, Natasha."

Natasha's eyes finally closed.

"Garrus…"


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys!**

**Two chapters in one night, what?! Lucky you. XD I'm SO looking forward to hearing the feedback after this chapter. (: Are you ready?!**

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* * *

_"Get some rest. You've been here for over twenty-four hours. Go home, Garrus."_  
_"I'm not going. The moment I leave, she'll wake up. I'm staying."_  
_"Garrus-"_  
_"Just do your job, doc. I'm staying."_

Natasha couldn't lift her eyelids. Everything in her body hurt. She was sure that the medicine was still heavy in her system. She couldn't move, though she felt pain. It was little and she couldn't describe it. She knew Garrus was with her, she could hear his voice. Where was Calpurnia? Natasha's heart quickened. Where was her baby? She tried opening her eyes, tried speaking, but her body remained still. She was too weak.

_"Doctor, her heart rate is rising."_  
_"Stabilize her, keep her asleep. She needs more rest. If she wakes up she won't go back to sleep."_  
_"Yes m'am."_

Natasha tried speaking, but her body failed her again. She felt her mind falling back to sleep as a hand gripped onto hers. She felt slightly better, knowing who the hand belonged to. She knew Garrus would speak for her best interest. More medicine rushed through her. She fell asleep quickly.

When Natasha's mind came back into consciousness again, she was able to open her eyes. She looked around the room tiredly, squinting at the sunlight that shown through the window. She felt someone rush over to her, touching her shoulder in worry. Natasha looked over, smiling faintly at her friend.

"How do you feel?" Calpurnia asked.

Natasha looked over next to her, seeing the sleeping turian next to her. She smiled even more, looking back to her.

"I'm… Ok…" She looked down at herself. Her belly was getting smaller already. Her heart sank as she looked back up at Calpurnia, her eyes wide. "Where is she?"  
"She's ok-"  
"Where is she?"  
"She's being looked after-"  
"Where?"  
"Just across the hall."

Natasha bit her lip, looking at the door of her hospital room, then looking back at the turian.

"How is she?"  
"She's doing good. They say she has to stay incubated for a while. She doesn't like it, you can hear her chirping sometimes."

Natasha smiled.

"Chirping?"  
"It's normal, turians do it."  
"Is there anything wrong with her? Anything at all?"

Calpurnia gave her a look, seeming to search for words to answer. Natasha prepared herself for the worst.

"She has a nose."

Natasha tilted her head at her.

"What?"  
"She has a nose. It's like a human nose. It's not human skin, but it has the shape."  
"She has my nose?"

Calpurnia nodded with a smile.

"Her eyes have your shape, not a turian's."

Natasha never thought about her baby having human traits. She smiled again.

"How many fingers does she have?"  
"Three." She couldn't help but laugh a little. She was so excited to see her. She looked over at Garrus, who was still sleeping in the chair. Her smile faded slightly. "He hasn't left."  
"Oh."  
"The doctors told him to go home and eat, or rest, but he refused."  
"When did he get here?"  
"You were in surgery."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows.

"Surgery?"  
"Remember, they told you they had to perform surgery?"

Natasha shook her head.

"I can't remember. I remember leaving the apartment."

Calpurnia grabbed the top of the blankets that Natasha was under. She gently lifted the loose hospital shirt she had on. Natasha looked down at the stitches that covered her belly. She winced, though she felt no pain. Calpurnia covered her again when she was finished looking and gave her a smile.

"I suppose you don't remember calling out for him then." she said, sitting down on the bed now.  
"I did?"  
"I feel kinda hurt, Tasha. Best friend ever and you call out for this guy."

Natasha laughed, feeling the pain in her stomach now, putting a hand on it gently.

"Sorry."  
"I guess that means you really need to talk now."

She shrugged.

"Does he know I was asking for him?"

Calpurnia nodded.

"I wasn't going to tell him, I figured it was your place. The doctors told him anyways."

Natasha shrugged.

"I probably wouldn't have told him."

Calpurnia shook her head as Garrus stirred. She hit his knee and he raised his head, blinking at her before looking over at Natasha. He leaned forward checking her intensely.

"How do you feel?"  
"A little sore. Pretty good, though." He sighed, running a taloned hand over his face. "Have you seen her?"  
"No. I didn't want to see her before you got the chance."

Natasha smiled, nodding.

"Thank you."  
"I couldn't wait, sorry." Calpurnia said with a laugh.

The door whooshed open as the doctor stepped in, smiling at Natasha.

"Oh, you're awake." she said. Calpurnia got off the bed, letting the doctor get closer to Natasha. "Any pain?"  
"Not unless I laugh."  
"Let me know if it gets worse and I can give you some medicine."  
"Thank you."  
"Natasha, you should know that the surgery was… Pretty extensive. The bleeding you had was because of the baby scratching through the uterus, like I had said. It was prevented for a while, due to the treatments we had been doing, but wear and tear for months let the baby break through. When we got you on the operating table, it was easy to get the baby out safely."  
"Thank you so much." Natasha said.

The doctor touched her shoulder, smiling warmly before letting it fade.

"Natasha… The baby had done some damage to your uterus. With the treatments, and the baby's species, and the activity inside your body, it really did inflict harm to you…"  
"What happened?"  
"Your uterus was deemed too torn to repair… We had to remove your reproductive organs."

Natasha was upset for a moment, a lump forming in her throat before she nodded, reminding herself that one baby was enough. She had a child and she would be happy loving it for the rest of her life. She smiled at the doctor.

"I'm alive. My daughter is alive…" Natasha smiled as she said the words. She'd have to get used to it. "I couldn't ask for anything more."

The doctor gave her another smile.

"You should stay here for another week, to make sure you've healed properly."  
"How long will she have to stay?"  
"Right now it's looking like she'll have to stay for a few weeks. It could change though. We're keeping close eyes on her at all times."  
"Is she… Awake? Is she moving, is she conscious?"  
"Oh yes."  
"Like I said. You can hear her chirping." Calpurnia said.  
"Chirping, squealing, crying. You can hear her claws screeching on the glass." Garrus said.  
"She's quite active."  
"Why is she incubated then?"  
"To be safe. We can't be too careful, given the circumstances of her species." the doctor said.

Natasha nodded, sighing heavily.

"Can I see her?"

The doctor crossed her arms across her chest, then shook her head.

"I think you should wait until you're able to get up. She's a handful right now."

At the sound of her words, Calpurnia turned to her.

"Excuse me?"  
"We need to keep the two of them safe."  
"Give her five minutes."  
"Mrs. Arterius-"  
"It's Calpurnia, and if you don't let her meet her daughter, I will go get her myself… Natasha deserves to see her."

The doctor didn't look scared, but she sighed at the turian anyways, looking back to Natasha.

"I'll go get her… I can't guarantee that you can hold her though. Please understand what kind of state you are in, Natasha."

Natasha nodded. The doctor walked out of the room. Calpurnia folded her arms, looking back to Natasha.

"Thank you." she said.  
"Damn doctors." Calpurnia huffed.

Natasha smiled, looking over at Garrus.

"Can you help me sit up?"  
"Sure."

He leaned forward, pushing the button on the side of her bed until she was up. It hurt to sit, but it wasn't so bad after a few moments. He helped her scoot forward after she was comfortable. Her stomach flipped in excitement as the doctor wheeled in the incubator. Natasha bit her lip as she extended her neck as high as she could, trying to peek. She could hear small chirps and scratching against the glass. She smiled at the sound.

"Alright." the doctor said, opening the glass and reaching her hands inside. Natasha noticed she wore long gloves that reached her elbows. "Easy…"

She straightened up, cradling the small turian in her arms for Natasha to see. Natasha's mouth lulled open at the sight of her baby. Her daughter. She could feel tears in her eyes. She looked up to Garrus for an instant. She could tell he was just as moved by the sight. The moment was sweet for only second before the baby flailed it's arms, chirping loudly at the human that held her. Natasha leaned forward.

"Let me hold her." she said.  
"Natasha-"  
"Give her to me."

Natasha had planned to be nice, to understand that the doctor needed her to be easy with herself. When she saw her child calling out in despair, it all changed. She wanted her daughter. She held her arms out expectantly. The doctor sighed, extending her arms to Natasha's. The baby looked over at her knew carrier, her chirping subsiding, her arms going limp. Natasha took her, bringing her close to her chest gently. Tears fell down her face at the sight. The baby looked up at her, her small fingers wrapped around one of Natasha's, her bright green eyes staring up at her. Natasha's stomach fluttered. She may have had Natasha's eye shape, but she had Nihlus' eye color. She lowered her face to the baby. It purred as Natasha nuzzled her. Natasha looked up to Garrus, who sat on the bed with her.

"She's purring." Natasha said, smiling brightly at him.

Garrus leaned in, looking down at the smaller turian's face. It growled at him as she nuzzled at Natasha, who laughed at the sound.

"Apparently she knows who her mother is."  
"Thank god we found something to calm her down." the doctor said. "I was wrong."  
"It's ok doctor." Natasha said, her eyes closed as her forehead touched against the babies' still.  
"I'll give you some time." she replied, leaving the room.

Natasha looked over at Garrus, not taking her face from the baby's.

"She's so small."  
"Odd seeing a small turian?" he laughed.  
"Kinda."  
"Not everything starts out big and scary, Natasha."

She smiled at him before closing her eyes again. She tightened her grip on the baby.

"I love her so much."  
"We all do." Calpurnia said.  
"How does she know I'm her Mom?"  
"How does any baby know? She spent seven months in there, I hope she knows where she came from."

Natasha opened her eyes, pulling her face from the baby's. She smiled down at it. It blinked back up at her, the purr continuing.

"She's perfect."  
"She needs a name."

Natasha looked over at her friends, frowning slightly.

"I'm gonna need help…"  
"Calpurnia." she coughed in response.

Natasha shook her head.

"I'm not naming her that!" she said with a laugh.  
"What?! I'm the best Aunt in the world, I don't see the problem!"

Garrus stared at the baby for a long time, then shrugged.

"I'm not good at picking names."  
"You obviously have an idea, please tell me."  
"I've been thinking about it here and there…"  
"Go on."

He looked back to the baby.

"How about Rayhel?"

Natasha let the name roll around in her brain.

"Rayhel." she repeated.  
"What's that mean?" Calpurnia asked.  
"Well, I may be rusty, but it means Earth in our native language."  
"Why would you name her after the human's native planet?"  
"No, it's perfect." Natasha cut in. The turians looked at her. "It would represent where she comes from… Two worlds brought together to one. And it sounds beautiful. I like it."

Garrus gave her a smile. Calpurnia crossed her arms.

"I still like Calpurnia." she huffed.

Natasha laughed, looking back down to her baby.

"Rayhel." she said. The infant blinked at her. "Rayhel."  
"What are you putting down for the last name?" Calpurnia asked with a grim tone in her voice.

Natasha looked up at her, shrugging.

"I don't know." She looked over to Garrus. She knew he had something to say, but he wasn't speaking. "Give us a minute."  
"Ok."

Calpurnia left the room quietly. Natasha and Garrus just stared at each other.

"Don't ask me."  
"Garrus…" Natasha said, looking down at her baby. "She would be dead without you… I'd be gone without you… I know we're nowhere near a real family, and it doesn't have to be made public but… You're the closest thing she has to a dad…"  
"I can't be a father."

Natasha looked up at him.

"Someone has to sign that birth certificate."  
"You can. She deserves Nihlus' last name."

Natasha shook her head.

"Garrus, please."

He stared at her, his thoughts racing. If he signed the birth certificate and said he was the father, it could turn a few heads. If it was kept quiet, though, it wouldn't be much of a big deal. Was he ready to raise a baby? He had already offered his help, how much difference would it make? If Nihlus was here, would he be outraged at the idea? That's stupid, of course things would be different if he was here. Spirits, what should he do? He looked down at the baby.

"Natasha… It would give me rights to the baby."  
"So have rights, you deserve them. You're just as much as parent to her as I am…"

Garrus sighed, rubbing his face. He knew this was a bad idea, but he couldn't talk himself away from it. What difference would it make if her last name was Kryik or Vakarian? Nihlus deserved to have his daughter named after him. Though, she would grow up and get married and her name would change anyways. Garrus wouldn't pretend to be her father, if she ever asked, he'd tell her the truth. Wouldn't he? He groaned, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Natasha, don't you think that… She should know who Nihlus is?"  
"She will, Garrus. As much as we want her to know."

He looked over at her, feeling himself giving in. He sighed heavily before reaching out and putting his hand on her own.

"Tell me you want me to raise this baby with you, Natasha. If you can tell me, to my face, that you won't regret giving her my last name a single day in her life, then I'll sign it. For you."  
"Garrus, I want you to be involved. You've done so much for us… And… I don't know what to say or what we need to get out, but we do need to talk… She deserves to have a dad."

Garrus took a deep breath, standing now.

"You didn't say it."

Natasha looked up at him.

"I won't regret giving her your name."  
"Alright… I'll sign it."  
"Thank you Garrus."

He extended his arms out. She smiled slightly, reluctantly handing the smaller turian to him. It chirped loudly at the movement, only to blink up at Garrus. Natasha watched a smile creep onto his face.

"She's beautiful." he said quietly.  
"I know." Natasha replied, watching the baby squirm slightly.  
"I'm going to put her back."  
"Looks like it." Though he said it, he didn't move. He stood there, smiling down at her as she purred at him. "I guess you're not so big and scary after all."

Garrus laughed, turning to the incubator before the doors whooshed open. Calpurnia extended her arms.

"I don't think so, give her here."

Garrus gently passed the baby over with a smile. It chirped at the sight of another turian.

"I don't know why they're complaining, she seems friendly."  
"To her mother and familiar species." Garrus said, sitting on the bed again.  
"You two kiss and make up then?" Calpurnia asked, making a face at the infant.

Natasha loved watching the turian. She smiled brightly, not hearing the question.

"We need to talk about that still, but we need to focus on the baby for now. And resting. Which you need to do." Garrus said, looking back to Natasha.  
"I'm fine."  
"Natasha, you just gave birth and lost organs. Rest."  
"Garrus."  
"Natasha."

He gave her a look. She looked over at Calpurnia.

"Wow." she said. "Maybe you shouldn't talk, he seems a bit possessive."

Natasha laughed.

"I'll rest if she stays in the room." she told Garrus.  
"Fine. I'll talk to the doctor."

He stood and left the room. Calpurnia waited for him to be gone before she spoke again.

"What the hell?" she said.

Natasha sighed.

"He's signing the birth certificate."

Calpurnia's small eyes widened slightly.

"What?!"  
"He has the right to… He kept me alive, the baby… All he has done is look out for us. And she deserves to have a dad. He's going to help anyways. Why not?"

Calpurnia shrugged.

"I think it's fine." she said before making another face at the chirping baby.  
"This is going to be fun." Natasha said, sitting back against the bed.

Garrus returned to the room shortly afterwards.

"She said it's fine."  
"Good."  
"Now sleep." he told her.  
"I wanna cuddle with my baby though."  
"Don't make me ask for meds to knock you out."

She laughed as he lowered the bed back down.

"Fine." she replied. "I'll sleep."  
"Goodnight Natasha."

Natasha looked over at Calpurnia, who sat down in one of the chairs. She was satisfied that her baby was being taken care of while she rested. It took a moment for her eyes to feel heavy, but she did need rest, and she knew the sooner she got better, the sooner she could go home and start raising Rayhel. She smiled at the name Garrus had picked. He sat next to her in his chair. She held her hand out to him and he took it. She didn't know what was going on between them, but she knew they had to talk. They had to figure it out. For now, though, she was content with resting. Things could wait.

The last thing she heard before falling asleep was a soft chirp across the room. She smiled tiredly and drifted off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys!**

**This is a short chapter, and for that I apologize, but it is a chapter, nonetheless. (: I am so excited to start getting into the baby stuff!**

**Please rate, review and even PM me if you have anything to say!**

**Thanks!**

* * *

A quiet hum traveled through the room. Natasha tried keeping as quiet as she could, periodically glancing at the two sleeping turians in her room, Calpurnia on the couch and Garrus in his chair beside her bed. She smiled down at the glass on the incubator, the top open just enough for her to slip her hand in it. The tiny baby clung to her finger as it purred to the sound of her voice. Natasha closed her eyes, shifting her weight slightly, feeling a shock of pain wash through her stomach. She wasn't supposed to be standing, or walking around. She was supposed to be in bed, resting, but her mind wouldn't allow it. Not when she knew her baby was mere feet away. She had to be near her. Her beautiful little Rayhel. Natasha wasn't able to keep her mind from her for long. So she stood singing to her in the dark of the room, hoping she'd grow tired enough to get some rest. So far, her body wasn't giving her the satisfaction. She hadn't even noticed the absence of the snore behind her. It took a hand on her shoulder for her to turn around in surprise. Garrus gave her a look.

"You shouldn't be up." he warned.  
"I know." she said, giving him a pleading look. "I just can't sleep, and she's all alone over here…"

Garrus shook his head with a smile before looking down at the small baby. His mandibles clicked lightly. Natasha smiled before looking back down to Rayhel.

"She likes you." he noted.

Natasha's grin widened.

"I hope so… I sure do love her." Natasha could tell Garrus wanted to say something, but he kept quiet, rubbing the back of his neck in silence. Natasha cleared her throat. "Ya know…I am really grateful for how you've been with us… Calpurnia and I. It's probably not easy… I know it isn't. We've been so… Depressed. I hope it's not rubbing off on you."  
"I have nothing to be depressed about, Natasha. You're alive, and Rayhel is doing well."

His words were encouraging to her, though she hesitated to take them out of context. They still needed to talk about what it was that was brewing between them. She pulled her hand out of the glass slowly, being careful not to wake the sleeping turian, smiling brightly at the small chirp Rayhel made, her eyes opening slightly before closing once more. Natasha closed the glass, putting a hand to her mouth as she smiled.

"She's perfect."  
"You're going to be great with her."

Natasha looked up at him. Again, she reminded herself to not take his words out of context, but she was having a hard time with the way he was talking to her.

"Can you help me back to bed?" she asked, not letting go of the incubator. He gently wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting her as she slowly walked over to the bed. She made little progress. She was grateful that it was dark in the room as her face grew hot. "Sorry."  
"Take your time." he said, laughing lightly. "I don't mind."

She chewed on her lip as she sat down, her stomach aching again. After a moment, she laid back. He pulled the blankets over her legs lightly. She bit down harder on her lip as she watched him sit on the bed with her.

"Garrus, I…"  
"You don't have to say anything." he told her.

She sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry."  
"You don't need to be."  
"I didn't even ask, I just kissed you, and it wasn't… I should have asked-"  
"It's alright."  
"I didn't even think about your feelings, or how it would effect our friendship if you didn't feel something for me. That's terrible of me, with everything you've done, I should at least have a regard for what you want-"  
"Natasha." He raised his hand to her face, running a talon gently down her cheek. She swallowed, taking a deep breath as she made eye contact with him. "It's alright."  
"Is it?"  
"It is. I… I don't know what this is, that you think is between us, but I want to find out."

Natasha tilted her head at him slightly.

"You seemed pretty hell bent on not being interested. Since I'm… Bonded."

He sighed, taking his hand off of her face at the reminder.

"I guess it's hard-wired in my mind. I just… I want you to be sure about it. Don't feel obligated just because I gave you credits."  
"I don't feel obligated." she replied, shaking her head at him. "You're a good guy, Garrus… I need that."  
"I can be a good guy as a friend." he countered.  
"Look, I won't beg you to try this."  
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying."

He moved closer to her. Her heart started racing. He smirked slightly, making her roll her eyes. He could hear her heart.

"Yeah yeah." she said, leaning closer.  
"Want to try this again?" he asked.

She gave him a single nod before he put his hand on her face again. She let him move to her this time, giving him full control of the situation. She opened her mouth when his lips pressed to hers. He was slow. Gentle, as if testing out the waters. The kiss was innocent until he opened his mouth with hers, letting her tongue meet his slowly. It was different, to kiss someone new, to taste someone else's mouth. Natasha had only ever been with Nihlus. He was her first everything. She was grateful that Garrus had a level head. She might be getting herself into something she couldn't get out of otherwise.

The kiss was interrupted as they heard a small chirp. They broke apart, smiling after a moment at the baby's noises. Natasha shook her head, biting her lip before looking back to him. He had a look in his eyes that she couldn't describe.

"That wasn't so bad." he told her.

She laughed, tucking her hair behind her hair out of nerves.

"Thanks."  
"Natasha…" She looked away before he put a finger to her chin, tilting her head back in his direction. "I want to see where this goes."

She nodded at him lightly.

"Me too."  
"I'm sure we could start off with a good night's sleep though." he told her, standing now.  
"I'll take that into consideration." she replied, looking over at the incubator.  
"Get some rest. She'll be here tomorrow."  
"She's all alone in there…"

Garrus sighed, walking over to the incubator. He grabbed the sides to wheel it over to her bed. She smiled at how close Rayhel was now, the little turian's chest rising and falling as she slept. Natasha laid her head down, watching the baby as her body grew weak. Garrus laughed, sitting down in his chair again. He sighed heavily, leaning back. Natasha smiled contently, closing her eyes. It was hard to let herself fall asleep, but she was able to do it eventually, her body begging for rest.

Garrus stayed up a while after she'd fallen asleep, watching Rayhel, watching Natasha. He occasionally looked to Calpurnia. He was satisfied with their situation, knowing they were all safe, and happy. He eventually laid his head back, his mind drifting back to the kiss. He fell asleep thinking of how her mouth tasted against his.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys!**

**I have been getting chapters done lately, aren't you all proud of me?! XD Yay for free time and the mind to get shit taken care of, eh?**

**Seriously though, I am working a full time job and have managed to get four chapters done(two for this one and two for "Impossibility"). Go me!**

**Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this one. (: I'm so excited to write about baby stuff! You don't understand.**

**Please feel free to rate, review and even PM me if you have anything you wish to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Natasha glanced over at Garrus and Calpurnia, who sat out of the way on the couch in the room as her doctor sighed heavily. Natasha had never seen her frustrated. It made her worry. The doctor stood, opening a cabinet in the room and returning to the bedside with a bottle. She opened it, squeezing the gel onto her gloved fingers before applying it to Natasha's stomach.

"You're body is having a reaction to your stitches." she announced.  
"So I have to stay longer?"  
"I'm going to give you antibiotics to take care of it. This will help."  
"Do I have to stay longer?" Natasha repeated.

The doctor gave her a look. Natasha enjoyed the relationship she'd built up with her doctor. The professionalism was long gone between them. The woman was quite aware of Natasha's ways, and Natasha knew it.

"If I knew you'd take it easy when I told you to, maybe I'd discharge you." she sighed.

Natasha smiled slightly.

"Right."  
"The truth is, I'd need you to be on bed rest, and with your baby needing to stay here, you'd be here every second of the day to visit anyways."  
"I suppose that's fair."  
"I suppose, it's up to you."

Natasha glanced at Garrus, wishing he'd speak up. It was him paying the bills that her insurance couldn't cover. It wasn't up to her. He shrugged after a moment, shaking his head.

"Don't look at me. This is your call."

She looked back to the doctor.

"I'll go home."

Before the doctor could respond, Garrus spoke again.

"No she won't." The woman turned to him in confusion. "She'll stay. It's alright."

Natasha chewed on her lip as the doctor looked back at her.

"I'll stay." she said quietly.

The doctor smiled, nodding.

"Thought so. Anyways, you're all set." She closed the bottle, sitting it on the stand next to Natasha. "Put it on, around the stitches, every two hours. I also need to take Rayhel, to run some tests. I need to see how she's doing."

Natasha looked over at Calpurnia, who held the tiny turian in her arms. She nodded at the doctor.

"Bring her back soon."  
"I promise."

The doctor took Rayhel slowly, placing her in the incubator before rolling the cart out of the room. It was mere seconds before Natasha heard the loud chirping. She sighed, trying to block it out.

"She's fine, Natasha."

She looked up at Garrus, nodding.

"I know… I just don't like it."  
"Protective like a turian." Calpurnia laughed. Natasha smiled back at her as Calpurnia folded her arms over her chest, her brow plates shifting. "Why are you having a reaction to stitches?"  
"What do you mean?" Natasha replied.  
"Well… You'd think your body would be used to having allergic reactions…"

For a moment, Natasha let the words sink in before she let out a loud laugh. It hurt her stomach, but she couldn't help it. Calpurnia laughed lightly, wondering what was so funny about the obvious truth. Natasha shook her head as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Wow, that was great. Thanks for that."  
"I was serious."  
"I know." she laughed before taking a breath. "Anyways… I'm not having an allergic reaction, I just have an infection."  
"Oh."  
"I feel like that went somewhere wrong." Garrus said, not looking at Natasha as he sat down in his chair.  
"Ya think?" Natasha replied, shaking her head.

Calpurnia shrugged at her.

"At least it wasn't a lie."  
"It actually was."

Calpurnia gave her a look.

"Oh please. Dextro and levo are allergic to each other."  
"Medicines take care of that." Natasha smiled at the way Calpurnia tilted her head in question at her. Natasha felt her cheeks turning red. "We got injections. It was once a month."  
"I never knew that."  
"Why would we announce it?" Natasha asked, shrugging. She could feel Garrus looking at her now.  
"Why are we talking about this?" he asked.  
"Uncomfortable with our girl talk, Vakarian?" Calpurnia laughed.  
"Only slightly, Arterius."  
"Since when are you two on a last name basis?" Natasha asked, sensing she was missing something.  
"When were you going to tell me that Rayhel was getting his last name?" Calpurnia asked, turning on Natasha.

Natasha wasn't sure why it had made her angry. She shrugged at her friend.

"I told you he was signing the birth certificate-"  
"Why does that mean Rayhel has his last name? Is that really a good idea?"  
"Do you have a better idea?"  
"Oh I don't know. Name her after her father? Rayhel deserves to know who her father is."  
"She will."  
"She deserves his last name. If I was pregnant, you can bet your ass I'd give my child Saren's last name."  
"Cal, I just…"  
"You can't even give me a reason to do this."  
"I can, but in all honesty, I don't have to." Natasha replied, feeling defensive.  
"I'll leave you two alone for a minute." Garrus said, standing now.  
"No." Natasha replied.

Garrus looked from her to Calpurnia, silence falling on the room now as the two women glared at each other.

"Why am I out of the loop?" she asked.  
"You're not." Natasha replied.  
"What, since he pays the bills, he gets to play daddy? To you and Rayhel, I suppose."

Natasha felt her stomach turn. Her cheeks burned.

"That is none of your business!" she replied. "You encouraged us anyways, you told me to do this!"  
"I told you to talk to him."  
"This isn't about Garrus."

Garrus slowly inched to the door, wishing he wasn't able to hear the conversation.

"You're right. It's about Nihlus, and his right to his daughter."

Natasha huffed with a smile, shaking her head.

"Of all the people…" she said.  
"What?" Calpurnia replied, stepping forward.  
"Of all the people to talk to me about my dead husband… Nihlus doesn't have rights to anything, he's… He's dead, Calpurnia."  
"She has a right to know who he is!"  
"This isn't your choice!" Natasha yelled, feeling her stomach burn as she strained to raise her voice. "Rayhel is mine! I will give her the chance to know Nihlus, but she is mine! Don't stand there and try forcing your parental views on me, you know it won't work!"  
"Fine." Calpurnia said, walking to the door. She turned back to Natasha, glancing at Garrus before she shook her head. "You know… You can play house all you want… She'll find out someday… And you'll regret this."

Natasha watched her leave, keeping her eyes on the doorway for a few moments before she saw Garrus shift from the corner of her eye. She cleared her throat as quietly as she could as she bit her lip.

"I, uh… Do you want me to-"  
"No." Natasha said quickly, looking up at him. "Please. Stay."

He walked over to her, sitting on her bedside silently. She watched him, knowing he was discouraged. She sighed.

"Garrus…"  
"She's right, isn't she?"  
"No, she couldn't be more wrong." Natasha said, sitting up as best as she could without hurting herself. "Garrus, I'm doing this because I feel it's in my best interest, and Rayhel's. I'm doing this because I want to, and because I want to see what it does for us."  
"What if we find out it's not working for us?" he asked, looking at her now. "She'll have my last name and I'll have rights. What then? We just live with it, or I sign over my rights. It'd hurt her either way."  
"Or we could just stay together."  
"Even if it doesn't work?"

Natasha felt tears welling up in her eyes as she shrugged, sighing with a smile.

"I don't know."  
"Listen…" he said, putting his hand over hers. "I'll follow your lead. What do you want?"  
"You get a say too, Garrus."

He looked down at their hands.

"I know what I want."

She smiled at the tightened grip on her hand.

"I do too." she replied, making him look up at her now.  
"Well. If it doesn't turn out how we hope it will, we could always have an open relationship."

Through her tears, she let out a laugh. He smirked.

"Thanks for the permission to be a whore."  
"Anytime."

He leaned closer to her, putting his forehead to hers. She hated how she was reminded of Nihlus at the touch; he'd always do this to her. She pushed him from her mind as best as she could, looking into Garrus' eyes. Her heart ached before it melted.

"I care about you." she said.  
"I care about you too."

She smiled, sitting back against the bed again.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about Cal."  
"She'll come around… You know us turians… Stubborn as hell. We're a hard bunch to please, don't spend your time trying to make her happy. Rayhel is what's important now."

Natasha nodded, frowning slightly.

"We're the only friend each other has got."  
"Besides her friend from work…"

Natasha laughed.

"Right."  
"She'll come around." he repeated.  
"I hope so…" she said, nodding.

* * *

Natasha smiled before she grabbed the shot glass, tipping it back quickly. Calpurnia mimicked her before grabbing her hand and pulling her to the dance floor. Nihlus shook his head as he watched his mate being pulled away. Saren laughed.

"I feel like your woman is trying to take mine away." Nihlus said, taking a drink from his glass.

Saren laughed again, crossing his arms.

"Better seeing them drink and dance. They could be fighting."  
"That's the spirit." Nihlus said before tipping his glass up again.  
"Your new wife seems to be enjoying life so far."  
"As if life is new." Nihlus laughed.  
"Life with you, anyways. Anyone giving her trouble yet?"  
"Not openly. Funny looks from people, that's about it."  
"How is the council treating her?"  
"Sparatus will get over it." Nihlus huffed.  
"He's lucky he didn't get more for what he did. I would have killed him if he'd touched Calpurnia."  
"I know." Nihlus looked over at Saren, who had a very angry look planted on his face as he watched the girls dance around. "Don't act like you didn't do something when you heard about it."

Saren turned back to the bar to grab his glass. Nihlus motioned the bartender for another one.

"I don't know what you mean." Saren finally said.  
"When you heard about Sparatus attacking her. Don't act like you didn't do something about it."  
"Who said I did something?"  
"The good thing about our bondmates being such great friends is they gossip like two old women in a parlor."

Saren smiled as he looked back to the girls.

"Yeah." he agreed.  
"Calpurnia told Natasha what you did."  
"I did what I had to to get a point across."  
"Oh, you had to beat him within an inch of his life, huh?"

Saren, folded his arms again, rolling out his neck in irritation at the memory.

"Yep."  
"You could have been fired."  
"That's the funny thing about people who want you to keep quiet. He would have been fired if I'd decided to do the respectable thing and tell the rest of the council. Luckily for him, I don't care about having respect."  
"I'm not questioning what you did, Saren. I merely want to know what sparked such protection for my bondmate."

Saren looked over at Nihlus with a glare.

"If you found out that a man hit Calpurnia and threatened her life, would you do something about it? Or would you look the other way?"  
"That's a stupid question, Saren. I would protect her."

Saren put a hand on Nihlus' shoulder.

"You're… You're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother, Nihlus. If she matters to you, she matters to me."

Nihlus had never seen Saren act this way, but he nodded regardless.

"Thank you."  
"I may have to reel Calpurnia back in though…" Saren said, withdrawing his hand as he laughed at the sight of their wives.

Nihlus looked over to see Natasha bending over as Calpurnia danced behind her. He shook his head.

"Funny, you blame Calpurnia for what Natasha is doing."  
"Natasha is a sweet girl. Calpurnia is a bad influence."

Nihlus laughed.

"When they get together, neither of them are 'sweet'."  
"I suppose you're right."  
"Calpurnia is a bad influence though."

Saren gave him a look after Natasha and Calpurnia switched dancing roles.

"Oh sure. She's terrible."

Nihlus put a hand to his face, shaking his head before tipping up his glass once more.

* * *

Natasha stared out the window, sighing heavily as her eyes grew heavy. She heard the door open, wishing it was the doctor with Rayhel. She was surprised to see Calpurnia when she turned her head. She glanced at Garrus, who was asleep in his chair. Silence hung between the women for a moment before Calpurnia stepped further in the room. She motioned to Natasha.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.  
"They took Rayhel in for some tests."  
"Is she ok?"

Natasha was grateful for the amount of worry that Calpurnia held in her voice, though she hated it at the same time. It made it impossible for her to stay mad.

"They just wanted to see how she was doing."

Calpurnia nodded, sitting on the bedside furthest from Garrus.

"I'm sorry." she said.  
"Me too."  
"I just… I know I've started seeing someone, and… I know it's been a while, but… I just have a really hard time letting go." Natasha watched her friend struggle to keep her emotions under control as she explained herself. There was silence for a few moments as she considered her words. "I love Saren. Tasha, you have no idea how much I love him. He is my world, he's everything to me… I know things will never go back to the way they were before, but I just have such a hard time letting go… I guess I always imagined we'd go through the same healing process. We'd never give up on our bondmates, and we'd die lonely. It's a sad way to think, but I guess it's not so bad when you know you'll have a friend with you… I want to move on, and seeing you do that is just hard… I can't do it. I love him too much."

Natasha watched the turian cry for a moment, putting her hand over hers and squeezing lightly.

"Calpurnia, I love Nihlus. I know what you feel. You cannot imagine how I felt the day they told me he was killed… I love him. I always will. There's always going to be a part of me that loves him, but… I have to live my life. He'd want me to move on if I could, and to be happy. He'd want me to do what is best for our daughter." Natasha glanced over at Garrus as he slept, biting her lip and taking a deep breath before looking back to her friend. "He's nice. He's a good man, and he wants to help… I don't know if whatever we think we have is going to last, but… I'd rather her grow up with a father than without… You have no idea what kind of psychological issues comes from not having parents… I can't do that to my daughter."

Calpurnia gave her a sympathetic look.

"It's different from your parents, Tasha. She can understand that her Dad was killed."  
"So? Will that stop people from saying things that make her ask questions? Will she be teased for only having one parent? I can't… I have to protect her. This is the best thing I can do for her. Give her a Dad."  
"She can make her own path without a father… She doesn't have to live the life you did."  
"I know, but I don't have to give her that option either. I'm going to give her every excuse to stay away from what I did."

Calpurnia was silent. She knew she couldn't sway Natasha, who was paranoid already for her daughter's safety. She sighed.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted."  
"I'm sorry for not making sure you were well aware of what was going on… I don't want you to feel out of the loop."

Calpurnia hugged her gently, being sure not to hurt her.

"I love you, Tasha."  
"I love you too, Cal."


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys!**

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* * *

Natasha straightened herself upright, taking easy steps across the room. The pain in her stomach was minimal, which she was grateful for. She watched the doctor put her hands on her hips before she sighed.

"You seem fine." She said finally. "I'll take you off of bed rest."

Natasha smiled, standing next to Calpurnia. She found it easy to stand for periods of time now.

"How much longer does Rayhel have to stay?"  
"She's very strong." The doctor said, letting her hands fall from her hips so she could fold her arms across her chest. "She hasn't had any major issues, despite how early she was."  
"Maybe it's because turians have shorter pregnancies." Calpurnia said.

The doctor gave her a look.

"It wouldn't matter if the mother is human, it'd need a longer amount of time to grow and get the stuff it needs to be healthy."  
"Then why hasn't she gotten sick?" Natasha asked, knitting her eyebrows.

The doctor shook her head, sighing before she shrugged her shoulders.

"She's just strong."  
"Can I take her home or not?"

The doctor ran a hand through her hair before nodding.

"I'd like regular check-ups. Every week, like you were doing. I want to watch her closely for a while. You have to understand, the last three months are vital to development."  
"For humans." Calpurnia said.  
"Thank you." Natasha said over her, bringing the doctor into a hug. "Thank you for everything."  
"You're very welcome." Natasha looked over at the incubator. She put her hands on the glass, watching her daughter reach out. She clawed the glass lightly. "I'll go get the birth certificate ready."

Natasha's stomach jumped at the notion, looking over at Garrus. He'd been extremely quiet all day. He hadn't said a word before now. He stood, clearing his throat.

"Can I speak with you?"

Natasha nodded at him, the other two women leaving the room. Garrus put a hand on the incubator.

"Are you ok?" She asked.  
"I can't do this." He said, shaking his head at her.  
"Do what?"  
"I heard you last night. I heard what was said to Calpurnia... I... I won't be a crutch just because you don't want Rayhel to have a bad future."  
"Garrus, I-"  
"You should do this on your own. I want to help you as much as I can, and I hope you believe that, but I can't do this for you."

Natasha felt the anxiety building in her chest as she nodded. She looked down at her baby.

"Ok." She said.  
"I'm sorry."  
"No, I... Please. Don't be sorry. I need to do this on my own."

He rubbed the back of his neck, sighing.

"I have to go to the office. I'll send them back in... I'll see you later."

Natasha watched him leave, knowing he wasn't ok. She chewed on her lip for a moment before the doctor returned with Calpurnia close behind. The turian gave her a look, but Natasha shook her head.

"Ready?" The doctor asked.

Natasha nodded now, holding out her hand. She was given a data pad to fill out. Natasha hated how the doctor left afterwards. She wasn't looking forward to explaining this to her friend. Natasha tapped her finger on the device, typing in Rayhel's first name. She left the last name blank as she moved to the other lines to fill in the information.

"He doesn't want to sign it."

Natasha looked up at her friend, tears forming in her eyes. She didn't understand why it made her so upset, but it did. She nodded in confirmation.

"He heard us last night."  
"Shit." Calpurnia sighed, putting a hand on her face. "I'm sorry, Tasha..."  
"No. He was right... I need to do this on my own... And she does deserve Nihlus' name. You guys are right."

Natasha could read the regret on Calpurnia's face.

"I shouldn't have said anything."  
"Cal, I can do this."  
"I'm sorry."  
"No, please, just stop Cal... I can do this."

Calpurnia hugged her gently.

"You're never alone." She said.  
"I know."

Natasha sighed as she tapped on the line that stated her daughter's name.

"Rayhel Kryik..." She said, typing it in. "Rayhel Calpurnia Kryik."

The turian's mandibles flared into a smile at the sound.

"You don't have to-"  
"It's cute." Natasha said. Calpurnia looked down at the baby. "If something ever happens to me, I want you to take care of her Cal."

Calpurnia looked back up at her, giving her a nod.

"Of course."  
"I'm putting you down as a godparent."  
"I'd be honored."

Natasha smiled as she continued filling out the data pad.

After a few hours of waiting for the doctors to run some final tests on Rayhel, to ensure she was ready, Natasha was finally given some of her own clothes. She was happy to be out of the hospital gown. Just when Natasha was starting to get restless, pacing slowly back and forth in her room, Calpurnia finally brought Rayhel back. She wasn't in the incubator anymore. She was in a blanket, wrapped up snugly in Calpurnia's arms. Natasha smiled at the sight.

"She's cute."

The baby chirped at the sound of her voice, squirming now in Calpurnia's grip. Natasha held out her arms, taking the baby. It calmed quickly. She smiled.

"No question as to who her mother is." Calpurnia laughed.  
"I'm glad she knows who I am." Natasha replied, looking down at Rayhel.  
"They clipped her talons, so they aren't so sharp. Just in case she gets rowdy."

Natasha looked at one of the small hands, noticing the clipped talons.

"Will they show me how to do it when she needs them done again?"  
"I can teach you."  
"Thanks."  
"Here to help." Calpurnia said, smiling. "Ready to get going?"  
"Absolutely."  
"Let's go."

After signing the release forms, Natasha and Calpurnia left the hospital. Natasha was glad to have her daughter in tow. She didn't enjoy the shuttle ride. She was easily nauseated by the feeling, making it longer than she remembered it to be. She was happy to see the apartment all the more when they landed. She felt Rayhel shift in her arms slightly as she stepped into the apartment.

"How is she?" Calpurnia asked.  
"She's asleep."  
"Shit, we don't even have a bed for her."

Natasha gave her a look.

"Don't swear, she's too little."

Calpurnia raised a brow plate, smirking.

"Right." she said before leading Natasha to the bedroom. "You should get some rest."  
"I feel fine."  
"Tasha, I told the doctor I'd make you rest…"

Natasha smiled, looking down at Rayhel again.

"We don't have anywhere to put her."  
"I'll take her."  
"You need to sleep too." Natasha replied, glancing up at her.

Calpurnia put her hands on her hip spurs, sighing.

"It's fine, I'll take her."

Natasha ignored her friend, walking over to the bed and sitting.

"I'll hold her and sleep."  
"That's dangerous."  
"I'll be careful."

Calpurnia groaned in defeat, walking over to her side of the bed.

"You're going to be the death of me." she sighed, laying down in bed after changing her clothes.  
"Goodnight Cal."  
"Night Tasha."

Natasha woke up the next morning to a soft purr as her hair was tugged at. She moaned, looking over to where her daughter laid on the bed. She had a small hand latched to Natasha's dark hair, the ends of it wet with spit as she chewed. Natasha laughed before she took the hair away from Rayhel. The baby chirped in protest before Natasha scooped her up.

"It's too early." she moaned.

The door to the bathroom opened at the sound of her voice, revealing Calpurnia. She smiled.

"How did you sleep?" she asked, running a towel over her fringe.  
"Alright, I suppose. What time is it?"  
"It's eleven hundred." Natasha groaned. Rayhel chirped, reaching for her hair again. Natasha smiled. "She's probably hungry."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, looking up at her friend.

"What do baby turians eat?" she asked.  
"Food. It just needs to be soft."  
"Really?"  
"Meats are best. Why? What do humans eat?"  
"Formula, if not mother's milk."  
"Oh yeah. Those lumps you humans have."

Natasha smiled, scooting herself to the edge of the bed with Rayhel tucked safely to her chest as she stood.

"These lumps got me this baby." she said, handing Rayhel to Calpurnia, who smiled brightly at the child.  
"Isn't that pleasant to talk about near her. You yell at me for language." Natasha laughed, changing her clothes as Calpurnia played with the baby. It chirped happily at her when she made faces. "Are you going to talk to him today?"

Natasha sighed, shaking her head.

"No. He's busy at work."  
"If you didn't know by now, we are his job."  
"Well… He had some other work to do I guess."  
"Oh well. He'll come around."  
"I think I scared him off with the whole 'be her father' thing."  
"You didn't ask him to be her father, you asked him to sign the certificate."  
"It's the same thing, Cal."  
"I think you'll be just fine, even if he doesn't want to do it."  
"I know."

Natasha took Rayhel back when she was finished changing and followed Calpurnia out to the other room. They were surprised to see Garrus on the couch.

"What's that human phrase? 'Speak of the devil'?"  
"Is he asleep?" Natasha whispered.  
"Who cares?"  
"Don't be mean." Natasha walked out to the kitchen, snuggling Rayhel close to her face as she did. She opened the refrigerator. "He's just doing his job."  
"He didn't have to be mean."  
"He wasn't mean, Cal. I understand what he was saying, and I don't blame him. It's like Saren asking me to mother a child with him."

Calpurnia walked into the kitchen and tilted her head at her.

"You wouldn't?"

Natasha laughed, shaking her head slightly.

"Not sure that I would."  
"If I was dead, and Saren wanted to move on with you, you'd have my blessing…. I think."

Natasha pulled out a pack of dextro meat Calpurnia had.

"Can you cook this?"  
"Here." Calpurnia said, taking it from her. Natasha leaned against the counter, patting Rayhel's back lightly as she chewed on her hair. "Why wouldn't you be with Saren?"  
"I don't know, I don't love him?" Natasha replied, pulling her hair from the baby's grasp again.  
"Fair enough."  
"Would you raise a baby with Nihlus?"  
"Probably. If Saren wasn't in the picture…"  
"I feel like Saren would never ask me to do that… He was never big on humans."  
"He liked you just fine."  
"Only because of Nihlus."  
"You'd learn to love him."

Natasha caught the tone Calpurnia had used.

"I supposed your friend from work is stuck in the friend zone for now?"

Calpurnia laughed lightly before turning to her.

"I just can't yet."  
"I understand."  
"It doesn't stop my… Feelings, I guess. I just can't go through with it."  
"I know…"  
"Do you… If he asked, would you?"

Natasha had to think about her question before she caught on. Then her mind wandered to doing the deed with Garrus. She chewed on her lip for a moment, then shook her head. She was silent, then she shrugged.

"I don't know… I guess I'd be able to give an answer in that situation. It's easy to say yes but I imagine it'd be harder if he was coming at me."  
"Literally."

Natasha shook her head as she laughed.

"I think I'd feel guilty afterwards."  
"I'd feel guilty all the way around." Calpurnia replied, leaving the meat to cook as she started a pot of coffee. "I know full well how territorial Saren was. I know who I belong to."  
"Then why do you have a friend from work?"  
"It's fun to pretend."  
"You don't have to pretend all the time, Cal… You can let yourself try with the man."  
"I know. I intend to try, I'm just… Not ready yet."

Natasha nodded in understanding.

"I think you two should talk."  
"We will."  
"I can take her for the night. Go talk, go to his house or something, go alone, have time where no one will interrupt you, nothing will bother you. Just talk, and figure it out. Yes or no, either way, you guys have to talk."  
"We will… Just… No. I'm not going to his apartment… I'm not pushing him."  
"Natasha-"  
"Calpurnia. When I need to get laid, I'll let you know when to start playing the role of wing-man. Otherwise, I've got it handled."  
"I'm not saying it to get you laid… Completely."

They laughed for a moment before they heard stirring in the next room.

"Alright, shish now." Natasha whispered.  
"It's ok. This is done anyways." Calpurnia replied, taking the pan off the stove and putting the meat on a dish.  
"Does she know how to pick it up?"  
"She's a baby, you gotta help her out some." Calpurnia laughed, carrying the plate as Natasha followed her to the table. Garrus was stretching in the living room now. "Have a nice nap?"  
"I wasn't asleep for long." he replied, walking over to the table and sitting with them.

Natasha kept her eyes from meeting his as she poked her finger at the meat.

"Are you positive it's safe?"  
"I promise." Calpurnia replied.

Natasha gave her an uneasy look before picking up a small piece. Rayhel seemed very interested in the food as she caught the smell of it. She opened her mouth eagerly, letting Natasha feed her. She smiled as the baby chewed on the meat without any regard for manners, her mouth smacking as she growled slightly. Natasha laughed.

"So cute." she said, picking up another piece once she was ready.  
"You won't find her so cute in her older years."  
"Why?"  
"Well, when she's a toddler, she'll be hell. Then she'll be a teen, and what teen isn't hell? Then she'll be grown up and gone. Parents just have to put up with hell when they raise kids."

Natasha looked down at her daughter, smiling.

"This doesn't seem too bad." she replied, running a finger along Rayhel's small fringe. She leaned into the touch, purring as she chewed still. "She's so sweet."  
"When she's happy."  
"I can't imagine you're any better."

Calpurnia laughed, standing now.

"I'll give you that."

She left to the kitchen, returning with two cups of coffee and returning for her own. Natasha reached for hers, having to turn her head from Rayhel's grasping hands when she put the cup to her lips.

"Can I ask that you two keep your lady talk to a minimum when I'm around?" Garrus asked, looking at Calpurnia in particular. "It makes me a bit uncomfortable to hear about you needing to get 'laid'."

Calpurnia laughed, Natasha shaking her head with a smile.

"You shouldn't expect any less from me."  
"Yes, we can do that." Natasha replied.  
"Boo." Calpurnia complained, sipping from her cup. Natasha rocked back in forth in her chair slowly after she was finished feeding Rayhel, almost putting herself to sleep in the process. Her eyes were growing heavy awfully fast. "I can't wait until she starts talking."

Natasha was pulled from her silent state at the sound of her friend's voice after a few moments. She smiled.

"If she's growing up around you, maybe it's best for her to stay silent."

Garrus laughed as Calpurnia's mandibles flared.

"Oh please. She's doomed no matter who she hangs out with."  
"Why?"  
"My mouth, your fetish for a superior species, Garrus will teach her to shoot guns. She'll be great."  
"If Garrus teaches her one thing about guns, I will shoot him myself."  
"Point taken." he laughed.

Natasha looked up at him, smiling slightly. It was strange for her to act like something wasn't between them when she knew there was. She shrugged it off, looking back to Calpurnia.

"So, if she's going to inherit my 'fetish' for 'superior' species, does that mean she's doomed for a krogan mate?"  
"Or a Yahg."

Natasha shook her head.

"She'll likely go for a human, if not her own kind."  
"Kinda hard to tell what 'her kind' is, isn't it?"  
"I suppose."  
"I'll hook her up with the strongest turian I know… When she's older."  
"I'll leave her to choose her own mate, alright?"  
"I can give her helpful hints."  
"I guess Saren was a good choice." Natasha agreed.  
"One could argue that point." Calpurnia replied.

Natasha gave her a look.

"Stop that right now."

Calpurnia took in a deep breath then nodded.

"Sorry."  
"You can't judge Saren for something he can't control." Garrus told her. "It's like saying someone is bad because they have a disorder or a disease. Saren is… Not himself. It's out of his control."

Calpurnia looked away from them, clearing her throat quietly.

"I know."  
"I'm sure if he was faced with you, he'd snap out of it for good." Natasha told her.  
"Yeah, if he ever came to the Citadel…" Calpurnia replied. "It only gives me false hope to think of it that way. He's not coming back."  
"What if he does?" Garrus said suggestively.

Calpurnia shook her head.

"He has no reason to. If he can't break through the Indoctrination long enough to not shoot his best friend, someone he's known over half of his life, he won't break through long enough to come home to see me. It's just reality. It sucks, but it's true."

Natasha could see Garrus was going to argue further but she shook her head at him. He stayed silent.

"If it happens, it happens." Natasha told her.  
"It'll be just my luck I finally get over him and he'll come home."

Natasha smiled.

"You fell for him once, you can fall again."

Calpurnia laughed, nodding in agreement. Silence fell in the room, save for the small chirps from Rayhel as she ate her meat. It seemed they were all lost in thought for a while, though Calpurnia wished she could get Saren out of her head.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!**

**Alright, I don't know when the next chapter will be up. The week is starting again. Damn life. Anyways, I am NOT done yet, so don't think that because of the events of this chapter it's over, cuz it's not. I don't know when it will be over. So sit tight and just read it. :P**

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* * *

It had been weeks since Natasha had come home. Things were starting to get into a rhythm of normalcy for her with Rayhel. Garrus had been nice enough to get her a crib, which only made it more complicated for Natasha to keep her feelings to herself. She refused to be away from Rayhel for more than minutes at a time, and going away for hours to get things straightened out with Garrus just wasn't something she wanted to do. Especially when she already knew where he stood. He spoke with her, and they were friendly, but it wasn't the same as before the baby had come.

Calpurnia seemed to be changing too. Natasha figured it was her going through the healing process, but as it went on, Calpurnia seemed less and less like herself. She was quiet, she didn't laugh anymore. She had told Natasha she'd told her friend at work to stay away from her. As much as it saddened Natasha to hear it didn't work out, she didn't argue for Calpurnia to see someone else. She understood, but she worried. The turian was slipping from her normal fun self rather quickly. Natasha didn't like it.

So she invited her out to lunch, instead of staying in for the day. Calpurnia had agreed it'd be nice, but the lunch was rather quiet. Even in the café on the presidium, it was quiet. Calpurnia hardly ate anything.

"Cal… I think you should see someone." Natasha said as she rocked Rayhel in her arms. "You're not yourself lately… You should… Talk to someone."  
"I'm fine." Calpurnia said shortly.

Natasha sighed.

"I think you should see someone." she said more sternly.

Calpurnia looked up from her plate before looking past Natasha in shock. Natasha turned in her chair, her heart jumping up to her throat.

"Is that Shepard?" Calpurnia asked.

Natasha stood, hearing her turian friend following her closely. He spotted her, straightening himself up as she approached.

"Mrs. Kryik." he said.  
"Commander Shepard." she replied, looking to the quarian and the krogan behind him. Part of his team, she figured. She remembered the terms she and Shepard had left on when he was here last. A wave of regret ran through her. "I'm sorry. For the way I acted the last time you were here."  
"Please, m'am, I understand. I can't imagine what you were going through."

He glanced at the baby in her arms, making her smile.

"Her name is Rayhel… She's a month and a half old now."  
"I didn't know you were pregnant, m'am. Congratulations."  
"Thank you." she replied, smiling down at the sleeping turian for a moment before looking back up to him. "What brings you here?"

He glanced to Calpurnia, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably. Calpurnia stepped forward.

"What brings you here, Commander?" she asked.  
"I am grounded, says the council. I was on my way to Captain Anderson's office. I… We need to track Saren to Ilos."  
"Ilos?" Calpurnia questioned. "Why? Why would he go there?"  
"I don't know, m'am… I intend to find out."  
"Commander, I…. What are the chances that Saren will be alright? That he'll come home?"

The commander looked to Natasha, then back to Calpurnia.

"I will do everything I can to talk him down, but… He's not up for listening… I saw him, on Virmire… He thinks he can work with the machines and be a valuable asset. He doesn't see his indoctrination."  
"Thank you." Calpurnia said, looking away from him now.

Shepard's Omni tool beeped at him. He sighed.

"I have to go, ladies. I'm sorry I can't say more, but I am going to do everything I can to straighten this out." he said.  
"Thank you, Commander." Natasha said as they walked away.

Natasha tightened her hold on Rayhel absentmindedly, looking to Calpurnia. She didn't look back at her.

"We should go home." she said, walking away without waiting up for Natasha.

Natasha's heart was breaking for the woman she considered a sister, knowing she couldn't do anything to help her along her healing process. Calpurnia wouldn't seek out help; she'd be stubborn and do it on her own. Natasha would be forced to watch, as much as it killed her.

The next day started out like any other day. Natasha woke up, fed Rayhel, let Garrus and Calpurnia watch her while Natasha got a shower. Things were going just fine until they heard a loud crash outside, then alarms rang throughout the Citadel. At first, Natasha was confused. When they heard the alarms, Garrus seemed worried, taking out the gun he always had attached to his back. He told them to stay behind him, Natasha gripping her chirping baby to her chest. The door whooshed open to reveal machines Natasha had never seen before. She was impressed that Garrus could take them out so fast.

"Stay here, I'll make sure the hallway is clear." he said. Natasha felt herself shaking as she watched him walk out of the apartment. She looked at Calpurnia, who stepped in front of her, waiting for more geth to come in the room. She stiffened when Garrus came back, then let out a sigh of relief. "Let's go."  
"Where are we going?!" Natasha asked, following them out of the apartment.  
"They're evacuating the Citadel. We have to get to the docks."

Natasha felt the fear rising up inside of herself. She clutched Rayhel to her tightly, not daring to loosen the grip for fear of dropping her or her being hurt. They ran down the stairs of the apartment front, going out to the presidium. They ducked behind cover while Garrus took out geth that blocked their path. Natasha nudged Calpurnia, nodding to a gun that lay beside an inactive geth. Calpurnia grabbed it, examining it before looking over the ledge they hid behind, firing alongside Garrus. Natasha wasn't surprised she knew how to handle a gun. Nihlus had taught her how to protect herself, she was sure Saren would have done the same with Calpurnia.

The next step of running across the presidium was one none of them had expected. Without warning, Shepard and two of his team mates were charging through, taking out geth quickly. She was impressed with their abilities, though her fear didn't lessen. Once he got to the top of the presidium, he told his fleet to protect the council. She was surprised that he chose to do so, knowing he was risking many human lives.

When he ended his phone call, shots were fired from below. Natasha's heart hammered at the sight of Saren as she, Calpurnia and Garrus all peeked over the ledge. She looked to Calpurnia, who saw that Saren was ready to attack Shepard's team. She put the gun down, standing up now.

"No!" Natasha screamed as Calpurnia walked over to Shepard, putting herself in front of them as she stared down her bondmate.

Garrus was quick to join Calpurnia, his gun raised. Calpurnia pushed it aside, and he lowered it. Saren lowered his platform down, allowing them to be mere feet from each other. Natasha thought she would faint, her heart was beating so fast. She stayed behind cover, peeking out slightly.

Calpurnia balled her hands into fists, growling although she felt like she was crumbling on the inside.

"Saren, stop." she said.  
"Calpurnia." he replied. "You challenge me."  
"I don't challenge you, I stand up to you. This is wrong. You know it."  
"Calpurnia, of all the people in the galaxy, you should believe me."  
"Believe what?"  
"I'm not indoctrinated."

Calpurnia glanced at Shepard, who gave her a small shake of the head. She remembered him saying Saren didn't think he was in danger. She looked up at him.

"Saren, you have to fight this."  
"Sovereign has given me so much knowledge, Callie… Please. You have to believe me. It's going to work."  
"They aren't going to keep you just because you let them control you!"  
"The implants don't effect me-"

Calpurnia charged forward, putting her hands on Saren's chest and pounding her fists against his armor.. Natasha saw the hand of Saren's that held a gun, shaking to stay at his side. She knew he was trying to fight to keep himself level-headed.

"Callie, please. Listen to me." he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Calpurnia shook her head at him.

"Saren, you have to fight to get that Reaper out of your head! It's controlling you! You can help them take the ship down!"  
"I am doing this for the good of the galaxy! The galaxy needs people who aren't afraid to do the things that no one else wants to do. The necessary things that others don't want to do. It's what I'm doing! I have let Sovereign do it's work on me, to maintain a peaceful existence between organics and Reapers."

Calpurnia was growling loudly now, her voice shaking through her tears as she yelled at him.

"Look around, Saren! Does this look like a peaceful existence?! Innocent civilians are being killed by your army of geth, and Sovereign is here to open the flood gate for the rest of the Reapers to get here to do exactly this everywhere else in the galaxy! Is _that_ the peace you're fighting for?! Is _that_ the peace you want for me?!"

Saren was silent for a moment, his hand shaking still before something inside of him seemed to click. He put a hand on her face lovingly.

"I can't fight this." he told her. "Sovereign's grip is too strong… I… I wish I could take it back, Callie… I'm sorry."  
"Saren, just fight, I know you can-"  
"I love you."

Calpurnia could see that look in his eyes, the loving look he would only ever use when they were alone together. It made her heart clutch in her chest. He put his forehead to hers, running his hand over her bond mark.

"Saren…" she said, her tears endless.  
"Please, Callie, get to safety. You have Natasha. I can't…" he closed his eyes, shaking slightly before he opened them. She knew her time with him was limited. He groaned in pain. His breath was labored as he spoke to her. "I've always loved you."  
"I can't do this…" she cried.  
"Yes you can. Let her help you… Please, tell her I'm sorry… I never meant to hurt him… Be strong… I can't fight much longer… Get yourself away." He brought her face to his, kissing her passionately. She knew it was the last one she'd get in her lifetime. She sobbed when he pulled away, pushing her gently for her to leave. She backed away slowly, watching him cringe once more, his arm lifting to point the gun at her. For a moment, she wondered if she was alright with him killing her. If they both died, they'd be together wherever they went next. All it took was a small chirp that Calpurnia recognized as Rayhel for her to feel fear. She heard Natasha scream for Garrus to do something, but Saren shook, fighting to take his aim off of her. He quickly turned the gun on himself, giving her that look that held so much love for her one more time. "I love you."  
"I love you." she sobbed, and he pulled the trigger.

She let out a scream as his body hit the floor. Natasha sat back down under cover, her eyes closed as she cried. Rayhel chirped sadly at her as she let out her muffled sobs. She felt rushed hands grabbing her arms after a few moments, looking up to see Garrus through her tears. He had a hold on Calpurnia, who fought to get away from him.

"We have to leave!" he told her.

Natasha stood, running behind him, Calpurnia at her side. Garrus got them safely to the docks, loading them aboard the Normandy with haste.

* * *

It had been a long day. Not only had she been let go from her job, she was also being evicted from her apartment. She shook her head as she drank down another glass of alcohol. It was her boss' fault that she was in this predicament anyways. She bit down her growl as she looked around the bar, taking in the sight of the dancing asari. She shook her head as the bartender returned to her. She waved him off.

"That was the last of my credits." she told him. "I should go anyways, I'm not feeling the greatest."

Before the batarian could walk away, a turian spoke up, walking over to them proudly.

"I'll buy you one." he said.

Calpurnia looked up at him. She was lost in his icy blue eyes for a moment before she gave him a look.

"If you're looking for a date, I'm not the kind of girl you want."  
"How do you know that?"

She grabbed her new glass, tipping it up before she considered him again, looking him up and down as he leaned against the bar.

"I may be easy, but I'm not a hooker."  
"Fine, I won't pay you for the night." She laughed, shaking her head as she took another drink from her glass. "I'll buy you another drink."  
"You can buy me all the drinks you want, I'm not going home with you."

He laughed, waving the bartender down for his own drink.

"What brings a nice-looking turian like yourself to Chora's Den to drink away your last credits?" he asked, tipping back his glass.  
"I was fired."  
"That's not so bad, is it?"  
"I had a nice job."  
"Get another nice job."

She shook her head, taking another drink.

"Thanks for the advice."  
"Don't mention it."

She watched him drink down the alcohol and then motion for another. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"What do you do, then?" she asked, smirking slightly. "What's a turian like you doing in Chora's Den?"  
"I thought we already established that."  
"I guess not."

He chuckled at her, looking at her with those blue eyes.

"I work at C-Sec. I'm a detective."  
"So why are you here? Not many chicks into the detectives?"  
"You'd think being one of the top ranking officers would have it's perks, but… I guess it doesn't."  
"Top ranking?" she said. "Interesting."  
"You caught that, did you?"  
"I did."

He gave her a look that mimicked her body's reactions to his words. She looked away, content with not letting him have the satisfaction.

"You're gonna have to try harder than that."  
"That was my selling point, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed from here on out."

She smiled, both of them taking a drink in silence. She noticed his arm, which was made up of a cybernetic replacement. He shifted, knowing she was staring at him.

"How'd you lose your arm?" she asked.  
"I fought in the First Contact War. Briefly, but long enough."  
"May I?"

He nodded letting her put her hands on his arm. She seemed amused, running her talons down it gently.

"It feels real."  
"Only give away are the tubes." he said, pointing to his shoulder.  
"Huh." she said, taking her hands off of him now.

He smirked at the way she stared.

"Yes?"  
"Nothing. Just thinking."  
"I see."

She took another swig from her glass, then grabbed his hand.

"Dance with me." she ordered.

He didn't object as he followed her over to the dance floor. She gave him a look before pressing her chest to his, her arms around his neck as she moved her body. He swayed slightly, letting her dance the way she wanted to. She turned her back to him, his hands resting on her waist as she started to grind against him. The music was loud in the club, but she could still hear the growl coming from his chest. She smiled, looking back to smirk at him. She bent over, dancing against him for a moment before feeling his hand on her back. Her mind was forced to think of what would happen if she went home with him. She felt her body quiver slightly at the thought as she stood up straight again, looking back at him. He brought his face closer to hers, his growl growing louder. She kissed his mandible before stepping out of his arms. She laughed, walking proudly over to the bar where her drink was sitting. He followed her, his growl vanishing.

"Are you done toying with me?" he asked.  
"Yep. Let's go."  
"Go?"  
"Show me what a top ranking C-Sec detective's house would look like." she said with a suggestive tone.

He grabbed her hand, leading her out of the bar. It was a silent ride to his place, but Calpurnia didn't mind. She needed to blow off the steam. She didn't care if he was a stranger or not. After the shuttle parked, he led her inside, letting her look around before speaking again.

"Like it?"

Calpurnia gave him a look before taking a step closer to him.

"I do." she agreed. "I'm sure I'd like the bedroom even more."  
"No time wasted." he laughed, grabbing her hand before leading her to the room.

Calpurnia smirked at the sight of the bed, then looked at him. All she had to do was put her hand on his face, and he pushed her against the nearest wall, his lips pressing to hers quickly. She loved the way he took control, how he made her kiss him like that. She smiled at him after he pulled away.

"What's your name?" he asked.  
"Calpurnia."  
"I'm Saren."

She smiled at the sound of his name, bringing her lips to his now. He growled softly at her.

"Show me what you've got, Saren." she said seductively.

He grabbed her wrists, bringing her over to the bed and laying her down roughly. She smiled, taking off her shirt quickly. He brought his mouth to her neck, kissing and nipping at her as she tugged her pants down. He took hold of them when he felt her trying to kick them off, pulling them down until they slipped off her legs. He pressed his hips to hers, letting her tug at his armor now. Once she had it off of him, she took hold of his throbbing erection, pumping her hand down it. He growled in response as he nipped at her neck again. He throbbed in her hand as she gripped him tighter, biting at his neck now. He growled louder, getting back to his feet. She gave him a confused look before he grabbed her, bringing her to her own feet before guiding her to the dresser in the room. He quickly flipped her around, bending her over quickly. He pushed into her core, making her shudder underneath him briefly. His pace was quick almost immediately. He was anything but gentle with her. She liked it.

She felt his talons digging into the plates on her hips, making her moan in response. She reached back, putting her hand on his and digging. She growled with him, feeling her body's tension building up to it's breaking point quickly. He drove into her hard, his other hand on her shoulder now, holding her as still as he could. She growled louder, her body quaking underneath him. He chuckled softly, not letting up his pace. She struggled for breath, her orgasm hitting her hard. He pulled her up against him after a moment, kissing her mandible lightly. She took the opportunity to shove him back, letting him fall on the bed before she climbed on top of him.

"You follow through pretty nice." she said, her body still shaking from the aftermath of her orgasm.  
"Your turn." he said gruffly.

She gripped his chest, lowering herself down on top of him. He groaned, sinking his talons into her hips once more. She growled, pushing her talons into his plated chest. He smiled, moving her up and down his length. She rolled her hips against him, grinding slowly. Her pace was maddening to him. He tried moving her faster, tried moving his own hips, but she held him down, her strength surprising him. He growled loudly, feeling his body growing tense. She bucked her hips a few times, sending him over the edge hard. He'd never experienced such pleasure with a woman before.

When he was finished, she rolled off of him, laying next to him on the bed. They caught their breath before looking to each other.

"Where have you been all my life?" she asked with a smile.  
"I could ask the same of you." he replied.

They laughed lightly, getting into a comfortable position to sleep for the night, neither of them feeling regret for what they'd done.

* * *

Calpurnia sat in the CIC of the Normandy, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands. Her tears had stopped a few hours previous. There wasn't a single tear left in her system, she was sure of it. Her eyes burned as she sat in the darkness. Everyone had turned in for the night, civilians included. They had been set up in the cargo bay, where there was room. Calpurnia hadn't even left the CIC. She was hardly able to leave the presidium. Her mind went back to Saren again. It was like her thoughts were playing on a loop. Saren, the past with Saren, stopping the tears, thinking of the ship, not wanting to sleep without Saren, Saren, the past with Saren…. She couldn't stop. Every single day for the past nine months that she'd known he was indoctrinated, that she'd spent getting over him, was now wasted. He was fresh in her mind now.

Her body proved her wrong as more tears fell down her plated face. She thought of the way he kissed her, the way he had turned the gun on himself to keep her safe. She was so occupied with her thoughts that she didn't even hear Natasha sit down next to her.

"Cal…"

Calpurnia could hear the strain in Natasha's voice, the hoarseness from crying. It made it that much more real. She smirked slightly at how ironic it was that they were now in different positions. Natasha had been in the same situation when Nihlus died. Calpurnia had to keep an eye on her, make sure she was alright. Now Natasha was checking on her, making sure she was safe. It took all of the strength she could muster to look over at Natasha, who had Rayhel tucked in her arms snugly, a blanket around her as she slept. Calpurnia sniffled.

"Is she ok?"

Natasha nodded.

"She wasn't hurt… Thank God."  
"Good." Calpurnia replied, her eyes looking up to Natasha now.  
"Cal, I wish there was something I could say, or do… But I know from experience there's nothing I could possibly say that will ease your pain… And I am so sorry that you feel this… If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know…"

Calpurnia nodded, looking back down to Rayhel.

"I should sleep." she said, rubbing her eyes.  
"Garrus made sure there was a spot open for you, where we're sleeping down there."  
"Is there a lot of people?"  
"Not really."

Calpurnia nodded again, standing now. Her legs ached in protest.

"We should go then… I'm ready for this day to be over."


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey guys!**

**I don't have much on the agenda for announcements today. I hope you enjoy this though. (:**

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**Thanks guys!**

* * *

Natasha idly pat Rayhel on the back as she slept, watching Calpurnia closely. The turian had fallen asleep rather quickly, given the circumstances, but Natasha was glad she was able to. Natasha had her own sadness for the loss of her friend, but she didn't envy Calpurnia. Rayhel chirped at her lightly, stirring in her arms. Natasha looked up. Not having heard Garrus walk over to where they were for the night. She gave him a weak smile which he took as an 'ok' to sit down. He sighed as he looked at Rayhel. She could have sworn she saw his mandibles flare slightly into a smile before he frowned at her.

"How is she?" He whispered.  
"She's out for the night."  
"I'll be sure to have something for her to eat tomorrow."

Natasha nodded, chewing on her lip as she looked at him.

"What do I do Garrus?"

He looked down at Calpurnia briefly before sighing.

"If she would have asked me that after Nihlus, what would you have wanted me to say?"

Natasha looked away from him, shrugging.

"That there's nothing she can do."  
"I think knowing you're here if she did need anything is alright enough."

She looked back to him, feeling her stomach turn. She hadn't noticed how close he was to her.

"Now that Saren is... Gone... You don't have to work around us anymore, do you?"

She could tell he was contemplating his answer.

"Well I could convince them you need me to stay until the presidium is cleaned up enough for you guys to go back to the apartments. That is, if you have need of me."

He gave her a look that she tried very hard not to register the wrong way.  
She spoke before thinking over her words carefully enough.

"You know I do."

He looked away for a second before giving her that look again. For some reason, she was fighting back tears. Garrus could see them. He tried to understand why she was ready to cry, why she was upset. Was it because he couldn't be what she needed or was it because of the day? Saren was a friend of hers, his death had to be weighing on her mind. It made his heart ache to watch the tears build up in her eyes. He looked away from her again, putting his arm around her and pulling her to his shoulder. She scooted closer to him to get comfortable, holding Rayhel in her lap.

"You should sleep." He told her.  
"Right."

Natasha was able to fall asleep easily, though her body was unable to rest. Morning had come way too fast. Her eyes stung when she was waken up by Rayhel. Natasha groaned, rubbing her face as her daughter was taken from her. Natasha looked up at Calpurnia.

"I've got her for a bit. Go ahead and sleep."

Natasha got to her feet.

"I'm ok."  
"Tasha, you can sleep... I just need... I can take her."

Natasha knew right away that this would be how Calpurnia healed. She'd use Rayhel as a distraction from her thoughts of Saren. Natasha understood, and nodded at the turian.

"I'm gonna get some food." She said.  
"I'll be here."

The thought of leaving Rayhel scared Natasha, but she willed herself to go anyways. She needed to eat.

It was easy to find the mess hall, in which she was greeted by Shepard. He seemed just as tired as she was. He gave her a smile and held out his hand. She looked at it for a moment before bringing him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her hesitantly.

"You have no idea what kind of a nightmare she's been living in for the last nine months... Thank you for everything, Shepard."

She squeezed him tighter for a moment before letting go. He gave her a small smile.

"I'm glad she'll be able to move on."  
"Me too."

He cleared his throat.

"How have you been, m'am?"

She knew that he was asking about her own healing process. It was her turn to give him a smile.

"I'm doing better... Rayhel has been good for me, and I have good friends."  
"Can I ask you a personal question?"  
"Sure."  
"Is she Nihlus' daughter?"

Natasha nodded, looking around the mess hall.

"Why?"  
"I noticed your turian friend... I was unsure. I'm sorry."  
"It's ok." Natasha replied, wishing she could go somewhere without someone or something reminding her of Garrus. "He's a good guy."

Shepard nodded with a smile, looking over to the counter of food that was available to the civilians the Normandy was currently housing.

"Want some coffee?"

Natasha nodded, following him over to the food.

"Do you have dextro coffee?"

He looked at her with his eyebrows knitted before turning back to the coffee pot.

"Yes."  
"Thanks." She said after her poured her a cup.  
"Do you eat all dextro-based foods?"  
"Well I had to when I was pregnant. It's just a habit now..."  
"No allergies?"  
"I get injections to prevent it." Shepard nodded in understanding before taking a drink of his coffee. She chewed on her lip for a moment, knowing there was a bit of an elephant in the room. "I don't blame you."

He looked at her now, looking confused, though she thought it was a purposeful look.

"For what?"  
"Nihlus. I don't blame you for his death."  
"Oh."  
"He was a good man... Saren was too. But even good people have to make sacrifices for the good of the galaxy... He took the job to train you for a reason. I don't blame you for it."  
"Thank you."

She took a deep breath, gripping her mug tightly as she ran the next thought through her head.

"What did he say to you, the last time you spoke over the radio?"

He gave her a look before answering.

"We were getting suited up to land, and my team asked if he was going to come with us. He had said he worked better alone. After he ran ahead, he let us know there were geth and that he wanted radio silence. After that, we heard the shot. It was too late when we got there."

Shepard's words of Nihlus' last moments didn't hurt Natasha. They only made her that much more proud of her husband. He had been so brave, much braver than she could ever imagine herself to be. He had been determined to figure everything out and fix it, to put an end to the Reaper threat. She nodded at Shepard.

"Thank you." She said.

She heard a voice ring out over the ship, making her look up at the voice.

"Commander, the council is requesting permission to come aboard."  
"Let them in, Joker." Shepard replied before looking back to her. "I'm sorry. I have to go."  
"Go ahead." She said, watching him walk away as she sighed. She started feeling antsy as she realized that the council being here meant Sparatus was here. Her lip snarled slightly, her mind rushing back to Rayhel. She left her mug sitting on the counter as she rushed back down to the cargo bay. Calpurnia was playing with the chirping baby happily when she got there.

"Hey."

Calpurnia looked at her.

"Hey." She replied. "I heard the guy over the speaker. The council is here?"  
"Yeah." Natasha replied, holding her arms out. Rayhel purred as Natasha held her close.  
"Sparatus?" Calpurnia said, standing.  
"I haven't seen any of them."

Natasha wished she hadn't said so, now that the elevator was opening again. Shepard lead the council over to where they stood. Natasha cowered slightly to Calpurnia, who folded her arms at the four of them.

"Mrs. Arterius." The asari said.  
"Yes?"  
"The council would like to present you with this Medal of Honor, in remembrance of all the work that your husband had done. He was a valued spectre, and he died a hero."

Calpurnia's demeanor softened as her arms loosened and fell to her sides. The Salarian held out a box, letting her take it. She was silent for a moment.

"Thank you." She said quietly.  
"A memorial service will be held for the casualties." The asari said. "We will highlight Saren in this service."

Calpurnia nodded, looking down at the box still.

"Thank you."

Natasha could tell she was struggling to keep her composure, urging her to speak for her.

"Anything else, councilors?" She asked, stepping forward now.

The asari smiled at her.

"I see you had the baby. How is she?"  
"She's healthy."  
"I didn't even know you were pregnant." The salarian said, eyeing the baby.  
"Yes, I suppose you wouldn't have. Nihlus left too soon to be able to share that joy with anyone."

Natasha let the hostility drip from her words, the others going quiet at the underlying blame. Sparatus' mandibles clicked as she shot a look in his direction. They were soon joined by Garrus, who grabbed Natasha's arm gently and pulled her back. She hadn't realized she'd taken a few steps closer to Sparatus. She could hear a light growl in Garrus' chest as he gave the turian a seemingly innocent look.

"Anyone else you'd like to see, councilors?" Shepard asked after moments of silence.  
"No, we're done for now." The asari replied.

He turned, leading the councilors away from Natasha, Garrus and Calpurnia. Sparatus stayed a few seconds longer than the others, giving Natasha a smirk. Garrus' growl grew louder quickly, his own mandibles clicking now. Natasha felt her heart skip a beat at the territorial behavior from him.  
"Careful Vakarian. She is a bonded woman, after all." Sparatus said, his smirk growing before he turned away.

The feeling Natasha had in her chest was soon replaced by the feeling of defeat. She glanced at Garrus. He kept his eyes on Sparatus until he was in the elevator and gone. His fists were balled, he stood tall with his chest sticking out. Natasha had only ever seen Nihlus act so territorial once in her lifetime. She was surprised Garrus was doing it. Once Sparatus was out of sight, Garrus let his shoulders drop, his growl fading as he looked over at them.

"I hate that guy." He said.  
"Don't we all." Natasha replied, rubbing Rayhel's back as she growled. She looked over at Calpurnia, who was still looking down at her box. "You ok?"

* * *

Calpurnia growled deeply as she sat in the dark booth in the club called Flux. She had her arms crossed tightly, watching her supposed lover as he spoke with the bartender. She didn't think she could growl louder. The woman leaned slightly, showing off her low cut shirt. Saren kept his eyes on her face, but his smile didn't fade. She drummed her talons on the table, as long as it took, waiting for him to get up and leave. When he did, the woman waved to him and he turned slightly, a smile on his face as he bid her goodnight. Calpurnia got to her feet, a glare set on her face, her hands balled into fists. She took a shuttle, following him back to his apartment.  
She didn't knock when she got there. She opened the door and looked around the apartment. Saren came out from the kitchen, giving her a smile. She crossed her arms, noticing the glass in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.  
"Drink too much?" She replied.  
"What?"  
"You had quiet a few. Too many?"

He put the glass down after gulping the water. He shook his head.

"I'm just feeling good. Were you there?"  
"I was."  
"Why didn't you come say hi?"  
"You were too busy... By the way, who was that bitch?"

Saren gave her a smirk, folding his own arms over his chest now.

"What?"  
"That girl!" She said, raising her voice. She took a deep breath, her growl uncontrollable. "Who was that?"  
"The bartender. They serve drinks to paying customers."

Calpurnia narrowed her eyes at him. She absolutely hated it when he gave her smart ass answers.

"She seemed awfully friendly."  
"Was she?"  
"Does she know you're seeing someone?"  
"Probably not."  
"You could have told her."

He stepped towards her, the smirk still on his face.

"Are you... Jealous?"  
"Of that bitch? Please."

He reached out for her, but she slapped his hand away. It made him growl lightly.

"Why so angry?" He laughed.  
"You think that asari can give you better than what I do?"

He laughed again, shaking his head.

"She's a bartender, Calpurnia, I don't even know her."  
"You didn't know me."

His smile faded.

"That's different."  
"How? A stranger in a bar, taking advantage of you when you're drunk."  
"You were taking advantage of me, huh?" He reached out for her again, but she swung her arm at him. He caught her wrist before she hit him with her other hand. He growled louder, catching her other hand. He grumbled at her. "Stop."  
"Get off of me."

He guided her over to the couch, laying her down as she squirmed to get free. She hissed at him.

"Saren, get off of me!"  
"Do you want to know the difference?"

She snarled at him in anger. She was strong, but she was no match for him.

"Species? That's about it." She barked.  
"The difference is, I love you." She stopped squirming, looking into his eyes. He gave her a look she'd never seen before.  
"What?"  
"I love you, Callie. I... I could never let another woman take advantage of me." He said with a smile.

Her growl quickly vanished as she let out a small laugh.

"You seemed friendly with her."  
"So I like watching the ladies swoon. Big deal. You know how I like my women. Turian, and that's it."

She looked away, realizing he was pinning her arms above her head.

"You don't have to pull out the 'L' word just because I get angry, ya know."

For the first time since she'd known him, she heard the low rumble start in his chest. She looked back up into his eyes when it started.

"I didn't say it because you were angry." He replied, putting his head to hers. "I said it because I love you."

He leaned closer, pressing his lips to hers gently. It was a level of affection he'd never shown her before. She felt her chest tighten in response. The kiss was slow as Saren worked at her clothing, her hands working at his in turn. She was surprised when he pushed his hips against hers, his hands wandering down her body, his member slipping into her slowly. He set a slow pace, a gentle rhythm, as he kissed her. He wasn't having sex with her, they weren't just having fun. He was making love to her. The realization set in harder than she wanted it to, tears coming to her eyes as he held her tightly to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, nipping at him gently. She was so stupid for assuming he was out looking for other girls. She could tell how much he felt just by the way he was acting. Her heart raced at the thoughts running through her mind.

"Bond with me." He said gruffly, putting his forehead to hers as he pushed into her still.

She looked at him in surprise, but she knew he was serious. His words had her high. She was helpless to fight him. She smiled, knowing they were making a crazy choice. She kissed him.

"I will." She breathed, feeling her body growing tense.

He purred at her, his teeth finding her shoulder and piercing her quickly. She had been expecting him to do the deed here and now, but he did. She purred, finding his shoulder and biting him in response. Her body reached it's peak shortly after, growing tense around him as he pulsed inside of her, his warmth filling her before he let his body go limp on top of her. They laid still for a while, silence surrounding them as they caught their breath. Saren lifted himself up slightly, looking down at her, a talon running along her face. She gave him a weak smile.

"I love you."

She looked at his shoulder, tears flooding her eyes.

"I love you too Saren."

* * *

"You ok?"

Calpurnia took her eyes off the box, looking over at Natasha. She had a worried look on her face, a hand on Calpurnia's shoulder. Rayhel growled lightly in her arms. Calpurnia's face was wet with tears.

"My husband died a hero." She said.

Natasha could hear the relief in her voice.

"A medal shouldn't persuade you to think that, Cal... Saren has been a hero for a very long time."

The memory of Saren marking her as his flashed across her mind again, like it wasn't so long ago. She smiled, tears still falling down her face. She knew Nihlus had saved Natasha from alot of things. Calpurnia had never needed such saving. She'd been raised by two loving parents and had been able to take care of herself. She had never really lived, though, before Saren came into her life. He may not have saved her in any literal way, but he was her hero.

She looked up at Natasha and smiled.

"Yes. He has."


	26. Chapter 26

When the time came for the civilians to leave the ships, they were notified they'd have to be sheltered in hotels if their homes were on the presidium. It left a lot of people on the Citadel worried. Rebuilding would take a long time. Calpurnia hated that she couldn't go back to her home, and Natasha felt for her. She hadn't been home in almost a year, but it still stung to know her home was gone. She decided to look at it as a blessing. It was a way for her to start new. The apartment was Nihlus' home too. She could find a new apartment, with her daughter, and make it a home. Her mind would occasionally wonder if Garrus would help in doing so, but she set herself up to expect him not to. She forced herself to be alright with it. She didn't need him.

She shook her thoughts away as she stepped off the Normandy, Calpurnia at her side. Shepard and Garrus shook hands before the man turned to Natasha. She smiled as Rayhel chirped in her arms.

"Would you like to hold her?"

Shepard seemed to be surprised by the offer, unfolding his arms awkwardly.

"I'm not so good with babies." he replied.

Natasha smiled.

"Put your arms out."

He did as she told him to and she carefully gave Rayhel to him. The little turian blinked up at him curiously. He smiled.

"She's cute."

Natasha watched her daughter for a moment before clearing her throat.

"What will you do now?" she asked.

Shepard looked back to her.

"I plan on enjoying some shore leave for a week or two."  
"You deserve it." Calpurnia told him.  
"I'm sure the council will have loads for me to do in a week's time." he laughed.

Natasha knew it was most likely going to end up being true.

"Demand two weeks then." she told him.

Rayhel squirmed, making Shepard give her back. Natasha smiled at him as Rayhel calmed again.

"Told you." he said.  
"It's alright." she laughed. "We should get going anyways."  
"I should too. It was nice having you two aboard."  
"Thank you for the hospitality, commander." Calpurnia said, shaking his hand.  
"Anytime." he replied with a nod. "Good luck ladies."

Natasha watched him walk back up the ramp to be greeted by a human woman. She hugged him in a manner Natasha didn't think was merely friendship. She smiled slightly, looking over at Calpurnia.

"We should go."

Calpurnia nodded in response, walking with her along the docking bay. Garrus followed behind them idly. They walked silently over to the hotel that was ready for emergency civilian housing.

"Want to share a room?" Calpurnia asked as they approached the hotel.  
"Absolutely." Natasha replied.  
"I'll sleep separately." Garrus piped up.

Natasha hated that he was being so distant, but she forced herself to be alright with it. They checked in easily at the front desk and found their rooms eagerly. Garrus told them he'd be across the hall if they needed anything. Calpurnia smiled as they stepped in the room, closing the door behind Natasha.

"It's huge!"

Natasha smiled slightly, shaking her head at her friend's reaction to the bedroom before laying Rayhel down on the large bed. The turian slept peacefully. Calpurnia sat next to her, stroking her small fringe. Natasha looked away, running her fingers through her hair with a sigh.

"Go talk to him."  
"He wants to be alone." Natasha replied.

Calpurnia shook her head, but said nothing else. She didn't push the topic further. It took everything Natasha had to not go talk to him though. She laid down for bed early, pretending to rest until Calpurnia laid down too. After waiting a few minutes to make sure Calpurnia wasn't awake, Natasha silently got out of bed, but it was useless. Calpurnia sat up as soon as her feet hit the floor.

"Have fun." she whispered.

Natasha sighed, putting her hands on her hips.

"Cal, please-"  
"Go, Tasha. I'll watch Rayhel."

Natasha nodded, walking to the door. Her heart picked up it's pace as she knocked on Garrus' door. He answered rather quickly, letting her in without a word. She chewed on her lip, looking at him nervously. He stared back at her.

"You too?" she said.  
"I'm just worried. The attack is only two days old."

His words stung her heart. She hated it. It shouldn't hurt.

"Oh." she replied.  
"Worried about Rayhel?"

She considered agreeing and letting the conversation die down so she could leave. She bit her lip again before shaking her head.

"No, I trust things will calm down now."  
"So what has you up?"

She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly.

"You know what."

He looked away from her as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Natasha, please..."  
"Garrus, I feel something for you. I know it's hard for you to talk about, but I just…" she swallowed down her nerves as she looked into his eyes. "I need to know. I can't wonder anymore, it's making me crazy… Yes or no?"

He stepped closer to her, running a hand gently down her bare arm. She shivered at his touch.

"It's more complicated than a yes or no."  
"No it's not."  
"You don't understand."  
"Help me to." His eyes wandered to her shoulder that was showing off in her tank top. She knew exactly what he was looking at. "Stop it."

Her hand moved to cover the scars there. He looked back to her face, his brow plates lowering to his eyes.

"Don't cover it."  
"Don't look."  
"It's there for people to see."

She huffed, keeping her hand on her neck.

"Garrus, you're impossible!"

He smirked.

"Clearly you like dealing with it."  
"No, I don't. I like the you that cares about me, and doesn't care about what my dead bondmate may think."

He cringed at her words.

"How can you talk about him like that?"  
"Like what? Saying he's dead? I can say it, Garrus, because it's true. What am I supposed to say?"  
"You had enough nerve to go to Palaven to create vows with him, and you let him mark you, and now that he's gone, you want me to take his place. Do you have any idea how much flack you'll get? You're not exactly unpopular. Everyone knows who you are."  
"You're worried about what others think." she stated. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. She felt her courage building as she fought back the urge to shake him around until he understood. "Ya know, all I wanted was for someone to care, before I met Nihlus. Then we got married and I wished everyone would just leave me alone. You can't please everyone, Garrus. You have to make yourself happy."  
"It'll be better for you if I don't try filling his shoes."  
"Don't tell me what's better for me, I'm an adult." She stepped closer to him, putting her hands on his chest. She looked up at him softly before kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly, his tongue meeting hers quickly. He pulled her against him, her chest pressing to his, his hands touching her face. She did her best to suppress the whimper in her throat from his affection. She tugged at his fringe and he pushed her to the bed. He kept his lips pressed to hers as he lowered her down quickly, holding himself up on his elbows over top of her. She heard the faint growl in his chest start and she let out a sharp breath. He pulled his lips from hers, kissing her neck slowly, a fire burning in her stomach as he pushed his hips against hers. She couldn't help the whimper that rose in her throat now, moving her hips against his in response. The growl deepened before he put his forehead to hers. His eyes poured into hers. She bit her lip idly as he lowered his mouth to her neck, kissing it lightly. She closed her eyes. She loved his hot breath, but it was cut short when he raised himself off of her. She laid still as he sat himself at the end of the bed, catching her breath. She sat up after a moment, looking at him. He looked over at her when she moved. "Did I do something?"

His eyes traveled to her shoulder again. She covered it, realizing he'd kissed that particular side of her neck. She sighed.

"I can't be him."

Her heart broke a little at his defeat.

"What?"  
"Nihlus was… Great. He was one of the best, and he could give you anything. I'm not Nihlus. I can't give you the best, and I certainly can't pretend to be him. I will _never _be _him_." He shook his head, rubbing his face. "You deserve everything he'd given you. With me, you'll get second rate, and you deserve more. I just can't give you that."

Natasha watched the turian in front of her try explaining what he felt as tears welled up in her eyes. He looked up at her before standing. He just shook his head, walking to the door. Her heart jumped as she realized that he was once again trying to run away. If he left, she'd be forced to wonder if there was something to wait for. No progress would have been made. She stood quickly, clearing her throat.

"Stop!"

He listened though he kept his back to her.

"Please-"  
"No!" she replied, walking over to him. She grabbed his arm and turned him to her. "Stop running away."  
"I'm not."  
"Yes you are. You tell me that and just expect to leave without talking about it?"  
"Yes."  
"No!"  
"Yes."

He turned, but she caught his arm again, giving him a stern look.

"Garrus, if you have even a shred of respect for my feelings, you will stop turning away from me." She could have sworn she heard a growl for a split second, but she didn't care. She cleared her throat again, letting her angry demeanor soften. "I don't want you to be him."

He narrowed his eyes at her now.

"Why would you want anything less than the best?"  
"Stop saying that. Nihlus wasn't perfect, Garrus. Yes, he gave me everything I needed, and yes, he was perfect for me, but no, he was not a perfect person. Everyone has flaws. Why in Palaven's name would I want you to live up to him? You do realize that means you get killed in action, right?"

He shook his head ever so slightly.

"I wasn't talking about that part." he said.  
"Garrus, I don't want you to be like him… You being just like you is good enough."  
"I don't want you to have good enough, I want you to have the best."

She huffed at him, shaking her head now.

"Garrus." she said sternly.  
"What?" he replied, shrugging his shoulders.  
"I don't want what you want for me. I want what I want. I want you, and I want an answer… Yes or no?"

He pulled his arm from her grip.

"It's not that simple-"  
"Yes it is. Stop thinking about Nihlus and my past and what you think I need. What do you want?" He stared at her and she could see the struggle between admitting what he wanted and being stubborn for what he thought she deserved. He was silent for a while, looking away from her, then looking back. She was almost sure he wouldn't answer. "What do you want?"

Garrus stared back at her, idly balling his hands into fists as he fought the urge to push her out of his mind. Out of his heart. He knew if he walked away, she'd give up. He didn't expect her to wait around. She was a mother, and she had other things to live for if he wasn't going to give a straight answer. He respected her so much. He couldn't shake the feeling in his chest when he thought of the possibilities that lay between them for a future. If it worked. What was the harm in trying besides giving her another broken heart to get over? He couldn't make up his mind. He just wanted to keep her safe.

"What do you want?" she repeated, her voice growing agitated at his silence.

He sighed at her, stepping forward and putting his hand on her shoulder. He ran his thumb over the scars of her bond mark. She didn't make him stop, but she gave him a confused look.

"Did it hurt?"  
"What?"  
"To be marked, did it hurt?"

She seemed to think it over for a moment and he hated the possibility of making her relive the memory.

"It was very painful…" she replied, nodding.  
"Was it worth it?"  
"Was it worth it to be his wife, you mean? Yes."  
"Do you regret it, now that he's gone?"  
"Absolutely not. I would do it again."  
"To relive it?"

She shook her head, giving him a warm look.

"I would do it again if it meant to marry someone. To be happy like I was then. Any amount of pain is worth it."  
"Even the broken heart?"

She nodded.

"Even the broken heart." He looked away from her, wondering how she got to be so strong on the inside. He was sure it'd kill him to go through what she'd gone through. He didn't even know her criminal history. He just knew her experiences since he'd met her. It was enough. She put her hand on his mandible, making him look up at her. "You didn't answer my question."  
"What?"  
"What do you want?"

He sighed once more, putting his forehead to hers.

"You."


	27. Chapter 27

**Hey guys!**

**This chapter is a bit short, but I still hope it's worth it. Fingers crossed that you guys enjoy. (:**

**Please rate, review, and even PM me if you have anything you'd like to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Garrus looked down into the eyes of the human who stood in front of him. He could hear her heart beating quickly as she waited for his answer.

"What do you want?" she repeated.

He sighed, putting his forehead to hers.

"You."

His blue eyes locked on her brown ones, stroking her arm idly. She gave him a small smile before pulling herself away from him. She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously.

"Right." she said finally. "Ok… That's settled then."

He laughed lightly at her fidgeting. He stepped towards her as she brought her bottom lip in between her teeth. He'd picked up on it as a nervous habit. He reached his hand out to touch her face, his thumb tracing her lip. She released it from her teeth.

"That's a bad habit."  
"I can't help it."

He pressed his lips to hers gently. She kissed him back, her heart hammering. He ran his hands down her curves slowly. She shuddered slightly, pulling her lips from his.

"You weren't so nervous a few minutes ago." he smirked.

She let out a laugh.

"Yeah… Sorry."  
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."  
"I'm not… Just nervous…"

He kissed her again. She deepened it, pushing her tongue to his, her hands reaching up to his fringe. He walked her back to the bed like he had before, laying her down slowly. He broke the kiss, looking down at her. He laughed as she took her bottom lip in between her teeth again. He ran his thumb over her lips, making her stop. She gave him a smile, running her hands down his chest. She unfastened the clasps and he let her touch the plating of his chest. She bit her lip again, but it wasn't out of nerves. He helped her get the top off of his torso, leaning back down to her afterwards. She kissed him. He felt her shaking hands on his face.

"Are you sure about this?" he breathed. She gave him a look. He wanted her to really think about this before they did something she'd regret later. He knew she hadn't had anyone since Nihlus died. He wanted her to be sure she was ready. She sat up, reaching for the bottom of her shirt and pulling it up over her head. He couldn't help but to look at her bare skin, taking in the appearance of the naked human. He'd never seen it before. She reached for one of his hands and pressed it to her skin. He let out a short breath as he took in the feeling of her breast. He looked up at her just to be kissed again. She tugged at his pants. He helped her get them off, working at hers once he was exposed. She laid down in front of him, letting him look at her. He smiled at the sight. He'd only ever been with turian women, but he truly thought she was beautiful in that moment. He noticed scars on her hips and thighs. She covered her stomach self-consciously, but he stopped her, catching sight of her surgical scar. She looked away from him. "You're beautiful."

She looked back to him, her eyes traveling down his body. He was grateful she couldn't hear his heartbeat. She sat up to kiss him, pulling him back down to her. He let his lips travel down to her neck, his tongue dancing across her skin lightly, sending a shiver down her spine. He felt the familiar wave of guilt run through him as he looked at her bond mark. He kissed her shoulder before looking back to her. She had a dazed look in her eyes as her fingers touched his mandible lightly.

"Are you alright?" he asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Natasha-"  
"I'm alright." she told him. "I…"

He could tell there was something bothering her. He nuzzled his forehead to hers. It made her smile.

"Talk to me." he said.  
"I was a virgin, when Nihlus and I got together."

Garrus pulled his forehead from hers, giving her a look of interest.

"I see."  
"I don't know why I felt like telling you that." she said with an embarrassed smile, putting a hand over her face.

He smiled at her.

"Has there ever been anyone else for you?"  
"No."  
"Do you need me to take it slow?"

She shrugged with a small smile.

"Maybe… Why? Would you rather take it another way?"

He smirked at her seductive grin before kissing her. He tasted her tongue against his again, taking in her scent as she ran her fingertips up his neck. He put a hand on her hip, his plates shifting. Her grin widened as her hands wandered down his body. He groaned when she took possession of his member. She watched him struggle for a moment before gliding the tip of him across her entrance. He pressed his forehead to hers, letting her guide him into her slick folds. He groaned again, hearing her sigh. He pulled himself back slowly, watching her reactions to him. After a moment she relaxed underneath him, tugging at his hips. She wanted more of him. He let the feeling of her around him sink in as she kissed at the sensitive area of his neck. He gave her what she wanted, doing his best to control himself. She was so soft, so fragile. It wasn't what he was used to. She wrapped her legs around his hip spurs tightly, biting her lip as she moaned. He growled at her tightness around him, driving into her harder. His talons itched to grip her thigh, but he resisted. It was hard to keep himself under control as she nipped at him gently, running her fingers down the plates on his back. Natasha seemed to catch onto his desperation to keep himself calm as she giggled, putting her hands on his shoulders and rolling him onto his back.

Garrus let her do what she wanted to him as he laid there. His heart pounded in his chest as he watched her move on top of him. He ran his hands down her thighs, sighing heavily. He saw her bite her lip at him, a lustful look in her eyes. He sat up to kiss her, wrapping an arm around her tightly, wanting nothing more for her body to be as close to his as it could be. She panted against him, her hips grinding against him. He put his head against her shoulder, groaning loudly.

"Relax." she breathed.

He smiled at her slightly, laying back down, running his hands down the curves of her body. She lifted herself up, just to lower herself back down slowly. He closed his eyes, clinging desperately to the small amount of control he had left. It didn't take him long to snap. He gripped her thigh, running his talons down it. She gasped, but she didn't stop. He was surprised she wasn't hurt, but he didn't give it much thought. He dug at her hip, moving her quicker against him. She let her head fall back as she moaned at him.

He felt himself nearing his end as her walls gripped around him tighter. She arched her body at him, calling out his name as he felt her clenching around him. It was an odd feeling, but it sent him over the edge. He throbbed inside of her, gripping her tighter for a moment. When he was finished, she rolled off of him, his breathing returning to normal after a moment. He looked over at her, watching her chest rise and fall slowly. She opened her eyes to look over at him. He was glad to see the small smile she gave.

"Are you…" he said, his voice trailing off.  
"I'm alright." she smiled. "You?"  
"I guess I'll learn to be ok." She laughed, scooting closer to him, laying her head on his chest. They enjoyed each other in the silence, both of them silently replaying the moment in their minds. She smiled again at the touch of his hand running up and down her arm slowly. "Will you tell me what you did?"

She rolled to her stomach, looking up at him. He put his absent arm behind his head, looking down at her.

"Just now? We had sex."

He laughed, brushing a strand of hair from her face to tuck it behind her ear.

"I mean your history. You had me erase your files at C-Sec. Obviously you don't want whatever was in there to be known to anyone who didn't already know."

Her smile faded, giving him a concerned look as she rested her chin on his chest.

"Why?"  
"Curiosity, I guess."  
"If I tell you, you may not like it."  
"Can't have been that bad, you got out of jail quickly."

She bit her lip, but he made her stop, running his thumb over her lips. She rolled her eyes playfully, sighing slightly.

"I was caught in the tunnels of the presidium."  
"That's it?"  
"Well, technically I was caught in possession of drugs, intoxicated, as I broke into a store, but ya know."

He gave her a look of surprise.

"What?"  
"I was a drug addict."

He was silent for a moment, looking up at the ceiling as he thought. She watched him intently, waiting for a response or some sort of reaction. He simply looked at her after a moment, his mandibles flaring into a smile.

"Not what I expected to hear, I suppose."

She sat up, sitting on her knees as she smiled back.

"What did you expect to hear?"  
"Not that."  
"Is it so bad?"  
"No."  
"Good."

He sat up, putting a hand on her shoulder, nuzzling his forehead to hers.

"I care about you." he said.  
"I care about you too." she replied, goosebumps raising on her skin as his talons brushed down her arm.

He gave her a look, that seductive grin returning to her face before she kissed him. She tugged at his hips and he complied, moving on top of her.

"You sure you want to do this again?" he asked. "I can't guarantee that I'll be able to take it easy a second time around."

She bit her lip at him before nipping at his neck. A growl started in his chest. He knew it was going to be a long night, but he didn't mind.

He didn't mind at all.


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey guys!**

**So, this is a bit of a filler, but next chapter will have plot in it. (:**

**I would just like to say that, when I tell you guys to rate, review or PM me when you have thoughts, I expect some critics. I expect critics, who wouldn't have benefit from pointers? No one is perfect. Right? Great. The thing is, my very fragile heart gets broken when reviewers are needlessly rude. Critics can be given without being harsh. My motivation gets shaky and I get very discouraged. I just wanted to give a shout out to the wonderful MayriahLee for the support. Thank you, woman. You help keep me going!**

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* * *

Natasha opened her eyes slowly the next morning. It took her a moment to remember where she was, looking at the room as she sat up. She felt a twinge of pain from her leg. She looked down at it, seeing the two claw marks that ran down her mid thigh and curved around to her knee. She smirked slightly, remembering how it got there. She looked over to where Garrus was sleeping.

She stared for a moment, her smirk turning to a smile as she fought to keep herself from waking him. His breathing was slow and peaceful. She forced herself to take her eyes from him, sliding herself off the bed. She got herself dressed, remembering Calpurnia had been watching Rayhel all night. She felt a quick rush of anxiety as she finger-brushed her hair as best as she could. She was almost to the door when Garrus stirred. She saw him reach over to where she'd slept for the night. His hand touched the empty spot and he sat up quickly, his eyes locking on her. He rubbed his face.

"Running away?"

She could hear the humor in his voice, but it didn't hide the worry. She gave him a smile.

"No. I was just going to check on Rayhel."  
"Want me to go too?"  
"You can sleep."

He got himself out of bed, reaching for his own clothes now.

"You go, I'll be over in a few."

She walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He stopped after pulling on his pants, looking at her. She kissed him lovingly.

"See you over there."

He smiled before she turned away. She let her own smile spread across her face as she left the room. She let herself succumb to the giddyness she felt for a moment before taking a deep breath. She stood in the hallway, looking at the door as she ran her fingers through her hair again before opening it. She was surprised to see Calpurnia up and about, bouncing Rayhel in her arms as she slowly walked around the room. The soft hum went away quickly as she turned to face Natasha. She gave her a look.

"Where have you been?" Natasha held back her smile, her embarrassment quickly setting in. If not for her blush, Calpurnia would have had nothing to go off of. She did blush, though, and it made Calpurnia's mandibles flare into a smile. "You were over there all night?!"

Natasha shrugged, taking Rayhel from Calpurnia, clearing her throat.

"We just stayed up late. I was tired and fell asleep."  
"Up late? Doing what?" Calpurnia asked with a suggestive tone.  
"Talking."  
"Talking?" She huffed. "About what? How long does it take to ask if you're together or not?"

Natasha smiled at Rayhel, ignoring her friend's pestering. The small turian slept soundly.

"How was she?"  
"She was fine. Started getting restless before she fell asleep for the night. Nothing I couldn't handle."  
"Thank you."  
"So, are you two together now?"

Natasha shrugged.

"I guess."

Calpurnia gave her a smile.

"I'm glad. You deserve it."  
"So do you." Natasha replied.

Calpurnia's smile faded as she cleared her throat.

"Not right now." Natasha's mind wandered back to Garrus. She smiled. Calpurnia laughed slightly. "What?"

Natasha shook her head, sitting down on the bed. She looked up at Calpurnia.

"I just had a good night."  
"Happy to be able to stop wondering?"  
"Yeah. I am... We, uh... We had sex."

Calpurnia's eyes widened slightly as she stepped closer to her. She sat next to her, a wide smile flaring across her face.

"What?!"  
"Yeah."  
"Well?" Natasha just smiled. Calpurnia grabbed her arm and shook her slightly in excitement. "Tell me what happened!"  
"I just told him that he needed to give me a straight answer and he said he wanted to try having a relationship. It led to other things. It's not that exciting. "

Calpurnia raised a brow plate at her.

"I cannot believe you right now."  
"What? I couldn't help myself..."  
"Well was it worth it? Was it all you wanted and more?"  
"Sure."

Calpurnia narrowed her eyes, letting go of her arm now.

"I don't believe you."  
"Why?" Natasha said with a smile.  
"You'd never just tell me, I always have to work things out of you."  
"I'm not lying."  
"Prove it." Natasha laughed, standing now. She put Rayhel down on the bed before unfastening the button on her pants. Calpurnia laughed. "Whoa, wait a minute."  
"Shut up." Natasha replied, pulling her pants down slightly and turning to the side.

Calpurnia gasped slightly, looking at the gashes on Natasha's leg. Natasha laughed at her friend before pulling her pants back up to her hips.

"Told you."  
"He... You guys really did?!"

Natasha shook her head, lifting Rayhel back up off the bed. She snuggled her to her chest tightly before they heard a knock on the door. It opened without waiting for a response. Garrus stepped in silently, looking between the two women. He took in Calpurnia's bewildered look, then looked back to Natasha.

"Bad time?"  
"No, it's ok."

Calpurnia straightened up quickly, regaining her composure before looking at him.

"Hi." She said shortly.  
"You alright?"

She turned away, keeping her thoughts to herself. Natasha looked at him. He smiled at her, putting a hand on Rayhel's back. Natasha smiled.

"She knows." She whispered.  
"Can women not just keep things to themselves?" He replied.  
"We get one tell." She laughed.  
"I can hear you." Calpurnia said.

Garrus looked over to her.

"Problem?"  
"Nope."  
"You sure?"

She gave him a look.

"I just didn't think you had it in ya, Vakarian."  
"Technically, I had it in... Nevermind."

Natasha's jaw dropped at his response, laughing in embarrassment. Calpurnia put a hand on her face.

"Wow."

Garrus turned back to Natasha, holding his hands out expectingly. She gave him her daughter, watching him for a moment as he held her close to him. She smiled before looking to Calpurnia.

"I have some errands to run today." she announced.  
"Like what?" Calpurnia asked.  
"Well…" Natasha could feel herself getting embarrassed. She bit her lip. "I wanted to go see what's available on Zakera Ward… Apartments, I mean."

Calpurnia stepped closer to her.

"They'll rebuild the presidium. We just have to be patient. Then you can go back to your old apartment. Or stay with me. "

Natasha smiled lightly at her friend's attempt to keep her focused on the past. Calpurnia had always been one for preserving what made her happy, and what she had had done just that.

"The truth is, I just need some change."

Calpurnia gave her a sad smile in return .

"Garrus will be able to give you lots of change." she countered.

Natasha let out a nervous laugh, glancing over at him. He waited for her response.

"It's just that… I would be more comfortable getting a new apartment. It'd be better for me. I'm sick of the presidium anyways, it only lets the council keep their tabs on me better."  
"Tell them to fuck off, they don't need to keep tabs on you anymore, there's no reason to." Calpurnia replied.  
"Cal, I just want something else…"  
"How are you going to pay for that?"

Natasha sighed in frustration.

"Right." She glanced at Garrus again. He looked sympathetic.  
"I can-"  
"No." she said, pointing a finger at him. "Absolutely not. I've got this."  
"We should just wait." Calpurnia told her. "The hotel is free, and it's nice. Enough room for us."

Natasha nodded sitting on the bed now.

"I'm going to look for an apartment when I have money, Cal."

Calpurnia groaned slightly, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door. There was silence for a moment before Garrus took a seat next to Natasha. She looked over at him, shaking her head as she put a hand over her face.

"What?" he said with a small laugh.  
"I just… Need to calm down."  
"About the apartment thing?"  
"No." she replied, looking at him again. "About you."  
"Did I say something wrong?"  
"No, not at all. I just mean that I'm feeling good about it. What we did, and you, holding my daughter. You do so good with her. I don't know. It just puts ideas in my head, and I don't want to over think things. I'm counting my chickens before they hatch." He gave her a confused look before laughing. She smiled. "What?"  
"Nothing, it's just… I've never seen you like this."  
"Sorry." she said, her smile fading.

He nudged her gently, his smile still present.

"I don't mind it." She took her bottom lip in between her teeth, making him give her a look. She stopped chewing on it and smiled. She looked down at Rayhel, who squirmed slightly. "You could stay with me."

She looked up at him, half of her wondering if she'd heard him correctly, and the other half wondering if he was serious.

"What?"

He shifted slightly, not looking at her now. He cleared his throat.

"Well, you know, if you don't like it here, and you don't have money… You could always hang out at my apartment… For a while. I only have one bedroom, but… If last night was any indication, I think you'd be just fine sharing."

She smirked at him as he looked back over to her.

"Are you sure you want to do that?"  
"Calpurnia could stay there too, if she wanted."

Natasha kissed his cheek gently.

"I'd love to stay with you… As long as it's not too fast for you."

He laughed at her.

"Me? What about you? It'll turn some heads."  
"People will assume things about everything. Besides, they can't expect me to be alone forever."  
"Some will expect you to be loyal still."

Natasha took a deep breath.

"It's my anniversary today."

Garrus snapped his head in her direction, his eyes widened slightly.

"What?"  
"It's been seven years…" He couldn't help but stare at her. He didn't know what to say, or if he should say something at all. She didn't seem upset. Her expression was blank. He hesitantly put a hand on her knee. She looked up at him, a small smile on her face. "Time just goes by, huh?"  
"Yeah…"  
"I'm alright." she told him, looking around the room. "I guess I shouldn't have said anything."  
"You can always say anything to me."

She smiled as she twiddled her thumbs to gether.

"My dress was at the apartment… It's probably ruined now."

He could hear the disappointment in her voice now. It made his heart sink.

"I have to admit, I'm not sure what to say."

She gave him a reassuring look.

"Don't feel bad… I just really loved that dress."  
"What did it look like?"

Her face lit up as she began to describe it.

"It was white, and it had small straps. I felt like a princess. It had sparkles on it. And I even had a tiara in the shape of a turian fringe to go with it."

He laughed with her at the thought.

"I bet you looked pretty."  
"I loved it."  
"Loved what?"

They turned their heads to see Calpurnia had returned to the room.

"My dress."

Calpurnia gave her a look before her face darkened.

"It's today, isn't it?" Natasha nodded. "Spirits…"  
"Crazy, huh?"  
"That's gonna be a great time for me." C alpurnia groaned.  
"When is yours?" Garrus asked.  
"Two months."  
"You'll be fine." Natasha assured her. "Just like I am."

Calpurnia walked over to Garrus and held her arms out expectedly.

"I want her."  
"Alright then." he laughed, handing over Rayhel.

Natasha watched Calpurnia play with the baby, walking around the large room as if the other two weren't present anymore.

"God, I feel horrible for her." Natasha whispered.  
"Why?"  
"She's using Rayhel as a crutch. She blocks out what she needs to deal with."

Garrus looked over to Natasha now.

"How is it you know how to deal with things?"  
"Well I did spend a while in rehab. Drug addict and all, remember?"

He gave her a sad look before nuzzling his forehead to hers. She could hear a faint purr in his chest.

"I wish I could have been there for you. "

She smiled at the sentiment.

"You're here for me now."

His lips pressed to hers gently.

"Always."

* * *

"Where are you taking me?"  
"Trust me."  
"I trust you, I just want to know where we're going."

Natasha heard her husband chuckle as he held her hand, his other on her shoulder as he guided her along the hallway. He stopped her at the door of the apartment he'd bought for them, letting go of her.

"Alright, you can take it off now."

Natasha reached for the blindfold, slipping it off her eyes. She blinked and squinted for a moment, then gave him a weary smile, glancing at the door he stood in front of.

"Where are we?"

He grabbed her hands, kissing her passionately.

"I love you, Nat."  
"I love you. Where are we?"  
"Well, I figured you'd appreciate having a place to stay. I was offered a place on the presidium. Since we're bonded, I figured we could have our own place…"

She smiled lovingly at the nervous look on his face. It wasn't often she was able to see him without his confidence. She put her hands on his face, giving him a kiss before smiling at him brightly.

"Show me."

He smiled back at her, leading her into the new apartment. She bit her lip, holding her hands to her chest as she looked around. The view was amazing. She looked up at him.

"I love it."

Nihlus could see the tears in her eyes now. He pulled her against him.

"I'm glad."  
"I can't believe you'd do this for me."  
"It's for us." He kissed her before bending down slightly, wrapping an arm around the back of her knees, the other arm behind her back. She clung to him tightly, giggling in fear of being dropped. "We have a bedroom to see too."

She smiled as he carried her into the room, setting her down on her feet as she looked around.

"The bed is huge." she said, wandering to the bathroom. "Look at this shower!"

He laughed as she came back, her hands on her hips.

"Like it?"  
"This is just crazy." she replied, sitting on the bed, shaking her head. "I love it."

Nihlus sat down beside her.

"I'm glad." he smiled.

She kissed him slowly, enjoying the thought that he was now her husband. Both in human and turian terms. She smiled up at him after pulling her lips from his.

"I love you."  
"And I love you. Mrs. Kryik."

She couldn't help the giddy smile as it spread across her face. He took advantage of her happiness, pushing her down on the bed. She giggled at him playfully.

* * *

Natasha stepped into the apartment, looking around as she held Rayhel to her chest. Garrus shut the door behind her.

"Are you sure Calpurnia will be alright back at the hotel?"  
"She'll be fine."

Garrus walked into the kitchen, Natasha following him like a lost puppy. He gave her a smile.

"Help yourself to whatever you need. I imagine you're going to want a change of clothes. The council will help the civilians that need it. Everyone is a bit short."  
"How is C-Sec holding up?"  
"We're doing fine for now. Helping civilians, cleaning up. At least the paperwork is minimal."

She smiled, bouncing Rayhel slightly as she chirped. Garrus walked across the living room, putting a hand on the door. It opened to reveal the bedroom.

"I'm going to buy something for her to sleep in." He said, waving a hand at Natasha before she could protest. "Don't argue. I'm doing it."

She smiled, looking around the room.

"Thank you."  
"Anytime."


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey guys!**

**Holy shit, two in one night?! I even had my bowling league tonight. Wow. I'm great, huh? :P**

**Special thanks to and Saddles18 for the reviews. Very encouraging, I cannot even begin to express it. (: You guys rock!**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy. Please feel free to rate, review and even PM me if you have anything you'd like to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

The next few weeks, everything was calm. Natasha settled into Garrus' apartment with Rayhel, and they were comfortable with living that way. Rayhel was quickly learning to move around on the floor. Natasha was constantly amazed at how fast turians learned things as infants. Garrus would always sarcastically remind her that turians were superior.

Calpurnia had fallen into a routine of living alone, though she spent most of her nights in the repaired part of Chora's Den. It was one of the first things to be fixed. She thought it was ironic that it was a priority with so many homeless, but she figured it wasn't so bad once she started relying on it to get her through the day. She was coming home alone at first, but then she made it a habit to bring someone new home for the evening. She rarely ever slept in the hotel for the night. She started drinking in the late afternoon, go home with someone, stay there for the night, then go to the hotel. She often wondered if she should get some help to deal with her problems, but she didn't care enough. She was content with drinking away the pain she held inside.

She drug her feet down the hotel hallway, her head a bit heavy as she stumbled to the door. After getting inside, she flipped on the TV, not listening to a word the reporter said. She remembered the human woman from a time when she interviewed Saren. Calpurnia had ended the conversation by knocking the woman out. She snarled at the screen.

"Bitch."

She sat on the bed, rubbing her face as she fought to get the memory out of her head now. She sighed, beginning to regret not keeping a stock of alcohol in the room with her.

"Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy, has been declared killed in action today after a report of the SSV Normandy being destroyed. Shepard was scanning planets for any signs of active geth when the ship went down. The council is holding a public memorial service this Thursday."

Calpurnia stared at the tv at the mention of the commander's name. Her jaw lulled open, replaying the words in her mind. The woman went onto the next report as if the previous one wasn't shocking. Calpurnia got to her feet, leaving the room in a rush to get to Natasha.

Natasha had only turned away for a moment before hearing Rayhel scream loudly. Her heart jumped, running into the living room to see her tearing a pillow to shreds. Natasha groaned. This was the third pillow within a week that Rayhel had gotten a hold of. The couch had one left standing. Natasha took it from her, inspecting her talons.

"Time to trim those." she said quietly. Rayhel chirped at her as she sat on the floor, blinking up at her. Natasha smiled. "Bad."

The turian grew bored with her quickly as she turned, getting back to her knees to crawl away. Natasha picked up the fluff on the floor, hearing Garrus laughing behind her.

"Looks like we're gonna have to buy more." he said, his arms crossed over his chest.

Natasha looked over her shoulder.

"Sorry."  
"At least she's learning to use her claws."  
"It's funny you say that." she said, standing now, holding the fluff in one hand and putting the other on her hip. "You say that like turians use their claws for something once their grown up."  
"We do."  
"For what?"  
"Hunting, if we ever went back to primal times."

Natasha shook her head, rolling her eyes with a smile.

"The only thing I've ever seen a turian use their claws for is scratching up their mates."

He caught her wrist as she tried walking past him. He grinned before purring in her ear.

"Is that so bad?"

She felt a shiver run down her before she pulled herself away.

"No. I'm just saying, she doesn't need claws. All she's doing is destroying furniture."

She threw the fluff away, returning to the living room. There was a banging on the door, making Natasha quicken her pace to get to Rayhel. Garrus went to the door, opening it. Rayhel crawled quickly to get under the table to hide, chirping loudly. Natasha pulled her up into her arms, laughing at the baby before looking up at the frantic Calpurnia that was now in the living room.

"Did you hear? I'm- I can't even believe this!"  
"What?" Natasha said, ignoring Rayhel as she squirmed, reaching out for Calpurnia.  
"The news!"  
"What happened?" Natasha repeated.  
"It's Shepard… He's dead."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, looking to Garrus.

"How?" he asked.  
"The Normandy blew up."  
"Blew up? There's no way the ship just blew up."  
"They didn't exactly give great detail."  
"When's the service?" Natasha asked grimly.  
"Thursday."  
"Did anyone get out?"  
"Everyone but him and a few servicemen." Natasha thought of how much turmoil his crew must be in. She bit her lip, setting Rayhel down again. "Are you ok?"

Natasha nodded.

"Yeah, it's just sad."

Silence fell over the room as they thought about the news. Garrus shifted after a moment, clearing his throat.

"Want some coffee?" he asked.  
"Sure." Calpurnia replied, walking over to the table and taking a seat.

Natasha watched Rayhel crawl over to the chair before Calpurnia picked her up, smiling. Natasha sat with her.

"How have you been?"  
"Fine." Calpurnia replied, her smile fading.  
"I haven't heard from you in a while… I sent you a few com messages, but didn't hear anything."  
"I've just been busy."  
"You smell like alcohol."  
"I was drinking. Haven't had a shower yet."  
"Cal…"  
"I'm fine, Tasha. Just let it go."

Natasha knew her friend was making unhealthy choices. It didn't take an expert to guess it. Plus, Natasha knew her well enough. She shook her head, running a hand through her hair as Garrus returned with the coffee.

"Thanks." she said, taking a cup into her hands.  
"How are you doing with being a dad?" Calpurnia asked, looking to him.

He seemed to be finding the way to answer without saying something wrong.

"Well… I'm not her dad, I'm just… Helping a bit."  
"Well, she'll call you that when she has the voice to."

He glanced at Natasha who just shook her head. He took the hint that Calpurnia was just in a bad mood.

"You know the door is still open if you want to stay here?" he said.  
"I know."

Natasha's heart broke for her friend. She hated seeing her like this. It had only gotten worse.

Calpurnia didn't stay long. She left shortly after finishing her cup of coffee, claiming she had to take a nap due to a headache. Once she was gone, Garrus gave Natasha a questioning look. Natasha frowned back at him, shrugging slightly.

"She's hurting. It's her way of dealing with things."  
"What is?"  
"Lashing out. Drinking, it appears."  
"I feel like I should keep an eye on her."  
"She needs to heal, but she can't until she realizes she needs the help. Nothing you do will make a difference."

Garrus sighed defeatedly, shaking his head. Natasha hated it just as much as he did.

The next two days went by quickly, the memorial service approaching much too soon. Natasha got Rayhel ready to leave before calling out for Garrus.

"We're ready." she said.  
"Coming." he replied, leaving the bedroom. "I can take her."

He brought Rayhel into his arms, letting Natasha walk freely out the door. The shuttle ride forced her to remember the day she went to Nihlus' service. She knew it'd be hard to watch Shepard's friends morn his loss. Still, she felt like she owed him that much. She still felt terrible about hitting him back in the day.

Garrus helped Natasha out of the shuttle when it landed, holding Rayhel with one arm and holding her hand as she stepped out. She reached out for her daughter, snuggling her against her chest.

"Ready?"  
"Yeah." she sighed, walking into the hall. Humans were the dominant species in the room. They filled the most chairs easily. Natasha saw his team at the front of the room, some crying, some with their arms around each other. Her heart sank. She did her best to hold back her tears. She hated this. "Let's sit here."

She pointed to some empty seats in the back of the room. Garrus didn't object, letting her in first before they sat. The service wasn't much different from Nihlus'. They spoke of Shepard's achievements in the military, and his spectre status. She felt Garrus look at her when they mentioned Shepard had been trained by Nihlus. She did her best to not appear upset, though she was, just not for the reason he thought. Once the service was over, they let people approach the casket to say their goodbyes. Some people left, others stayed to chat about him. Natasha felt her heart quicken at the sight of the human woman she had seen on the Normandy. She remembered the hug she'd given Shepard. Tears fell down Natasha's face at the sight of the woman's tears. Garrus put a hand on her back, rubbing it gently.

"I just need a minute." she said. "I need to speak with her."

He looked over at the human.

"Who is she?"  
"I think she and Shepard were together."

He gave Natasha a dark look before nodding.

"Let me know if you need anything. I'll be here."

Natasha nodded, taking a deep breath as she clutched Rayhel to herself. She cleared her throat when she reached the woman. She turned, wiping her tears before saying anything.

"Hello."  
"Hi." Natasha replied, trying to control her tears.  
"Do I know you?" she asked politely.  
"No." Natasha said, shaking her head. "I knew him."

The woman closed her eyes, tears falling again before she took a deep breath.

"How?"

Her voice was shaky as she wiped the tears again, looking at Natasha as she struggled to speak.

"My name is Natasha Kryik. My husband trained Shepard before he was made a spectre."

The woman tilted her head ever so slightly, clearing her throat.

"You mean Nihlus?"

Natasha nodded with a small smile, trying to keep her tears at bay.

"Yes."  
"It's nice to meet you." the woman said, holding out her hand. "I'm Ashley Williams."

Natasha shook her hand gingerly, holding Rayhel with the other. Ashley smiled at the sight of the bundle.

"Ms. Williams, I couldn't help but notice your relationship with the commander…" Ashley's tears welled up again at the topic. "I just… I felt I should say something. I know your situation well."  
"You don't have to do that."  
"I want to." Natasha replied. "I know it's hard… I just wanted to tell you that it does get better… You aren't alone."

Natasha looked at the other crewmates that were mingling around.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kryik. I appreciate your concern."

Natasha gave her another small smile.

"It was nice to meet you."  
"You too."

Ashley smiled as best as she could before turning away. Natasha snuggled her cheek to Rayhel's head as she walked back to Garrus. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm ready to leave now." she told him.  
"Come on."

It was a quiet ride home, and a quiet evening back at the apartment. Natasha couldn't help but wonder about Calpurnia. She hadn't been to the service. Natasha looked down at her daughter, who slept silently in her arms. Garrus looked over at her, sensing her worry.

"You ok?"  
"Would you mind watching her for an hour?"

He nodded though he gave her a look.

"You going to find her?"

Natasha handed Rayhel over to him.

"I need to see if she's ok. I just have a bad feeling."

Garrus held Rayhel close to him, though his eyes remained on Natasha.

"Please be safe." he told her.  
"I will."  
"Take the gun."

She rolled her eyes, walking over to the closet and taking out her handgun.

"Happy?" she said, lifting her pant leg and strapping it to her ankle.  
"Be safe." he said sternly.  
"I will." She walked over to him and gave him a kiss. "If she's at the bar, I may even come home buzzed. Might be a lucky day for you afterall."  
"No drinking, you need to be able to find your way home."

She scoffed at him, walking to the door.

It wasn't hard for Natasha to find her friend. Chora's Den was the first place she looked. And there she was, sitting at the bar, drinking the night away. Natasha sighed before approaching her, sitting in the seat beside her. She waved the bartender over.

"What brings you here?" Calpurnia asked without looking at her.  
"Well, it's been a long day."  
"Your choice to make it that way."

Natasha bit back her anger at the cocky response.

"Why weren't you at the service?"  
"Why were you?"  
"It was someone we knew."  
"If Shepard wasn't a spectre, Nihlus would be alive. You know that right?"

Natasha groaned, putting her hands on her temples and rubbing them gently. She took a deep breath.

"Calpurnia, stop wrapping yourself up in the past, or what could have happened. I know Nihlus is gone, and trust me, it tore me up. Don't act like this is anything other than you trying to heal."  
"I'm fine." Calpurnia snorted before tipping back her glass. She signaled for the bartender to come back, reaching for the bottle in his hands. "Just leave this. Thanks."

Natasha watched Calpurnia tip the bottle back. She cringed at her friend.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
"Do you realize I have to do this to get him out of my head?"  
"Cal..."  
"All I can see is him gunning himself down to save me. He should have just pulled the trigger."  
"Stop."  
"Natasha, I hate being alive without him. He's dead. It's over."

Natasha couldn't help but notice the dry tone she used. She wasn't yelling, she wasn't crying, she was just speaking. Natasha hated it.

"Cal, please. You have to get help."  
"What do you think of that turian over there?"

Natasha looked to where her friend indicated, taking in the appearance of the turian. She shrugged.

"What does it matter?"  
"I'm thinking about asking him to take me home."

Natasha put a hand over her face.

"I realize you turians use sex as a stress reliever, but you can't be doing this to yourself, Cal. The drinking, the sex, it needs to stop."  
"Why? I'm an adult. I can live how I want to."

Natasha scoffed.

"You are not living. You're just getting by with whatever you can. Take it from someone who knows a thing about addictions. You are just building up a habit that you won't be able to break later."  
"Go home, Tasha. Your turian is waiting."

Natasha stood, shaking her head.

"Listen. You wanna push me away, fine. Drink and bring home strangers all you want, but I can't have you like this around my daughter. Either clean yourself up or stay away from her."

Calpurnia looked up at her with the first expression she'd used all night, though she remained silent. Natasha shook her head at her again, walking out of the bar angrily. She signaled for a shuttle and rode home silently, her anger only festering. She hated not being able to help her friend. Calpurnia was the closest one she had, other than Garrus, and she needed help. Natasha just wasn't able to do it. It made her angry to realize she wasn't qualified, but she had to accept it.

When she got to the apartment, Garrus greeted her warmly, bringing her into a hug before giving her a kiss. Natasha looked around to see Rayhel wrapped in her blanket on the couch.

"How'd it go?"  
"I found her drinking. She's… Not herself… I told her if she didn't get herself straightened out, she couldn't be around Rayhel anymore." Natasha felt tears in her eyes, looking up at him. "Is that wrong?"  
"No." he replied, holding her tightly. "It's not wrong. You need to do what you think is best for your daughter. Calpurnia can make her own choices."  
"She needs help, and I'm her friend, and I just can't do anything."  
"It's alright."

Natasha let herself relax, knowing it was out of her control. She took a few deep breaths before her Omni tool beeped at her. She pulled away from Garrus, pulling up her messages. Her tears stopped at the sight of it.

_I fucked up._

_I'll check into a center tomorrow._

_Wish me luck._

_-Cal_

Natasha smiled, looking up at Garrus.

"She's gonna get some help."  
"Good." he replied, smiling back at her.

She hugged him, resting her head on his chest. It seemed that everything was settling down enough for her to call it a day. She sighed.

"Let's sleep."  
"I thought you said you'd come home buzzed."

She rolled her eyes, letting go of him and walking over to Rayhel.

"Let's sleep." she repeated. He laughed, following her to the bedroom. He watched her set Rayhel down in the crib, his stomach lurching as he contemplated waiting until the morning to tell her his own news for the day. She noticed he hadn't moved from the doorway, giving him a small smile as she changed for bed. "What's wrong?"

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"I got an offer on a job today."  
"Oh?"  
"I guess I never talked to you about it, but it came up again, so I think I should now."

Natasha sat on the bed, leaning back nonchalantly as she waited.

"Ok."  
I, uh… Before I was assigned to keep an eye on you, I was offered a position as a spectre. I had rejected it, because of… Reasons."  
"Alright…"

He sighed heavily, sitting across from her on the bed.

"They offered again today. I accepted."

She furrowed her brow slightly, not looking at him now.

"Oh." she said, her voice hoarse.  
"Look, I… I know it's hard for you, but… I need to do this."

She seemed to be fighting more tears as she kept her eyes from his. She took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. Her eyes were red.

"I can't stop you from doing it."  
"I need to know if this is going to change things for us. You and me, I mean."

She cleared her throat, looking at him now.

"I don't know."  
"Is it a deal breaker?"  
"No, it's just… Scary."  
"If it makes you feel any better, I have a lot of training to go through before I can start being assigned missions."

Natasha could feel her heart breaking at his words. She remembered being alone for months when Nihlus was gone. She hated it, and she hadn't had Rayhel then. She'd be all alone, with her daughter, unsure if she'd get that same knock on her door that she had when they told her Nihlus had been killed. She let her tears fall now as she looked into Garrus' eyes. She shook her head.

"I don't know if I can do this."

He moved closer to her, putting a hand on her wet cheek, giving her a soft look.

"Can I say something?" he asked quietly. She nodded, wiping her tears as she looked at him. He hesitated at first before finding his words. "I love you."

She felt her heart quicken, more tears coming to her eyes as she gave him a smile.

"You sure?"

He smiled back, putting his forehead to hers. The low purr started in his chest. She couldn't help but feel comforted by him.

"I'm sure."

She kissed him.

"We'll work through it." she said, sniffling.  
"You promise you're willing to try?"  
"Yes."  
"Thank you, Natasha."

He crawled further onto the bed, laying next to her. She slid her body under the covers, laying down with him. They were silent for a moment as they got comfortable in each other's arms. She took a deep breath, relaxing.

"I love you too."

He didn't say anything in response. His purr just deepened as he nuzzled closer to her. She smiled, her eyes heavy as she fell asleep in his warmth.

Months passed by slowly after that night. Garrus started his training, Natasha would stay home when he left for the day. She was grateful it was only training. He'd come home every night, which she appreciated. She knew it would be short-lived soon enough. She spent her alone time visiting Calpurnia in the treatment center. Calpurnia had originally been hard to treat, but she eventually gave in and began dealing with her issues. Natasha was grateful for this aswell. She knew all too well that the turian was stubborn, and she was glad she was letting her guard down long enough to get healthy again.

Six months went by before Calpurnia was let out. She was happy to be out, and to start working at making her life a bit better. Garrus let her stay for a while, as the presidium was still not entirely fixed yet. Calpurnia seemed to be back to her happy self when she officially moved in. Natasha enjoyed the company when Garrus was gone.

So they sat now, enjoying some coffee and some quiet while Rayhel napped on the couch. The child had become rather rambunctious. Natasha shook her head as they heard a tiny snore erupt from her.

"I cannot believe she's almost a year old."  
"I know." Calpurnia replied, laying her head down on the table. "Can I nap too?"

Natasha joined her, sighing at the relaxed moment. There was silence for a moment before the door whooshed open. Natasha and Calpurnia sat up quickly, relaxing only slightly at the sight of Garrus. He was growling loudly. Natasha walked over to him, stopping him from going into the bedroom.

"What's wrong?"  
"Pack your things. We're leaving."

She was surprised at his words, laughing slightly.

"What?"  
"We're leaving the Citadel."  
"Why?" she replied. "You can't, you have training."  
"I quit."

Calpurnia walked over to him now too, giving him a confused look.

"What's going on?"

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I was informed today that instead of raising forces for the Reaper threat, the council is now spending more resources rebuilding the Citadel."  
"We already knew that though. They've been rebuilding."  
"They wiped Shepard's files clean of anything about Reapers. They dismissed the claims of the threat. They're completely ignoring everything that the Alliance warned us about."

Natasha shook her head again.

"Garrus, it's alright."

He grabbed her shoulders firmly, bringing himself down to be eye-level with her.

"It's not safe here. Don't you get that? We have to leave. I have to keep you and Rayhel safe. We are leaving."

Natasha was hesitant to believe him, but she could hear the tone in his voice. He was sure about this. If he was sure, and he suspected that it wasn't safe here, she had to leave. She wouldn't risk Rayhel's safety just because she didn't see proof of Reapers. Shepard had believed it was a real threat, and so did Nihlus. She nodded at Garrus, looking over at Rayhel as she slept still, then back to him.

"Where are we going?"  
"We're taking the first ship out of here. Anywhere is safer than this place."

Natasha looked over at Calpurnia, who shrugged.

"I guess." she replied, walking over to grab her bag she'd been keeping her stuff in. "When do we leave?"  
"As soon as we're ready."

Natasha followed Garrus into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"Tell me you're sure about this." she said.

He turned to her, his growl fading. He touched her shoulder running his hand down her arm lightly.

"I need to protect you, and it's not safe here. The council is too concerned with being right, instead of believing what's right in front of their faces. I won't sit back and wait. We have to leave."

She kissed him, her hand running along his mandible slowly.

"We'll go." she replied, walking away from him to get her bags packed.

He followed suit, silence falling over them as they prepared to leave their home.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry this is so short, but oh well. It has plot. Suck it up. :P**

**Please rate, review, and even PM me if you have something you'd like to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Calpurnia stood with Natasha, her arms crossed, watching Garrus talk to the pilot of the ship. She looked over at Natasha, who had her eyes closed, her cheek pressed to the top of Rayhel's head as the child slept. Calpurnia could have sworn Natasha had fallen asleep too, if she hadn't been standing up.

"You think he knows what he's doing?"

Natasha took a deep breath as she lifted her head, blinking her eyes as they focused on Calpurnia.

"Garrus?" she said. "I don't know… I hope so."  
"He could be over reacting."

Natasha shrugged and Calpurnia could tell she was hesitant to not believe the council's judgment.

"I trust him."  
"Trust can be broken."

Natasha gave her a small smile.

"If there is any chance that the council is ignoring a threat, I have to keep my daughter safe. I trust Garrus. Besides, there isn't much here for me anyways."

Calpurnia was silent as Garrus approached them.

"We're on the next ship out of here."  
"And? Where are we going?"  
"It's headed to Omega."

Natasha had never heard of the place before but she was discouraged by the look on Calpurnia's face.

"Are you serious? That's hardly a safer place than here."  
"We can catch another ship."  
"What's the hurry to leave right now?" Calpurnia said.  
"No one said you had to come."

Natasha groaned, feeling herself growing irritable due to lack of sleep.

"Stop." she told them. "Let's just go. I need to sleep, Rayhel is going to be awake in four hours."

Garrus put a hand on her shoulder and led her to the ship. Calpurnia mumbled to herself as she followed. Her mood was lifted when she realized they were on a turian ship. She felt eyes on her as they walked through the CIC. She smirked at Natasha.

"Maybe this won't be so bad afterall."

Natasha smiled, shaking her head.

"You're terrible."  
"I'll try to behave."

Calpurnia peeled her eyes from the turians that walked around the ship, focusing on where she was led. They were shown the bunks for the passengers and told to settle in.

"How long will it take to get there?" Natasha asked.

Garrus put her bags under the bunk before looking at her again.

"They said two weeks at the most." She nodded, looking around the small area they'd share between the three of them, sighing heavily. She laid Rayhel down on the bed carefully, making sure she was wrapped up comfortably in her blanket still. Garrus seemed to sense her agitation. "You should sleep."  
"I have to watch her." she replied, looking to the door of the small room.

Calpurnia sat on her own bed after putting her bag underneath it, bouncing slightly as if to test the durability of the bunk.

"You know we'll watch her." she said with a cheerful tone.

Natasha couldn't help but glare at her.

"What's got you so happy?"  
"Garrus here just put me on a ship full of turian men. As you know, I am a turian woman. They were looking at me like a slab of meat. I'm going to enjoy this flight."  
"Keep your legs closed, Calpurnia, I don't need to watch two children."

Calpurnia gave her a hurt look before Garrus stepped between them. He lowered his voice to her.

"She's slightly tired. You should mingle."

Calpurnia shrugged, getting to her feet again. Garrus took Rayhel from the bed and handed her over to Calpurnia.

"Thanks." she replied, walking out of the room with a smile.

Garrus turned to Natasha, sighing.

"Please take a nap." he said.  
"Why?"  
"You're tired, and in case you didn't realize, you're being snappy."  
"Garrus, I was just pulled from my home with my daughter to run away from a 'threat' that isn't even happening yet. My apologies if I'm a little tired." He couldn't help but chuckle at her. She huffed at him, waving a hand as she put her other one over her face. "Go away."

He kissed her cheek, but she pulled away. He saw the look of warning she gave him.

"In case you weren't sure, I do know a few ways to work off stress. I could show you some if you want."

She glared at him, her jaw set hard.

"What do you want?"  
"Well, turians have some certain ways." he said suggestively, playing with a strand of her hair.  
"Not in the mood."

He kissed her again, pushing her down to her back after a moment. She put her hand on his chest, pushing at him slightly as she returned the kiss. He laughed at her attempt to get him off of her.

"I could help get you there."  
"Get off." He kissed her neck slowly. She closed her eyes, feeling the anger leaving her. She huffed at him again. "Quit."  
"Only if you mean it."

She groaned as he licked her skin, pulling at his fringe roughly. He growled in response. She smiled.

"Fine… Do what you must."  
"I will." he purred.

She bit her lip as he nipped at her playfully, wrapping her legs around his waist tightly.

xXx

Calpurnia bounced Rayhel gently on her knee, listening to the pilot and the co-pilot chatter back and forth as they flew the ship. Rayhel chirped periodically, blinking her large eyes as she watched the stars fly by the window. Calpurnia smiled at the child.

"You're good with her."

Calpurnia looked up to the source of the voice. The turian was leaning against the wall across from her, his arms folded over his chest, a small smile on his face. She smiled back politely.

"Thanks."  
"How old is she?"  
"Almost a year."  
"Is her father on board too?"

Calpurnia's smile faded slightly as she shook her head.

"No."  
"Ah." he said, nodding as if he understood. "Do you mind me asking where he is?"  
"He's dead."

The turian seemed taken aback from her statement, clearing his throat as he looked away momentarily.

"I'm sorry."  
"Yeah… His wife was pretty broken up about it too." she said, smiling again. He looked confused, but he smiled with her. She nodded at Rayhel. "She's not mine."  
"Oh." he said with a laugh, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I assumed…"  
"It's ok."

They smiled at each other for a moment. Rayhel chirped at the turian.

"Do you steal children often?"  
"Only from my best friend."

He smiled, stepping forward and extending his hand to her.

"Caeus."

She shook his hand.

"Calpurnia."  
"It's nice to meet you."

She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as he stepped back again, leaning against the wall, his eyes locked on her. Rayhel chirped to snap her out of her daze. They laughed at the child, but Calpurnia couldn't help the odd feeling she got from the turian. She kept her thoughts to herself, though, smiling politely as he continued to make small talk with her.

To her surprise, she enjoyed the company.


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey guys!**

**So! I apologize for the delay in posting, but I was going back and editing the previous chapters. Giving little details, cleaning up some things that didn't match up. Now that that's done, here is some feminine interaction for you. :P**

**ATTENTION! Please note that from here on out, there will be no more flashbacks, as I feel I have covered that. Page breaks are used for spacing out time, as usual.**

**Special shout out to ArchelionGen for the support. People like you keep me going, and I love the help you've given! Thank you so much!**

**Please feel free to rate, review and even PM me if you feel you have something to say. (:**

**Thanks!**

* * *

"Where are we going?"  
"Trust me."  
"Cal, I'm not sure about this. Shouldn't we ask?"  
"Where's the fun in that?"

Natasha looked around as Calpurnia hacked her way into the training room on the lowest deck of the ship. It didn't take the turian long to get the door to open. Calpurnia smirked as she led the way, both of them stepping into the room and looking around.

"This isn't right, we should leave."  
"Hush, it's just a training room. It's not like we're gonna break anything."

Natasha watched Calpurnia stretch out.

"Why did you bring me here?"  
"Garrus may give you ways to blow off steam, but I know what you need."  
"What is that?"  
"You need to beat the crap out of something."

Natasha laughed lightly, stretching out her arms now.

"I can't fight."  
"Oh please. Just hit me."

Natasha gave Calpurnia a weary smile, watching her put up her fists. She raised her own fists and bit her lip.

"Just go ahead and swing?" She asked.  
"Try to hit me."

Natasha smiled as she swung her fist at the turian, who dodged her efficiently.

"See? This isn't fair." Natasha replied, turning away from her.

She was grabbed from behind before she was brought down to the ground. Calpurnia pinned her arm behind her back.

"Never turn your back to your opponent unless they aren't breathing."

Natasha laughed as she struggled to get out of her grip.

"Let go."  
"You have to get me off."

Natasha sighed, squirming briefly before reaching around to the sensitive spot on Calpurnia's neck and pinching. The turian let go, letting out a whine as she stood. Natasha smiled, getting to her feet now too.

"Happy?"  
"That was dirty."  
"It worked."  
"Again."

Natasha put her fists back up as Calpurnia swung, ducking to dodge the first fist but getting hit by the second. She held her cheek, but Calpurnia advanced on her. They hit the floor again, Natasha struggling as she held the turian off of her. She was surprised at her strength. Natasha grunted as she brought her knee up and nudged it into Calpurnia's side. She let go of Natasha's wrist long enough for her to roll on top, pinning her down.

"I win." Natasha smiled.

Calpurnia lifted her off easily, both of them getting to their feet again.

"Nihlus never taught you to fight?"  
"He taught me how, it's just that I've never done it."  
"Listen, the place we're going to, you'll need to know how to protect yourself…"  
"Is it dangerous there?"  
"It's lawless. Mercs run ramped, the bitch that owns the place is a bitch."

Natasha laughed, folding her arms across her chest.

"No kidding."

Calpurnia walked over to the VI program and set it up, gesturing for Natasha to come over and practice. She did so, enjoying the easy level she'd picked. Calpurnia set up one for herself too, training on a harder level with ease. Natasha felt jealous, but she kept it on the easy level anyways. It was enough of a challenge for her.

"Her name is Aria. She's a whore."  
"Are you saying that because she really is a whore or is that your description because you don't like her?"  
"Either way. Asari are whores."

Natasha shook her head as she dodged the VI.

"What'd she do to you?"  
"I'm pretty sure she got my sister into the merc business she's in now."  
"I've never met your sister."  
"Her name is Nyreen. I don't see her much."  
"When's the last time you saw her?"  
"When she dated Nihlus."  
"Long time."  
"She's a whore."

Natasha laughed loudly as she swung at the VI.

"Is she really a whore, or…?"  
"Look, I don't like them. Keep up."  
"So if you don't like Nyreen, what's wrong with Aria messing with her?"  
"She's my sister. Come on. And it's Aria's fault I don't like her."  
"Why?"  
"I think they had a thing. Nyreen got played at her own game. I told you, asari are a bunch of whores."  
"Just for future reference, can you define the word 'whore' for me?"  
"There's so many definitions to choose from."  
"Here I thought whore was a simple way to describe the way someone acted sexually."  
"Nope."

Natasha laughed again.

"So. How are you enjoying the ship?"  
"Well. It's nice."  
"I remember you telling me you enjoyed the fact that this was a turian ship. Care to shed some light on how that's been going for you?"

Calpurnia gave her a smirk as she fought against her VI.

"Here I thought you hated when I got into my sex life."

Natasha stopped now, putting her fists down. The VI paused in front of her.

"Yeah, well, it's been a while."  
"There's not much to tell." Calpurnia replied, turning to her now, her own VI pausing too. "It's been a while for me."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah… treatment and all, now we're on the ship."  
"Full of turian men. You can't tell me that you haven't slept with any of them."  
"Not a single one. I've been watching Rayhel, and now I'm with you."  
"Alright…" Natasha said, folding her arms across her chest as she sank into a hip. "Let's pick one out then."

Calpurnia laughed, shutting down the VI. Natasha mimicked her, taking in the look she gave.

"You're going to pick me a turian?"  
"Sure. It'll be fun."  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not too fond of your type."  
"Whatever, you approved of Nihlus."  
"If I wanted to have Nihlus, I would have."

Natasha couldn't help but laugh at the comment, raising her eyebrows.

"Well I could have had Saren."  
"No, Tasha. You couldn't have." Calpurnia laughed.  
"What's wrong with Garrus?"  
"Nothing's really wrong with him, he's just not what I'm into."  
"Well what is it then? What's a turian gotta have to catch your eye?"

Natasha watched the smile flare across Calpurnia's mandibles as she thought.

"He has to have the muscles. The superiority… The confidence. The dominance."

Natasha put a hand over her face as she smiled.

"Anything else?"  
"Well. He has to disregard the bond mark on my shoulder."

Natasha nodded in agreement, letting her hand fall from her face.

"Let's go."  
"I'm not sure this is a good idea."  
"Isn't that what I just said about breaking into the training room?"

Calpurnia shook her head with a smile.

"Fine."

As passengers of the ship, Natasha and Calpurnia were allowed to move around from deck to deck, but the engineering deck was off limits, and so were the other decks once curfew set in. There was simply no need for them to be down there and the rules were for their safety more than anything. So here the two of them were, taking the elevator down to the engineering deck. Natasha figured if Calpurnia wanted a man with muscles, someone down in engineering would have them. When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, the women hesitated to step out into the dark hallway. They peeked out quietly, hearing the hum of the engine's core. Natasha gave her friend a mischievous smile before stepping out. Calpurnia reached for her arm but failed to grab her. She sighed.

"I'm blaming this on you if we get caught." Natasha just laughed, looking around into the doorway of the engine's core. Two turians stood near a console, chattering quietly. Calpurnia peeked around the corner with her, then shook her head. "No."  
"What?! You haven't even seen their faces." Natasha whispered.  
"You think it's their faces I look at when I fuck?"

Natasha shook her head before shrugging.

"Fine, let's go back." They turned around just to run into another turian. Natasha widened her eyes slightly, pointing at Calpurnia quickly. "It was her idea."

Calpurnia rolled her eyes before looking at the man. She smiled at him, recognizing the turian from the CIC.

"Caeus, right?"

He nodded in return, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yes, I'm Caeus."  
"Remember me? From the CIC?"  
"You're the only turian woman on board, of course I remember you."

Calpurnia raised a brow plate at him, folding her own arms now.

"My friend was just trying to get out and about. She's never been on a ship before."  
"You're not supposed to be down here."  
"We're leaving right now." Natasha replied, trying to sneak around him to get to the elevator.  
"I'll let it slide, but if I catch you again I'll report it to the captain. Understood?"

Calpurnia nodded.

"Thank you."  
"Go on."

She followed Natasha, glancing back at him before getting in the elevator. Once the doors closed, Natasha started laughing. Calpurnia smiled slightly.

"What's so funny?"  
"We got caught."

Calpurnia laughed.

"Glad you enjoy the suspense."  
"You should have seen the first time Garrus took me to a shooting range. _That _was suspenseful." Calpurnia shook her head. "Hey, how did you know that guy?"  
"I talked with him for a while on the CIC, obviously."  
"Well why not him?"

Calpurnia shrugged at her.

"He's just not my type."  
"He seemed pretty damn dominant, telling you what to do." Natasha said, smiling as she nudged Calpurnia's arm.  
"Give up."  
"Fine." Natasha huffed as the elevator came to a stop.

The doors opened to reveal Garrus standing against the wall, a stern look on his face.

"Where have you been?" he grumbled.

Natasha bit her lip at him, shrugging innocently.

"Exploring." Calpurnia thought he'd hit her as he reached forward, but he just tugged her lip from her teeth. She frowned at him. "Where's my daughter?!"  
"Sleeping? It's late."  
"You left her alone?!"

Natasha rushed down the hallway, the turians close behind her.

"What's wrong with leaving her alone? I'd hear her from where I was."

Natasha ignored him as she opened the door to their room, her eyes darting to where Rayhel slept on her bed. She sighed in relief before looking at Garrus and hitting his chest.

"What is your deal?! That's my daughter, you can't just leave her alone!"  
"I could hear her if she woke up."  
"She can't be left alone, what if someone snuck in and stole her?"  
"It's a ship, where would they go?"  
"That's not the point! You're supposed to keep her safe when I leave her with you!"  
"She was safe, Natasha, calm down."

She groaned loudly, throwing her hands up in the air before turning back to her daughter. The turian slept soundly in her blanket. She knelt down beside her, stroking her fringe gently. Garrus looked to Calpurnia, who shrugged before he knelt down with Natasha. Her face was wet with tears.

"You don't understand how much she means to me, Garrus. I want her safe. We're doing this to keep her safe."

Garrus put a hand on her shoulder, nuzzling his face to her cheek.

"I would go through hell to make sure she was safe, Natasha."  
"She's all I have…" she said, looking at him.

He shook his head at her.

"You have me. You have Calpurnia."  
"She's my child." Garrus bit his tongue, nodding at her in response instead of speaking. "If anything ever happened to her, I'd never forgive myself."  
"Neither would I."

She took a deep breath after turning her head to look at him. She nodded after a moment.

"You're right… I trust you, and I know you'd protect her… I'm sorry. I freak out a bit."

He tilted his head at her slightly.

"We're going to be alright. I'm going to keep you safe, Natasha."

She nodded, putting her head on his shoulder.

"I know you will."

Calpurnia had walked away promptly after Garrus had sat down next to Natasha to calm her down. She knew the reason Natasha freaked out, and she didn't care to hear the lies she told Garrus. She walked up to the window that was at the end of the hall, looking out at the stars that dazed by so slowly. She heard someone approaching from behind, though she didn't look to see who.

"Is everything alright?"

She turned, taking in Caeus' figure in the darkness before nodding.

"Yes."  
"I heard shouting."  
"Oh. Just a small argument. Everyone's fine."

She turned away from him to look back out to the stars. He walked over to her side, looking with her.

"Do you break the rules often?"

Calpurnia smirked momentarily, deciding to not respond in a sexual manner.

"I don't really like rules."  
"I don't suppose you were in the military when you were younger, then."  
"Hell no."

He chuckled at her for a moment, making her smile.

"No military training? How do you suppose you'll make it on Omega?"  
"I never said I didn't have training. I said I wasn't in the military."

He looked over at her and she looked back to him with a smile.

"Are you a mercenary?"  
"No." she scoffed.  
"There's no way you're C-Sec."  
"Nope."  
"Where did you train then?"  
"My bondmate showed me how to fight."

The turian looked away from her at the mentioning of her having a mate. He cleared his throat.

"What does he do?"  
"Nothing now."  
"Why?"

It was Calpurnia's turn to look away from him, taking a deep breath.

"Well… He died."

His attention was caught again.

"Oh."  
"Yeah…"  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's alright I suppose."  
"So both you and your best friend had bondmates that died?"

Calpurnia sighed heavily, turning to him, her arms crossed against her chest.

"My name is Calpurnia Arterius." He tilted his head at her slightly at the sound of the name. "I'm Saren Arterius' bondmate."

He was silent for a moment, nodding slowly at the information. He looked back to her.

"She's Nihlus' bondmate."  
"Yes."  
"I remember him having a human mate." he said, seeming to dwell on the memory.  
"How did you know him?"  
"Work."

Calpurnia nodded, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Anyways…"  
"The other turians are going to be disappointed that you are bonded."  
"Minor detail, and it doesn't matter now."  
"They'll still be disappointed."  
"I'll make them feel better." He gave her a look before turning to walk back down the hallway. She smiled as she watched him. "Hey."

He turned back to her silently.

"What do you care if they feel disappointed?"

He seemed to examine her, his eyes traveling down her before meeting her gaze again.

"I suppose it's less competition around here. My men are acting like they're fresh out of puberty."  
"Your men?" Calpurnia questioned with a smile.  
"My ship." he replied before turning away again.

Calpurnia stared after him, a smirk on her face as the impression of a challenge was sent through her mind. Suddenly she wasn't feeling so negative towards the turian. He fit her type just well, it seemed.

* * *

Natasha gently lowered Rayhel to the floor, setting her on her feet. Garrus sat across the room, smiling at the sight. Natasha took her hands away slowly, letting her daughter balance herself. Her heart fluttered with pride at her pace of learning. Garrus held out his hands to the girl.

"Come here, Rayhel."

She chirped loudly at him before sitting down.

"No." Natasha laughed, picking her back up and standing her on her feet.

The turian chirped again, a small growl emitting from her chest. Garrus held his hands out again.

"Come here, and she'll stop. I promise." he said with a laugh.

The turian blinked at him before sitting down again. Natasha groaned, sitting with her daughter on the floor.

"Fine." she huffed.

The turian pointed at her before chirping lightly. The door whooshed open, Calpurnia joining them promptly. She sat next to Natasha with excitement.

"So. The turian that caught us down in engineering, remember him?"  
"Yeah, the one you had met already."  
"Yeah, turns out he's the captain."  
"What?"  
"He says this is his ship."

Garrus laughed at her shortly.

"You know he could just be saying that to impress you."  
"No, he's serious."

Garrus shook his head with a smile as Rayhel crawled over to him. She chirped happily as she sat in his lap. Natasha smile before looking back to Calpurnia and shrugging.

"So?"  
"So? That's it? So? Natasha, they guy just got hot."

Natasha laughed as she shook her head.

"Great. Here we go."  
"You're the one that wanted me to get laid. Just saying, it worked. I'm determined now."

Garrus groaned, letting his head fall against the wall. Rayhel mimicked him, making a groan as she let her head fall to his chest. Natasha laughed.

"Can we not talk about your woman issues?"  
"You guys suck, I'm going to get started."

Natasha watched her friend leave, the doors whooshing shut quickly after she was gone. She looked back to Garrus with a concerned look on her face.

"I hope she knows what she's doing."  
"At least she's got her turian instincts back."

Natasha watched Rayhel chirp at her after Garrus was finished with his sentence.

"She's copying you." she said with a smile.

Garrus looked down to the child, who blinked up at him. He laughed, and she made a noise at him in return. He sighed.

"Great."


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey guys!**

**Alright, so this chapter is kind of a bit of a filler, and it's a bit spacey, but it's necessary. Anyways, I hope it's enjoyable anyways. (:**

**Next stop, Omega!**

**Please feel free to rate, review, or even PM me if you have something to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Caeus walked through the CIC silently, keeping an eye on the consoles as his crew worked to keep it running. They were on schedule as far as travel went to get to Omega, though he wished he'd been sent elsewhere; He'd never been fond of the place. He approached his galaxy map, looking over the course they were flying on. A turian stood next to him, saluting until He turned to him.

"Sir, everything is running smoothly today."  
"Anything I should know?"  
"Your presence was requested in the mess hall, sir."  
"By who?"  
"The turian woman."

Caeus nodded.

"Anything else?"  
"No sir."  
"Thank you. You have the deck."  
"Yes sir."

The turian saluted him again before walking away. Caeus sighed before walking to the elevator. He idly wondered what the woman wanted, though he was sure he'd find it a distraction from what he was supposed to be doing. He stepped off the lift after the doors opened, rounding the corner promptly, his eyes setting on Calpurnia. She sank into a hip, her arms crossed over her chest, a firm look set on her face. He stopped in front of her, putting his arms behind his back.

"You wanted to see me?"  
"That was easy."  
"I don't have all day." he sighed.  
"You lied to me, down in engineering. You said you'd report me to the captain. You're the captain."  
"It wasn't a lie, but with all due respect, I can lie if I want to. It's my ship."  
"I don't imagine you gain much trust with your men that way."  
"You aren't a part of my crew."

She smirked at him.

"How are your men handling my presence today?"

He groaned, looking away from her now.

"Do you have a problem regarding the ship or the crew that you'd like to report to me?" he asked, looking back to her.

Her smirk faded before she shook her head.

"No."  
"Please excuse me then, I have a ship to run." He did his best to ignore the look she gave him, turning and walking back to the elevator in a calm manner. He shook his head at himself once the doors closed, groaning slightly. "Idiot."

* * *

"Calpurnia!"

The turian snapped her head in the direction of the room from which her name was called, recognizing Natasha's voice without a second guess. She ran to her quickly, turning in the doorway to see Natasha sitting on the floor, a wide smile on her face. Her arms were extended, her hands acting as bumpers for her daughter, who stood on the floor. Calpurnia's mandibles flared into a smile, noticing Garrus sitting across the room.

"She's walking?" she said quietly.  
"Almost. Kinda wobbly still." Natasha replied, keeping her eyes on the baby. "She seems to be motivated to get to him."

Calpurnia squatted down by Natasha, watching Rayhel as she chirped loudly, reaching out for Garrus to take her. He just laughed, holding his hands out to coax her into walking. She chirped louder before lifting her foot. Natasha bit her lip as she felt tears coming to her eyes. Rayhel put her foot back down, raising the other afterwards. Once she put it down, she got to her knees and crawled to him. Natasha put her hands over her mouth as she smiled. Calpurnia wrapped her arms around her.

"She's so big now."  
"It's her birthday."

Natasha watched Garrus lift the child into the air, and lower her down again. She chirped in excitement.

"Gosh… Time just goes too fast…"

Natasha nodded in agreement.

"She'll be talking soon." Garrus told them. "She's been making more noises lately."  
"I should go see if they have stuff for a party in the mess hall." Calpurnia said. "Like cake, or something."  
"I'm sure she'd rather have a slab of meat." Garrus replied.  
"You could ask the captain if he has anything we could take." Natasha told her, giving her a smirk.

Calpurnia sighed heavily.

"I'm not so sure he's interested. He's pretty distant when I try talking to him."  
"Busy guy." Garrus said, tossing the child into the air again, making her chirp.  
"Busy guys need a stress reliever at the end of the day." Natasha said suggestively.  
"Here we go…" Garrus groaned. "You guys are doing it again. Knock it off."  
"I'll go snoop around." Calpurnia told them, getting back to her feet.

It didn't take her long to find the food in the small kitchen the mess hall had. She worked around the dark space quietly, ripping open a pack of meat and smelling it quickly before putting in the cooker. She looked over her shoulder as she waited, tapping her foot lightly in anxiety. The cooker beeped loudly once it was done, making her jump to silence it. She held still for a moment, listening for any sign that anyone heard her. She took the meat out and put it in a dish before quickly making her way back to the room. Natasha smiled when she returned with the food. Rayhel chirped at the smell, reaching out for it.

"Happy Birthday, kid." Calpurnia said, setting it in front of the child, who sat on the floor.

The turian dug at the meat and put chunks into her mouth at a time. There was silence for a moment before footsteps appeared at the door. Calpurnia stood up straight again, turning towards the captain.

"How'd you get that?" he asked, looking at the child.  
"I took it."

He sighed, giving her a stern look.

"Are you going to be a problem the whole trip?"

Natasha stood now, giving him a look in return.

"She did it for me. It's my daughter's birthday."

Caeus backed off slightly, his military stance faltering.

"If I catch you stealing again, I'll charge you for it."

Calpurnia stared as he left.

"That guy is a dick." Natasha whispered before sitting back down.  
"That guy is… Something." Capurnia replied, sitting on her own bed now.  
"You're kidding me."  
"What?"  
"You're still trying to go for him after that?"  
"Yeah… He keeps talking down to me… It's not helping his cause."  
"You're doing it again." Garrus said, laying down on his bed.

Natasha bit down a smile.

"When will you jump him?" she whispered to Calpurnia.  
"Spirits." Garrus sighed.

The women laughed at him.

* * *

Calpurnia looked around the CIC silently, a constant reminder in her head to keep her fingers off the consoles. She felt the eyes on her as she walked around, hearing the whispers between crew members. She would have been flattered if she was interested in any of them. Unfortunately, the one she was interested in was currently staring at the galaxy map, as if it was his goal to keep his gaze from her. She smirked at the thought.

The console she came across next blinked, her attention immediately drawn to it. She stepped closer, running a talon over it slowly. A terminal came up that was unfamiliar to her, but she tried reading it anyways. A hand grabbed her wrist firmly, making her step away from the machinery. She looked at her arm, taking in the strength of his grip before making eye contact with Caeus.

"That's not for you to touch."

Her heart quickened at his tone as she was unable to keep her mandibles from flaring. He lowered his brow plates at her.

"Sorry." she smirked.  
"I think you should stay off the CIC until you leave my ship."

Her eyes shifted to her wrist, which was still in his hand. His grip didn't loosen.

"I should, huh?"  
"Yes."  
"Fine, captain. I'll listen." she replied, yanking her hand from his.

She kept the smirk on her face as she walked across the deck to the elevator doors. She took it down a level with a plan brewing in her head.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!" Natasha exclaimed as Rayhel wobbled over to Garrus, her feet carrying her slowly to make sure she kept her balance. Natasha bit her lip as Rayhel made it to Garrus' arms, chirping loudly as she sat in his lap.  
"She's going to be all over the place now, you know that right?"

Natasha sighed with a smile, leaning her back against the bed as she watched her daughter. She gave him a shrug.

"I don't care."  
"Time to celebrate." Calpurnia said before standing.  
"How so?"  
"We are gonna drink."  
"Drink? We have no alcohol."  
"Come on. I'll find some."

Natasha sighed, getting to her feet.

"Get out all of the woman talk you need to when you're gone." Garrus said before they left.

* * *

"Holy shit, give me the bottle."

Natasha handed Calpurnia the bottle of alcohol, watching her tip it up.

"So why are we drinking?" Natasha asked, her hands resting around her glass.  
"I'm bored."  
"Turians aren't giving you the good time you wanted, then?"  
"I told you, I'm working on a specific turian. He's getting to me."  
"How so?"  
"He yelled at me today."

Natasha laughed slightly.

"Did you knock him out?"  
"No. I let him, and I liked it. He had a hold of my wrist. It was… I don't know. Different."  
"So go upstairs and jump him."  
"He'd say no."  
"My my… I don't think I've ever seen you discouraged." Natasha teased.  
"I'm not discouraged, I just don't want him to deny me."  
"So make him give it up. You're a tough girl."

Calpurnia tipped the bottle up again before shaking her head.

"He's different."  
"Cal." Natasha said, grabbing her hands. Calpurnia gave her all of her attention. "You're scaring me. You've never been careful. Or cared. You've always been so open about it and now you're just… Scared."  
"It's not that I'm scared, I just want to do things right."

Natasha sighed, nodding at her friend.

"A few more drinks then." she said. "Then I'll send you up to his floor."

Calpurnia laughed, tipping up the bottle again.

* * *

Caeus rubbed his face as he stepped off the elevator, his personal quarters calling his name loudly. It'd been a long day. He groaned when the doors opened to reveal the female turian sitting at his desk.

"What are you doing in here?"  
"Wanted to talk to you." she replied, spinning the chair around to face him.  
"This floor is locked when I'm not up here."  
"Yeah, well, I know how to unlock things."

He took a deep breath, leaning against the wall as he looked at her.

"What do you want?"

She drummed her talons on his desk, narrowing her eyes at him. She took a deep breath before standing. She folded her arms over her chest.

"Well, you see, I couldn't help but notice something you said to me when we were talking the other night."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. When you asked about my training, you said there was no way I was with C-Sec. How would you know that?"  
"Did you fail to also notice that I said I knew Nihlus from work? I'm no spectre. That narrows it down."

Calpurnia smiled at his tone, but only briefly.

"You're on a mission then?" she asked.  
"Yes."  
"What are you out to do?"  
"I'm not able to tell you the details."

Calpurnia stepped towards him, her face inches from his.

"What kind of details could you give me?"

His mandibles clicked at her, though he regretted not being able to control himself. She was so blatantly offering herself, laying down hints that she was interested every time they spoke. He straightened himself up, clearing his throat.

"You've given me more trouble than needed since you've been onboard."

Calpurnia nodded slightly, thinking about the things she'd done.

"Not much." she replied.  
"You have hacked your way into the training room past civilian curfew, you've snuck down to the engineering desk, you've stolen rations, twice. You drank my bottle of whine, by the way."

Calpurnia smiled at him now, nodding again as she looked around the room.

"Sorry."  
"Why are you giving me trouble?"

She looked back to him.

"Do you want the truth or something made up?"  
"Go ahead and give me your best story."  
"Well, I grew up in a troubled home and hate life and made an oath to take out my vengeance on everyone and everything."  
"Someone like that would never have been bonded to a spectre."

She smiled.

"Yeah. I know."  
"So what's the truth?"

She shrugged, her smile fading.

"I want your attention, I suppose."  
"Why?"  
"There's something about you… I just like it."  
"You'd be compromising my mission if I let you have your way."

Her smile returned as she stepped closer to him. She could hear his heart beating quickly, though he appeared uninterested on the outside.

"You already know I don't care about rules and repercussions for breaking them."

She caught the slight flaring on his mandibles. He cleared his throat again.

"You're sure you want to be doing this?"  
"Oh I'm sure."

He leaned in closer, pressing his lips to hers as he turned her towards the wall. He pressed her against it, pinning her wrists up as he kissed her. They growled simultaneously as they stood for a moment, exchanging their kiss before moving to his bed.

* * *

Calpurnia woke up the next morning wondering where she was before she recalled the previous night. Caeus wasn't with her anymore, no doubt already down in the CIC running his ship. She sighed as she sat up, looking around at the disarray of the room. The blanket was on the floor, the sheet wrapped on her legs loosely. She got up, dressing herself quickly before leaving the room to get in the elevator. When the doors opened again, she was greeted by Natasha, who held Rayhel in her arms.

"Ready?" she asked.  
"For what?"  
"We're here."

Calpurnia felt a wave of disappointment rush through her before she nodded.

"I need my bag." she said before turning down the hallway once the elevator stopped.  
"You alright?"

She looked back to Natasha, nodding reluctantly.

"Yeah. I'm fine."


	33. Chapter 33

**Hey guys!**

**Alright, here we go. Kinda short, but it has plot. So that's always nice. (:**

**Feel free to rate, review, or even PM me if you have something to say.**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Natasha stepped off the ship, looking around the place with her eyebrows knitted. She immediately felt as if she needed a shower. She crinkled her nose at the place. A batarian approached her as Calpurnia and Garrus joined her. Caeus stepped forward, standing tall in his military stance.

"Aria wants to talk to you." the batarian said gruffly. "Head to Afterlife."  
"I trust this will be quick." Caeus replied. The batarian scoffed before turning and walking away. Caeus turned to his small squad of turians. "Alright. Keep your heads down until I'm done talking with Aria. Don't cause trouble. Keep the guns away, and don't talk to anyone."  
"Are we free to go?" Garrus asked, stepping forward.  
"Civilians need to leave, actually. We need to get on with our duties." Caeus responded.  
"Thank you for the ride." Garrus said, shaking his hand.  
"Good luck, Vakarian."

Natasha followed Garrus as he started off, but Calpurnia remained where she stood. Natasha looked back to her.

"You coming?"  
"Give me a minute." Calpurnia replied.

Caeus stared at her, his military stance softening slightly. She gave him a weak smile.

"I'm slightly disappointed that I won't have to get after you anymore." Caeus told her.

She laughed, stepping closer to him.

"You know how to find me." she replied, opening her Omni tool and giving him her id number.

He smirked as his beeped at the received transmission.

"I suppose I do."  
"So you better find me before you leave Omega."  
"I'll do my best."

She smiled again before walking over to Natasha.

"Ready?" she asked.  
"Yep." Calpurnia replied, feeling satisfaction rising in her chest.

* * *

"How can I help you, then?" Natasha watched the asari stand up slowly, taking in the sight of Garrus before moving her eyes to Natasha. She moved her gaze to Calpurnia before smirking widely. "Look who's here."

Calpurnia tapped her foot impatiently, glaring back at the asari.

"Where's Nyreen?" she asked.  
"Don't know. Haven't seen here in a while."

Natasha turned to Calpurnia, holding Rayhel tight to her chest to shield her ears from the loud music that boomed in the club.

"Maybe we should just avoid confrontation." she whispered, glancing at the batarians around them that held their guns out casually. "We're outnumbered."  
"We're looking for a place to stay. We have credits." Garrus told the asari.

She smiled at him, folding her arms over her chest.

"I don't have much. I have something open near the clinic."  
"We'll take whatever you have."  
"Thank you." Natasha said as the asari opened her Omni tool.  
"Don't make me regret it." Natasha turned to follow Garrus, making sure to keep Rayhel's ears protected, Calpurnia turning too. "Wait."

Calpurnia turned back to the asari, sighing with exaggeration before sinking into a hip.

"What?"  
"How long has it been since you've spoken to her?" the asari said with a level tone.  
"Years."  
"If she finds out you're here, she might contact you. If she does, I want to know about it."

Calpurnia scoffed, taking a step towards her.

"Fuck off."

The asari watched her as she walked away with her friends. Natasha looked to her after they were away from the club.

"What was that about?"  
"That bitch can go to hell. I wouldn't tell her anything."

Natasha smiled at the turian's words, shaking her head slightly.

"Did your parents hit you when you swore as a kid?"

Calpurnia just laughed at her. They found their way to their appointed apartment with ease, though Natasha hated how many vorcha she saw on the way there. The space wasn't large, but it was enough for them. Rayhel squirmed in Natasha's arms before she was put down on the ground.

"Two rooms." Garrus said, checking out the place.  
"Good. I was getting sick of bunking with you two." Calpurnia replied, taking the smaller room. She tossed her bags on the bed before looking around the small dining area. "So what now?"  
"We stay until I come up with a plan." Garrus replied, watching Rayhel crawl around on the floor. "Not long."  
"We could stay." Natasha suggested, sitting on the floor with her daughter. She bit her lip, looking to Garrus. "Rayhel needs a home. We can't out run Reapers anyways. The Citadel, Omega… No where will be safe if they're really coming back."  
"I have to try." Garrus replied.  
"I have to raise her, and she deserves a home while there's time to enjoy the peace we still have." Natasha said. "At least here she can have some peace, without the council around, without living on the presidium."  
"Yeah, Omega is great for a turian to grow up on. Mercenary life is what she's looking at now, instead of C-Sec." Calpurnia said.  
"I'm going to keep her safe." Natasha told them.

Rayhel got to her feet, wobbling slightly before taking steps towards Garrus.

"We're going to run out of credits eventually. The council will stop funding our life insurance now that we've left. Garrus quit his job."  
"We'll figure it out." Garrus said, taking Rayhel into his arms once she reached him. "Until then, I think you should stay here unless I'm with you. We're close to the markets they have, so that should be alright."  
"I'm an adult." Natasha laughed.  
"Omega is not safe, adult or not." Calpurnia agreed.  
"Why do you guys keep saying that, you're freaking me out."  
"The mercs act like they run the place, since there are no laws here. Only one rule on Omega." Garrus explained.  
"I hate rules." Calpurnia snarled.  
"What's the rule?" Natasha asked.  
"Don't fuck with Aria." Calpurnia replied, smirking.  
"Please don't get yourself killed while we're here." Natasha pleaded.  
"I'll do my best."

**xXx**

Calpurnia laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, hearing periodic chirps from the room next to hers. She wondered idly if she would hear from her sister now that they were so close. She then wondered what would be said, or if she would enjoy seeing her. Would there be friendly words, or would they fight? A small part of her hoped that she could have a nice conversation with her sister, however short it would be. She a knock on the door. She sat up, her brow plates lowering down to her eyes. The knock sounded again before she got out of bed, grabbing her handgun from her dresser. She held it behind her back as she opened the door, peeking out to see who was there. She smiled, the turian smiling back when he saw her.

"Settling in nicely I see." She laughed at him, unsure of what to say without making herself sound too happy to see him. "Are you going to invite me in?"

Her smile widened at his offer.

"There are two other people and a baby sleeping in here… So only if you promise to keep quiet."

He smirked at her.

"I can do that."

* * *

Natasha ran her hands through the water that came out of the faucet in her kitchen sink, washing out the soap suds from a bowl. Rayhel tugged at her pant leg roughly, chirping up at her. Natasha smiled, looking down at her after setting the bowl down on the towel to dry.

"What?" she laughed.  
"Ah…"

Natasha tilted her head slightly at the sound her daughter made. She kneeled down. Rayhel let go of her pant leg, standing in front of her with wide eyes.

"What?" she said, urging her daughter to repeat the sound.  
"Ah…"  
"Are you copying me now?" she laughed. "About time, you've been copying Garrus long enough. I am your Mom, you know."  
"Om."

Natasha ran her hand over Rayhel's fringe, smiling.

"Mom." she said.  
"Om."

Natasha lifted her head to the door as a knock sounded. She picked up Rayhel, looking around the apartment. There was a gruff voice on the other side of the door.

"Anyone home?" he asked, knocking on the door again.

Natasha didn't recognize the voice. Rayhel growled, looking over at the sound.

"Shh." Natasha said quietly, moving to her bedroom and grabbing a handgun. She set Rayhel down behind her before closing the door to her room. She heard the front door being forced open, making her jump slightly. Rayhel growled behind her, gripping her leg to help her stand. Natasha held up her handgun, her heart pounding.

"Where are you?" the voice said. Natasha opened her Omni tool quickly, doing her best to keep the gun raised as she typed a message in. She sent it just as fast, her shaky hands on the gun again, waiting for them to come to her door. Rayhel's growl deepened as Natasha's heart sped in her chest. Her Omni tool beeped and she silenced it quickly. The footsteps that traveled through the small apartment stopped outside her door. She kept herself in front of Rayhel promptly, the gun shaking as she held it. She took a deep breath before the door was kicked open. She flinched, but focused her eyes quickly on the intruder. He was a batarian. He was simple-looking, a small handgun in his hands, simple clothes on his body. Natasha bit her lip briefly, keeping herself between the man and her child. "Found you."  
"Get out of my house." she warned.  
"You're new here, right?"  
"I said leave!"  
"I just want to see what you have here. Just wanted to scope it out."  
"Take whatever you want, you touch my daughter and I'll shoot."

The man laughed at her briefly, his eyes shifting to the small hand that clung to her leg. Natasha stiffened her arms, grabbing his attention again at her movement.

"You're not going to shoot me."  
"Leave."  
"I heard you came from the Citadel. You must have some nice things here."

Rayhel hissed behind Natasha, digging at her leg as a response to the threat.

"My friends are on their way and you'd do well to leave before they get back. You won't make it out alive if you don't."

The batarian laughed, raising his gun.

"I could kill you to make a point."  
"Take what you want and leave!" Natasha yelled.

The batarian shook his head.

"I can't leave you alive. You'll blab. And I can't have that."

Natasha's heart leapt as his finger moved to the trigger on the gun. He took a step closer and she pulled the trigger on her own weapon. The shot was loud, and it rang through the room. Rayhel chirped in protest, sitting down behind her to cover her ears. Natasha stood, her eyes wide, tears welling up to fall down her face. She stared at the batarian, who had fallen to the floor. She stood there, her hand slowly falling to her side in a daze, Rayhel chirping behind her. She heard footsteps rushing into the apartment. She was snapped from her thoughts as she raised the gun again, pointing it at the doorway. Garrus stood there, his hands up to show her he was unarmed.

"It's alright, it's me." he said before looking to the dead batarian. He looked back up at her, reaching out slowly. "Natasha? It's alright… You're safe…"

She looked at the gun in her hands as he put his hand on it, taking it from her carefully. She shook her head at him.

"He had a gun." she breathed. "He… He was going to kill me, he took a step towards me and I…"

Garrus took her into his arms as she cried, his heart breaking as he felt her tremors. She'd never had to gun someone down before, he figured. Why would she?

His head snapped up at the sound of more footsteps, but he relaxed at the sight of Calpurnia in the doorway. She took in the sight of the dead man and Natasha crying before rushing to Rayhel and picking her up.

"What happened?"  
"We need to get somewhere safe." Garrus told her before looking down at Natasha. "We have to leave this apartment. We'll find somewhere safe."  
"No." she replied, her voice shaky. "I won't be scared out of this house."

He gave her a look, following where her eyes stared, over to the dead batarian.

"Natasha-"  
"We're staying." she told him firmly.

Calpurnia exchanged glances with Garrus before leaving the room with Rayhel. Garrus ran a hand through Natasha's hair.

"Are you ok?" he asked gently.

She looked up at him with worried eyes.

"I killed him."  
"You protected yourself. He had a gun."  
"What if he had a family?" she said, her voice shaking before more tears fell down her cheeks.

Garrus shook his head at her, his heart fluttering at the regret she felt for the criminal.

"He made a choice." he told her. "He made a choice to give you none. He would have shot you if you hadn't done it first."

Natasha nodded after mulling it over for a moment. She wiped her tears, looking over at the body.

"What do we do with him?"  
"I'll take care of it ok?" he said. "Don't worry about that."

He pressed his forehead to hers.

"Don't leave me again." she said.

He locked eyes with her.

"Never."


	34. Chapter 34

**Hey guys!**

**I'm sorry for the delay in chapters. I had a death in my family this week, and I've had little motivation and ideas for the storyline and was kinda unclear on where I wanted it to go. I would like to thank ArchelionGen for the help, cuz this chapter would be non-existent if it weren't for him. Yay brainstorming!**

**Anyways, please feel free to rate, review and even PM me if you have anything to say!**

**Thanks!**

* * *

Natasha stared out the small window in the apartment, her eyebrows knitted as she was lost in her train of thought. She chewed on her nails, watching closely at the people who walked past her window. The markets were quite full at this time of day, a pattern she'd picked up on after watching for a few days. Most of the people had a gun on them. It scared her to death. She wondered idly if Rayhel would ever be safe to play outside when she was older, or if she'd have to be locked up until they found a safer place to live. Omega just wasn't the place for a kid.

She was pulled from her thoughts as she heard a loud raspy growl behind her, causing her to turn around. She smiled at her daughter, who faced Garrus with her arms open, leaning forward slightly as if she was trying to scare him. He laughed before looking up to Natasha.

"You ok?"

She shrugged, sitting down on the couch as she bit her lip. She could feel his eyes on her as Rayhel continued growling her playful growl. Natasha sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Where's Calpurnia?" she asked, putting her face in her hands tiredly.  
"She said she was going out to mingle. I gave up trying to look after her about two weeks after I was assigned to you guys. Don't know if you've noticed, but she doesn't listen a lot. Or at all, really." Natasha felt his hand rubbing her back comfortingly. "What's wrong?"

She sighed again, picking her head up and looking around the apartment.

"Tired, I suppose."

Garrus could feel her pushing him out. He wouldn't have that.

"Not sleeping?"  
"You know I'm not."

He felt regret for not being there when she was threatened. He had taken lives before, and it was never easy. He hated that she knew how it felt. He could tell she wasn't handling it well.

"What do you need from me?" he said, putting his forehead to hers lovingly.  
"Well." she scoffed. "If you can get the images of that damn batarian falling to the ground out of my head, that'd be great."

He pulled his head from hers, giving her a look of sadness.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."  
"Stop it. It's done." She looked around, spotting Rayhel's small fringe sticking out from behind a chair by the table. She smiled as the turian popped out, raising her arms in the air and letting out her growl again. She laughed, shaking her head slightly. "She thinks she's scary."  
"I see that." Garrus replied, standing now. He walked over to the child, who tried running from him. When he put his arms around her to lift her into his arms, she growled again. "At least she's only playing."

Natasha watched him, sighing.

"I just don't think she's safe here." she said finally.

Garrus' smile faded as he looked over to her.

"Do you trust me?"  
"Of course I do." Natasha replied.  
"You're safe. Rayhel is safe. I'm not letting anything happen to you guys."

Natasha let herself believe him, pushing her doubt away. She nodded in response before standing. She went to the kitchen, pretending to look around, before turning to him again.

"I have to do some shopping." she told him.  
"I'll go get her ready." he replied.  
"No, I want to go alone." Garrus set Rayhel down on the floor. She ran away from him quickly, as if she was anticipating him chasing her. Natasha could see that Garrus was going to protest. She gave him an innocent shrug, folding her arms across her chest. "It's just around the corner, and I'll have a gun."

Garrus knew that if it came down to it, it'd be even harder for Natasha to pull the trigger of the gun now that she knew what kind of regret came afterwards. He shook his head as he thought, hating the fact that the woman was so stubborn. He finally sighed, shrugging back at her.

"Fine." he said. "I want you to take this."

He took the visor off of his eye and handed it to her. She took it gingerly, adjusting the size before putting it on. Garrus stared at her for a moment before he shook his thoughts away. Natasha smirked at him, catching the look he'd been wearing.

"Easy big guy." she said, half concentrating on him and half taking in the readings the visor gave her.  
"Just focus." he replied, stepping closer to her.

She smiled as the visor read his heartbeat and his body temperature.

"How does it do that?"  
"It's technology." he said with a smile. She rolled her eyes at his smart ass remark. "It'll register anything that you see. Heartbeat, weapons on the person, the species, the gender, everything."  
"Do I look good?" she asked.

He shook his head at her, causing her to smile proudly as she walked into the bedroom. She got out the handgun, her confidence faltering slightly as she looked down at it. The visor registered another heartbeat in the room. She smiled again, turning back to Garrus, who folded his arms over his chest with a smirk.

"Wearing my visor and holding a gun…" he said.  
"I suppose I do look good then?" He stepped towards her, giving her a lustful kiss before Rayhel ran in the room, growling loudly, her arms in the air as she ran around. Natasha pulled away from him slowly, shaking her head at the look he gave her. "Watch her."  
"I'll try." he said sarcastically.

Natasha managed to grab her daughter and kiss her quickly before the turian squirmed free from her grip. When she walked over to the door, the turian stopped suddenly, pointing at her and chirping.

"Bye." Natasha laughed, waving at her.  
"Ah." Rayhel replied.  
"Be safe." Garrus told her.  
"I love you."

Garrus felt his mandibles click at the feeling in his chest. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the sound of her telling him that.

"I love you too."

* * *

Natasha walked around the markets with her arms crossed, a firm look on her face as she took in the sounds of people talking. She hated this place. Half the people were living on the streets. Vorcha were everywhere. Natasha had never seen a vorcha in person before coming to Omega. She wasn't fond of them. Everytime she passed one, it was like they couldn't help but to make a snide remark about her being a filthy human. Part of it made her laugh, but the other part was just annoyed. As if the vorcha were any better than humans.

She came across a small café after wandering around for a while. She approached the asari hesitantly, looking around to see two other people at the bar in the shop. The asari smiled welcomingly at her.

"Can I get you something?"  
"Coffee." Natasha replied.

The asari left and returned quickly with a small cup. Natasha let herself sit in the environment, trying desperately to feel comfortable there. She had to let herself believe that not all the people there were crazy and dangerous. There had to be some people who just wanted to live freely, and this was the place to do it. She drank from the cup carefully, enjoying the hot liquid as she watched people walk by the markets. After a moment of being lost in her thoughts, Natasha noticed a turian walk in. She watched him walk to the counter and order a coffee. She recognized his clan markings, smiling slightly at him.

"Hi." she said, holding her cup in her hands firmly as she turned to him.

Caeus looked at her for a moment before his face lightened up.

"Natasha, right?" he said.  
"Yeah."  
"You're Calpurnia's friend." Natasha nodded, her smile growing bigger. "I heard you were attacked… Are you alright?"

Her smiled faded slightly, but she quickly shrugged off the thought.

"I'm fine."  
"I'm surprised Garrus let you out by yourself."  
"Why?"  
"Garrus is quite protective. Always has been."  
"You know him?"  
"I worked with him."

Natasha nodded in understanding before another thought pushed itself into her mind.

"How long have you worked at C-Sec?" she asked casually.  
"All my life. Never went into the military. Joined when I was eighteen."

Natasha bit her lip, letting silence fall between them as if it would cover her reasons for asking him about his job.

"So, are you a high ranking detective?"  
"I'm up there, but not the highest."  
"Do you know the high ranking detectives?"

He took a drink from his cup before looking over at her.

"I've known all of them since I joined." He seemed to pick up on why she was asking questions. "I looked up to a few of them."  
"Which ones?"

He smiled at her, leaning against the counter.

"I knew your bondmate, Natasha, if that's what you're getting at. Nihlus was a very good detective. He trained with me once."

Caeus was surprised that she smiled so easily when talking about her bondmate. He smiled nonetheless, not wanting to upset her by questioning her emotions.

"What about Saren?" she asked.  
"Saren didn't pay much attention to the lower ranking detectives. I think Nihlus was the only one, just because they'd always been partners. Even after Saren was promoted to spectre, Nihlus was the only lower ranking detective that he liked. Others seemed to annoy him."

Natasha laughed before taking another sip of her coffee.

"Sounds like Saren."

There was silence as Caeus surveyed her. He cleared his throat after a moment.

"May I ask what kind of relationship you have with Garrus?"

She could hear the hesitation in his voice. She smiled at the thought.

"We live together. He helps me with my daughter. He's been around for the past year and a half, basically. Since Nihlus died. I guess friendship led to other things, after Rayhel was born."  
"I'm surprised he let himself get involved."  
"He was hesitant."  
"Do you love him?" Natasha felt his question was a bit personal, but her giddy smile wouldn't let her change the subject. He just chuckled at her, nodding in understanding. "I suppose that's a yes."  
"I love him a lot." she said. She gave him a playful look. "Do you love Calpurnia?"

Caeus knew the human had meant the question to be a joke, but he couldn't help but shift his weight uncomfortably. The truth was, he was fond of Calpurnia, but he was holding himself back, and for a good reason. He felt Natasha's eyes on him, expecting an answer to her sarcastic question. He cleared his throat.

"I think she's a good person."  
"That's not a no."  
"No, I don't love her."

Natasha huffed playfully, looking back down at her cup.

"Are you going to hurt her?" she asked, unable to look into his eyes as he stared back at her.

Caeus was taken aback by the question before he thought over why she would ask such a thing. He would never hurt her, he had no reason too. He wasn't using her. He thought of how much Natasha must have went through after Nihlus died, and then applied it to Calpurnia. Human or turian, it didn't matter. It wouldn't be easy for anyone to go through. He figured Natasha was being protective, or maybe she was worried that her friend would have to go through another heartbreak if it didn't work out between the two of them. He looked down at his own cup now, shaking his head.

"Never." he said.

Natasha looked back up at him.

"I may be human, but I have dealt with nothing but turians for the past seven years of my life." Natasha told him, feeling the defensiveness rise in her chest. "I may look small and weak, but I wouldn't hesitate to give you a piece of my mind if you hurt her."

He tried holding back the smile as he listened to her words, but his mandibles fluttered anyways. He bit down his laughter before nodding.

"I understand." he replied.  
"I hope so." she said.

He admired the woman's bravery as she smiled at him. He knew the warning was simple and friendly at the time, but he trusted she would completely follow through on her threat if he did hurt her friend.

Their talk was casual for the rest of the time that they enjoyed their coffee. The idle chatter was pleasant for Natasha to have, as it took her mind off of her atmosphere for a while. Caeus enjoyed getting to know they woman. Calpurnia had spoken highly of her friendship a few times before. His mind was put at ease as they spoke, his thoughts away from his current mission, and settling on the human. It was nice to get away.

* * *

"Om!"

Garrus sat on the couch, his thoughts torn from the data pad he was reading as he spotted Rayhel standing at the door, her hand banging on it as she looked back to him. He smiled.

"She'll be back."  
"Om!"  
"I know, but she'll be back."

She growled at him loudly before throwing her hands up in the air and running over to him. She collapsed in his arms, grumbling up at him, blinking fiercely.

"Om."  
"Come here." He picked her up and she sat in his lap, staring at the door with wide eyes. He laughed as he leaned back on the couch. Rayhel looked at him, blinking at him a few times before curling up with him, closing her eyes as if she felt the sleepiness that he did at the time. He wrapped his arms around her small body, hearing her purr as she drifted to sleep. He felt that familiar flutter in his chest, making him look down at her. She leaned into his touch as he stroked her fringe gently. "I love you."

He closed his eyes, not allowing himself to sleep, but grateful that he was able to rest some. It wasn't long before Natasha returned to the apartment. She was quiet when she came in, as if she didn't want to wake them up, but Garrus lifted his head. She smiled.

"Hey."  
"How did it go?" he whispered.  
"I found a little café and got some coffee. I ran into Caeus."  
"That's good. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."  
"She's all tuckered out." Natasha said with a smile as she sat down next to him.  
"She was asking for you for a while. Then she fell asleep."

Natasha could tell there was something going on in his head. She knitted her eyebrows, putting a hand on his leg.

"You ok?"

Garrus considered keeping his thoughts to himself, but he knew if it were her, he'd want her to say something. He looked down at Rayhel.

"She likes me. A lot."  
"She always has."  
"The thing is… I don't know. I guess, I feel like a parent." Garrus didn't look over at her. He knew there were boundaries, and he wasn't looking forward to her setting him straight, but he had to try. "I love her."

Natasha felt her chest tighten at his words. She couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes. She squeezed his leg slightly to get his attention. He wasn't surprised to see tears falling down her cheeks. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"I wouldn't expect any different." she said.

He tilted his head at her.

"What?"  
"Garrus, you've been that figure to her since she was born. I guess I don't expect you to love her like she's yours, but I always knew you cared."  
"But she's not mine."

She gave him a sad smile, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"I guess that's something you have to decide for yourself… Blood isn't what makes a family. I wouldn't force this on you, it's your own decision." He absentmindedly tightened his arms around Rayhel as she slept. He was unsure of the feeling he got at her telling him that it was his choice to be a dad. She gave him a reassuring look before taking off the visor. "I suppose you've already made that decision, though."

He watched her set the visor down on the couch next to him. She stood, not taking her eyes off of him.

"I can see how your heart races at the thought."

He watched her walk into the bedroom before his eyes idly traveled back to the visor. He definitely had some thinking to do. He didn't have much chance to let himself drift into his thoughts before the door whooshed open again. Calpurnia gave him a smile as she walked across the room.

"What has you so happy?" he asked, pushing his thoughts away.  
"Oh nothing."  
"I can hear your heart beating."  
"I can hear yours, what's your point?"  
"Have a good day?"

She reached the door to her bedroom, turning to him before leaning into the wall slightly. He'd never seen her smile like that.

"Yes."  
"Natasha ran into Caeus. Is it safe to assume that you did too?" She looked down at her feet bashfully. He couldn't help but laugh at the sight. "Wow, Cal. Never seen you so giddy before."

She just giggled and went into her room. He chuckled, shaking his head. Rayhel shifted in his arms briefly before Calpurnia returned.

"By the way, we have a job to do."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, seeing as we don't have a whole hell of a lot of credits left, I figured we could do something to get some. I went to Aria, and with a lot of talking, she agreed to let us work out a problem she has."  
"Which is?"  
"I guess the leader of the Blue Suns has attempted to cut ties with her, which poses a problem since she needs to control them. 'Can't have them running a muck,' she says. Anyways, we have to go and do a shake down. She said Tarak's personal home would be better than going to the base. Not risky, just something simple to earn some credits."

Garrus nodded at her, standing with Rayhel.

"When do we leave?"  
"Whenever we're ready. She said he's at his apartment until tomorrow morning. The sooner we go, the sooner we get the credits."

Natasha came out of the other bedroom with her arms folded across her chest, an eyebrow raised at him.

"Where are you two going?"  
"We're just going on a simple shakedown run." Calpurnia told her.

Natasha sank into a hip as Garrus walked over to her.

"We'll be back soon." he said, handing Rayhel to her before going into the bedroom.

Natasha looked over at Calpurnia, bouncing Rayhel lightly in her arms.

"Is it safe?"  
"We're two turians shaking down a batarian, I think we'll be just fine."

Natasha forced herself to be reassured, sitting down on the couch nervously. After a few moments, Garrus returned with his armor on, a rifle attached to his back. She bit her lip, looking at Calpurnia.

"You don't have armor."  
"I have a gun and a fist, I'm fine."  
"It's alright." Garrus told Natasha, walking over to her and tugging her lip from her teeth.  
"I can bite my lip if I want to." she replied.

He laughed, kissing her before walking to the door. Natasha's heart raced as they left. She rocked herself on the couch as she held Rayhel against her chest, trying to bring peace to her mind.

* * *

Garrus and Calpurnia approached the apartment they'd been told to go to, trying to prepare themselves mentally for the job. Garrus had played the good cop bad cop game, but this was slightly different. They had the freedom to beat the batarian for the information, though Garrus hated the idea of doing so. Wasn't this the same situation that caused Natasha to kill a man? Intruders threatening the safety of another person's home. He sighed, shaking the thought away. Calpurnia walked next to him, feeling slightly excited for her first job. She'd never done anything like this before, and with Garrus as her partner, how could they fail? She smiled as she thought of the simplicity of the assignment and the lump of credits they'd get for it. Beat down a batarian and get information on his mercs for Aria. Simple enough.

They reached the door in silence, Garrus pounding on it loudly. The batarian let them inside, folding his arms over his chest, wearing a look that told them he was unimpressed that people were here.

"Who are you, what do you want, let's get this over with."  
"Tarak, we're here on behalf of Aria. You've mistakenly cut ties with her, and we've come to correct that." Garrus said.

The batarian scoffed.

"You kill me and you'll have an entire mercenary group to answer to."  
"We're not here to kill you." Calpurnia replied. "We're here for the information on where your base is."  
"I'll die before I give it up."  
"That can be arranged." Garrus said before he grabbed the batarian and threw him into the wall. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

The batarian coughed after getting the wind knocked out of him. Garrus hit him, letting him fall to the floor after the impact. Calpurnia put her foot on his chest as he laid there, pulling out her gun.

"Where is it?" she said firmly.  
"Go to hell."

She aimed her gun at his shoulder.

"Maybe a bullet will help you talk."  
"You don't have the guts-"

The room was filled with a bang after she pulled the trigger. The batarian cried out, holding his shoulder as he squirmed underneath her foot.

"Talk." Garrus said, taking out his rifle.  
"Or we can cut your Omni tool out and hack it. Your choice."

The batarian looked from one turian to the other for a moment before lifting his arm and opening his Omni tool. Calpurnia opened her own to receive the data, not lifting her foot until it was done. The batarian laid there, his chest heaving as he bled.

"Tell Aria she'll regret this." he said.  
"Thanks for the cooperation." Calpurnia replied. She and Garrus turned to leave, the door whooshing open and then closing shut again behind them. Garrus let out an anxious breath, returning his rifle to the spot on his back. Calpurnia holstered her pistol, looking at him. "Well that was fun."  
"Let's make sure Aria knows we don't want to make it a habit of shaking down mercs. It only puts us in danger, and I have a family to protect."  
"Family, huh?" she said with a smile.

He shrugged, letting out another sigh.

"Yeah."

Calpurnia smiled again, walking in silence with him back to the apartment.

* * *

Natasha bit her lip hard, watching Rayhel run around the apartment quickly. Garrus and Calpurnia had been gone a while. She tapped her foot quickly, feeling the anxiety building quickly. Rayhel chirped at her.

"Om."  
"I'm here." Natasha replied, reaching out for her.  
"Ahd."

Natasha tilted her head at the word, knitting her eyebrows slightly.

"Ahd?"  
"Ahd."

Natasha just smiled, loving the sound of the baby talk she did so often now.

"I remember when you were just a day old."

Rayhel tilted her head, blinking as she chewed on a talon.

"Ahd."  
"I love you."  
"Ahd."  
"Mom." Natasha said promptly, loving the sound of her daughter's one and only word.  
"Om."

Her smile faded slightly, the words clicking in her head. Rayhel had been saying 'mom' for quite some time.

"Dad." Natasha said, listening closely.  
"Ahd."

Natasha bit her lip, watching Rayhel as she chewed on her talons. She sighed, her thoughts returning to Garrus. She ran a hand through her hair before the door whooshed open. Rayhel threw her arms up excitedly, chirping loudly as she ran to the turians. Natasha let out a sigh of relief as she stood. Garrus picked up Rayhel after she reached up to him, then looked to Natasha.

"How did it go?"  
"We got the information."  
"And?"  
"He's still alive, so it's a win all the way around." Calpurnia stated, walking to her bedroom.

Natasha locked the front door of their apartment, not looking at Garrus anymore. He laughed as Rayhel played with his mandible, chirping happily.

"How was she?" he asked.  
"No worse than usual." Natasha replied, walking across the room to the bedroom.  
"You ok?"

She hated that he followed her, but she knew it was something he'd hear on his own in time. She shrugged.

"Yeah."  
"Tired?"  
"Yeah."  
"Let's get her to sleep then."  
"I'm gonna take a shower." Natasha told him.  
"Go ahead, I'll put her to sleep." He kissed her after she gathered up some clothes to change into. He could tell there was something on her mind. He didn't press the matter though. He just turned before she left the room. "I love you."

She turned back, giving him an honest smile.

"I love you."

Garrus watched as she walked away though he was quickly pulled from his train of thought as Rayhel chirped at him. He smiled.

"Come on." he said, putting her down in her small bed.

She chirped in protest, growling slightly.

"Ahd."  
"It's time for sleep."  
"Ahd."  
"Shh."

He watched as she laid down, curling up into a ball as she blinked up at him. She reached for him desperately and he let her hold onto one of his fingers.

"Ahd."

He registered what she was saying then, his chest tightening as he looked to the door to ensure no one was there.

"Ahd."

He looked back to her, stroking her fringe gently.

"Yeah… I'm your Dad…"  
"Ahd."

The small turian fell asleep quickly. Garrus watched her, overwhelming emotions running through him. He sat and looked after her for a while before he could smell Natasha's scent. He looked up at the doorway expectantly before she was there. He gave her a weak smile.

"I wish I could put her to sleep that easily." she whispered.  
"Yeah…"

She walked over to him, carefully taking Rayhel's fingers off of his to let him free. He stood, walking past her to change his clothes. She put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to face her. She could read the look on his face. It was one of apprehension.

"She said it to you, didn't she?"

He cleared his throat, taking his eyes from hers.

"I want to be everything I can for you two." he stated.  
"I know."  
"I feel guilty that I'm the one that gets to raise her, but I can't imagine stepping aside to let you do it on your own."  
"You shouldn't feel guilty."  
"I didn't make her, Natasha, I do feel guilty. She's not mine…"  
"Garrus, stop thinking that way."

He sighed, pushing the negative from his mind as he looked at her again. He nodded, ready to voice the commitment he'd been ready to take on back when she asked him to the first time. This time, he wouldn't let his mind fight against what he wanted.

"She's my daughter too." he said, half of it a question.  
"She's ours." Natasha told him, running a hand down his mandible.

She kissed him tenderly, causing the doubt to rush out of his mind. He'd step up and be the Dad Rayhel needed, and the man Natasha wanted. He didn't want to leave them, he didn't want to let them down. He loved them both. He felt the low rumble starting in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

This was his family.

* * *

Garrus watched Rayhel run around, her arms in the air as she squealed. Natasha chased her with a purposefully slow pace. Calpurnia sat on the couch, reaching her arms out with a smile.

"I'll save you, come here!" she laughed.

Rayhel squealed again, running to Calpurnia and hopping into her arms. Natasha pretended to look sad, putting her face in her hands and making a pouting noise. Rayhel was tricked into thinking it was real, putting her feet back down on the floor and walking over to her mother. She chirped, reaching out. Natasha snatched her up quickly, laughing as Rayhel squirmed and growled. Garrus chuckled for a moment before there was a bang on their front door. Natasha's smile was gone in an instant as a squad of five men let themselves in. Calpurnia put herself in front of Natasha, who held Rayhel close to herself. Garrus stood quickly, drawing his gun on the men, who were equally armed.

"What the hell is going on?" he growled.  
"Just sending a message." the other said from under his helmet before he hit Garrus in the stomach.

Natasha watched as they grabbed him, taking his gun from him quickly. She bit her lip, trying to keep her whimpers quiet. She hated Omega, more than anything, in that moment. Calpurnia hissed territorially as one of the men pointed a gun at her.

"You're the one who shot him." he stated.  
"I'd do it again." she replied coldly. "The bastard can't even do his own dirty work."

Rayhel growled loudly behind her, drawing attention their way. Natasha eyed the door to their bedroom.

"Don't even." a man said, pointing a gun at her.

Without hesitation, Natasha moved quickly, setting Rayhel down in the room and locking it down. She stood in front of it protectively.

"You want to hurt us, be my guest." she said.

Garrus watched as the man stepped forward and brought his hand across her face. Natasha let out a grunt, recoiling slightly. Garrus felt an overwhelming sense to kill everyone in the room at the sight. He grabbed the man by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. It took every ounce of control he could muster to not kill him.

"You come in here and attack me, that's fine. You touch her again and I'll snap your neck."

Calpurnia hissed in agitation to back up Garrus' threat, keeping her eyes on the other men as they watched Natasha recover from the blow. Garrus glared at the man he held against the wall, growling loudly in agitation. He heard a gun as it was loaded, making him turn slightly. Another man held it to Natasha.

"Let him go." he demanded.

Garrus took his hands from the man immediately, keeping his eyes on the man who threatened Natasha. She gave him a worried look, glancing at Calpurnia. The female turian seemed to be having a stand off with one of the men, arching her back to make herself look taller and hissing loudly.

"What do you want?" Garrus asked the man.  
"We want the credits Aria gave you."  
"Take them."  
"We may want your women too."

Garrus looked over at the man who spoke, seeing he was squaring off with Calpurnia. She hissed as he reached out to grab her, batting his hand away and folding him onto the ground.

"Don't touch me!" she growled.

Garrus smirked slightly, looking back to the man.

"Seems awfully dramatic for some credits."  
"Remember our mercy, Tarak ordered us to kill you all. Fortunately, I have a conscious and I wouldn't leave that kid without a mother."

Garrus watched as the man let go of Natasha. He walked to the door, signaling for his men to follow. There was silence until they were out of sight. Garrus snapped his head in Natasha's direction, pulling her into his arms and inspecting the mark on her face. He winced, hugging her tightly. She cried silently against his chest. He could feel her body shaking slightly. Calpurnia's growl faded, walking over to them and putting a hand on Natasha's shoulder.

"It's not safe here." Natasha said, picking her head up to look at Garrus.

He took in the sight of her tears before he nodded. His anger wasn't subsiding, much to his disappointment. He wanted to kill something.

"We should stay somewhere else for a while." Calpurnia told him.  
"You should get a hold of Caeus and ask if he can give us a ride back to the Citadel." Natasha said.  
"He's got a job to do, he can't."  
"We don't have credits to leave."

Garrus let his arms fall to his sides, releasing Natasha from his grip. His growl pressed on, low in his chest. Natasha watched him pace the length of the room for a moment before unlocking the bedroom. Rayhel chirped at her before she was picked up.

"Get your things." Garrus finally said.  
"Where are we going?" Calpurnia asked.  
"Get a hold of Caeus."

Calpurnia opened her Omni tool, typing in a message obediently. Natasha watched him as he stepped closer to her, putting a taloned hand on her face.

"Ahd."

He looked at Rayhel for a moment before looking back to Natasha, who waited for him to talk.

"Get your stuff packed." he said.  
"Garrus, where are we going."  
"I don't know, but I'm going to keep you safe. I won't sleep if it's what it takes."

She gave him a weary smile before nodding. She trusted him. Omega was just a dangerous place. She turned away from him after he gingerly kissed her, setting Rayhel down on the bed. The turian seemed to understand that there was something wrong. She growled slightly, watching her mother grab up their things as fast as she could.

Garrus paced the length of the room some more, his rifle in hand, as if waiting for the mercs to come back. Calpurnia walked over to him after looking down at her Omni tool for a moment.

"Caeus said we can stay with him for the night."  
"Go pack your stuff." Garrus agreed.  
"Do you have a plan?"

He shook his head, though he knew full well he had a plan. How could he not? It was clear, what he had to do. He had to protect them, to keep them safe. There was only one thing he could do.

Once they left and reached Caeus' apartment, Garrus hugged Natasha, leaving silently after telling Caeus that they needed to stay there. Caeus agreed to watch after them. Natasha followed Garrus out of the house as he tried leaving.

"Where are you going?"  
"Go inside."  
"Where are you going?"

Garrus turned to her, pointing at the house as he advanced on her.

"Go inside!"

For a split second, he saw a look of fear in her eyes. Then she shook her head.

"Where are you going?"

He sighed, trying to remind himself he wasn't angry with her. He put a hand on her face, stroking his thumb against her cheek gently.

"Please go inside. I'll be back soon."

He saw her hold back a small pout, her eyes filling with tears. She was scared, and he hated it.

"I love you."

He brought his forehead to hers briefly, nuzzling her for comfort.

"I love you."

She turned away from him after a moment, walking back inside. He waited until the green console turned red before he turned around. His anger festered, growing inside him quickly. It was clear that the Blue Suns wanted a fight, though he was unsure why. It had to be more than the shake down he and Calpurnia had given them. Nothing would strike mercs to attack civilians. He gave it some thought before shrugging off reason. One thing was clear to him, and it's what he focused on:

If the Blue Suns wanted a fight, they'd get one.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hey guys!**

**So this chapter is significantly shorter than the last, and I apologize for that little detail, but it is also a filler and I apologize even more for that detail. You know I love you all.**

**I just wanted to say, thank you. You guys are great supporters, and I love all of my followers and reviewers, and the people who have favorited this story. This one is my most successful story since my first, in my opinion and I am thoroughly enjoying writing it and I love that you guys love it. Your support, as readers of my story is amazing. That being said, it is another thing to be a moral support to my personal life. In my last chapter when I was going on about what's been keeping me busy, I did mention there was a death in my family. The support I got back for that, was quite overwhelming and very touching. As readers, you're not forced to do things like that, but all of your words of encouragement and support just give me all the more reason to love what I do. Thank you all, with special thanks to Archelion Gen, and horselover90. I love every single one of you, and you're all amazing. Thank you for the continued support. *heart emote***

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**From the very bottom of my heart, thank you.**

* * *

Caeus woke up to a low rumble next to him. He opened his eyes, realizing he had his arms around Calpurnia. He smiled as he propped himself up on his elbow. He looked down at her, loving the way she looked as she rested. Her plates were shown to him, making his heart skip a beat as he ran his talons down her side. She shifted, rolling to her back to look at him. She rubbed her face before smiling.

"Hi." she said.  
"Morning." She looked around, taking in the sight of the room before looking back to him. She grabbed him rather quickly, pressing her lips to his. He was surprised, but he didn't stop her. He closed his eyes, laying on his back as she moved to straddle him. She nipped at his neck lustfully. He let out a small breath, smiling again. "Eager, aren't we?"

She lifted herself up, running her hands down the plating on his chest.

"Sorry."  
"Well, I'm not complaining." he replied. "Why so jumpy?"

She smiled, her mandibles flaring.

"I like waking up with you."  
"You've done it before."  
"Yes, but it's nice. I like being with you."

His smile faltered slightly as the guilt started setting in his mind. He tried playing it off, his smile returning.

"I like being with you."

She giggled leaning down to give him a kiss before she started rocking her hips against his. He let out a contented sigh, letting her do what she pleased to him. She was something else, something he'd never experienced with another woman. He didn't understand it. It made him feel that much more guilty that he wasn't telling her everything. He knew she'd be upset if she found out what he was hiding from her. He did his best to push the guilt away, taking his pleasures where he could.

He ran his talons down her thigh as she called him out to play, letting out a soft laugh when she succeeded.

* * *

Natasha stared at Garrus, her eyebrows knitted as she thought over what he'd told her. She thought it was crazy, but then again, why not? She ran a hand through her hair, sighing.

"I'll do this, but on one condition, and you can't say no."  
"What?"  
"I'm on the team."

Garrus had expected Natasha to want to join his vigilante team after he proposed the idea. She was too paranoid that he'd get killed. He didn't blame her. He wouldn't want to live through something like a mate being killed twice. He didn't want to live through it once. He gave her a look before nodding at her.

"Fine, but you have a lot of training to do first."  
"Then let's get started." she replied.  
"We need to find place for headquarters or sorts, somewhere safe for the team to hide out when we're not doing anything. Somewhere Rayhel wouldn't get hurt."

Natasha nodded, looking around the apartment.

"We could take a shuttle, scope things out and see if a warehouse or something is abandoned."

Garrus stood, picking up Rayhel.

"Let's do it."

Natasha followed him out of the apartment, biting her lip nervously.

"How are we even going to find vigilantes?"  
"Don't worry about that part. I'll find them."

Natasha sighed, getting in the shuttle. She could feel a headache coming quickly, and the day had just started a half hour ago.

* * *

Calpurnia felt the growl in her chest fading as her breathing slowly returned to normal. She felt Caeus next to her, his growl fading with hers. She stared up at the ceiling, keeping herself in the moment, refraining from thinking about the way the turian made her feel. She didn't want to push it further than what it was at. Sleeping together was better than nothing. At least she got to be with him. She closed her eyes, letting the rumble start in her chest as she felt his hands on her again. He was gentle, letting his own rumble start as he nuzzled closely to her. She smiled, turning her head to look at him.

"Are you getting sick of me yet?" he asked.  
"No."  
"Well good. I'm not done with you yet."

She laughed, sitting up now. She looked around the room before scooting herself off the bed. Caeus watched her walk around, his mind battling his body to keep his plating from shifting again. He got out of bed and found his clothes, pulling up his pants. He looked over at her again, his heart dropping as she fondled the armor he'd hidden under some casuals. She traced the outline of the sun, on the arm, lifting her gaze to him, holding out the chest plate and sinking into a hip.

"What is this?"

Caeus stepped towards her, his mind racing for an excuse as to why he had Blue Suns armor in his room. He cleared his throat.

"Trophy, I suppose." he said finally.  
"Trophy?"  
"Killed one the other day. I hear they're a tough bunch. Figured I'd take advantage of the armor they have."  
"If you wore this in public, people would think you're a merc. Plus, your armor is better than this piece of shit." She examined the chest plate again before putting it back. "You're not a merc, are you?"  
"No." he said, a nervous laugh escaping him.  
"Good." she replied.

She continued getting herself dressed and Caeus followed suit, silence hanging between them. She walked to the door, looking back at him before it opened.

"Bye."  
"Bye." he said, kicking himself mentally after she was gone.

She had almost caught him. He'd have to be more careful.

* * *

Natasha sat with Garrus, waiting in the café she'd suggested going to in the markets. She drank her much-needed cup of coffee, enjoying a moment of peace before a man approached them.

"Vakarian?" he said.  
"Take a seat." Garrus replied. Natasha watched the man, holding Rayhel to her chest, bouncing slightly as she slept. "How long have you been doing vigilante work?"  
"Eh, not long. About three years."  
"You any good?"

The man laughed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest.

"If I wasn't good, I wouldn't want to join a team. That'd be suicide."  
"Point taken, listen." Natasha said. "We need people that are good, and we need people who aren't afraid of Aria's ego. People we can trust."  
"Well, I meet that standard then."  
"Do you have a family?" Natasha asked.  
"No."  
"We need to see you in action before we say yes." Garrus told him.  
"Fine by me."

After talking for a few more minutes, Natasha learned the man's name was Erash. Once Garrus was satisfied with the information about the man, they both left to do some target practice. Natasha remained at the café with Rayhel, silently waiting for them to return. She enjoyed the silence for a long while before she was joined by Calpurnia, who seemed to be in a good mood.

"Where have you been?" Natasha asked.  
"I was with Caeus." Natasha smiled suggestively. "Yeah yeah."  
"Is it a casual thing or do you really like him?"  
"I like him." Calpurnia said.

Natasha could tell she was genuine about the man by the smile she wore.

"Does he like you?"  
"I don't know, I'm not asking." Calpurnia said, changing the subject quickly. "Where's papa Garrus?"

Natasha knitted her eyebrows at the name, shaking her head with a laugh.

"Testing a vigilante."  
"Why?" Calpurnia replied.  
"Oh yeah. You were too busy in bed to know what the plan is."  
"Get over it and tell me what's happening."  
"Garrus wants to get a team together and punch some holes in the Blue Suns' plans. Mess with them a bit, to send a message."

Calpurnia shook her head, her mood seeming to change.

"I really feel like you're just digging yourselves a bigger hole."  
"Garrus is hell-bent on getting some revenge."  
"Not surprising. Turians don't just lay down and take a beating like that. Problem is, Aria won't like us messing with them."  
"I don't give a damn what Aria likes." Natasha scoffed. "If she ran this place better, people wouldn't be attacking each other."

Calpurnia nodded in agreement. She shifted in her chair slightly.

"I wonder if she knows where my sister is."  
"She asked you, didn't she?"  
"Aria won't tell me even if she does know. Nyreen wouldn't just cut ties with her, it's not right. I haven't spoken to her in a while, but Mom tells me all the time how disappointed she is that Nyreen was involved with an asari instead of a turian."

Natasha tilted her head slightly.

"Involved?"  
"Oh yeah." Calpurnia replied. "Though I suppose Mom was always a hard person to please. I picked a turian and she still hated him."  
"Can't please everyone." Natasha said with a laugh before turning her head to see Garrus approaching them. "How'd it go?"  
"He's in."

Natasha nodded, patting Rayhel on the back.

"Where's our next meeting point?"

* * *

"Listen, all I want is for the mercs to pay. I don't care about the squad."

Garrus folded his arms across his chest, sighing.

"Unfortunately, you have to care about the people you work with. It's hard to work with people you want dead." he replied.

The turian in front of him shook his head.

"Do you want me on your team or not?"

Natasha exchanged glances with Garrus before stepping forward.

"Show us what you can do with a gun, and then you'll get an answer."

The turian was exceptionally good at shooting on the range they'd met at. The time that it took him to complete the course they'd set up was even more impressive. Natasha spoke before Garrus could protest. "You're in."

The day was a long one, gathering up vigilantes for a long while before returning to Caeus' apartment for the night. Their dinner was nice, sitting down at a table with cooked food. Calpurnia was given full use of the kitchen, which Natasha grateful for. She'd been out of practice for a while now.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" Calpurnia asked, looking at Garrus.  
"We round up everyone and show them our headquarters. Get settled in so Caeus can have his space back."

Caeus shook his head as he swallowed his food.

"You're welcome here as long as you need to stay."  
"The building has a living area, and bunks, and a balcony for us to keep watch from once the mercs start finding out about us."  
"Mercs?" Caeus questioned.  
"We're raising a vendetta of sorts against the Blue Suns." Calpurnia told him. She saw Caeus shift his weight in his chair, clearing his throat before taking another bite. She smirked, looking to Garrus. "Ya know, Caeus likes killing mercs. He could join the team."

Before Caeus could protest, Garrus spoke for him.

"He has a job to do. C-Sec wouldn't like him turning vigilante in the middle of a mission."  
"They probably wouldn't like it just as much as they don't like it when spectres in training randomly quit and run off to Omega." Natasha told him.

He gave her a look that made her smile.

"Anyways, it's better he does his job. We don't need to get him into trouble."

Calpurnia let the matter go reluctantly, returning to her food in silence.

"How many do you have on the team?" Caeus asked as casually as he could.  
"There's ten, including us three." Garrus said.

Calpurnia saw that shift from Caeus again. She shrugged it off as nothing. Later that night as Caeus laid in his bed, Calpurnia next to him, he couldn't help but worry for his new found friends. The mercs on Omega weren't the ideal target for them to pick. They were all large groups, and if you pissed one group off, you pissed them all off. Not to mention, Aria would be a problem. He laid awake for a while, running scenarios through his head of how it would go badly.

It took him hours to finally fall asleep.

* * *

Natasha stood in front of the tall mirror in her new bedroom, running her hands down her sides as if to flatten out the armor she'd been given. She turned, looking at her side profile before turning to look at her front again. She hated armor. She had only worn it a few times in her life, but she hated it. It was bulky, and heavy, and for her, pointless. Or so she thought. Garrus disagreed, and so she was standing with her new armor on. She snarled her lip slightly at she grabbed her handgun and put it in her holster. She shook her head at her reflection now. A year ago, she would have never pictured her life this way.

The door whooshed open. She watched from the mirror as Garrus stepped in and looked at her. His mandibles clicked for a moment before he took his gaze off of her. She smirked.

"I don't see why I need this." she told him, as if she'd be able to convince him that she was fine in casual clothes.  
"We're not arguing about this again, you'll lose."  
"Will not."  
"Do you want to be on my team?"  
"Yes."  
"Then you wear armor." She folded her arms, huffing slightly as she sank into a hip. He smirked at her now. "You lose."

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, watching him take the rifle from his back.

"Where's Rayhel?"  
"Calpurnia is showing her off to the team."  
"And?"  
"They're friendly with her."  
"Did you threaten them?"  
"I most certainly did." Natasha laughed with a shake of her head, playing with the straps on her gloves. "You ready?"

She looked up at him, giving him a smile before nodding.

"I'm with you."

He pulled her into him, giving her a kiss before leading her out of the room. She looked around at the living area on the bottom floor of their base. Garrus had done well with securing it for themselves. The team stood, ready for orders at the sight of Garrus.

"Alright. We're gonna bunker down here for now, I'm working on a plan for the first assault. I'm scoping out the Blue Suns' headquarters, which we know the location of, thanks to Aria's desperate need to be in the know with those mercs. Calpurnia, you still got the information on your tool?"

Calpurnia raised her arm, opening the Omni tool before nodding.

"Ready when you are."  
"I'm taking two men." Garrus told the group.

A human man stood, a turian following suit.

"I'll go."  
"Me too."

Garrus nodded at them in agreement.

"Get yourselves ready." The men left the room to make preparations for their job. Garrus addressed the remaining vigilantes. "I need two men on watch for the night, and we'll rotate shifts periodically. Otherwise, we're set for the night. Take it easy, we're gonna need you at your best for our assault."

The men dispersed, two of them leaving to the balcony to keep watch of their entrance to ensure no one would come near them. Garrus wasn't worried about someone finding them. They hadn't done anything to piss anyone off yet. He stood there for a moment before looking over at Natasha, who wore a smirk on her face as she stared at him.

"What?"  
"Oh nothing…" she said, looking around the room. "Guess I've never really pictured you in a leadership role."

Garrus felt his mandibles clicking again as he caught her meaning. He shook his head at her.

"Keep it together, we have work to do."  
"Yes sir." she smirked before walking away from him.

He watched her for a moment before snapping out of his train of thought. He had to prepare himself to scope out the base.

* * *

Natasha sat on the ledge of their base, keeping her eyes peeled for any signs of movement, idly patting Rayhel's back as she snored in her arms. She'd been keeping watch for a few hours, though she knew no one would come. She leaned her head against the wall, sighing heavily as she felt her sleepiness growing. She rubbed her face after letting out a yawn.

"Tired?"

She jumped slightly, looking back to see the man she knew as Erash. She gave him a friendly smile.

"I suppose." she said.  
"May I?"

She nodded as he sat down next to her, looking out over the bridge. She looked at him, waiting for him to say something. Silence hung there and she cleared her throat.

"Can I help you?"

He looked at her, slight surprise on his face before he laughed.

"Thought you would want some company."  
"You don't have to do that."  
"It's alright. Nothin else to do."

She smiled slightly, scanning over the bridge again.

"Garrus will have us up and running in a day or two. He got us this base pretty fast."  
"Base?"

Natasha looked at him.

"What?"

"You don't know much about this stuff do you?"

Natasha shook her head with a smile.

"Not really."

The man smiled with her for a moment before letting the subject slide.

"He seems pretty sure about all of this."

"He wants to protect us."

She felt the man staring at her. She shifted slightly.

"So you know him?"  
"Yeah. I have for a while now."  
"He isn't going to get us all killed is he?"

She knitted her eyebrows, quickly looking over at him.

"Garrus is the best damn chance we have of taking those mercs out." she snapped.

The man gave her a smile, looking away from her now.

"You trust him?"  
"With everything I am." she replied sternly, waiting for him to protest.  
"Are you… Together?"

She looked back to the bridge, taking a deep breath.

"Yes."

She saw him nod from the corner of her eye. He looked back to her.

"How does that work?"  
"That's a little personal."  
"Sorry…" He said, letting silence fall between once more before opening his mouth again. "Can I ask you a personal question?"  
"Sure." she sighed.  
"How does that work?"

She looked over at him, feeling Rayhel shift in her arms.

"Obviously it works just fine."

His eyes traveled down to Rayhel. Natasha gripped her tighter instinctively.

"He told us we had to stay away from her."

Natasha understood why Garrus would say something like that. At the rate that Rayhel was learning about her surroundings, Natasha wouldn't want her exposed to the kind of business the vigilantes were doing either. Though, she didn't see the difference between the man in front of her and the man she loved. Either way, they were assaulting mercs. So was she.

The man leaned towards her slightly, pulling her from her thoughts. He laughed.

"You should do what he says." she said finally.  
"Do you?"  
"I try."  
"He made you put armor on."  
"What?"  
"The other day, when you guys were rounding all of us up, he was in armor, but you were in normal street clothes. Now you're all clad in armor. He made you do it?"

Natasha shook her head.

"He didn't make me do anything."

He shrugged.

"You say potato…" he replied.  
"Do you need something or are you just going to bother me all night?" she asked, irritation dripping from her words.

He raised his eyebrows at her, smirking.

"Maybe you're not so shy afterall." he said, getting back to his feet.  
"Listen, just do your job around here and we won't have a problem. I don't need you trying to distract me from my own duties."

He nodded, turning away from her. She looked back out at the bridge, shaking her head slightly. She didn't know why she was so short with the man, or why she felt so angry after he left, but she chalked it up to lack of sleep and the fact that two of the three people in her life were off gallivanting at the base of the Blue Suns. She did her best to keep herself calm, taking deep breaths, leaning against the wall to let herself rest, prodding lightly at Rayhel in case she'd wake up so they could play. The turian just growled at her and snored, falling deeper into sleep.

Natasha eventually gave up, pulling her bottom lip in between her lip and biting down. She'd never been one for patience.


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey guys!**

**I have an announcement to make! (:**

**This is the last chapter of this story. I am posting up another part, to continue it, but after talking it over with my beta reader, I have decided that this story has started drifting away from the original plotline. I want to just separate the future chapters into a sequel of sorts, I suppose you could call it. I am very happy with how this story has turned out thus far, and I have a bit left to get out there, so look out for the sort-of-sequel. I have been working on going back and editing things in previous chapters, and just cleaning it up a bit, so if you are one of those readers that likes going back and reading again, please feel free. I added details to things that needed it, fixed plot erros in early chapters and spelling errors that were everywhere.**

**Thanks guys, I look forward to hearing what you guys think, there's some new things I'm going to put in there and hopefully you guys that were fans of the flashbacks will love this just as much. So watch out for the sequel!**

**Please rate, review and even PM me if you have anything you'd like to say, or if you have any questions about the whole sequel thing. I'm doing my best not to be confusing. (:**

**Thanks guys!**

* * *

"We can't, it's dangerous, we're not ready."  
"We just had three more guys seek US out to join the cause. We're getting our name out there, people know us!"  
"Just because we're known doesn't mean we're ready to do this!"  
"Since when are we on your clock, Melanis?!"  
"Fuck off, Ripper, I earned the right to speak my mind after that last run!"

Natasha rubbed her temples as she sat on the floor with Rayhel, her eyes closed as she tried to block out the shouting of the two men. Calpurnia got to her feet quickly, putting herself in between the two of them, pushing Melanis away from Ripper and pointing in his face.

"Watch your mouth, there's a kid in here." she said sternly before looking at the two of them in turn. "Neither of you call the shots. Just shut up."

Natasha looked up at her as she stared down the men, who eventually gave up their argument and walked away from each other. Calpurnia shook her head, putting her hands on her hips.

"Where's Garrus?" Natasha asked.  
"Probably still going over the plans with Weaver and Erash."

Natasha sighed, rubbing her temples again. Rayhel tapped her shoulder lightly. She looked over at her.

"Mommy, tired."  
"Come here." Natasha replied, opening her arms so Rayhel could crawl into her lap. "Are you going?"

Calpurnia shrugged, watching Rayhel get comfortable.

"He hasn't asked me."  
"He will." Calpurnia sat next to her, sighing heavily, the silence between them saying all the words that she wanted to say. Natasha gave her a small smile. "I'll be ok."

Calpurnia put her arm around Natasha, laying her head down on her shoulder.

"I'll make sure he stays safe."

Natasha laughed lightly, stroking Rayhel's fringe idly as she drifted off to sleep.

"I want you both to be safe."  
"I'd be a nervous wreck if I was you."  
"What about Caeus? He goes off to work everyday and you don't even know what he does."  
"I trust him to be safe."  
"Just like I trust you guys to be safe."

Calpurnia lifted her head from her shoulder, giving her a look of worry.

"What would you do if we died?"

Natasha knitted her eyebrows, shrugging slightly.

"I don't like thinking like that."  
"If I get hurt and I'm dying, I'd like to be reassured that you're going to be safe, and with Garrus you will be. If we both die, what will you do?"

Natasha bit her lip, staring at her friend for a moment. She shrugged again.

"I'd probably go back to the Citadel."  
"Garrus said it's not safe, that's why we came here in the first place."  
"Well I can't stay here. It's not safe for Rayhel."  
"We're in pretty deep, it'll be hard for you to leave. These guys will look to you if we're gone."  
"What do you want to hear, Cal?"

Calpurnia sighed, looking away from her. She was silent for a long while before she looked back to Natasha.

"I'm scared."  
"Why?"  
"I don't want to die."  
"You're not going to."  
"I love you, Tasha. You're my best friend. After everything that we've been through together, with our bondmates dying and raising Rayhel and doing this for the past eight months, it's hard for me to just be ok with going out on a run and not coming back. I hate that feeling."

Natasha hated the topic Calpurnia had chosen, but she knew it was important to talk about if it ever became a reality. Anything she needed to say needed to be said before she left for the next run. Natasha did her best to give her a reassuring smile.

"Garrus would keep you safe too."  
"I know… I guess I'm just paranoid."  
"Yeah. I know the feeling."  
"Archangel is your boyfriend, I think you're good."

Natasha smiled at the nickname Garrus had been given by the civilians they were working hard to protect. It suited him well.

"Well, whatever he does, your boyfriend does a good job too." The two of them were interrupted by the sound of a door opening. They looked up to see two of the men leaving the room Garrus had called them into. Garrus was nowhere to be seen. Natasha scooped Rayhel up and handed her to Calpurnia. "Watch her."

The two men stood up straight as she approached them, waiting for her to say something. She gave a small smile in return.

"His plan is sound." Weaver said.  
"Where is he?"  
"He's still in there. He seems tired. I think. Turians are hard to read." Erash said, shifting his weight.  
"Thanks." Natasha replied, walking past them. She closed the door behind her, seeing Garrus standing at the table, looking down at a data disk. "Hey."

He didn't respond. He hardly acknowledged her as she walked over to his side. She looked down at the data disk, seeing a map of what she assumed was the Talons' headquarters. She took it from his hands and he finally looked up at her.

"What?"

She knitted her eyebrows at his tone, not allowing him to take the disk when he reached out for it.

"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing. I'm working, you should go."

She shook her head at him.

"Talk to me."  
"I don't have time for this." he sighed.  
"You have time, or you'll make time." she replied sternly.

He grumbled at her, a look in his eyes she'd never seen.

"What do you want?" he said forcefully.

She hit his arm lightly as she huffed at him.

"Garrus, stop."

He stared at her, taking a few moments to relax before he rubbed his face, taking his visor off. She put a hand on his face, feeling his anger subside. He brought his hand up to hers, his thumb stroking it softly.

"I'm sorry." he groaned. "It's not you."  
"What's going on?"  
"It's everything…"  
"Are you tired?"  
"I'm stressed."  
"So take a day off."

He smirked at her.

"I'm Archangel, haven't you heard? I don't take days off."

She smiled, leaning up to him to give him a kiss. He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Well, even Archangel can get overwhelmed. Take a day off."  
"I have to keep you safe. The day I take a break is the day the mercs decide the fight comes here. I can't let that happen."  
"I can run the place for a day."

Natasha was slightly offended as he laughed at her, putting a hand on her shoulder like she was a child.

"Yes, I'm sure you could." he teased.

She shook her head, setting the data disk on the table.

"Fine. Calpurnia can."

His smile faded as he cleared his throat.

"It's more than the leadership that makes it stressful, to be honest."  
"What else?" she asked.  
"It's hard, being a soldier. Killing isn't fun. Sniping makes it even worse… I've been doing it for a long time, but it doesn't make it easier."

Natasha thought back to the batarian she'd killed, nodding at him in understanding.

"I know…" she said. "I'm sorry."  
"This isn't your fault." She had a hard time believing him, but she nodded anyways. "Where's my daughter?"

Natasha laughed at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll have you know she has been attached to my hip all day."  
"It varies. I guess she was following Weaver around all day yesterday. He said he'd turn around and she'd pretend to hide."

They laughed at the thought. Natasha enjoyed the fact that the rest of the team loved Rayhel just as much as they did. She was like the team's spirit. She could make anyone smile.

"Come on." Natasha said, grabbing his hands.  
"Where are we going?"  
"Your daughter is currently taking a nap with Calpurnia. If we wake her up, she'd love to play with you."  
"Isn't parenthood supposed to be stressful?"

Natasha turned back to him, giving him a concerned look.

"Sometimes." she replied.

He smiled, shaking off the look she gave him, rubbing her arms reassuringly.

"Honestly, it's the only thing in my life that isn't stressful."

She smiled, sinking into a hip.

"So I'm stressful to you?"

He groaned, closing his eyes.

"Let's go." he laughed.

She laughed, leading him out to the small living area to find Rayhel. Natasha smiled widely at the sight of her running from Weaver, her arms in the air, a loud chirp echoing through the room. Garrus kneeled down, reaching his arms out.

"Daddy, save me!" she yelled.

He laughed, picking her up as her small laugh replaced her chirp.

"You're lucky." Weaver said, putting his hands on his hips as he smiled at her.  
"Daddy loves me." she replied, resting her head on Garrus' shoulder.  
"I do." he replied before kissing her head.

Calpurnia walked over to join Natasha, crossing her arms over her chest with a smile on her face as they watched the guys play with her.

"He ok?"  
"Stressed out." Natasha replied.  
"He's such a good guy." Calpurnia sighed.

Natasha smiled, looking over at her.

"What makes you say that?"  
"It just takes a real man to step up like he has. Especially when he didn't have to."

Natasha nodded, looking back over to him.

"I love him."  
"Any wear and tear on your end?"

Natasha shrugged.

"Kinda sick of the guys arguing all the time. The testosterone around here is… Insane."

Calpurnia laughed at her.

"So let's leave."  
"What?"  
"Let's go have some girl time."

Natasha gave her a look, shaking her head.

"I have to watch my daughter."  
"Why, she's just fine, look."

Rayhel squealed as Garrus peeked around the couch to find her in her hiding spot before running to another one. Natasha laughed.

"What would we even do?"  
"I don't know. Get drunk, steal some shit." Natasha shook her head. Calpurnia grabbed her arm and shook her slightly as she whined. "Please!"  
"Fine, fine." Natasha said, getting out of her grasp. "We'll go."  
"Thank god!" Calpurnia groaned before raising her hand in the air. "We're leaving!"

Garrus looked over at them.

"What?"  
"We're gonna go find some girl stuff to do." Natasha said. "You guys think you can handle her?"

Rayhel squealed loudly again, popping out of her hiding spot and running over to Garrus to hug his leg. He laughed before nodding at Natasha.

"Don't be gone long."  
"I promise."  
"Take a gun."  
"Yes, I know."

She walked over to him, taking the pistol he held out for her. He kissed her before she turned away.

"Be safe."  
"I know."

* * *

"Two drinks, like, now." Natasha laughed at Calpurnia's urgency to have alcohol in her system as they leaned against the bar in Afterlife. The bartender handed them their glasses as they scoped the place out. "God, it's so different being here instead of Chora's Den. Or Flux."  
"I know. I haven't been to a bar in a while."  
"You just had to have a kid."

Natasha laughed before taking a gulp of her drink.

"Someday you'll have kids, Cal. Plural. Kids. And you'll be begging me to take them from you so you can have some freedom back."  
"Nah. Rayhel isn't so bad."  
"What if I had three of her?"  
"I'm not having kids." Calpurnia laughed.

Natasha shook her head with a smile.

"Someday."  
"No."  
"What are you going to do when Caeus wants to bond and have kids? Say no?"  
"That's not even relevant, we're just dating. Kind of."  
"Kind of?"  
"Well, he's never taken me on a date, but still."  
"So? Garrus hasn't taken me on a date either."  
"Where he lacks in dates he makes up for in being Rayhel's father, so…" Calpurnia replied, swallowing down her drink before signaling the bartender for another one. "So when are you two gonna tie the knot?"

Natasha laughed, trying to shake off the question. Calpurnia sat silently though, waiting for an answer. Natasha shrugged.

"He hasn't asked."  
"Would you say yes?"  
"I think so."  
"You think so?"  
"Well how would that even work? I already have a mark."  
"He'd make a mark over it."

Natasha idly rubbed her shoulder as she gave it some thought.

"It doesn't matter. Like I said, he hasn't asked."  
"I'll get him to ask."  
"Leave him be, he's got enough to worry about." Natasha said sternly.  
"Alright, alright."

They were quiet for a moment as they took a few drinks from their glasses. Natasha watched the crowd of people dancing as a turian made their way over to them.

"Do you know her?"

Calpurnia looked over at the turian Natasha motioned towards, her stomach dropping at the sight of her.

"Yeah I do."

The turian seemed to look at her for a moment before continuing over to the bar.

"Who is she?"  
"My sister."

Natasha watched the two of them stare at each other.

"Calpurnia."  
"Nyreen."

They hugged each other tightly, enjoying that they finally got the chance to see each other.

"How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while."  
"I've been busy." Nyreen replied.

Calpurnia looked at her for another moment, letting go of her.

"You have clan markings." she pointed out. "Do you have a bondmate?"  
"No. I took the markings of my team."  
"Team?"  
"It's a long story." Nyreen sighed.  
"Mom would be upset."  
"When isn't she upset?" Natasha smiled, which Nyreen seemed to pick up on. "Who is this?"

Calpurnia looked at Natasha, who held out her hand. Nyreen shook it.

"I'm Natasha."  
"Good to meet you."  
"We've been good friends for a while." Calpurnia told her.

Nyreen stared at Natasha momentarily, a small smile on her face.

"You're Nihlus' bondmate, aren't you?"

Natasha nodded before shrugging.

"Well I used to be."  
"Right. Sorry, didn't mean to be rude."  
"That's ok."  
"I knew him. He was a good man."  
"He was." Natasha agreed.

She couldn't help but remember the fact that the woman had been a casual partner of his before Natasha had married him.

"I heard about Saren too." Nyreen said, looking back to her sister.  
"Yeah."  
"I was going to contact you, but then the Citadel was attacked. You had left afterwards."  
"I've been here."

Natasha was glad that Calpurnia got to see her sister; She'd been expressing the want to contact her since they'd come to Omega. Once they were finished talking and Nyreen left, Calpurnia seemed content.

* * *

Caeus idly wiped down his gun as he sat in the headquarters he'd been assigned to. He heard an unfamiliar voice talking with Tarak in the next room. He lowered his brow plates, walking to the door to listen, staying out of sight.

"I want them finished. Whatever it takes."  
"I can get you any Intel you need, just don't hurt her."  
"I'll kill her if you don't get them out of my way."  
"I swear, I'll get it done, sir."  
"Go."  
"Yes sir."

Caeus watched a turian walk out of the room, recognizing him as one of the team members that Calpurnia worked with. He caught up with him, touching his shoulder lightly.

"Can I have a moment?"  
"I really have to be going."

The man looked at him for a moment before recognizing him.

"Let's just talk a moment." Caeus replied, a firm look on his face. He lead Sidonis over to a corner, looking around to make sure no one was watching before putting a finger in his face. "What the hell are you doing?!"  
"Listen, I have to do this. You don't understand-"

Caeus shoved him into the wall, glancing around again.

"Do you realize what you'll end up doing if you give their Intel away?!"  
"I don't have a choice!"  
"If you hurt them Sidonis, I will kill you. I will hunt you down and kill you."  
"What about you, huh?" Sidonis replied, shoving the turian off of him. "Does Calpurnia know you're a merc?"

Caeus looked down at the blue armor he wore before shaking his head.

"She doesn't know I'm undercover."  
"Undercover, huh?"  
"For C-Sec."  
"Well it won't matter in a few hours anyways."

Caeus balled his hands into fists.

"If you touch her, I swear to the spirits Sidonis, I will choke the life out of you."

Sidonis smirked at the growl emitting from the man.

"You're hurting her by helping these guys. You're no better."

Caeus shoved him to the wall again, harder this time.

"If you hurt her, it'll be the last thing you do. If you hurt her, Natasha, the kid, anyone… You'll die. I'll make sure of it."

The turian's smirk faded.

"I have my reasons for what I'm doing."  
"There's no reason for letting these mercs slaughter innocent people."  
"They have my bondmate."

Caeus loosened his grip on the turian, letting him stand straight again.

"What?"  
"They have my bondmate." he repeated. "They're going to kill her if I don't tell them where headquarters is."

Caeus thought over the problem for a moment, nodding as he came up with a solution. He put a hand on Sidonis' shoulder.

"Listen. I need you to work with me here…"  
"What?"  
"I have a plan."  
"Hope it's good."  
"You're going to act like you're gathering the Intel. If Tarak asks for anything, make an excuse, tell him you're working on it. Tell him you're busy with jobs Garrus is giving you, I don't care. Make it up. I'll get your bondmate out of here, and I'll make sure she's safe."

Sidonis' face turned to a look of hope.

"You will?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Other than the fact that I want the team safe? You're my turian brother, and it's reason enough to help you. I would do anything to protect a bondmate if I had one."

Sidonis returned the grip Caeus had on his shoulder, respect being exchanged between the two of them.

"Thank you."  
"If you turn on them after she's safe, I mean it, I will kill you."  
"I wouldn't expect any less."

Caeus nodded, letting him leave now. He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face as he looked around the empty headquarters of the Blue Suns'. He sighed heavily. What a mess this was turning out to be.

* * *

Caeus was able to keep the peace easily, getting Sidonis' bondmate to safety and helping him to give Tarak fake Intel that gave them some time to work out what they'd do to keep the team safe. As time went on, though, it grew harder to keep Tarak at bay. He wanted to know where Archangel was, and he wanted him dead, along with any other person associated with him. Caeus did his best to keep them all safe. It lasted for a few long months before another mess presented itself.

He sat with his Omni tool open now, listening to his commanding officer's instructions over and over. His mind was on over-drive, trying to think of a way around doing what he was being ordered to do. He sat for over an hour, thinking it over before he finally got enough nerve to get himself up. He had to tell her. There was no way around it anymore. He had to tell her, and he had to keep her safe. The shuttle ride to Archangel's headquarters was a long one.

He signaled the people watching the bridge before they let him pass. He wished they'd refused him so he could go home and call it a day. He walked across the bridge though, reluctantly, idly balling his hands into fists as he thought over what he'd say to her. He was greeted warmly by the team as he entered the living quarters. Calpurnia's face lit up as she stood, hugging him tightly before giving him a kiss.

"What are you doing here?"  
"Wanted to stop by." he replied shortly, looking around at the men. They were all playing a card game in their down time. "Where's Garrus?"  
"He took Natasha and Rayhel out. I guess he's never taken her on a date before, so I talked him into doing it while they had some time for themselves."  
"Right." Caeus said with a forced smile. "Can we talk?"  
"Sure." She lead him out of the room, to the one she called her own, closing the door behind her. "What's up?"

He sighed, looking into her yellow eyes before working up the courage to tell her what he needed to.

"You're in danger."

She smiled at him.

"Am I?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you going to hurt me, Caeus?"

She laughed playfully at him, reaching out for his hands. She kissed the sensitive part of his neck slowly. His eyes lulled shut at the touch for a moment before he put his hands on her shoulders and made her step back, keeping her at arm's length.

"I'm not playing Cal. You're in danger."

Her smile faded slightly.

"Why do you say that?"  
"I'm not what you think I am."

Her smile returned.

"Are you going to take off a mask and reveal a different turian under there?"

He groaned, giving her a stern look.

"Listen to me, I'm serious."

Her smile vanished, nodding at him.

"I'm listening, go."  
"I'm-"

He was cut off by the sound of gun shots in the other room. They both snapped their heads in the direction of the door, surprise taking over them before they both took out their guns.

"Stay here." he told her before leaving the room.  
"Fuck that." she replied, following him out. Caeus recognized the Blue Suns that were in the base, firing at the squad in the living area. Calpurnia growled instantly at the sight, raising her gun and shooting rapidly at the mercs. Caeus stayed by her side the whole time, his anger rising quickly as the mercs shot back. He spotted Tarak as he walked into the base. Caeus figured the men up top were dead if the mercs made it across the bridge. Calpurnia raised her gun at him, snarling loudly. "You."  
"This is who you've been protecting?" Tarak asked Caeus with a smile.

Caeus couldn't react quick enough as Tarak raised his rifle at Calpurnia. She pulled the trigger on her gun, but he was a better shot. She recoiled slightly, dropping her gun in the process. She looked down at herself for a moment before falling to her knees. Caeus growled loudly, pointing his gun at Tarak.

"I'll kill you."  
"I'm disappointed in you. C-Sec sent a good candidate. Unfortunately, you don't look to see if you're being followed when you leave our HQ."

Caeus cursed himself internally, glancing down at Calpurnia, who coughed heavily. Blue blood coated the floor where she lay.

"Unfortunately, I'm a better shot than you." Caeus replied, pulling the trigger on his own rifle.

The batarian recoiled, falling limp to the floor after being hit between the eyes. Caeus quickly ducked down behind the couch, pulling Calpurnia into cover with him. She coughed, holding her stomach. He sat her up, setting his rifle down.

"Here." he said, giving her some medi gel.

Her breathing was more clear afterwards, but her bleeding didn't cease the way he wished it would have. He put his hands on her face, her eyes locking on his.

"You were right." she whispered.  
"I'm sorry." he said, his voice quivering slightly.  
"You're one of them."  
"I was undercover." he replied, feeling tears escaping his eyes as he looked down at the gunshot she held her hand against. "I was keeping you safe, I just ran out of time."

She coughed again, blood spurting onto her lips. He wiped it off as best as he could.

"You have to get Garrus, tell him to keep Natasha and Rayhel away from here."

Caeus just stared at her. He knew if he got a hold of Garrus, he'd come here anyways, and so would Natasha. Calling him would just require time that Caeus wanted desperately to give to the turian in front of him.

"I have to get you help." he replied.

She looked down at herself, taking her hand off the wound before hissing in pain.

"It hurts." she told him, replacing her hand on the hole.  
"Just don't move, ok?"  
"Caeus."

He looked into her eyes again, feeling nothing but guilt as she gave him a small smile.

"I don't blame you."  
"Stop."  
"It's not your fault."  
"Stop."  
"Caeus-"  
"Stop it-"  
"I love you."

He felt himself losing control of the emotions that ran through his mind. He shook from the nerves, stroking her face lightly as her eyes lulled. He could tell she was fighting to stay awake.

"Please, you have to hold on."

He gave her more medi gel, which seemed to wake her up a bit. He opened his Omni tool quickly, calling an emergency shuttle to their location. He didn't care if Garrus would yell at him for giving their headquarters' coordinates away. He wouldn't sit here and keep Calpurnia alive with all of his medi gel just to watch her die after he ran out. She was tough and she fought to stay awake, but he knew the bullet had done some damage. Once he heard the shuttle outside, he carefully lifted her up to him, one arm behind her knees and the other wrapped around her back. He rushed out of the base, the emergency team helping him get her in the shuttle once he was outside.

* * *

"Mommy, I want a star."

Natasha laughed, holding Rayhel tightly as she sat on the railing of the station. Garrus leaned closer to her.

"You can have any star you want."  
"That one!" she said, pointing fiercely at the sky.  
"It's all yours."  
"Thanks Daddy, I love you."  
"I love you too."

Natasha smiled, enjoying the sight of the stars above the station as Garrus' Omni tool beeped. He was silent for a moment before he grabbed Rayhel and took Natasha's hand into his own.

"What's wrong?" she asked, knitting her eyebrows as her feet rushed to keep up with his pace.  
"We have to get to the hospital."  
"Why?"  
"Calpurnia's hurt."

Natasha's mind went numb at the words. The anxiety was immediate, but she kept her questions to herself. They got in the nearest shuttle, driving quickly to the hospital in silence.

* * *

**I have officially put up the second part of this plotline, for anyone who wants to find it and continue following.**

**Thanks guys!**


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